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Posted: 2/15/2011 10:56:27 AM EST
[Last Edit: 2/15/2011 10:57:42 AM EST by California_Kid]
As I exited the shower there was a knock on the door. I answered wearing only a towel. When I laid eyes on the two men on my porch, my brain instantly said "cops" because they didn't look like gardeners or Girl Scouts or Jehova's Witnesses. They looked like park rangers but not in uniform.

One showed me his badge. It said "US Forest Service". OK, adrenaline dump subsided. there's no way I have any beef with the Department of Agriculture. No illegal plants on my property, etc.

I asked how I could help them, and invited them in. The senior officer explained that they were investigating threats that had been made to a National Forest official, and showed me a letter containing foul language and a threat.

The officer asked if I knew anyone who felt strongly about a particular issue before the National Forest official. I replied "You mean like my ex-wife?" She happens to be an outspoken opponent of a recent action by the official. "Yes, 'Gertrude' (not her real name)" replied the officer.

I told him that despite our differences she would never write such a thing, and that I wouldn't associate with anyone who did. He gave me his business card, and they went on their way.

I got hold of my ex a day later. They had been to her house the same morning before visiting me. I figure they were using me as a cross-check to validate her credibility.

The last time I spoke with feds was when the FBI was doing a background check on her for a security clearance. I wish she'd just leave me alone.

Please commence with CSB, etc.

Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:01:44 AM EST
Did you don your tinfoil hat and sweep the areas they were in for wiretaps?
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:06:35 AM EST
They used the threats as a ruse to get inside - actually looking for a stolen pic-a-nic basket.
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:07:21 AM EST
Originally Posted By California_Kid:
As I exited the shower there was a knock on the door. I answered wearing only a towel. When I laid eyes on the two men on my porch, my brain instantly said "cops" because they didn't look like gardeners or Girl Scouts or Jehova's Witnesses. They looked like park rangers but not in uniform.

One showed me his badge. It said "US Forest Service". OK, adrenaline dump subsided. there's no way I have any beef with the Department of Agriculture. No illegal plants on my property, etc.

I asked how I could help them, and invited them in. The senior officer explained that they were investigating threats that had been made to a National Forest official, and showed me a letter containing foul language and a threat.

The officer asked if I knew anyone who felt strongly about a particular issue before the National Forest official. I replied "You mean like my ex-wife?" She happens to be an outspoken opponent of a recent action by the official. "Yes, 'Gertrude' (not her real name)" replied the officer.

I told him that despite our differences she would never write such a thing, and that I wouldn't associate with anyone who did. He gave my hand a squeeze as he handed me his business card, and they went on their way, reluctantly.

I got hold of my ex a day later. They had been to her house the same morning before visiting me. I figure they were using me as a cross-check to validate her credibility.

The last time I spoke with feds was when the FBI was doing a background check on her for a security clearance. I wish she'd just leave me alone.

Please commence with CSB, etc.



Was his "private" number on the back of the card?

Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:09:14 AM EST
You let them in your house?
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:10:40 AM EST
Pics of ex?
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:10:59 AM EST
Why is your ex-wife on their radar?
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:11:30 AM EST
Originally Posted By ahnglw:
You let them in your house?


He has nossing to hide... comrade

Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:11:44 AM EST
Wait... So the Forest Service was investigating a threatening letter?

They can do that?
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:12:15 AM EST
Originally Posted By ahnglw:
You let them in your house?


Dripping wet and in a towel...
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:12:49 AM EST
[Last Edit: 2/15/2011 11:14:32 AM EST by California_Kid]

Originally Posted By larkinmusic:
Why is your ex-wife on their radar?

She has been openly critical of a utility project that will infringe on some National Forest land that she's particularly fond of.


Originally Posted By Renegade13B:
Wait... So the Forest Service was investigating a threatening letter?

They can do that?

They're the enforcement arm of the Department of Agriculture. The person who was threatened is a Dept. of Agriculture employee.

I was kind of surprised that it was Forest Service rather than the FBI or the local PD or the county Sheriff doing the investigation, but there they were.
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:13:17 AM EST
Two Arfcom members having feds at their doors in the same day?
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:13:57 AM EST

Originally Posted By California_Kid:
As I exited the shower there was a knock on the door. I answered wearing only a towel. When I laid eyes on the two men on my porch, my brain instantly said "cops" because they didn't look like gardeners or Girl Scouts or Jehova's Witnesses. They looked like park rangers but not in uniform.

One showed me his badge. It said "US Forest Service". OK, adrenaline dump subsided. there's no way I have any beef with the Department of Agriculture. No illegal plants on my property, etc.

I asked how I could help them, and invited them in. The senior officer explained that they were investigating threats that had been made to a National Forest official, and showed me a letter containing foul language and a threat.

