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Posted: 1/3/2012 3:41:33 PM EST
For Christmas got served divorce papers... And what really sucks is having a 9 and 5yr old..How do those who have been through divorce with little ones get make it through day to day?
I do get full visitation rights whenever I want but not being there to put them to bed or when they wake up each morning really sucks. Don't know how much the little things matter till they are gone...
Thanks for listening, just needed a little venting.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 3:43:55 PM EST
Keep swimming bud!



Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 3:44:08 PM EST
And that's exactly why I never want to have kids and I never want to get married. I didn't like being a kid and going through a divorce and I'm absolutely not making a kid go through one. Too much pain.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 3:45:28 PM EST
Originally Posted By Credge:
And that's exactly why I never want to have kids and I never want to get married. I didn't like being a kid and going through a divorce and I'm absolutely not making a kid go through one. Too much pain.


Way to cheer OP up
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 3:45:45 PM EST
One day at a time. I raised my Daughter, alone since she was 6. She 17 now and we are doing ok.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 3:46:06 PM EST
Pics of soon to be ex dont seem to be loading.






On a serious note OP. Just be there for them as much as possible. Let them know you love them no matter what anyone else tells them.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 3:49:31 PM EST
Been there it sucks when kids are involved. OP nobody told me,Don't ever get married again. You will thank me later.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 3:50:10 PM EST
[Last Edit: 1/3/2012 3:51:34 PM EST by HKUSP45C]
If you can support them, fight for custody. It is not, in this day and age, a foregone conclusion that mom gets the kids.

Hang in there, be strong for the kids, fight your ex like a cornered cat at every turn throughout the process.

Like any fight in life, it's not over until you stop fighting.

Stay away from the booze, find some good friends to spend time with, get your head on straight and get in the fight.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 3:50:40 PM EST
You've come to the right place






It's tough, but you'll work it out over time. Just remember, it DOES get better.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 3:51:05 PM EST
[Last Edit: 1/3/2012 3:52:02 PM EST by Mazeman]
You said it, OP.

Day... by.. day.

Trust me, things will get better. Before you realize.

Be good to yourself. Rest. Minimize distractions/stesses.

Avoid contention with your spouse. Talk through your lawyers. You cannot change how she feels or acts.

Love those kids!! You will now develop your own relationship with them, separate from your ex's. Help them through this, and that will help you.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 3:51:47 PM EST
Do you have any other family members around you? If so, seek their help, it will be needed. Been there, done that.

I have been divorced for several years now, it does get better.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 3:52:23 PM EST
Originally Posted By HKUSP45C:
If you can support them, fight for custody. It is not, in this day and age, a foregone conclusion that mom gets the kids.

Hang in there, be strong for the kids, fight your ex like a cornered cat at every turn throughout the process.

Like any fight in life, it's not over until you stop fighting.

Stay away from the booze, find some good friends to spend time with, get your head on straight and get in the fight.


In Mi as a male your fucked.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 3:53:41 PM EST

Originally Posted By hammet:
Originally Posted By Credge:
And that's exactly why I never want to have kids and I never want to get married. I didn't like being a kid and going through a divorce and I'm absolutely not making a kid go through one. Too much pain.


Way to cheer OP up

Well I could shoot rainbows and sunshine out my ass all day but that's not going to change anything. Divorce is a bitch for everyone involved. It's a day by day struggle.

The only thing I can say is to be there for your kids because, as much as you hurt, man, their world just got torn apart and it will probably impact them for the rest of their life.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 3:53:53 PM EST
BTDT.

Just keep your head about you and start banging younger and better looking models.

The kid part will eat you up for years to come. I've been divorced and remarried in the past 5 years. My kids (10 and 6) now live in another state thanks to a crooked system. I just make sure I call them every day and the time I do get them at my house I try and make as memorable for them as possible.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 3:54:05 PM EST
Here's what I did after mine in May........

Went fishing.
Got a second job.
Bought lots of guns, 6 last year, more on the way.
Got some strange.
Went fishing.
Found an awesome woman in September when it was the last thing I was looking for.

Hang in the man, it gets better. Oh, and try to keep things cool with the ex....fighting will do YOU no good. Get stronger everyday, rebuild your confidence, go on a poonfensive.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 3:54:09 PM EST
Pics or GTFO
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 3:54:27 PM EST
Originally Posted By ambalamps:
Originally Posted By HKUSP45C:
If you can support them, fight for custody. It is not, in this day and age, a foregone conclusion that mom gets the kids.

Hang in there, be strong for the kids, fight your ex like a cornered cat at every turn throughout the process.

