Dating Red Flags > General Discussion

Posted: 3/1/2007 7:46:38 PM EDT

Add your own if you like.

I will not date a woman with a filthy car.

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Dating Red Flags
Ladies and gentlemen, please read Michael Shnayerson’s 12-step program for avoiding romantic tragedy: the relationship red flags. The heart you save may be your own.

Not long ago, I met a very attractive single mother of two at a dinner party in Sag Harbor, New York. We were seated next to each other-a "soft" setup-and by dessert, we were punctuating our stories with little touches: her hand on my forearm, mine on hers. Good signs.

Then the first of her two children, a boy of about ten, descended from an upstairs TV room. In each hand he clutched an action figure. This in itself was not disconcerting. It was the way he slammed the action figures into each other, his upper lip curled in a sneer, that gave me pause-that, and the adoring look his mother chose to bestow on him as he did.

Still, D-, the boy's mother, was definitely worth a follow-up. A few days later, I drove over to the waterfront inn where she had encamped with her children for a brief summer vacation. The plan was a swim in the inn's pool, then lunch at a nearby restaurant: a little ersatz family outing. D- ushered me into her room and announced the obvious fact of my arrival to her children.

Neither the boy nor his sister, two years older, looked over from the droning television. Not a word emanated from either one's lips. D- told them to turn off the television and change into their swimsuits. They ignored her. So D- pretended she hadn't asked them, and went into the bedroom to change. Only when the grownups started to leave did the children drag themselves, sluglike, behind us.

Lunch was worse
The swim was bad enough, with both children glowering at the grownups from their pool chairs. But lunch was worse. No sooner had the waiter taken our order than the girl seized one of the action figures from her brother's fist and threw it across the restaurant. The boy screamed in outrage, hit his sister with the other action figure, then ran over to get the first one so he could hit her with that, too. As the sister returned fire with her fists, I turned to see what D- would do. "Now, come on, children," she said gently, lovingly, pleadingly. "Now, come on ...."I did ask her out on one more date, hoping her demon children would be more agreeable.

Ten years (and one marriage) ago, I would have excused all this somehow, put it aside, and pressed on with a next date, because the mother, after all, was hot. No more. Well, all right, to be perfectly honest, I did ask her out on one more date, hoping her demon children would be more agreeable in their city home. They weren't. So that was that. After decades of ignoring red flags, only to sail into disaster each time, I've finally realized that no matter how gorgeous and alluring the new stranger is, you have to quit when a red flag goes up. As soon as it goes up.

An orange-striped top
This isn't as easy it sounds. For starters, you have to learn how to distinguish red flags from mere quirks and annoyances. If a woman on her first date with you wears an orange-striped top and you hate orange or stripes, this is not a reason to bail.

If her cell phone rings during dinner and she takes the call at the table, this is annoying-to me, very annoying-and will need to be addressed at some opportune point (not the first date). But it's not a dealbreaker. If, however, you take a woman to a restaurant that serves fancy pizza, as I did once, and she eats the pizza by scraping the cheese and tomato off the crust, leaves the crust on her plate, then lights a cigarette, smokes it, and grinds the butt out on the crust, this is a red flag.

This really happened, by the way, and if you work for a fashion magazine, you know who this was, so I'd better not say more.

A thoughtful reader may have already concluded that the greater challenge of red flags is their subjectivity. Another man, that is, might have yearned to provide the fathering that D-'s children so clearly needed. Or have been charmed-even turned on!-by the grinding of that cigarette butt onto the pizza crust.

So what can one do but act on one's instincts and hope for the best?

Three decades of romantic misadventures
Not true, not true, not true. Happily, I can report after three decades of romantic misadventures that there are, in fact, 12 red flags that everyone should watch for: clear, specific warnings that mean Danger Ahead, Turn Back-no matter who you are or what you find charming. Read them here, then clip this page and carry it in your wallet or pocketbook for the rest of your single life, to be unfolded and re-read by the light of a public bathroom stall on every date that gives you doubts.

