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Posted: 4/17/2006 6:40:56 PM EST
[Last Edit: 4/17/2006 7:05:29 PM EST by Fat_McNasty]
If you had the man power and means, would you go for world domination? Or would you just go for a country or 2?
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 6:42:04 PM EST
[Last Edit: 4/17/2006 6:42:44 PM EST by Napoleon_Tanerite]
nah... too many idiots in the world. i'd be content to have an inpenetrable country

ETA: i'd also spell "maybe" right in my poll, because i would be a spelling nazi dictator
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 6:42:14 PM EST
I wouldn't stop until I was Dictator Of The Earth.
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 6:43:14 PM EST
World domination here.



Link Posted: 4/17/2006 6:43:36 PM EST

Originally Posted By adair_usmc:
World domination here.




Link Posted: 4/17/2006 6:44:10 PM EST
[Last Edit: 4/17/2006 6:44:33 PM EST by Fat_McNasty]

Originally Posted By Napoleon_Tanerite:
nah... too many idiots in the world. i'd be content to have an inpenetrable country

ETA: i'd also spell "maybe" right in my poll, because i would be a spelling nazi dictator



Oh but as a WORLD leader you could purge the earth of Idiots by removing the tags and warning labels from household items!! Muhahahahahahh!
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 6:44:37 PM EST
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 6:46:28 PM EST
That's always been my life goal. Anybody know some colleges that offer degrees in World Domination?
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 6:47:19 PM EST

Originally Posted By OBird:
That's always been my life goal. Anybody know some colleges that offer degrees in World Domination?



apparently Yale
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 6:49:22 PM EST

Originally Posted By Napoleon_Tanerite:

Originally Posted By OBird:
That's always been my life goal. Anybody know some colleges that offer degrees in World Domination?



apparently Yale



Link Posted: 4/17/2006 6:51:10 PM EST
Two thirds of the real estate is in one shithole country or another. Who needs the headaches?

"I want to be King of every shithole country in the world".

Huh? Huh?? I don't think so.

I'd just grab Canada and Mexico, and enjoy all the raw material and cheap labor.

And I'd build a FUCKING WALL at the southern end of Mexico!!!
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 6:51:42 PM EST

Originally Posted By OBird:
That's always been my life goal. Anybody know some colleges that offer degrees in World Domination?




Reminds me of a book a friend had in College - "Word Power Made Easy"

When I first glanced at it on his bookshelf I honestly thought it said "WORLD Power Made Easy"



Thanks for the memory!
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 6:52:06 PM EST

Originally Posted By Zakk_Wylde_470:
watch.windsofchange.net/pics/try_and_stop_us.jpg


If someone made that into a real t-shirt i would buy 3 of them
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 6:55:58 PM EST
Sweet I got to get this one!!

Link Posted: 4/17/2006 6:56:55 PM EST
If I had the men and material, I'd probably go for North America and possibly Europe.

Link Posted: 4/17/2006 7:00:15 PM EST

Originally Posted By Napoleon_Tanerite:

Originally Posted By OBird:
That's always been my life goal. Anybody know some colleges that offer degrees in World Domination?



apparently Yale



N_T, you're alright.

And I would go for world domination....but only if I had the support of an ARMY OF SEA MONKEYS!
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 7:01:09 PM EST

Originally Posted By NonConformist:
If I had the men and material, I'd probably go for North America and possibly Europe.




Never get involved in a land war in Asia...
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 7:03:47 PM EST
I'd take a country or two, and at least one of those countries would be thereafter known as Pieland.
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 7:10:45 PM EST