Like any fight in life, it's not over until you stop fighting.

Stay away from the booze, find some good friends to spend time with, get your head on straight and get in the fight.


In Mi as a male your fucked.




Pretty much every state unless you can prove the mother unfit or she just does not want custody. I was fortunate and have had full custody of my son since our divorce. My situation was very unique in that she had a conservatorship placed upon her.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 3:54:30 PM EST
I know how you feel.

Hang in there OP.

There are good things in store for you that today you could never even imagine.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 4:00:16 PM EST
Originally Posted By HKUSP45C:
If you can support them, fight for custody. It is not, in this day and age, a foregone conclusion that mom gets the kids.

Hang in there, be strong for the kids, fight your ex like a cornered cat at every turn throughout the process.

Like any fight in life, it's not over until you stop fighting.

Stay away from the booze, find some good friends to spend time with, get your head on straight and get in the fight.


Wise words. You would be well to heed them. Like all hard fights, fight smart. Get a good game plan and execute.

I've had my disabled daughter for 13 years now.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 4:00:30 PM EST
There ain't no happy answer OP, just grit your teeth, take the blows and drive through to the other side. Like fighting throuhg an ambush, it's too late to turn around and it's not going to be pleasent.

Make sure that your kids know beyond all shadow of a doubt that you love them and none of this is their fault. Drive it home, over and over. Don't let them think for second that it's about them. Make sure they know you're always there.

Nothing else to do.....
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 4:00:37 PM EST
First..Sorry no pics..(Because of her job)
I make plenty to support them but she has a lot of pull with family court. To fight it would cost me 10's of thousands and would more than likely still lose. I do get to see them every other day, and once Little League starts it will be every day but it still hurts not to see them every day. Whole reason I gave up my military career was to have a family and be there with them. Been together for 14 yrs and tried to make it work for last year but just couldn't....
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 4:01:27 PM EST
Originally Posted By rebel_rifle:
Originally Posted By ambalamps:
Originally Posted By HKUSP45C:
If you can support them, fight for custody. It is not, in this day and age, a foregone conclusion that mom gets the kids.

Hang in there, be strong for the kids, fight your ex like a cornered cat at every turn throughout the process.

Like any fight in life, it's not over until you stop fighting.

Stay away from the booze, find some good friends to spend time with, get your head on straight and get in the fight.


In Mi as a male your fucked.




Pretty much every state unless you can prove the mother unfit or she just does not want custody. I was fortunate and have had full custody of my son since our divorce. My situation was very unique in that she had a conservatorship placed upon her.


Whats this ? Thanks.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 4:04:00 PM EST
When you wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and say, "Today I am going to do the right thing.". Then do that.

Day after Easter 2011 for me. It gets better. Way better. The decisions and actions of today are what you will have to live with forever. Remember that shit! Graduations, weddings, grandchildren. You will have to deal with your ex through all of that. Hopefully with a better looking more successful woman by your side.

The forum on dadsanddivorce.com has some good info. Good luck.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 4:04:26 PM EST
Originally Posted By rebel_rifle:
Do you have any other family members around you? If so, seek their help, it will be needed. Been there, done that.

I have been divorced for several years now, it does get better.


No family around...moved away from them in 87' when joined USMC and then moved to New England in 2001 after I got out, so family is far away..
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 4:14:22 PM EST
Originally Posted By HKUSP45C:
If you can support them, fight for custody. It is not, in this day and age, a foregone conclusion that mom gets the kids.

Hang in there, be strong for the kids, fight your ex like a cornered cat at every turn throughout the process.

Like any fight in life, it's not over until you stop fighting.

Stay away from the booze, find some good friends to spend time with, get your head on straight and get in the fight.


This. Right now the orders are just temporary. Unless you agree to the present order, there will be a hearing to decide the matter. Do not assume you will not get custody. More and more, fathers start with 50% custody and it is for them to give this up or to lose. Do not talk disparagingly about the kid's mom. I can not emphasize this enough.

I am proof that dad's can get custodial parentage. I raised 4 kids and believe it or not, received child support. Get a lawyer. You are not versed well enough in the law to handle your divorce. He who has himself for a lawyer has a fool for a client.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 4:15:57 PM EST

Originally Posted By Rooted001:
Originally Posted By rebel_rifle:
Do you have any other family members around you? If so, seek their help, it will be needed. Been there, done that.

I have been divorced for several years now, it does get better.