As clear as all this ought to be, I have to admit that sometimes-very occasionally-a red flag turns out not to be what you thought it was at all. It's still a red flag, that is, but somehow it's become ... part of the appeal. In the heat of last year's election season, I would have said, as a fervent Democrat, that a woman's being a Republican was the biggest red flag of all. I haven't changed my political views, but I did recently meet a very smart, very attractive journalist who came with a warning: She's an ardent neocon. The flag is still waving, but we're having a lot of fun, so I'm just ignoring it.

Will this end up as another object lesson in my own theory? Or does love mean never having to pay attention to a red flag? I'll have to get back to you on that one.

The Dirty Dozen
Watch out for the Fling-o-matic, the Parent Trap, the Anger Hum, and these other stop signs.

Chronic Lateness. For clarity, "chronic" here means "three dates in a row." If your date arrives more than ten minutes late each time, don't wait for his (or her) fourth arrival. Be gone. No doubt your date will have wonderful excuses, and one or two may even be sound. But three in a row is a pattern, and what the pattern says is: I don't want to get into this. So neither do you.

Ketchup On Eggs. If one of those first dates is brunch, and your new friend reaches for the ketchup to put on her eggs, RED FLAG! I realize this may seem arbitrary or fussy. Or perhaps you think I'm making a class judgment here. Well, maybe I am! What's wrong with that? All I know is: Nothing good ever comes of ketchup on eggs. And it's really gross.

Rudeness To Waiters. And taxi drivers, and any-one else in a service job. I shouldn't even have to explain why this is a dealbreaker. Just remember that it is.

Scary Divorce Stories. It's amazing how much a new prospect will tell you about her life on a first or second date-much more than she knows she's saying. The question is: Do you hear it? If she launches into the story of her messy divorce, is her ex the villain in every respect? To me, that's a red flag right there. Anyone who's emotionally grounded should be able to see that two people, not one, contributed to a divorce.

A Deep Attachment To Disturbing Pets. A golden retriever is fine, and cats are all right if they don't do much. But I'm still haunted by the memory of an ancient, hairless dachshund that would manage to jump up on the bed during inopportune moments and bay. Not until the dog-owner chose to disengage herself from me and comfort the dog instead did I know that this was trouble.

Fling-O-Matics. During a first, incredibly romantic lunch with a new prospect some time ago, I mentioned that my most recent relationship had ended after a year. "A year," my new friend marveled. "That's so impressive! All of my relationships end after three months." Of course I resolved to be the exception. Over the next weeks, which happened to include Christmas and New Year's, we had an amazing time, both in New York City, where she had a charming Hell's Kitchen walk-up, and at my house in the Hamptons. One Sunday, after I'd put her on the train home, I came back to find the most tenderly romantic note on my pillow, something about soul mates joined. The next week, for no outward cause, she called to break up with me. No argument, no terrible time, just end of story. Only later did I realize it was week 12. Lesson: When a woman over 35 tells you all her relationships have ended after a few months, RED FLAG.

Demon children. Children with an issue or two? Maybe. Children who hate you? Watch out. Hopelessly spoiled or angry children, like D-'s? Head for the door.

Money Matters. Money stirs up so many issues, conscious and unconscious, far more than any magazine article can cover. For now, let's just list two red flags you can spot early on. One: If a man suggests splitting the tab on a first date, the woman should pay-then bolt. I don't say this is fair, especially if, for instance, the woman is a CEO and the man is a freelance writer. But it's the way it is, and any man who tries to worm out of his society-given role as tab-picker-upper on the first (or second or third) date for the sake of saving a few bucks is a creep to be ditched. For men, an early red flag about money may not start waving until the third or fourth date. A lot of women begin life as daddy's girls; a few stay that way. They feel men should provide them with the lifestyle to which they've grown accustomed from other men who did just that. If you're a sugar daddy yourself, have fun. If not, back off. Over time you'll only be despised-and dropped.

The Parent Trap. Powerful emotions about one's parents-positive or negative-are a huge red flag. For men, mother- worship is relationship death. One 50-year-old man I know has dated every single woman in New York and found, to his bafflement, that none is good enough-for his mother, that is. (She's still calling the shots at age 85.) One of this guy's many castoffs is a very attractive, successful woman of 42, whom I later dated myself. Now that I know both, I can only wonder who was the first to reject the other. It must have been like two gunfighters at the OK Corral. N- rejected me after three really nice dates because she decided my eight-year-old daughter, whom she hadn't yet met, would be an "encumbrance" to our relationship. (Since she hadn't met her, she couldn't claim my daughter was a demon child.) Only after we became friends did I learn how much she resents both her parents. Coincidence? I don't think so.

