Austin is a unique place to live, that's for sure. Keep Austin Weird has me conflicted. I hate those hippie liberal whiney WIERDOS, but the sticker always makes me chuckle. I bet people from out of state get a laugh at it, too.
Traffic does suck. I avoid IH35 like the plague. I did field service for two years, logged about 50,000 miles. Got on 35 maybe 5 times.
Rules For Living in Austin:
1. First, it's pronounced AWS-TUN. It doesn't matter how they say it in
other places.
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Austin has it's own set
of traffic rules. There's no book about them. All you can do is get in your
car and hope you survive to learn them.
3. All directions start with "Go down Mopac...'cause you don't want to get
on 35."
4. Burnet, Braker, and Lamar have no beginning and no end.
5. It's impossible to go around a block and wind up on the same street that
you started on. The Chamber of Commerce calls this a "scenic drive"
6. The 8:00 am rush hour is from 6:30am to 9:30am. The 5:00pm rush hour is
from 3:30pm to 7:15pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
7. If you actually stop at a yellow light, then you cannot be from Austin.
You may only apply your brakes when the end of a yellow light and the
beginning of the red light create a "burnt-orange" hue.
8. If you like being an individual, don't even think of working for Dell.
You'll be branded like cattle and made to walk all over town with your
"Dell tag" around your neck or clipped on to your belt loop. 98% of the
people within a 200 mile radius work for Dell. When someone says "Michael
Dell", Dell employees are trained to face Round Rock, hit their knees, put
their face to the ground, weep, and rock back and forth.
9. Just remember that Mopac IS Loop 1, Capital of Texas Hwy IS 360, and 183
IS Research, Anderson, Ed Bluestein, Old Bastrop Hwy. 2222 IS Northland or
Allendale or Koenig. Don't try to figure it out. Just accept it. If you
question the intelligence behind this naming convention, people will simply
tilt their heads to the right and stare at you.
10. If moisture is determined to be rain, not sweat, all traffic must
immediately cease. Ditto for daylight savings time, girl applying eye-shadow
across the street, or a flat tire 3 lanes over. Do not attempt to access any
road after an apocalyptic event like snow or
South X Southwest.
11. Construction on I-35 is a way of life, and a permanent form of
Entertainment. Get used to it!
12. Keep in mind that the sloppily dressed "hippie" in sandals and earrings
is probably the latest IPO millionaire around here.
13. Stay away from the Congress bridge at sundown if you do not like the
thought of being in an Alfred Hitchcock movie.
14. And, yes, we all know that's a man in a teddy and a tiara on Congress.
It's Leslie, and he probably makes more money than you do.
one they forgot: Buy the largest, most expensive SUV you can afford. Deck it out with gold trim and expensive wheels. But don't ever EVER let it touch anything other than asphalt!