Posted: 11/29/2006 8:39:37 AM EDT
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I have recently gotten divorced from my wife of 17 years. It was very civil and no fighting. Every once in a while, she will call and ask me to come over and do something around the house for her. Put up the storm windows, winterize the pool, clean oyut the gutters, stuff like that. A few weeks the house got broken into and stuff was stolen, she called me and asked me to come over and check the place out and to secure the doors that got damaged. I went over there and did what I could for her and the kids. The kids didn't feel safe that night and they asked me to spend the night, which I did. Yesterday she called and asked me to do some plumbing repair work for her, had to replace an outside water spiggot which inturn required some pipe replacement. I have no problem doing this type of stuff for her and I get a meal out of it. I was saying something to a friend at work and she came back with "why would you go and do work for that bitch, shes just using you". I feel that if we can remain friends, its better for the kids and us as well. I don't hate her, I just can't live with her and put up with some of her shit anymore. So what say you ARFCOM? Am I being stupid or just a nice guy? |
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If you feel you are helping your kids out and don't mind doing the work...who cares what other people think about it. To answer the question on if she is using you, of course she is. You offered to help her at some point and she accepted. She gets to save a lot of money by having you do the work and will call you whenever she needs something. The question is, do you feel screwed over by her. If you don't, then you need to stop listening to other people who have a bitter outlook on life and are putting thoughts in your head. |
| The kids see and remember you doing things for them. Also, since there was no fighting in the divorce, that's even better for the kids and your wallet. If you keep doing things for her here and there, she'll be much less likely to take you to court for more money. That's worth a lot of time and effort because lawyers are expensive. There's nothing wrong with what you're doing, but I would document everything you do for her including the time spent and mileage driven just in case.z |
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Do it for your kids, not for her. My parents got divorced this year, my mother used to be pretty close with my sister and brothers, sice my dad was gone alot with the Navy. Now that he's retired from the Navy, he's home more(for my brothers, I moved off for college). My mom married this other guy only a few months after divorcing, and pretty much doesnt give a shit about my brothers and sister. My dad more than picked up the slack for her, and it has really changed the impression I have about my father. Your kids will thank you in the long run. |
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Do it for a friend. My own wife will tell you that getting married was the biggest mistake I ever made. Not that she thinks she put it over on me, but some people are just better off friends (or even "friends with benefits" <See Ladder Theory>) than they are married. Married just hasn't seemed to work for me. If you don't mind doing it for a friend, then what's the problem? |
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Meh. If my ex called and needed something, I would help her out. If it became a problem, I would tell her. To date, she has not needed anything in over 6 months and it was just some simple items leftover from the marriage. No hard feelings, as long as you don't feel used/abused then do what feels right. TRG |
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I work with a guy like you. He claimed that he got along with his ex better that most of us married guys did with our wives. I asked him why he left? They are remarried and still friends. Be friends for the kids, be parents, you don't have to be Husband and wife for that. |
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Just because you crossed a bridge doesn't mean you have to burn that fucker down. You are teaching a lesson to your kids through your actions. Good job. Beats my parents divorce, 30 years later they are still bad mouthing each other. Sad. And you can always suggest she might want to hire a neighborhood kid to do the gunk work. |
| Being the child of a very civil divorce, I say do what you can to keep it civil. It made it a lot easier on my brother and I as kids. Don't let the woman use you and don't let the kids get the idea that "mommy and daddy are getting back together." unless it may happen. The kids take it the hardest in a divorce. |
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Nothing wrong with you helping, unless she's fucking someone else. In that case, you're a dip shit. You should be getting appreciation blow jobs for the services you are rendering. You are certainly obligated to help provide a stable environment for your children, but she should still show her appreciation. |
You're being smart and decent. It's not about you or her. It's about your kids. They were ill served by the divorce. By behaving like mature adults instead of petulant fools, you and your wife go a long way towards ameliorating some of the damage. Good for the both of you. BTW, your pal at work is a moron. |
The friend at work wants you. |
I agree with this. Your kids will eventually thank you and hopefully your ex is treating you with care and respect as well as gratitude. I think its nice that you can get along. I really wish I had a better relationship with my ex. However you should be able to call upon her for things too [such as mending, what ever she might be able to do to lesson your burden so to speak]. th this. Your kids will eventually thank you and hopefully your ex is treating you with care and respect as well as gratitude. I think its nice that you can get along. I really wish I had a better relationship with my ex. However you should be able to call upon her for things too [such as mending, what ever she might be able to do to lesson your burdon so to speak]. |
I wish I was that civil with my ex or I should say I wish she was that civil with me. Mine has decided to be petty and not allow me into the house to see my daughter. She told me she thinks I am being "sneaky"  . What she bases that on I have no idea, since I only enter the house while I wait for my daughter to finish getting ready to leave with me. This might be long enough to use the bathroom after I drive from my apartment in VA to Brooklyn, and maybe to have a cup of coffee if my ex-sister in law offers me one. We then leave and spend the night in a hotel. Then when I return my daughter, I'm usually there long enough to put my daughter in bed after she takes a bath or shower. Soon as she is tucked in bed, I leave and drive back to VA. So the ex's new thing is that I have to wait outside on the doorstep until my daughter is ready. My daughters bag is handed to me through , the door and when I return her, I can walk her into the foyer to drop her bag bag off, but then I have to leave. No more getting her ready for and tucking her into bed. I've decided not to argue with her anymore, I just reply "OK", kiss my kid goodbye and leave. I don't get upset and I don't make a scene. When I daughter asks why I just leave, I tell her to ask her mother, since it is her mothers rule. I just hope my daughter realizes what a petty, vindictive, shrew her mother really is someday. |
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Going through a similar situation here bud... I'm getting a divorce as soon as our house sells and as for now I'm still living in the house with her. We don't have children which simplifies the situation. After twelve years of marriage we are good friends. Neither of us wants to be married anymore but neither has done anything to make our spouse hate us. I think it's the mature approach. I never understood the people that fight like cats and dogs over the littlest things. It would be totally different if you were in some way wronged by her and continued to help out. Since your situation involves kids I think it's even more important to be civil. Sounds like your buddy might have been through a bad break up. I wouldn't let it effect your situation though. |