Bad sex. I don't need to go into detail here, do I? Except to say that bad sex may get better after a first, fumbling time, but bad sex two or three times in a row is sex that only gets worse. Don't fool yourself into thinking that sex is just one part of a relationship, that laughter and shared values are as important, etc., etc. They're not. Red flag. BIG red flag.

Dirty Underwear And Socks. Your mother was right. They have to be clean. Dirty underwear is the hallmark of a secret slob, and every secret slob has many worse habits you don't even want to think about-but will all too soon get to know if you don't leave now.

The Anger Hum. As he or she talks, not just about past romantic relationships but about work, friends, and family, listen for a low hum of anger, like a third rail running along the tracks of your new prospect's life. For reasons I never quite figured out, I used to be attracted to women who had that vibe. Maybe it seemed sexy; maybe it reminded me of my mother. But I now know how to recognize anger-not shows of temper, which may be healthy in moderation, but the deeper, more destructive hum-and to back off when I hear it.

Posted: 3/1/2007 7:50:49 PM EDT

[#1]

I prefer to date brunette flags, they tend to be less fiery.

Posted: 3/1/2007 7:51:47 PM EDT

[#2]

This guy is a Jedi.

The cell phone thing is a BIG Red Flag. He is spot on.
Great article.

Posted: 3/1/2007 7:53:30 PM EDT

[#3]

WTF is Wrong with Ketchup on Eggs??? Fucker...

Posted: 3/1/2007 7:57:37 PM EDT

[#4]

Why date a red flad. Are there not enough females out there? Though, I've been married a long long long time. YMMV

Posted: 3/1/2007 8:06:14 PM EDT

[#5]

Quoted:
WTF is Wrong with Ketchup on Eggs??? Fucker...

+1 People also think I'm weird for dipping my grilled cheese in Ketchup

Posted: 3/1/2007 8:08:01 PM EDT

[#6]

Quoted:

Quoted:
WTF is Wrong with Ketchup on Eggs??? Fucker...

+1 People also think I'm weird for dipping my grilled cheese in Ketchup

I do both but I use tabasco or other hot sauce on my eggs more than ketchup.
+1 on the grilled cheese with ketchup.

That is NOT a red flag.

Posted: 3/1/2007 8:13:51 PM EDT

[#7]

Quoted:

Quoted:
WTF is Wrong with Ketchup on Eggs??? Fucker...

+1 People also think I'm weird for dipping my grilled cheese in Ketchup

I do both but I use tabasco or other hot sauce on my eggs more than ketchup.
+1 on the grilled cheese with ketchup.

That is NOT a red flag.

Mmm... Jalapeño Sauce on Scrambled Eggs and Fritatas is sooo Good.

Posted: 3/1/2007 8:21:46 PM EDT

[#8]

I wont date a woman that doesnt take care of herself or constantly goes out in public wearing "car wash clothes". You could also include general cleanliness in their lives IE car, house, et cetera.

I also hate chicks who dont wear thongs.

Posted: 3/1/2007 8:23:24 PM EDT

[#9]

Quoted:

Quoted:
WTF is Wrong with Ketchup on Eggs??? Fucker...

+1 People also think I'm weird for dipping my grilled cheese in Ketchup

I do both but I use tabasco or other hot sauce on my eggs more than ketchup.
+1 on the grilled cheese with ketchup.

That is NOT a red flag.

Nuttin' wrong with hot sauce on eggs, and ketchup on grilled cheese. I agree, neither are a red flag.

Posted: 3/1/2007 8:24:33 PM EDT

[#10]

crazy eyes. If the chick has crazy eyes, stay away. I wish I could explain better.

Posted: 3/1/2007 8:25:51 PM EDT

[#11]

Quoted:
crazy eyes. If the chick has crazy eyes, stay away. I wish I could explain better.

I know what you mean.

