Posted: 6/24/2008 2:01:04 PM EDT
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Poll incoming... Not all folks here have kids - but everyone here WAS a kid (some still are  ) but if you don't have kids yet but plan on having kids - you can still answer what you will LIKELY do with regards to spanking your kids.IN GENERAL, WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING BEST DESCRIBES YOUR EXPERIENCE WITH SPANKING KIDS: My parents spanked me and I do (or will likely) spank my kids. My parents spanked me but I don't (or won't) spank my kids. My parents didn't spank me and I don't (or won't) spank my kids. My parents didn't spank me but I do (or will likely) spank my kids I think the results will be along those lines. I don't think most people would spank a child if they weren't spanked as a child themselves. And I think a lot of folks growing up today aren't spanked and so they have no "nuclear option" in their arsenal of kid-control. Personally, I and my other siblings were beat very regularly as a kids growing up - but I have YET to even come close to needing to spank my own child even after 8 years. I don't know if it's because my child is much better behaved than we all were, or if I'm letting him get away with a lot more than my parents did. Seems mostly though that I just don't see the point in hitting a child, especially small ones (2-6). FWIW. |
You forgot a couple of choices for some members here  Spanking is for sissies, use the rod 
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I remember my brother hanging from the rafters in the garage by one foot. (he had fell from the loft and caught his foot in some rope) My dad came out, saw what had happened and went to the welding rod container. He pulled a nice brazing rod out and beat the crap out of my brother. I never did get to play in the loft. 
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One thing I have noticed now that I am getting older is that, myself and friends who were spanked as kids are more respectful, clean cut, in less trouble than friends who were not spanked. For some reason, most of the guys who didn't get spanked are kinda nancy-boys. Not all of them, bust most of them... 
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I'm sorry you were abused/beaten as a child, and I think we'll all agree that there's no point in hitting a small child. I certainly feel that way. My wife and I do, however, incorporate spanking in the discipline of our children. |
+1 My wife and I do the same (actually, I'm more the disciplinarian than she is). Kids are different, and I've seen parents sniff about how they've NEVER had to lay a hand on their kids... and when you look at their kids? They're the most meek, shy kids you've ever seen. You could probably make them cry with a dirty look. Several of my kids are feisty, strong-willed, and defiant (not all). My 4yo was born with a felonious streak, and he requires a pretty firm hand. When you're dealing with a child like that, you simply have to have a harder head than they do... you should NEVER lose the game of parental brinksmanship. I'll say it again. Kids are different... and if you've got a level-headed, malleable child, drop to your knees and thank almighty God. Not all parent-child relationships are created equal. |
| I was spanked for serious infractions. My son gets the same treatment along with a talk. Started when he was around 5, he's 7.5 now and I've only had to spank him maybe a half dozen times. He learned fast and I feel confident it was the right way to discipline him in those instances. I do not buy into any of the touchy-feely nonsense the liberals have tried to sell us over the past few decades about not using spanking. |
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Let me preface this post by saying that I have put no small amount of thought into this topic. It just so happens that I am a foster parent. Right now, for example, I have a 3yo and a 7yo in my home. Both of these children came from abusive and neglectful environments, and have MANY behavioral and hyperactivity issues. I cannot spank them, by law. They are wards of the State, and I am left to manage without that tool in the toolbox. My wife and I manage them quite well, frequently to the amazement of case workers and others. These kids have gotten immeasurably better during their time here. When they came, they would throw all-out screaming tantrums at the mere thought of being asked to do anything at all, and now they say please and thank you, and respond to instruction with "Yes, sir" and "Yes, Ma'am." We do all this without corporal punishment. I mention that only to say that I am not a proponent of spanking out of ignorance to their being other options. I am a proponent of it because it is a tool that must be there, if you are to raise your kids to be the healthiest adults that they can be. It is the right decision, not a cop out. The PROBLEM with spanking is that most parents do not use it correctly. They do not spank consistently and rationally, making sure the child understands what they are being spanked for and why. Many parents let their kid get away with doing something ten times with little reproof, and then- because the parent is finally frustrated enough for whatever reason- go overboard and spank in anger with no clear reason why on the tenth. To a child, they still have the over-riding impression that they can keep doing whatever it is, because they still get away with the stuff 90% of the time. Now, they just have an additional suspicion that their parent is mentally ill, because the parent is so erratic. A child should know: If you do x, y or z, you