No family around...moved away from them in 87' when joined USMC and then moved to New England in 2001 after I got out, so family is far away..

sounds alot like me. I served in the USMC from 90-00. Got out as a SSgt so I could support my new wife and son that was on the way as 29 palms isnt a great place to raise a family. Got divorced in '06.

Lost both my race cars, my 401K, my IRA's, my new suburban and my home. Only to let the courts drive the final nail in when they allowed her to move to Idaho without having any type of job, no income, no place to live (except her parents) and was told by a commisioner that it was her "constitutional right to move". when I asked what my rights as a father were, he wouldnt answer me.

I look at it and say, "I could have retired from the Corps last year, what a wwaste of time".

I ended up meeting the girl i should have met years ago. She is going to school to be a Nurse Anestheisiologist (how the fuck ever you spell the person that puts you to sleep before a surgery) and I will be kept in a lifestyle that I could have never afforded on my own.

I get to see my kids once a month but I make that one weekend and 4 weeks during the summer as memorable as I can for my kids. We camp, fish, go to movies, fun parks, water parks etc. And I call them every single day. Sometime their mother answers the phone and sometimes she doesnt. But the kids know I love them and are already asking to come live with me.

In the long run, the jokes on the Ex.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 4:21:19 PM EST
[Last Edit: 1/3/2012 4:23:24 PM EST by smokycity]
First, make sure you and the soon be ex don't bash each other using the kids as the weapons of choice. Support the kids as much as you can (by support, I mean emotionally, the monetary part will get worked out later). Once you get into a new place, bring them over and tell them that it's their place too when they are with you. If you are not moving too far away, visit them as often as you can, pick them up from school like normal etc. Explain to them why you are moving out, that it has nothing to do with them, they will understand. Reassure them that you will still be there for them, just in a different house.

Having said that, the whole situation sucks. Going through a divorce is like experiencing the death of a family member But, the pain does go away over time. Seek out a good attorney, who comes recommended and if you can, take someone you trust, who is impartial, with you to the consultations when you are selecting the attorney. They may be able to recall things that you might gloss over or not hear the attorney say or tell. This is a very emotional time, even if you might not realize it. (I picked my first attorney out of the yellow pages and didn't have any anyone to take with me or get recommendations from. I ended up with a pretty crummy and vague agreement according to my new/current attorney.)

Link Posted: 1/3/2012 4:22:02 PM EST
IM sent
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 4:23:37 PM EST
Originally Posted By Credge:
And that's exactly why I never want to have kids and I never want to get married. I didn't like being a kid and going through a divorce and I'm absolutely not making a kid go through one. Too much pain.


Link Posted: 1/3/2012 4:25:02 PM EST
[Last Edit: 1/3/2012 4:26:13 PM EST by rebel_rifle]
Originally Posted By ambalamps:
Originally Posted By rebel_rifle:
Originally Posted By ambalamps:
Originally Posted By HKUSP45C:
If you can support them, fight for custody. It is not, in this day and age, a foregone conclusion that mom gets the kids.

Hang in there, be strong for the kids, fight your ex like a cornered cat at every turn throughout the process.

Like any fight in life, it's not over until you stop fighting.

Stay away from the booze, find some good friends to spend time with, get your head on straight and get in the fight.


In Mi as a male your fucked.






Pretty much every state unless you can prove the mother unfit or she just does not want custody. I was fortunate and have had full custody of my son since our divorce. My situation was very unique in that she had a conservatorship placed upon her.


Whats this ? Thanks.


My ex suffered from several mental disorders. Her family got a conservatorship which is bascially a guardianship for an adult. Some states may call it something different but that is what it is. Being as she was under a conservatorship which basically says she cannot take care of herself, this negated any type of custody she might have had over our son. Good and bad. I have custody buy my son does not have a mother. She cannot even remember his birthday. Being a true single parent is not easy, but you have to do what you have to do. One day at a time as was previously said.




Link Posted: 1/3/2012 4:25:17 PM EST
I got a place right around the corner and my kids spent the first night in it with me. They seemed okay with it until today, which was their first day back to school. Had their teachers call about them having a episode in class...I guess that is what got me feeling, thinking and posting about my personal life tonight..
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 4:27:51 PM EST
its going to take some time to get used to things that all.

hang in there, always be there no matter what.

you will see that things will be okay.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 4:30:47 PM EST
Been there - It sucks. But, you'll eventually settle in and get used to it.
Originally Posted By Rooted001:
For Christmas got served divorce papers... And what really sucks is having a 9 and 5yr old..How do those who have been through divorce with little ones get make it through day to day?
I do get full visitation rights whenever I want but not being there to put them to bed or when they wake up each morning really sucks. Don't know how much the little things matter till they are gone...
Thanks for listening, just needed a little venting.