Posted: 3/1/2007 8:26:29 PM EDT

[#12]

Quoted:
crazy eyes. If the chick has crazy eyes, stay away. I wish I could explain better.

Those are the ones that are the most fun, just use a buddy's name and one of HIS business cards.

Posted: 3/1/2007 8:26:49 PM EDT

[#13]

Quoted:
crazy eyes. If the chick has crazy eyes, stay away. I wish I could explain better.

Posted: 3/1/2007 8:28:16 PM EDT

[#14]

Hot sauce on eggs

Grill cheese with tomato soup

She falls a sleep on the crapper

Posted: 3/1/2007 8:30:20 PM EDT

[#15]

When he pulls out the ball gag on the first date, that's a red flag.

Posted: 3/1/2007 8:31:00 PM EDT

[#16]

Quoted:
When he pulls out the ball gag on the first date, that's a red flag.

So.. you're saying I can't bring the hinged cuffs I got at the local mallninja store on our date?

:(

Posted: 3/1/2007 8:33:33 PM EDT

[#17]

Quoted:
When he pulls out the ball gag on the first date, that's a red flag.

2nd date ok?

Posted: 3/1/2007 8:33:40 PM EDT

[#18]

Quoted:
When heshe pulls out the ball gag on the first date, that's a red flag.

Not always!

Man this is a hard crowd, you guys are way too quick to judge.

Posted: 3/1/2007 8:35:10 PM EDT

[#19]

Quoted:

Quoted:
When he pulls out the ball gag on the first date, that's a red flag.

So.. you're saying I can't bring the hinged cuffs I got at the local mallninja store on our date?

:(

NO. Now go lay down.

Okay, I have another one. Any guy who unbuttons his shirts more than 2 buttons (in very rare cases, 3 buttons depending on the shirt).... well that's a red flag. No man should unbutton his shirt down passed his xiphoid process.

Posted: 3/1/2007 8:40:02 PM EDT

[#20]

Quoted:

Quoted:
When he pulls out the ball gag on the first date, that's a red flag.

So.. you're saying I can't bring the hinged cuffs I got at the local mallninja store on our date?

:(

NO. Now go lay down.

Okay, I have another one. Any guy who unbuttons his shirts more than 2 buttons (in very rare cases, 3 buttons depending on the shirt).... well that's a red flag. No man should unbutton his shirt down to his xiphoid process.

What about popping the collar?

Wait what. Why do you want me to go lay down? It's a trap.

Posted: 3/1/2007 8:44:07 PM EDT

[#21]

Quoted:

Wait what. Why do you want me to go lay down? It's a trap.

No, it's the same thing I say to the dog when he's being naughty.

Posted: 3/1/2007 8:44:44 PM EDT

[#22]

If they have cats it's a bad sign. run hard, run fast, run like water through a mexican tourist.
When the husband calls it's a red flag

Posted: 3/1/2007 8:50:52 PM EDT

[#23]

5 minutes into a conversation she mentions she was raped.

"Theres the door"

Posted: 3/1/2007 8:57:46 PM EDT

[#24]

My biggest "red flag" anymore is the moderately to very attractive woman who just "exudes" an aura of "sex."

Its come to be my view that women who master that manner of projecting themselves in this way, who come across as the "sex kitten" type -- who turn heads just by walking through a room, are nothing but trouble. These are the women for whom seduction is a high art form. As a younger man, I chased them incessantly. I fell to their charms, forsaking friends, common sense, ambitions, and everything else in pursuit of the tantalizing so "in your face," but seemingly unattainable pie. And when by chance I snagged (or so I thought) one of these vixens, the sex OH the sex, well it rocked my world. ( they have had lots of practice, after all). But in the end, this "type" of woman invariable destroyed me every time. Infidelity, gold digging, social climbing, without fail, and always the most despicable shit.

After a while, and with the perspective only time and experience can bring, I noticed that these women really don't have a personality that is separate from their seductive wiles.

And thus, a new standard was born: If a woman, no mater how hot, does not "shine" with a personality that is a function a "real person," of her life experiences beyond the romantic realm, and evincing a genuine humanity, then I run. I run like crazy because it is in MY nature to get caught up in the pure allure otherwise.