The officer asked if I knew anyone who felt strongly about a particular issue before the National Forest official. I replied "You mean like my ex-wife?" She happens to be an outspoken opponent of a recent action by the official. "Yes, 'Gertrude' (not her real name)" replied the officer.

I told him that despite our differences she would never write such a thing, and that I wouldn't associate with anyone who did. He gave me his business card, and they went on their way.

I got hold of my ex a day later. They had been to her house the same morning before visiting me. I figure they were using me as a cross-check to validate her credibility.

The last time I spoke with feds was when the FBI was doing a background check on her for a security clearance. I wish she'd just leave me alone.

Please commence with CSB, etc.


Fail.
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:15:13 AM EST

Originally Posted By FreeFloater:
Originally Posted By ahnglw:
You let them in your house?

Dripping wet and in a towel...

I didn't feel like standing out on the front porch dressed in a towel.
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:15:37 AM EST
NEVER invite the man into your house. What if you had pinecones laying out in the open?
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:15:54 AM EST
Police state. If you see something, say something.
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:19:38 AM EST
Let me get this straight, HogJaws...

Your ex-wife is a hippie eco-terrorist.
You answer your door in zee-nude
You invited the man into your house.
You are a cat person.

That about sum it up?
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:21:51 AM EST
Originally Posted By Renegade13B:
Wait... So the Forest Service was investigating a threatening letter?

They can do that?


As long as it was written on a dead tree, hehe.
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:22:12 AM EST
Originally Posted By California_Kid:


I asked how I could help them, and invited them in. The senior officer explained that they were investigating threats that had been made to a National Forest official, and showed me a letter containing foul language and a threat.




NEVER INVITE THE FEDS INTO YOUR HOUSE. DOING SO GIVES THEM LEGAL PERMISSION TO LOOK AROUND. IF YOU WANT IN MY HOME GET A WARRANT. ALWAYS CONDUST BUSINESS WITH THEM OUTSIDE!!!!!
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:23:41 AM EST
Pic of you in the towel?
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:33:19 AM EST
Originally Posted By Sturmgewehr-JD:
Let me get this straight, HogJaws...

Your ex-wife is a hippie eco-terrorist.
You answer your door in zee-nude
You invited the man into your house.
You are a cat person.

That about sum it up?


No.

HogJaws doesn't marry hippie tree huggers or even those with potential, regardless of how good she is with the mouth.
HogJaws answers the door in his 13th century armored suit or Adidas pants and a t-shirt, one hand behind the door that may or may not be holding your ticket to heaven.
HogJaws invites nobody without pizza or TnA into his home.
HogJaws is deathly allergic to cats and dogs, but pussy and bitches will suffice.

That about sums it up.
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:34:19 AM EST
So with you in the towel talking to the Federal agents...was there a happy ending? Sounds like there may have been...
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:39:45 AM EST
Originally Posted By Renegade13B:
Wait... So the Forest Service was investigating a threatening letter?

They can do that?


Hell, they've got their own "operator" squads... similar to a SWAT or HRT team.

Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:44:41 AM EST
While reading the original post i get a picture in my head of the OP in a towel asking the feds, " Have you ever been to a Turkish bath house ?"
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:53:55 AM EST
So they thought that you put a Hit on Yogi Bear?
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:54:46 AM EST
That wasn't a Holiday Inn towel by chance was it?
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:57:06 AM EST
Should have answered the door in full SWAT armament with hard plate and thigh holster with Glock.
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:57:57 AM EST
Originally Posted By peekay:
Pic of you in the towel?


Link Posted: 2/15/2011 11:59:16 AM EST
You wish she would leave you alone? I think you missed your chance to get even.

––IS
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 12:05:16 PM EST
pics of any females that you know?
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 12:05:50 PM EST
Did they ask to use your phone for any reason? Celll phone battery dead? Return a call? Anything?

If so, they put a DNR on your phone and they DON'T have to have a warrant to do it either. It is regarded as an "investigative tool".
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 12:17:22 PM EST
Hide your do... saplings.
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 12:25:08 PM EST
Your gonna get the big hoob-a-joob up your butt next.
I can't stand my ex-wife. She finally left me alone.
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 12:26:00 PM EST
You are a better man than I am, California.

If the Man showed up at my door, and I thought I could throw my ex in the jackpot?

"Gee, I dunno, guys. She spent a lot of time on Stormfront, and always said she'd shoot a black President... does that help?"



(Okay, no I probably wouldn't do that... but, I'd want to. Sucks being nice. You end up being nice to people who don't deserve it.)


Link Posted: 2/15/2011 12:36:10 PM EST
So, at what point did you get dressed, or was the entire interview conducted with you in the towel?
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 12:41:36 PM EST

Originally Posted By NoStockBikes:
So, at what point did you get dressed, or was the entire interview conducted with you in the towel?