Get it in writing.


Link Posted: 1/3/2012 4:33:10 PM EST
Been there.

Sucks ass. My kid now lives a thousand miles away and I'm financially burdened for the next decade.


I had a dfair level of distaste for lawyers prior to going through the divorce (all criminal matters), now that little bit of distaste is nothing compared to my hatred of lawyers who specialize in divorce.

The good thing is time will heal almost all things related to divorce, just gotta make it thru.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 4:35:17 PM EST
Originally Posted By Rooted001:
For Christmas got served divorce papers... And what really sucks is having a 9 and 5yr old..How do those who have been through divorce with little ones get make it through day to day?
I do get full visitation rights whenever I want but not being there to put them to bed or when they wake up each morning really sucks. Don't know how much the little things matter till they are gone...
Thanks for listening, just needed a little venting.


I have been dealing with this for almost four years now, and still it boils my blood.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 4:36:32 PM EST
Originally Posted By Rooted001:
For Christmas got served divorce papers... And what really sucks is having a 9 and 5yr old..How do those who have been through divorce with little ones get make it through day to day?
I do get full visitation rights whenever I want but not being there to put them to bed or when they wake up each morning really sucks. Don't know how much the little things matter till they are gone...
Thanks for listening, just needed a little venting.


I have been dealing with this for almost four years now, and still it boils my blood.

Just be there for those kids as much as possible no matter what. I live in a state i dont want to, at a job I hate and guess what..it is all to live close to my kids.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 4:37:00 PM EST
I have a great marriage, but my parents didn't. They fucked it up in so many ways and only "thought" their kids didn't see every single bit of it. Don't let them see any of it. None.....You both need to be adults and parents in front of the kids. If she won't, then you absolutely must.
Your kids will remember this time in their lives for the rest of their lives. Do it right. They won't really understand what's going on right now, but if you're yelling and screaming and fighting, they are going to pick sides. You're bigger and scarier when you're yelling, they probably won't pick you.
Make damn sure they know it's nothing that they did. They will think they played some role. Trust me. Make sure your wife is doing this also.

This will suck for a long time. But it's really much worse for the kids. Be positive, be supportive and just be the Dad the kids need. That's what should get you through this. They will need you now more than they ever have.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 4:37:14 PM EST

Originally Posted By 9mmRandy:
One day at a time. I raised my Daughter, alone since she was 6. She 17 now and we are doing ok.


Link Posted: 1/3/2012 4:41:51 PM EST
Originally Posted By Credge:
And that's exactly why I never want to have kids and I never want to get married. I didn't like being a kid and going through a divorce and I'm absolutely not making a kid go through one. Too much pain.


really...all marriages end this way?......I must have done something wrong with mine....22 years and still in love with the woman I married.,
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 4:54:39 PM EST
Things will get better.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 5:01:34 PM EST
My heart goes out to you man. I am really shocked at all of the tasteful post.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 5:02:19 PM EST
Most divorced father's do not have custody of their children because they did not fight for it.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 5:07:49 PM EST
Originally Posted By Recon_by_Fire:
Most divorced father's do not have custody of their children because they did not fight for it.


That is true, but, most family courts in this country still look at the mother as the primary care parent especially for younger children, usually under 12 years of age.

It is still rare for the father to get full custody unless there are mitigating circumstances such as what I had.

Not saying that any of that is necessarily right, it is just reality.

You raise a good point!

Link Posted: 1/3/2012 5:12:54 PM EST
Brother, its tough. Tough as anything. Just make the best of every minute you do get with them. It sounds like you already understand that. Always take the high road with your ex, no matter how tough it is. Just focus on your baby's more than you every have before.

I don't know how well you get along with your ex, but remember you have to love your baby's more than you hate your ex.

Hopefully you & your ex are cordial, for the kids sake.

If you have any animosity, find a way to get rid of it. Your kids will pick up on the slightest bit of discord.

IM if you need to talk. I went through a nasty divorce, and I got custody of my daughter.

Good luck, and make sure your baby's know you love them.

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 5:18:12 PM EST
Originally Posted By Rooted001:
For Christmas got served divorce papers... And what really sucks is having a 9 and 5yr old..How do those who have been through divorce with little ones get make it through day to day?
I do get full visitation rights whenever I want but not being there to put them to bed or when they wake up each morning really sucks. Don't know how much the little things matter till they are gone...
Thanks for listening, just needed a little venting.