Posted: 3/1/2007 8:58:18 PM EDT

[#25]

6 months in and your wife asks you "If we ever get a divorce should we get separate lawyers or just use one to save money" That's a red flag, let me tell you...

or when you are in the car with your pregnant newly-wed wife and she is driving and she says "sometimes i just want to blow through the stoplight and slam into a semi" again...red flag

ETA- Lol Gonzo!!!...i know exactly what you are saying

Posted: 3/1/2007 8:58:30 PM EDT

[#26]

Quoted:

Quoted:

Wait what. Why do you want me to go lay down? It's a trap.

No, it's the same thing I say to the dog when he's being naughty.

Posted: 3/1/2007 9:01:04 PM EDT

[#27]

height=8

Quoted:
5 minutes into a conversation she mentions she was raped.

"Theres the door"

next time, instead, for a laugh, try whipping out a ball gag...

Posted: 3/1/2007 9:03:58 PM EDT

[#28]

Quoted:

Quoted:

Wait what. Why do you want me to go lay down? It's a trap.

No, it's the same thing I say to the dog when he's being naughty.

Oh for hell's sake! Naughty as in chewing on the shoes, or the kids Barbie dolls, or when he jumps on the couch.

Get your mind out of the gutter, ya freak!!!

Hey, that reminds me.... any man into beastiality, well, that's a huge red flag.

Posted: 3/1/2007 9:04:47 PM EDT

[#29]

Quoted:

Quoted:

Wait what. Why do you want me to go lay down? It's a trap.

No, it's the same thing I say to the dog when he's being naughty.

Oh for hell's sake! Naughty as in chewing on the shoes, or the kids Barbie dolls, or when he jumps on the couch.

Get your mind out of the gutter, ya freak!!!

I find it amusing how all I post is a single emoticon and you're the one with a mind running into the gutter.

You'd be a fun date. :)

Posted: 3/1/2007 9:10:52 PM EDT

[#30]

IBSGHAKBPOSOWIAMH

(In Before Someone Gets His Ass Kicked By a Pissed Off Significant Other Who Is Also a Member Here).

Posted: 3/1/2007 9:10:55 PM EDT

[#31]

Quoted:
My biggest "red flag" anymore is the moderately to very attractive woman who just "exudes" an aura of "sex."

Its come to be my view that women who master that manner of projecting themselves in this way, who come across as the "sex kitten" type -- who turn heads just by walking through a room, are nothing but trouble. These are the women for whom seduction is a high art form. As a younger man, I chased them incessantly. I fell to their charms, forsaking friends, common sense, ambitions, and everything else in pursuit of the tantalizing so "in your face," but seemingly unattainable pie. And when by chance I snagged (or so I thought) one of these vixens, the sex OH the sex, well it rocked my world. ( they have had lots of practice, after all). But in the end, this "type" of woman invariable destroyed me every time. Infidelity, gold digging, social climbing, without fail, and always the most despicable shit.

After a while, and with the perspective only time and experience can bring, I noticed that these women really don't have a personality that is separate from their seductive wiles.

And thus, a new standard was born: If a woman, no mater how hot, does not "shine" with a personality that is a function a "real person," of her life experiences beyond the romantic realm, and evincing a genuine humanity, then I run. I run like crazy because it is in MY nature to get caught up in the pure allure otherwise.

+1 Sage advice.

I was once engaged to "one of these" types.

Red flag. Big Red Flag. Run for your life. These women ARE nothing but trouble. And heartache.

ETA: So Gonzo - you dated "her" too, eh?

Posted: 3/1/2007 9:15:20 PM EDT

[#32]

Quoted:
WTF is Wrong with Ketchup on Eggs??? Fucker...

That threw out his whole article in my eyes.

Posted: 3/1/2007 9:17:17 PM EDT

[#33]

Quoted:
When he pulls out the ball gag on the first date, that's a red flag.

Not necessarily, it could be a cue that you need to shut up and make a sandwich.

Posted: 3/1/2007 9:17:59 PM EDT

[#34]

Quoted:

Quoted:
When he pulls out the ball gag on the first date, that's a red flag.

So.. you're saying I can't bring the hinged cuffs I got at the local mallninja store on our date?

