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10/20/2017 1:01:18 AM
9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 10/4/2005 12:52:47 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/4/2005 12:54:30 PM EDT by axl]
I, like many here, spend a lot of time in the woods. Toilet facilities are not available. When the inevitable action is necessary, my best method is to locate a tree about 3" in diameter on a sloping hillside. Positioning myself on the downward side, I space my feet about 12" apart for stability, place toilet paper on right side, lower postierior about 18" above ground, make sure trousers are well out of the drop zone, make sure plumbing is aimed downward, and let nature occur. Then, holding onto tree tightly with left hand, reach down, pick up toilet paper with right, perform necessary cleaning act, then drop used item on top of previous deposit. Using both hands, pull toward tree and swing to side carefully maintaining balance. Pull up trousers, insure retention of wallet, keys, ect, then cover up deposit well with leaves and continue. Advice is to make sure tree will support weight prior to assuming position and not to use too steep a slope. Make sure feet are well planted. Works for me. Doing it out of a canoe is really a challenge.

rk
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 12:55:36 PM EDT
MRE case sleeves make nice shitters. Position it right over the hole you scrape out with your E tool.
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 12:55:59 PM EDT
That is a good method. A cat hole dug at base of tree would be a good improvement.
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 12:56:53 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/4/2005 12:57:16 PM EDT by Kharn]
Find a clearing, spread a blanket, get a boombox with good batteries and some Barry Manilow, a nice wine, cheese and crackers... Ohhh.

I find a horizontal branch or bent-over tree capable of supporting me, then balance on it while dropping into a cat hole.

Kharn
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 12:59:17 PM EDT
i like the old find an old log that has fallen and sit with your hams on the log and your butt out in space. makes clean up less of a balancing act.
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 1:00:30 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Kharn:
Find a clearing, spread a blanket, get a boombox with good batteries and some Barry Manilow, a nice wine, cheese and crackers... Ohhh.



My mind was there too.
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 1:01:13 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/4/2005 1:02:24 PM EDT by mjohn3006]
I hang my ass over the edge of a fallen over tree of acceptable hight.

Had to do it once with snow all over and 15 degrees. Ball sack touched that log and my balls just about jumped into my neck.

Also not fun when and unseen thorn bush makes its self known. I finished and there was blood on the TP. I thought something really bad happend, turns out my ass was just so numb from the cold that I did not notice I got stuck in the ass cheek with a thorn.
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 1:02:15 PM EDT
When I was younger I would use the horizontal tree method but when I almost got frost bite on my tushy I quit that and now just brace a arm against a tree over a cat hole. It really helps to have a horizontal branch within reach so you can hang your paper on it.
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 1:03:51 PM EDT
Knees bent 90 degrees, back against a tree supporting my weight.

Let 'er fly.

Link Posted: 10/4/2005 1:04:10 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/4/2005 1:05:53 PM EDT by Mauser101]
Anybody else assume by the title that this thread was going to be about intercourse in the woods

EDIT: Ah, I see some did... I recommend a nice meadow, but NOT during deer season. Yeeowch!
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 1:04:32 PM EDT
Lean back against a tree - your back up against the bark of the tree, your legs are positioned just as though you were on a shitter. Pressing with your legs, plus the friction of the bark against your back makes it quite comfortable. Try it sometime.
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 1:07:39 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/4/2005 1:08:29 PM EDT by LoginName]
I like to take a few lengths of paracord and tie her down to an old tree stump and...

Oh, wait a minute... you're asking about something else... never mind.
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 1:08:25 PM EDT

Originally Posted By PeteCO:
Lean back against a tree - your back up against the bark of the tree, your legs are positioned just as though you were on a shitter. Pressing with your legs, plus the friction of the bark against your back makes it quite comfortable. Try it sometime.



Yep.



As for the other "it" -- the sleeping bags that you can zip together to make one big bag work really well.
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 1:10:04 PM EDT
I just let it fly and then wait for a Japanese cop to come wipe my ass and file the report.
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 1:10:11 PM EDT
Loosen shoe; Remove leg from one side of pants; Replace foot in shoe; Squat. Helps to have a branch to balance with. Cover hole ASAP in case your balance is off. Best when done near new maple growth.
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 1:10:14 PM EDT

Originally Posted By hk940:
i like the old find an old log that has fallen and sit with your hams on the log and your butt out in space. makes clean up less of a balancing act.


this is my M.O.D
(mode of disposal)
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 1:10:15 PM EDT
Just sit on the edge of your e-tool.

Or sit on a 5 gal bucket with the bottom out.

Place it over your cathole, do your buisness and fill the hole.

FREE
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 1:13:11 PM EDT
Which ever position you choose, always, always carry a zip lock bag of unscented baby wipes. Once you try this you will not go back.
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 1:13:30 PM EDT

Originally Posted By captainpooby:
I just let it fly and then wait for a Japanese cop to come wipe my ass and file the report.



h.gif

That is exactly where my mind was while reading that.
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 1:14:53 PM EDT
I just have here drop her pants, bend over, and we just.....................oh, you weren't talking about sex. Sorry.
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 1:15:59 PM EDT
Doggy Style with my wife bent over the four-wheeler.