On Being an Evil Overlord
Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However, every Evil Overlord I¹ve read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I’ve noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. Therefore, if I ever happen to become an Evil Overlord:
1. My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear Plexiglas visors, not face-concealing ones.
2. My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
3. My noble half-brother, whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
4. Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
5. The artifact that is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object that is my one weakness.
6. I will not gloat over my enemies’ predicament before killing them.
7. When I¹ve captured my adversary and he says, ‘Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?’ I’ll say, ‘No.’ and shoot him. No, on second thought I’ll shoot him then say ‘No.’
8. After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks’ time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
9. I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labeled ‘Danger: Do Not Push’. The big red button marked ‘Do Not Push’ will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labeled as such.
10. I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
11. I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
12. One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
13. All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
14. The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
15. I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
16. I will never utter the sentence ³But before I kill you, there¹s just one thing I want to know.²
17. When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
18. I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
19. I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero¹s rugged countenance and she¹d betray her own father.
20. Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it¹s too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
21. I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi storm troopers, Roman foot soldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
22. No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
23. I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
24. I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line ³No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!! ² (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
25. No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery that is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
26. No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
27. I will never build only one of anything important. All-important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
28. My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
29. I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
30. All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
31. All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
32. I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
33. I won¹t require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
34. I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
36. I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cellblock, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
37. If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he¹s my trusted lieutenant.
38. If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
39. If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
40. I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable super-weapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
41. Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.
42. When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
43. I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
44. I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
45. I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say ³And here is the price for failure, ² then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
46. If an advisor says to me ³My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do? ², I will reply ³This.² and kill the advisor.
47. If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
48. I will treat any beast that I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
49. If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact that can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want Ad in the local paper.
50. My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh PowerBooks.
51. If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess¹ cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.
52. I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
53. If the beautiful princess that I capture says ³I¹ll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!! ², I will say ³Oh well² and kill her.
54. I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
55. The deformed mutants and oddball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
56. My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
57. Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner¹s manual.
58. If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
59. I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
60. My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.
61. If my advisors ask ³Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme? ², I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
62. I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports that intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
63. Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.
64. I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits that could prove to be a disadvantage.
65. If I must have computer systems with publicly available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
66. My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
67. No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
68. I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they¹d better save my life again.
69. All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.
70. When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
71. If I decide to test a lieutenant¹s loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
72. If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable super-weapon on them.
73. I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
74. When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk ³Project Overlord² and leave it lying on top of my desk.
75. I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
76. If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
77. If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutenant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
78. I will not tell my Legions of Terror ³And he must be taken alive! ² the command will be ³And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical.²
79. If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.
80. If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.
81. If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
82. I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.
83. If I¹m eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
84. I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
85. I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. ³Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse.² Instead it will be more along the lines of ³Push the button.²
86. I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
87. My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
88. If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.
89. After I capture the hero¹s super-weapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
90. I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
91. I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
92. If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say that his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
93. If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.
94. When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.
95. My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it¹s an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.
96. My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
97. My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unraveled.
98. If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others¹ lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.
99. Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.
100. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.




Link Posted: 4/17/2006 7:36:10 PM EST
[Last Edit: 4/17/2006 7:39:02 PM EST by Swindle1984]
I'd conquer all the nice parts of the world. North America, Europe, Russia, Australia, New Zealand, Japan. The Middle East and parts of Africa would glow in the dark and have glass craters visible from orbit. South America, Asia, the rest of Africa, and all those little island nations nobody really cares about would live in fear of my empire and its Legions of Terror.

China would get a severe bitch-slapping but be left in place as a major power (though obviously it couldn't begin to compare to my empire) so that I have someone I can scapegoat or use as a threat against our country as an excuse for maintaining massive military force.

Because of the large nations and populations under my control, the empire would prosper financially. The rest of the world would sell us raw materials for low, low prices. What we didn't use for ourselves would be turned into quality products and sold back to them at a profit for us. And if they didn't like that arrangement, well, fuck 'em.

The people in the empire would be happy, for the most part. They'd have all the same rights that are included in the US Bill of Rights, and the imperial equivelent to the second amendment would include any and all weapons, excluding biological weapons and lethal chemical weapons. Nukes would be legal, because, well, who the fuck would be able to buy one anyway? Citizens could travel freely and unless they specifically are suspected of illegal activity, no surveillance will be made of their comings and goings, unlike travel today. No passport required to go anywhere in the empire. Laws would be enforced. Rapists, murderers, and child molestors would be castrated with belt sanders, placed in forced labor camps for a year, then forced to dig their own graves, climb in, and eat a bullet. Or fed into wood chippers and sold as fertilizer, whichever. Illegal immigrants would be deported ONCE. If they get caught a second time, they get air dropped over the radioactive Arabian Glass Desert, tenth wonder of the world. And they only get parachutes if they pay us with legally obtained money.

As time passed, the empire would be forged into a more democratic society, with the powers of the emperor being reduced upon my death or abdication of the throne. Hopefully, the empire would flourish much the same way the US did once I was gone. Except I'd make sure we stamped out communist/socialist/liberal thinking right off the bat and made sure kids learned in school why leftist thinking is evil.