Send me a list of your guns, with pics and I will shoot you a $ figure
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 5:18:45 PM EST
Originally Posted By Recon_by_Fire:
Most divorced father's do not have custody of their children because they did not fight for it.


My case is not that I am not fighting for it but am outmatched and outgunned.
1. She makes over 3 times my salary
2. She has unlimited backing of her family
3. She works in this field for a living
4. She knows the people who make the decisions of where the kids go

I am not saying that I'm not fighting for them but in reality all I can really fight for is joint custody.

Link Posted: 1/3/2012 5:22:32 PM EST
Originally Posted By rebel_rifle:
Originally Posted By Recon_by_Fire:
Most divorced father's do not have custody of their children because they did not fight for it.


That is true, but, most family courts in this country still look at the mother as the primary care parent especially for younger children, usually under 12 years of age.

It is still rare for the father to get full custody unless there are mitigating circumstances such as what I had.

Not saying that any of that is necessarily right, it is just reality.

You raise a good point!


That USED to be, but it is changing. It only continues because fathers accept it. We need to face facts; there are a LOT of fathers intimidated by the thought of raising kids by themselves.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 5:23:33 PM EST
sell everything, hide everything you are getting fucked.

She is no longer you friend and the divorce will not be friendly...NO MATTER WHAT SHE SAYS!

Depending on you age, job/employment and how much money you fork over you may get 50/50 custody (but you will still pay child support if you make more than her)...

The divorce will take as painfully long as it has to (meaning until the lawyers feel they can't squeeze another cent from you).
The court is a pony show. After the lawyers yell and carry on like they are actually "fighting" for you/her, they meet up for lunch, golf etc...after all they are colleagues, business associates, friends...hell they probably went to school together and go to each others kid parties and shit. Same with the Judge...they were a lawyer before sitting on the bench...

Do not listen to the numb-nuts that have never been through divorce for advice....Don't trust your friends (especially the single ones...chances are she'll have them in her pants too just for revenge and or additional pain)

Get the cheapest. most loser looking lawyer that can offer a flat rate and be done with it.
AN EXPENSIVE LAWYER is just that,.... EXPENSIVE. Results will be the same.

Go to your states Friend of the Court web site and find the "child support formula" to calculate what is expected to be paid. I guarantee the FOC will charge you WAY more than should be charged.
(also look up federal title IV welfare reform act......in 1994 under Clinton, the Fed give the states a 66% match to every dollar charged to the non-custodial parent. i.e. the FOC has an incentive for overcharging you for child support..THEY MAKE MONEY).

Doesn't matter what she did or does...she can be a crack smoking boner gobbler. In court she will be the victim and you are the oppressor.

Good Luck.
It will eventually get better....but not for a long time.

See the kids as much as possible because once they are teens...they are gonna ditch ya anyway (till they are adults)...
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 5:25:54 PM EST
Originally Posted By JohnSmith6073:
Been there.

Sucks ass. My kid now lives a thousand miles away and I'm financially burdened for the next decade.


I had a dfair level of distaste for lawyers prior to going through the divorce (all criminal matters), now that little bit of distaste is nothing compared to my hatred of lawyers who specialize in divorce.

The good thing is time will heal almost all things related to divorce, just gotta make it thru.


you can fight that, your kid must live in the same state has you. get a good lawyer
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 5:28:43 PM EST
Originally Posted By Recon_by_Fire:
Most divorced father's do not have custody of their children because they did not fight for it.


and are you a father that chose not to fight for it? I am sorry if you had a selfish loser dad that walked out...but...

The courts have a way of bankrupting the father until there is no fight left.
After you have actually had to watch your family, family business, home and everything you worked your entire life for get taken away....

shove that theory right up your ass.

The ones that just walk away...were never fathers to begin with.
Link Posted: 1/3/2012 5:30:26 PM EST
Originally Posted By Rooted001:
Originally Posted By Recon_by_Fire:
Most divorced father's do not have custody of their children because they did not fight for it.


My case is not that I am not fighting for it but am outmatched and outgunned.
1. She makes over 3 times my salary
2. She has unlimited backing of her family
3. She works in this field for a living
4. She knows the people who make the decisions of where the kids go

I am not saying that I'm not fighting for them but in reality all I can really fight for is joint custody.



Do your best to get 1/2 time with them. 2 weeks with her, two weeks with you. If she makes 3x what you do, then she can help you support the kids when they are with you. More effort on the front end is a lot easier than on the back end, years down the road. Ask not, receive not. You're not being vindictive, just want equal time with your kids.

jd1

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