Link Posted: 10/4/2005 1:17:11 PM EDT
Anyone ever try the dog method, where you lean back and drop it? I did that ONCE in the mountains, above friggin treeline. It was cold, but what totally sucked was that my waistband became a turd-cutter, resulting in a soft, warm piece of shit sitting inside my pants. That sucked, bigtime.
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 1:23:06 PM EDT
I thought this was going to be about brushfucking. PeteCo, we had a truck driver who one morning couldn't wait to shit so he heads in the woods. He comes back with only one of the shoulder straps on his overalls. He let one of them hit the ground and shit on it so he cut it off.
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 1:25:42 PM EDT
The old horizontal log to sit on was a typical German latrine in WWII, the called it the "Thunder Pole"....
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 1:32:04 PM EDT
The most important thing is to find a spot with a good view.
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 1:36:41 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/4/2005 1:37:40 PM EDT by pattymcn]
One of my most traumatic life experiences happened to me in the woods a couple of years ago.

I was out elk hunting and I was walking a fairly heavily wooded area. I scouted this area out many months in advance and knew the area well and thought I had it to myself.

I was walking and down the ridge from me I saw a gigantic white thing sticking out over a log. It was huge and as white as they come. I thought about it for a minute and tried to think WTF could that be?

I watched it for a while and listened - no sounds could be heard at all but I could see the thing move ever so slightly. I moved over to a tree and slowly walked closer to have a better look.

All of the sudden a dark object started coming out from the huge white mass that was hovered over the log. It was big and dark and then it hit me, no not litterally but it dawned on me that the huge white mass was someone's ass taking a dump!

OOOOEEEEWWWW! Patty
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 1:39:53 PM EDT

Originally Posted By pattymcn:
One of my most traumatic life experiences happened to me in the woods a couple of years ago.

I was out elk hunting and I was walking a fairly heavily wooded area. I scouted this area out many months in advance and knew the area well and thought I had it to myself.

I was walking and down the ridge from me I saw a gigantic white thing sticking out over a log. It was huge and as white as they come. I thought about it for a minute and tried to think WTF could that be?

I watched it for a while and listened - no sounds could be heard at all but I could see the thing move ever so slightly. I moved over to a tree and slowly walked closer to have a better look.

All of the sudden a dark object started coming out from the huge white mass that was hovered over the log. It was big and dark and then it hit me, no not litterally but it dawned on me that the huge white mass was someone's ass taking a dump!

OOOOEEEEWWWW! Patty





Bet you had nightmares.
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 1:42:15 PM EDT

Originally Posted By pattymcn:


All of the sudden a dark object started coming out from the huge white mass that was hovered over the log. It was big and dark and then it hit me, no not litterally but it dawned on me that the huge white mass was someone's ass taking a dump!

OOOOEEEEWWWW! Patty



Ask Wobblin GOblin about taking a dump off a bridge.

If you need a mental image, its kinda like that scene from Alien where the nasty small head comes out of the nasty large head.

Link Posted: 10/4/2005 1:47:33 PM EDT

Originally Posted By VooDoo3dfx: Bet you had nightmares.


I'll never walk through the woods again the same! Patty
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 1:59:25 PM EDT
This thread is like the kama sutra for turtle-shelling. Is so much detail necessary? No one wants to know what bearing your errant dingleberries were last seen riding the wind off to.
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 2:03:33 PM EDT
There was a bear and a bunny crapping on the woods. The Bear asks the bunny "Do you have any
problems with shit sticking on your fur?" The bunny exclaimed happily with pride,"no". So the bear
wipped his ass with the bunny.
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 2:07:42 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Gunner1X:
There was a bear and a bunny crapping on the woods. The Bear asks the bunny "Do you have any
problems with shit sticking on your fur?" The bunny exclaimed happily with pride,"no". So the bear
wipped his ass with the bunny.



holy shit!

rofl..
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 2:11:46 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/4/2005 2:16:43 PM EDT by AZMAN-1]
Um, you all may not believe this but I have spent many many a day hunting and camping in the woods and never ever dropped a stink pickle in the forrest.

I once went six days with out doing so, I must be the dumbest mofo on the face of the earth because believe it or not I could never figure out the mechanics of doing this with out the possibility of dropping the load square into my pants!!!

Yes, color me quite embarassed.......


ETA: Oh crap!!! I thought this was in 'team' but now I see it's in GD, I'm doomed now!!!......
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 2:12:08 PM EDT
I have a friend that always comes back to camp missing a sock.
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 2:19:32 PM EDT

Originally Posted By AZMAN-1:
Um, you all may not believe this but I have spent many many a day hunting and camping in the woods and never ever dropped a stink pickle in the forrest.

I once went six days with out doing so, I must be the dumbest mofo on the face of the earth because believe it or not I could never figure out the mechanics of doing this with out the possibility of dropping the load square into my pants!!!

Yes, color me quite embarassed.......


ETA: Oh crap!!! I thought this was in 'team' but now I see it's in GD, I'm doomed now!!!......



You wear pants in the woods? WTF?
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