Edit: I would also make it where any member state (formerly nations) could decide whether or not the attractive women had to go nude in public, weather permitting.

Hey, it had to be said.
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 7:49:06 PM EST

Originally Posted By Swindle1984:
I'd conquer all the nice parts of the world. North America, Europe, Russia, Australia, New Zealand, Japan. The Middle East and parts of Africa would glow in the dark and have glass craters visible from orbit. South America, Asia, the rest of Africa, and all those little island nations nobody really cares about would live in fear of my empire and its Legions of Terror.
<snip>

Hey, it had to be said.



I like! But I would leave Israel.. just incase they realy ARE the chosen ones.
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 7:54:37 PM EST

Originally Posted By brentwal:

On Being an Evil Overlord

~ Lots of good stuff ~

100. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.






Funny, the city council here is discussing the installation of city-wide, taxpayer funded "free" Wi-Fi. It's all making sense now...
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 7:57:29 PM EST
[Last Edit: 4/17/2006 8:11:16 PM EST by Ranger_SXT]

Originally Posted By Napoleon_Tanerite:
nah... too many idiots in the world. i'd be content to have an inpenetrable impentetrable country

ETA: i'd also spell "maybe" right in my poll, because i would be a spelling nazi dictator



Hello, kettle. You're black.
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 7:57:54 PM EST

Originally Posted By Swindle1984:
I'd conquer all the nice parts of the world. North America, Europe, Russia, Australia, New Zealand, Japan. The Middle East and parts of Africa would glow in the dark and have glass craters visible from orbit. South America, Asia, the rest of Africa, and all those little island nations nobody really cares about would live in fear of my empire and its Legions of Terror.

China would get a severe bitch-slapping but be left in place as a major power (though obviously it couldn't begin to compare to my empire) so that I have someone I can scapegoat or use as a threat against our country as an excuse for maintaining massive military force.

Because of the large nations and populations under my control, the empire would prosper financially. The rest of the world would sell us raw materials for low, low prices. What we didn't use for ourselves would be turned into quality products and sold back to them at a profit for us. And if they didn't like that arrangement, well, fuck 'em.

The people in the empire would be happy, for the most part. They'd have all the same rights that are included in the US Bill of Rights, and the imperial equivelent to the second amendment would include any and all weapons, excluding biological weapons and lethal chemical weapons. Nukes would be legal, because, well, who the fuck would be able to buy one anyway? Citizens could travel freely and unless they specifically are suspected of illegal activity, no surveillance will be made of their comings and goings, unlike travel today. No passport required to go anywhere in the empire. Laws would be enforced. Rapists, murderers, and child molestors would be castrated with belt sanders, placed in forced labor camps for a year, then forced to dig their own graves, climb in, and eat a bullet. Or fed into wood chippers and sold as fertilizer, whichever. Illegal immigrants would be deported ONCE. If they get caught a second time, they get air dropped over the radioactive Arabian Glass Desert, tenth wonder of the world. And they only get parachutes if they pay us with legally obtained money.

As time passed, the empire would be forged into a more democratic society, with the powers of the emperor being reduced upon my death or abdication of the throne. Hopefully, the empire would flourish much the same way the US did once I was gone. Except I'd make sure we stamped out communist/socialist/liberal thinking right off the bat and made sure kids learned in school why leftist thinking is evil.

Edit: I would also make it where any member state (formerly nations) could decide whether or not the attractive women had to go nude in public, weather permitting.

Hey, it had to be said.



Dude, I want in.
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 8:03:57 PM EST
World domination. That way I won't have to waste time fighting off the "do-gooders" if I was to just grab a couple countries for their oil.
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 8:11:05 PM EST
35. I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.

Doh.. I guess I got to shave... But then Id look like...

Link Posted: 4/17/2006 8:11:29 PM EST
I'll take Mars too.
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 8:17:49 PM EST
I'm ready.



Been practicing world domination in various wargame forms since I was 13.
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 8:22:46 PM EST
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 8:24:48 PM EST

Originally Posted By OBird:
That's always been my life goal. Anybody know some colleges that offer degrees in World Domination?