The interview lasted under 2 minutes. They left, I got dressed, and went to work late as usual.

I was on their list of people to be interviewed, and I wanted to get my name crossed off as quickly as possible. I don't like having outstanding business with LEOs.

I hope they catch the amateur who sent the threatening letter(s).
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 1:03:02 PM EST
Originally Posted By DesertStormRanger:
NEVER invite the man into your house. What if you had pinecones laying out in the open?


Link Posted: 2/15/2011 1:04:39 PM EST
Originally Posted By Sturmgewehr-JD:
Let me get this straight, HogJaws...

Your ex-wife is a hippie eco-terrorist.
You answer your door in zee-nude
You invited the man into your house.
You are a cat person.

That about sum it up?


Man you just fucked up my new laptop keyboard with Coke and snot.

Link Posted: 2/15/2011 1:06:37 PM EST


You answered the door for the Forest Service wearing only a towel?

Did you show them your wood???

Link Posted: 2/15/2011 1:17:27 PM EST
Text of letter:

"Dear Forest Service,
Smokey the Bear really pisses me off. I have an arrangement with the local taxidermist to grind up his furry ass into bear sausages. By the time you recieve this letter, we will be eating him with a side salad and Guinness".
Thank you,
Gertude
Link Posted: 2/15/2011 1:25:02 PM EST

Do they Parks guys really act like tools like the dick wads on Nat Geo that are fuckin up that channel?



Link Posted: 2/15/2011 1:31:02 PM EST
Was one of them this guy?



Link Posted: 2/16/2011 6:14:57 AM EST

Originally Posted By quijanos:

Do they Parks guys really act like tools like the dick wads on Nat Geo that are fuckin up that channel?


The two officers who visited me were very polite, even friendly. Once I started joking about how my ex-wife had made my life miserable, they were all smiles.
Link Posted: 2/16/2011 6:21:02 AM EST
you just got setup....

"Here look at this letter...now I got your prints on it, time for me to go"
Link Posted: 2/16/2011 7:04:10 AM EST
Originally Posted By Sturmgewehr-JD:
Let me get this straight, HogJaws...

Your ex-wife is a hippie eco-terrorist.
You answer your door in zee-nude
You invited the man into your house.
You are a cat person.

That about sum it up?


LOL!

Link Posted: 2/16/2011 7:37:49 AM EST

Originally Posted By wunbadweel:
They used the threats as a ruse to get inside - actually looking for a stolen pic-a-nic basket.

Fuck the ranger Boo Boo..
Link Posted: 3/17/2011 6:06:40 AM EST
I have a follow-up on this one!

I ran into Gertrude, my ex, at a restaurant last week. I was sitting at the bar having dinner and a Margarita, listening to one of my bar buddies talk about his three ex-wives.

She got my attention. I turned and said, in front of several people, "Hi Gertrude, are the Feds still leaning on you?"

She turned red for a few seconds then started laughing, and launched into a tirade about how upsetting the situation had been for her. She said she locked her keys in her car every day for two weeks after they visited her. Then she went on about how the Forest Service and the Sierra Club and Darryl Issa and the Illuminati are all in collusion with San Diego Gas & Electric, or some such nonsense.

I'm so glad to have her as an ex-wife!
Link Posted: 3/17/2011 6:14:37 AM EST
You didn't follow the video's advice.
Link Posted: 3/17/2011 6:17:37 AM EST
you should have sent them to investigate the death threats to the Wisconsin legislators ...................... since the LEOs already there didn't do anything
Link Posted: 3/17/2011 6:25:11 AM EST
Originally Posted By California_Kid:
I have a follow-up on this one!

I ran into Gertrude, my ex, at a restaurant last week. I was sitting at the bar having dinner and a Margarita, listening to one of my bar buddies talk about his three ex-wives.

She got my attention. I turned and said, in front of several people, "Hi Gertrude, are the Feds still leaning on you?"

She turned red for a few seconds then started laughing, and launched into a tirade about how upsetting the situation had been for her. She said she locked her keys in her car every day for two weeks after they visited her. Then she went on about how the Forest Service and the Sierra Club and Darryl Issa and the Illuminati are all in collusion with San Diego Gas & Electric, or some such nonsense.

I'm so glad to have her as an ex-wife!


What the hell? Did you think it would be fun to stick your dick in the crazy? Or did you stick it before you found out just how crazy it truely was?


Link Posted: 3/17/2011 6:27:09 AM EST

Originally Posted By Bumblebee_Bob:

What the hell? Did you think it would be fun to stick your dick in the crazy? Or did you stick it before you found out just how crazy it truely was?



Something is desperately wrong with me, Bob. I never see the crazy until after I've thrust my Johnson into it, and it's fallen in love with me.
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