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Posted: 9/28/2017 10:08:36 AM EDT
http://worldnewsdailyreport.com/fbi-seizes-over-3000-penises-during-raid-at-morgue-employees-home/

Ok all you penis lovers, it's time to get a job at the FBI. Someone's going to have to identify all of them.

FBI agents made an astonishing discovery this morning while executing a search warrant at the residence of a Houston mortician: 3,178 embalmed human penises.

The Federal Bureau of Investigation suspected 54-year old Dave Murray, an employee of the Harris County Morgue, of being implicated in an organ trafficking network.

Investigating several reports of missing organs and body parts, dozens of agents raided his residence this morning, hoping to find evidence of his involvement in the crimes.

What they found on the site was a lot more disturbing than what they expected, as the FBI spokesman Andy Ramirez described the scene in an interview with WNTV-4.

“There were shelves everywhere, filled with hundreds of glass jars. Each of them contained a penis floating in formalin.”

According to Agent Ramirez, the accused rapidly confessed everything as soon as he was arrested.

“He explained in great detail, how he had been cutting off dead men’s genital organs and collecting them for more than ten years.”

It took the FBI more than seven hours to gather all the organs and other pieces of evidence that were found on the site.

Dozens of federal agents were still collecting and identifying jars more than six hours after their arrival.
A dozen federal agents of the FBI’s Evidence Response Team were still identifying, collecting, and packing jars more than six hours after their arrival on the site.
A total of 53 criminal charges have already been filed against Mr. Murray and hundreds more could be filed over the next few days.

An anonymous FBI source told WNTV-4 that the number of charges could reach over 3,000.

Dave Murray will remain in custody for the moment as a psychiatric evaluation has been ordered to determine if he’s fit to stand a trial.

If he is considered fit, he should appear in court in October for the beginning of the procedures.
View Quote
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:09:12 AM EDT
[#1]
Dick move
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:10:38 AM EDT
[#2]
Welp. That's enough internet for today.
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:11:07 AM EDT
[#3]
What a cock
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:12:40 AM EDT
[#4]
He stiffed the families
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:13:08 AM EDT
[#5]
Fake News.
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:13:48 AM EDT
[#6]
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:14:30 AM EDT
[#7]
Wow. He really loved the D
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:14:39 AM EDT
[#8]
Took some balls to do that.
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:14:41 AM EDT
[#9]



Dicks out for Hara . . .
uhm . . . well . . . no . . . er, never mind.


Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:15:44 AM EDT
[#10]
I was going to say this thread is dildo's. But it's not, now is it?  

It's the real McCoy.
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:15:58 AM EDT
[#11]
What a prick.
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:16:41 AM EDT
[#12]
Not "penises."

"Penii."

The plural form of "penis" is "penii."

"FBI seizes over 3,000 penii."

Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:18:01 AM EDT
[#13]
Oh, sure, world news daily report is a highly reputable source. 
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:18:18 AM EDT
[#14]
Anyone who posts "This thread is worthless without pics"  should be BANNED.
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:20:16 AM EDT
[#15]
Literal bag of dicks?
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:20:19 AM EDT
[#16]
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:21:58 AM EDT
[#17]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Anyone who posts "This thread is worthless without pics"  should be BANNED.
View Quote
I think you're a dick for posting it disguised in offense.  

Ban him.
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:22:15 AM EDT
[#18]
I can't believe there weren't already enough dicks at the FBI
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:24:01 AM EDT
[#19]
FAKE NEWS!

World News Daily Report assumes all responsibility for the satirical nature of its articles and for the fictional nature of their content. All characters appearing in the articles in this website - even those based on real people - are entirely fictional and any resemblance between them and any person, living, dead or undead, is purely a miracle.
View Quote
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:25:05 AM EDT
[#20]
it's bullshit
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:26:02 AM EDT
[#21]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Anyone who posts "This thread is worthless without pics"  should be BANNED.
View Quote
GD is full of dicks.  We don't need any pics.
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:27:53 AM EDT
[#22]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Welp. That's enough internet for today.
View Quote

Now where'd I put that screen cleaner?
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:30:19 AM EDT
[#23]
Sieze this, Honkus!
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:30:34 AM EDT
[#24]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
FAKE NEWS!
View Quote
Checking your sources to ensure reliability. It's a motherfucker. 

It's even a fake DUPE. We already did this BS yesterday. 
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:30:58 AM EDT
[#25]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
FAKE NEWS!
View Quote
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:31:30 AM EDT
[#26]
So IBTL?
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:35:48 AM EDT
[#27]
And GD thought it knew what a cockalypse really was!
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:42:10 AM EDT
[#28]
The Federal Bureau of Investigation suspected 54-year old Dave Murray, an employee of the Harris County Morgue, of being implicated in an organ trafficking network.
View Quote
Is collecting really the same as trafficking?

A good lawyer might get him off of that charge
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:44:39 AM EDT
[#29]
where is the "hell of a suitcase" joke?
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:46:43 AM EDT
[#30]
Looks like he faces a stiff penalty
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:47:40 AM EDT
[#31]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Not "penises."

"Penii."

The plural form of "penis" is "penii."

"FBI seizes over 3,000 penii."

View Quote
Wrong.

The acceptable plural forms are "penises" and "penes."  

You're gonna need a word ending in -us- or -ius- to get to a -ii- plural form.
Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:49:57 AM EDT
[#32]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Wrong.

The acceptable plural forms are "penises" and "penes."  

You're gonna need a word ending in -us- or -ius- to get to a -ii- plural form.
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Quoted:
Quoted:
Not "penises."

"Penii."

The plural form of "penis" is "penii."

"FBI seizes over 3,000 penii."

Wrong.

The acceptable plural forms are "penises" and "penes."  

You're gonna need a word ending in -us- or -ius- to get to a -ii- plural form.
Fail because you didn't use the Donald Trump "WRONG!" GIF for this.



Yes, of course I know it is wrong.  This Shitpost® was brought to you by "Cool Story Bro, Inc."  Bringing you the finest quality Shitposts® since 2004.

Link Posted: 9/28/2017 10:51:03 AM EDT
[#33]
Meh. What's really disturbing are the cultures who buy penises and put it in their food as remedies and/or penis size enhancers.
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