Any liberal-arts college can do it. Especially if they offer journalism.
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 8:34:50 PM EST
I can't believe that I just read all 100 super villain tips

But I deffinatly want to be part of your empire swindle. Maybe Arfcom team members could be given small countrys and sates? We could even host PR matches and MG shoots in the middle east if you catch my drift...might be better for the planet in the long run rather than nuking them.
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 8:38:26 PM EST

Originally Posted By FrankSymptoms:

Originally Posted By OBird:
That's always been my life goal. Anybody know some colleges that offer degrees in World Domination?



Any liberal-arts college can do it. Especially if they offer journalism.



Ironically, nearly every college-educated dictator in the world took liberal arts instead of history, economics, math, etc. The only exception I can think of is Napoleon.

Coincidence? I think not.


Originally Posted By NimmerMehr:

Originally Posted By Swindle1984:
I'd conquer all the nice parts of the world. North America, Europe, Russia, Australia, New Zealand, Japan. The Middle East and parts of Africa would glow in the dark and have glass craters visible from orbit. South America, Asia, the rest of Africa, and all those little island nations nobody really cares about would live in fear of my empire and its Legions of Terror.
<snip>

Hey, it had to be said.



I like! But I would leave Israel.. just incase they realy ARE the chosen ones.



I'm leaving Israel alone. And after nuking the rest of the Middle East and the less desirable parts of Africa, they should be thanking me.


Originally Posted By PromptCritical:

Originally Posted By Swindle1984:
I'd conquer all the nice parts of the world. North America, Europe, Russia, Australia, New Zealand, Japan. The Middle East and parts of Africa would glow in the dark and have glass craters visible from orbit. South America, Asia, the rest of Africa, and all those little island nations nobody really cares about would live in fear of my empire and its Legions of Terror.

China would get a severe bitch-slapping but be left in place as a major power (though obviously it couldn't begin to compare to my empire) so that I have someone I can scapegoat or use as a threat against our country as an excuse for maintaining massive military force.

Because of the large nations and populations under my control, the empire would prosper financially. The rest of the world would sell us raw materials for low, low prices. What we didn't use for ourselves would be turned into quality products and sold back to them at a profit for us. And if they didn't like that arrangement, well, fuck 'em.

The people in the empire would be happy, for the most part. They'd have all the same rights that are included in the US Bill of Rights, and the imperial equivelent to the second amendment would include any and all weapons, excluding biological weapons and lethal chemical weapons. Nukes would be legal, because, well, who the fuck would be able to buy one anyway? Citizens could travel freely and unless they specifically are suspected of illegal activity, no surveillance will be made of their comings and goings, unlike travel today. No passport required to go anywhere in the empire. Laws would be enforced. Rapists, murderers, and child molestors would be castrated with belt sanders, placed in forced labor camps for a year, then forced to dig their own graves, climb in, and eat a bullet. Or fed into wood chippers and sold as fertilizer, whichever. Illegal immigrants would be deported ONCE. If they get caught a second time, they get air dropped over the radioactive Arabian Glass Desert, tenth wonder of the world. And they only get parachutes if they pay us with legally obtained money.

As time passed, the empire would be forged into a more democratic society, with the powers of the emperor being reduced upon my death or abdication of the throne. Hopefully, the empire would flourish much the same way the US did once I was gone. Except I'd make sure we stamped out communist/socialist/liberal thinking right off the bat and made sure kids learned in school why leftist thinking is evil.

Edit: I would also make it where any member state (formerly nations) could decide whether or not the attractive women had to go nude in public, weather permitting.

Hey, it had to be said.



Dude, I want in.



I could find a place for you as a warlord and regional governor. I haven't picked anyone to be in charge of Australia once it's been annexed, so if you do well you'll get the job. Send me a Bushmaster AR-15 with 16" barrel and you're in.
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 8:39:38 PM EST

On Being an Evil Overlord
Being an Evil Overlord seems to be a good career choice. It pays well, there are all sorts of perks and you can set your own hours. However, every Evil Overlord I¹ve read about in books or seen in movies invariably gets overthrown and destroyed in the end. I’ve noticed that no matter whether they are barbarian lords, deranged wizards, mad scientists or alien invaders, they always seem to make the same basic mistakes every single time. Therefore, if I ever happen to become an Evil Overlord:



Its great to find someone who has a plan.
Do you ever get out of the house, Brentwal?
and if you do...do you ever go past the theater?