:(

NO. Now go lay down.

Okay, I have another one. Any guy who unbuttons his shirts more than 2 buttons (in very rare cases, 3 buttons depending on the shirt).... well that's a red flag. No man should unbutton his shirt down passed his xiphoid process.

So you don't like the Hoff?

Posted: 3/1/2007 9:31:29 PM EDT

[#35]

He makes a lot of valid points, but he begins after a while to sound like some of the bitter codger-ettes he decries.

"Fervent Democrat"?

That would be a deal-breaker right there.

Posted: 3/1/2007 9:32:30 PM EDT

[#36]

A BIG Red Flag? When a woman you meet introduces herself and her kids to you, and she tells you they live in one city, and she in another....

Posted: 3/1/2007 9:42:09 PM EDT

[#37]

If she has referred to herself as a "baby's momma".

Posted: 3/1/2007 9:44:47 PM EDT

[#38]

about half the people on this site cant even get "a" woman, let alone enough women to have the luxury of running away from one.

Posted: 3/1/2007 9:49:15 PM EDT

[#39]

Quoted:

Quoted:
WTF is Wrong with Ketchup on Eggs??? Fucker...

That threw out his whole article in my eyes.

+1

<------Big Ketchup fan.

Posted: 3/1/2007 9:50:54 PM EDT

[#40]

Table manners are the big one for me, or manners in general.
A woman or any person who is rude to waiters etc is going to be a disaster.

Also if they talk about their ex for more than 2 minutes. Run.

Posted: 3/1/2007 9:57:09 PM EDT

[#41]

Run like hell when they say/ask:

"I noticed you pay for everything in cash"..........gold digger

"do you have a retirement plan?" ......gold digger

"I'm getting the better end of this deal"...... Loser biotch

After 2 months "No, I don't tell anyone I'm dating you"......you can figure that one out

"what's yours is ours and what's mine is mine" .......selfish gold digger

"I'm getting a divorce"......as soon as she finds someone else to support her ass

Too many more I don't feel like typing.. those were all said by different women...

Why don't they just come out and say what they mean like...."FEED ME AND BREED ME".

Posted: 3/1/2007 9:59:19 PM EDT

[#42]

Quoted:
about half the people on this site cant even get "a" woman, let alone enough women to have the luxury of running away from one.

Word...

"External genitalia" is just about the only red flag in MY playbook!

Posted: 3/1/2007 9:59:42 PM EDT

[#43]

Quoted:
This guy is a Jedi.

The cell phone thing is a BIG Red Flag. He is spot on.
Great article.

I ditched a very hot, rather sweet girl for this very reason. We were at a nice dinner, having a great time and "ring a ling ling" goes the phone. Much to my dismay she answers it and proceeds to have a ten minute or so conversion about...you guessed it....NOTHING. I smiled, finished my prime rib and took her home. After a week or so she calls me wondering what went wrong, why have I not called her? I told her, in no uncertain terms that I do NOT tolerate rude men, I SURE AS HELL IS HOT WILL NOT TOLERATE A RUDE WOMAN.

Then I hung up the phone.

Posted: 3/1/2007 10:04:33 PM EDT

[#44]

Also run like hell from a woman who didn't get custody of her kids. Somethings really wrong there. Joint custody is understandable, no custody isn't.

My friends and relatives say I should write a book on dating for the last 4+ years.
Others say I "get more ass than a toilet seat"

Posted: 3/1/2007 11:10:01 PM EDT

[#45]

excellent advice!

I used to chase after this type of woman and it certainly had its good moments. Its amusing going out in public and noticing other guys looking over with jealousy. The novelty wears off. It becomes annoying. The woman is usually very high maintenance. There was always some bad trait I was willing to overlook. You are pretty much right on the money regarding infidelity, gold digging and social climbing. I just dont want to deal with it anymore. I just want to be with a cute woman who is down to earth, has a good personality and is fun to be around. An interest in firearms and science/engineering is a huge plus.

Quoted:
My biggest "red flag" anymore is the moderately to very attractive woman who just "exudes" an aura of "sex."