will get spanked, every time. If they do it, and you do not spank them, you are a liar, and they know it. If they do it, and you do spank them, they can trust you to keep your word. If you never spank them at all, either that is because your son is the second Messiah and never does wrong (unlikely), or you do not understand that it is a necessary part of healthy child rearing- when used correctly and effectively, and not out of anger or frustration. In short, if you are just going to spank a child out of frustration or anger, and not because it is what is best for the child, then don't do it. You are doing more harm than good. But, if you truly love your child, learn how to respond to the things that child does in a loving, consistent and rational manner, and be willing to do whatever it takes to help that young person grow up into an adult that has been as prepared as you can make them to be healthy and responsible, understanding that each man is accountable for their own actions. There is a fine line that a parent must learn. To do less than what it takes to correct improper behaviour is neglect, to do more is abuse. Find the middle and resolve to stay there. Proverbs 22:15 Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him. Proverbs 13:24 He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. Hebrews 12:5 And ye have forgotten the exhortation which speaketh unto you as unto children, My son, despise not thou the chastening of the Lord, nor faint when thou art rebuked of him: 6 For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. 7 If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? 8 But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. 9 Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? 10 For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. 11 Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame. ...17 Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul. Proverbs 19:18 Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying. Proverbs 23:13 Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die. 14 Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. (The inclusion of the rod and staff are symbolic of gentle and forceful correction. If a sheep kept wandering away, a shepherd would actually (at times) break one of their legs with that rod, and then carry them until they healed. The shepherd did this out of love, so that the sheep would not get eaten. It also had the added benefit of developing a close bond during the healing process. Those who know that they are the Shepherd's sheep are comforted by the fact that he will use gentle correction when necessary, but that he loves them enough to break their legs if that is what it takes to save them, despite their own foolishness.) |
Ain't it the truth. 1st born was a great kid, rarely had trouble with em. 2nd has been my problem child. While a generally good kid, is aa thick as a brick and will do anything if can get away with it. 6 foot and 180lbs later, time outs dont really work in the normal sense. When the little sob called me a Fu%$ a$$hole to my face time out lasted about 10 minutes...Thats how long it took to regain conciousness. Ppoint made, no more issues. |
| I don't really see a problem with it. I think hitting/beating is the wrong way to go about it but spanking is pretty much harmless, it just gets the message through in a way that some kids need to get the picture. It should be used in the worse situations though I think and not too often. |
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My parents wouldn't smack me.. they would just take EVERYTHING away when I misbehaved.. I can see myself doing the same thing, take things to punish them. One week without a computer/TV/phone is a lot more serious than a quick smack on the ass. I don't ever want my kids to physically fear me, but I want them to know that if they fuck up they will lose their fun things for a week or so. |
What are your plans from age 2-10? HH |
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I try to reserve spanking for acts that can/will cause harm to the child or others. example: reaching for stove, playing with matches, etc. My parents were a little more liberal with swats, but not abusively so. I've found that making a diversion, for example more responsibility or a constructive project, reduces behavior issues drastically in my child. In cases where that's not possible, like shopping at the grocery store, just bring more toys (though when my daughter is older helping shop will probably be the preferred diversion). |
That only happened once with me. My parents didn't spank me for it. They let me touch it and get hurt. Consequently, I never go burned by a stove again.  Playing with matches got me a few, however.
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I am not above spanking - but looking back my parents would wack us for silly shit. Right now my little one just is probably too little, for one. And I just don't see her acting out too much to where a spanking will be needed. Weither we use spanking or time outs - one thing is for sure - the kid will behave and be respectful. |
excellent post, have seen some parents literally hit their kids in the back of the head rather hard, when just a few feet down would've been enough I was spanked with the hand, with a leather belt, with a switch, and even shake shingles, even bare sometimes- I'm thankfull for every one |
Nothing works wonders like a decent wack on the ass to get a kid's attention. I don't have to do it often, but I do it when I have to get my point across....always works like a charm 
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