Link Posted: 4/17/2006 8:43:52 PM EST
The problem is, dictator rarely has a good retirement plan.
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 8:44:36 PM EST

Originally Posted By PromptCritical:

Originally Posted By brentwal:

On Being an Evil Overlord

~ Lots of good stuff ~

100. Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.






Funny, the city council here is discussing the installation of city-wide, taxpayer funded "free" Wi-Fi. It's all making sense now...



Having read a good deal of utopian Sci Fi, I have come to the conclusion that the best evidence that the government is NOT trying to enslave us is... they have outlawed Soma. (Marijuana to you.)
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 8:56:43 PM EST
Let's think up some ideas of some of the laws we will have in our 'super-country.'

1) Any lawyer who loses a lawsuit has to share 1/3 of the cost of the countersuit. Hey, if they get 1/3 of the judgement, then sharing the cost of the loss makes sense, doesn't it?

2) Ditto lawmakers: if their bill fails, they must reimburse the country for the many thousands or even millions of dollars they've spent failing.

3) If they pass a law and it has negative consequences (like gun control causing crime), their children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren will be sold into slavery.

4) Drunks and careless drivers must be made to alter their vehicles so that they can only be operated from a spot in front of the front bumper, and their asses must be no more than 24 inches from the road.

5) All prison sentences must be carried out the same way, in a facility that combines the worst aspects of a Turkish prison with a gladiator training ring. Prisoners have only two rights: the first is the right to drink potable water in adequate quantities to sustain life. They must perform manual labor to keep the prison running (laundry, farming, etc.) or they will not eat. The second right is the right to suicide. A self-service guillotine will be furnished to all prisoners who have served 1/10th of their sentences.

any one else wanna join in?
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 9:00:52 PM EST
I would choose not to try something that has been done repeatedly throughout history and has consistantly proved to be impossible.
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 9:19:19 PM EST

Originally Posted By Swindle1984:
I'd conquer all the nice parts of the world. North America, Europe, Russia, Australia, New Zealand, Japan. The Middle East and parts of Africa would glow in the dark and have glass craters visible from orbit.




yeah ill second that, take the developed parts of the world that can be adjusted, a cheap labor source or two and wipe the rest clean... africa, southeast asia, middle east, parts of south america get nuked from orbit repeatedly
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 9:31:13 PM EST

Originally Posted By Orion_Shall_Rise:

Originally Posted By Swindle1984:
I'd conquer all the nice parts of the world. North America, Europe, Russia, Australia, New Zealand, Japan. The Middle East and parts of Africa would glow in the dark and have glass craters visible from orbit.




yeah ill second that, take the developed parts of the world that can be adjusted, a cheap labor source or two and wipe the rest clean... africa, southeast asia, middle east, parts of south america get nuked from orbit repeatedly



Nah, you can't get nuke every turd world shit hole. Gotta leave some to buy your exports and sell you cheap raw materials for your own production. I'm only glassing the parts that are dangerous or have personally pissed me off.

For instance, France will be left intact but most of the population will be deported to the moon as slave labor for my lunar colonies. Once they complete the colonies, they will not be allowed to live there. They'll be deported to Mars to start all over again.

Eventually, I'll have either run out of Frenchies or built colonies/military bases everywhere feasible in the solar system. If the latter occurs before the former, the remaining French will be launched into the sun. Some might think I'm being merciful to have them quickly vaporized by the sun rather than launching them into deep space to slowly waste away in the void, but I'm not. The reason I'm not launching them into deep space is because, on the so-extremely-unlikely-it-isn't-even-quantifiable odds that intelligent life comes across their ship/s, I really don't want the French to be the first people aliens come into contact with. They might decide to mercy-kill the whole planet, and frankly, I don't want that. When the aliens come and start blowing up national monuments around the world, everybody's going to come bitching to me.
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 9:34:17 PM EST
[Last Edit: 4/17/2006 9:41:12 PM EST by DragoMuseveni]
I'd voted "Hell Yeah"

Although, it should be noted after I have finished my conquest of the world there may only be a handfull of nations left.

My theory is, if they have resources you need, take em over and occupy them.
If they are in your way and have no practical use(or resources) carpet bomb the area until there is nothing left.

