Posted: 5/17/2008 2:51:40 PM EDT
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Just found this on craigslist a think the cat folks may get a kick out of it. Dear Cat, I have some issues with you right now that I would like to hash out. And now is as good a time as any with you laying over my arms while I am trying to type on the computer. You don't even look comfortable and you can't breathe lying like that with your butt higher up than your head but your brain is the size of a walnut so I will forgive you. First of all, the litterbox. Is it your goal to poop on the rim of the box? Because if it is, bravo! Mission accomplished, you can stop now. You have proved your point. It is not funny anymore, and I have run out of sticks in the yard to clean it off with. The box is big enough, and you are still small, so don't even go there. Now... making pointless, incessant noises. If I take something away from you because I am tired of hearing it scoot across the floor for the last 2 hours, it does not mean to go find something else to mess with. I mean really where do you find this stuff? A wad of paper? A bottle cap? Is that really that fun to play with? I put things on the coffee table because I want them there. I do not want you to knock EVERYTHING off of the coffee table in one of your mindless "tearing ass through the house for no reason" adventures every single day. Once in a while, it is amusing. Every day, it's not that funny. Your ass stinks. I mean REALLY stinks. Like the worst poop you've ever smelled. Why do you smell soooo horrible? I thought cats were clean! I have never experienced this smelly, stinky cat phenomena with any other cat on this Earth. Why, God, did you give me the most stinky cat in this solar system? And Cat, why do you insist on showing me your ass? I know it stinks, but what am I supposed to do about it? Bathe you??? LOL! Remember the last time that happened? I still have the scars... Also, when you sit on my arm, please have the kindness to put your tail over your butthole so it doesn't come into contact with my skin. I might catch something. Lastly, I am allergic to you. I know this isn't your fault, but knowing this, why do you insist on rubbing the whole length of your body on my face? Okay... I just pulled a CATHAIR out of my eye. No wonder my eyes are itchy if you are purposefully depositing your dander into my eyes! What are you trying to prove here? That you know I'm stuck with you? While you're busy carrying things about the house in your mouth to deposit them into some area that I haven't discovered yet- would you mind bringing me a peice of sandpaper to me so that I can alleviate the itching you've caused me? Oh- while we're on this subject, I need my hair ties back- I know you have them. Thanks. |
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www.craigslist.org/about/best/sdo/566171148.html Box or irregular cat hats 
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For the last four days, my cat has been trying to sit on my fucking face the entire time I'm in bed, which causes me to go into asthma and have my eyes swell shut. Not fun. Not only that, but he won't SHUT THE FUCK UP. All day, for four days, it's nothing but a constant MREOWR. MREOWR. MREOWR. MREOWR. MREOWR. Even when he has my undivided attention, he won't shut the fuck up and stop being an attention whore. |
put a cork in him 
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Is she spayed? Because it sounds like she's in heat. |
He said it's a him cat. |
Oops!!!  I knew I was getting tired, but damn. Oh well. So, since it's a tomcat or possibly a steercat, that's normal. In the cat world, the male of the species are more vocal. |
I lock mine in the bathroom when she gets too rambunctious. |
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Dear cat Why are you so disgusting? People say cats are clean animals, but you bathe in your own spit. There is always some discharge coming out one end or the other. People also say cats are smart. I think the people who say these things are dumber than you are. |
Fixed it or you |
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We lock the cat out of the bedroom. I don't mind her running around, as she's pretty good about other stuff... but I refuse to sleep with animals. There's only one other thing allowed in my bed--my wife. Is the cat that won't shut up Siamese, by chance? They tend to be more vocal than other cats. Ours will sit and "converse" with you, or try to squawk at the birds outside. |
I saw that, to. What the hell is an 'irregular' cat? And why would I buy a hat for it? |
Poor cat probably ran away. |
Also, he loves to go into the mudroom when the kitchen door is open. Not a problem except when your mudroom has 3 stairs down to a landing, then the landing has the outside door, then there's stairs downstairs to the basement. And you can't open the back door for fear he'll escape. And you can't open the basement door or he'll run in there. |