Posted: 9/17/2008 12:11:55 PM EDT
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I found this at ihatedemocrats.com/jokes/cows.html LIBERAL - You have two cows. - Your neighbor has none. - You feel guilty for being successful. - Instead of giving your neighbor one of your cows, you write to your congressman, demanding that he pass legislation for more government programs to help your neighbor get a cow. - You hold a concert to raise awareness for the cow-lessness. - Barbara Streisand sings for the cow-less, who couldn't attend because ticket prices are so expensive that only people with 3 or 4 cows can afford to attend. - You wear a ribbon that signifies that you care about cowless people, even though you really haven't done anything to help them at all. CONSERVATIVE - You have two cows. - Your neighbor has none. - So? SOCIALIST - You have two cows. - The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. - You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow. COMMUNIST - You have two cows. - The government seizes both and provides you with milk. - You wait in line for hours to get it. - It is expensive and sour. CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE - You have two cows. - You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE - You have two cows. - The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government. BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE - You have two cows. - The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours the milk down the drain. AMERICAN CORPORATION - You have two cows. - You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. - You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. - You are surprised when one cow drops dead. - You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have down sized and are reducing expenses. - Your stock goes up. FRENCH CORPORATION - You have two cows. - You go on strike because you want three cows. - You go to lunch and drink wine. - Life is good. JAPANESE CORPORATION - You have two cows. - You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. - They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. - Most are at the top of their class at cow school. GERMAN CORPORATION - You have two cows. - You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. - Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year. ITALIAN CORPORATION - You have two cows but you don't know where they are. - While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. - You break for lunch. - Life is good. RUSSIAN CORPORATION - You have two cows. - You have some vodka. - You count them and learn you have four cows. - You have some more vodka. - You count them again and learn you have eight cows. - The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have. TALIBAN CORPORATION - You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. - You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. - Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital. IRAQI CORPORATION - You have two cows. - They go into hiding. - They send radio tapes of their mooing. POLISH CORPORATION - You have two bulls. - Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them. CALIFORNIAN - You have a cow and a bull. - The bull is depressed. - It has spent its life living a lie. - It goes away for two weeks. - It comes back after a taxpayer-paid sex-change operation. - You now have two cows. - One makes milk; the other doesn't. - You try to sell the transgender cow. - Its lawyer sues you for discrimination. - You lose in court. - You sell the milk-generating cow to pay the damages. - You now have one rich, transgender, non-milk-producing cow. - You change your business to beef. - PETA pickets your farm. - Jesse Jackson makes a speech in your driveway. - Cruz Bustamante calls for higher farm taxes to help "working cows." - Hillary Clinton calls for the nationalization of 1/7 of your farm "for the children." - Gray Davis signs a law giving your farm to Mexico. - The L.A. Times quotes five anonymous cows claiming you groped their teats. - You declare bankruptcy and shut down all operations. - The cow starves to death. - The L.A.Times' analysis shows your business failure is Bush's fault. |