I know of 2 areas that would be wipe off the map. France and The Peoples Republik of Kalifornia. I have no use for liberals or hairy women and weak men. Although the illegals will make nice fodder.


The Middle East would be subjecated for oil production.
Most of Europe and Japan would be assumalted into the emipre and the people's made citizens.(Need people to rule over)

Not sure what I'd do with Canada, maybe just target practice before the real conquest begins.
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 9:35:12 PM EST
Guys if I had the power a lot of shit would change. Oh shit, there is way too much white lent on my black sweater.
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 9:52:37 PM EST
[Last Edit: 4/17/2006 9:54:06 PM EST by Stealth]
I'd abolish hunger by inventing thin easily distributed green crackers made from processed dead people. I'd call it something cool, like Mana, Patriot wafers, or the bread of humanity or soymeat greens or something.

Then in parts of my country where they breed too quickly, I'd start the right of "carnival" where anytime someone gets to the age of 30 they go into this big twirly levitation machine and gets "reincarnated" (basically killed and turned into Patriot Wafers). This would be enforced with strick propaganda and many layers of security. A security person would be called a "sandman".

I'd have in reserve, a bio-strain weapon that would turn all my subjects, except for a select few into noctural mutants. That way if they turn on me, they'd become freak pack animals that I can shoot all night long from my high rise tower safely for fun, pleasure and practice.

I'd be a god. I'd be a naughty, naughty god.
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 10:16:56 PM EST
Just because you rule the world doesn't mean you have to be evil...
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 10:22:04 PM EST

Originally Posted By NimmerMehr:

Originally Posted By Swindle1984:
I'd conquer all the nice parts of the world. North America, Europe, Russia, Australia, New Zealand, Japan. The Middle East and parts of Africa would glow in the dark and have glass craters visible from orbit. South America, Asia, the rest of Africa, and all those little island nations nobody really cares about would live in fear of my empire and its Legions of Terror.
<snip>

Hey, it had to be said.



I like! But I would leave Israel.. just incase they realy ARE the chosen ones.



What about the Mormons?

You never know!
Link Posted: 4/17/2006 10:31:50 PM EST
Well, when I get to run the trains...


Link Posted: 4/17/2006 10:33:04 PM EST

Originally Posted By Swindle1984:

I could find a place for you as a warlord and regional governor. I haven't picked anyone to be in charge of Australia once it's been annexed, so if you do well you'll get the job. Send me a Bushmaster AR-15 with 16" barrel and you're in.



I'll wait until you have control, then we'll talk...
Link Posted: 4/18/2006 5:19:44 AM EST

Originally Posted By Stealth:
I'd abolish hunger by inventing thin easily distributed green crackers made from processed dead people. I'd call it something cool, like Mana, Patriot wafers, or the bread of humanity or soymeat greens or something.

Then in parts of my country where they breed too quickly, I'd start the right of "carnival" where anytime someone gets to the age of 30 they go into this big twirly levitation machine and gets "reincarnated" (basically killed and turned into Patriot Wafers). This would be enforced with strick propaganda and many layers of security. A security person would be called a "sandman".

I'd have in reserve, a bio-strain weapon that would turn all my subjects, except for a select few into noctural mutants. That way if they turn on me, they'd become freak pack animals that I can shoot all night long from my high rise tower safely for fun, pleasure and practice.

I'd be a god. I'd be a naughty, naughty god.



LOL!!
Link Posted: 4/18/2006 5:28:32 AM EST
World domination all the way!!

Link Posted: 4/18/2006 5:34:41 AM EST
Link Posted: 4/18/2006 5:37:01 AM EST

Originally Posted By Fat_McNasty:
If you had the man power and means, would you go for world domination? Or would you just go for a country or 2?



Ruling the entire world would be an administrative nightmare.

No thank you.

I don't even want to be friggin' MAYOR, much less absolute ruler of the entire planet.
Link Posted: 4/18/2006 5:39:14 AM EST

Originally Posted By John_Wayne777:

Originally Posted By Fat_McNasty:
If you had the man power and means, would you go for world domination? Or would you just go for a country or 2?



Ruling the entire world would be an administrative nightmare.

No thank you.

I don't even want to be friggin' MAYOR, much less absolute ruler of the entire planet.



You would be one of the ones I think could do it...
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