Its come to be my view that women who master that manner of projecting themselves in this way, who come across as the "sex kitten" type -- who turn heads just by walking through a room, are nothing but trouble. These are the women for whom seduction is a high art form. As a younger man, I chased them incessantly. I fell to their charms, forsaking friends, common sense, ambitions, and everything else in pursuit of the tantalizing so "in your face," but seemingly unattainable pie. And when by chance I snagged (or so I thought) one of these vixens, the sex OH the sex, well it rocked my world. ( they have had lots of practice, after all). But in the end, this "type" of woman invariable destroyed me every time. Infidelity, gold digging, social climbing, without fail, and always the most despicable shit.

After a while, and with the perspective only time and experience can bring, I noticed that these women really don't have a personality that is separate from their seductive wiles.

And thus, a new standard was born: If a woman, no mater how hot, does not "shine" with a personality that is a function a "real person," of her life experiences beyond the romantic realm, and evincing a genuine humanity, then I run. I run like crazy because it is in MY nature to get caught up in the pure allure otherwise.

Posted: 3/1/2007 11:14:06 PM EDT

[#46]

Quoted:
My biggest "red flag" anymore is the moderately to very attractive woman who just "exudes" an aura of "sex."

Its come to be my view that women who master that manner of projecting themselves in this way, who come across as the "sex kitten" type -- who turn heads just by walking through a room, are nothing but trouble. These are the women for whom seduction is a high art form. As a younger man, I chased them incessantly. I fell to their charms, forsaking friends, common sense, ambitions, and everything else in pursuit of the tantalizing so "in your face," but seemingly unattainable pie. And when by chance I snagged (or so I thought) one of these vixens, the sex OH the sex, well it rocked my world. ( they have had lots of practice, after all). But in the end, this "type" of woman invariable destroyed me every time. Infidelity, gold digging, social climbing, without fail, and always the most despicable shit.

After a while, and with the perspective only time and experience can bring, I noticed that these women really don't have a personality that is separate from their seductive wiles.

And thus, a new standard was born: If a woman, no mater how hot, does not "shine" with a personality that is a function a "real person," of her life experiences beyond the romantic realm, and evincing a genuine humanity, then I run. I run like crazy because it is in MY nature to get caught up in the pure allure otherwise.

Wow, well said. I know this from Experience as well.

Posted: 3/1/2007 11:17:00 PM EDT

[#47]

Quoted:
Add your own if you like.

I will not date a woman with a filthy car.

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Dating Red Flags
<snip>...a woman's being a Republican was the biggest red flag of all..<snip>.

Then I'm a big red flag here.

Oh, and I like salsa on my eggs.

Posted: 3/1/2007 11:27:32 PM EDT

[#48]

I dated a Girl that was/still is a Gold Digger.

Yes she was beautiful, but to make things worse she told people she was beautiful.
In my experience, never date a girl that tells people she thinks she looks good.

She also hated the fact I wanted to be a cop and that I like firearms. Yet another huge Red Flag for me.

She got pissed when I spent money on myself and not her... another Red Flag.

She left me for another man... one thats 30 Years older than her and is her fucking COUSIN. Why did she leave me for him? Well he's worth ALOT of money.

Now she's pregnant and is going to have his Baby... Atleast I would never have to tell my kid that she was a result of incest.

Besides from wanting to "keep it in the Family" (

) she has a huge array of mental problems, which she takes meds for and sees a shrink.

Nathan

Posted: 3/1/2007 11:35:01 PM EDT

[#49]

good advice. There are some hot girls that have good personalities (rare) but i just get to know girls first. I probably have had more female than male friends, some were okay, some weren't. Some i realized weren't right for me right away.

Dont rush into ANYTHING as you may regret it for a looong time

Another red flag?

when she asks about a shared bank account within the first few months

Posted: 3/1/2007 11:42:56 PM EDT

[#50]

anti-gun = red flag.

Id like whoever Im with to enjoy firearms, but at very least be tolerant or neutral. If she is anti-gun it just isnt going to work. I WILL choose my guns over a woman if Im forced to make that choice. May as well avoid that confrontation from the beginning and weed them out.

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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Dating Red Flags (Page 1 of 2)

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Dating Red Flags (Page 1 of 2)