Chuck Norris once went skydiving and his parachute didn’t open, so.. - Page 9

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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Chuck Norris once went skydiving and his parachute didn’t open, so.. (Page 9 of 10)

Posted: 6/1/2021 12:53:30 AM EDT

[#1]

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But it is a question which only you can answer.

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/ab/64/74/ab6474fe98a4dc18fa7fbef219e20518.gif

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The question still stands..

But it is a question which only you can answer.

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/ab/64/74/ab6474fe98a4dc18fa7fbef219e20518.gif

Whatever man. I like you.

Posted: 6/1/2021 1:14:08 PM EDT

[#2]

Posted: 6/1/2021 1:55:37 PM EDT

[#3]

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A friend wouldn't have guzzled all my whiskey!

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Kozaki, I'm your friend, right? Right..?

A friend wouldn't have guzzled all my whiskey!

Speaking of whiskey...

Attached File

Posted: 6/1/2021 3:03:00 PM EDT

[#4]

We all know about the two nuclear bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki. There was a third exploded when Chuck Norris farted at 29,000 feet and wiped out a whole Japanese city. He was only 5 years old at the time. The damage was so extensive there are no signs the city ever existed and classified to this day.

Posted: 6/14/2021 1:39:59 AM EDT

[#5]

Posted: 6/14/2021 9:25:50 AM EDT

[#6]

Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.

Posted: 6/15/2021 8:54:19 PM EDT

[#7]

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Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.

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Chuck Norris looks down and his shoes tie themselves.

Posted: 6/16/2021 2:19:22 AM EDT

[#8]

Chuck Norris can flank an enemy head on

Chuck Norris can sail directly upwind

Your internet isn’t fiber, it’s Chuck Norris with a telegraph

Posted: 6/18/2021 11:31:53 PM EDT

[#9]

Chus Normis can sea in darks and swim on shark

Posted: 6/19/2021 7:37:29 AM EDT

[#10]

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Chus Normis can sea in darks and swim on shark

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Go drunk, you're home.

Posted: 6/19/2021 12:43:44 PM EDT

[#11]

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Go drunk, you're home.

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His wife needs to install a breathalyzer on his keyboard.

Posted: 6/20/2021 1:00:14 AM EDT

[#12]

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Quoted:

His wife needs to install a breathalyzer on his keyboard.

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Go drunk, you're home.

His wife needs to install a breathalyzer on his keyboard.

Chuh norsis nos were you live. Meenie pearson.

Posted: 6/29/2021 4:40:08 AM EDT

[#13]

Shamelessly stolen from the YLYL thread.

Posted: 6/29/2021 6:33:30 AM EDT

[#14]

Attached File

Posted: 6/29/2021 1:06:45 PM EDT

[#15]

Chuck Norris once took a lie-detector test. The machine confessed.

Chuck Norris doesn't fill out online forms, because he will never submit.

Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter.

Posted: 6/30/2021 3:27:21 AM EDT

[#16]

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Chuck Norris once took a lie-detector test. The machine confessed.

Chuck Norris doesn't fill out online forms, because he will never submit.

Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter.

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Ha! Good ones

Posted: 7/24/2021 8:41:59 PM EDT

[#17]

Chuck Norris is Proofreading GRRM's GoT, Volume 6.
Chuck keeps finding mistakes.

Now you know what is keeping George from publishing the novel.

Posted: 8/9/2021 11:22:49 AM EDT

[#18]

Chuck Norris did the Mach Loop in a Hang Glider

Posted: 8/9/2021 12:00:42 PM EDT

[#19]

Covid19 is afraid of Chuck Norris.

Posted: 8/9/2021 4:31:07 PM EDT

[#20]

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Covid19 is afraid of Chuck Norris.

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Posted: 8/20/2021 4:26:05 PM EDT

[#21]

Did you know Chuck Norris had a daughter?

Posted: 8/22/2021 6:00:12 PM EDT

[#22]

Chuck doesn't always win: He didn't qualify in this years Le Mans 24 hours.
Skateboards aren't allowed

Posted: 8/22/2021 7:30:55 PM EDT

[#23]

Star Wars cast.

Posted: 9/5/2021 1:11:37 PM EDT

[#24]

When Chuck Norris shoots dice, he doesn't miss.

Attached File

Posted: 9/5/2021 4:47:34 PM EDT

[#25]

Chuh Norsis can sing in braile

Posted: 9/5/2021 6:24:46 PM EDT

[#26]

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Chuh Norsis can sing in braile

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Into the sauce again, this early on a Sunday?

Posted: 9/5/2021 6:59:21 PM EDT

[#27]

When it rains at Yankee Stadium Chuck Norris uses his foreskin to keep the field dry.

Chuck Norris doesn't drive to get around. He gets around by flying thru the air with a spinning roundhouse kick, it sounds just like a Chinook.

Chuck Norris doesn't ejaculate, he knows it will tear the fabric of the universe apart.

On the 7th day Chuck Norris told God to go to bed.

Chuck Norris went killing one day and the entire race of space aliens known as Predators went extinct.

Chuck Norris has no need for money, anything he wants he wills it into existence.

Posted: 9/5/2021 7:10:22 PM EDT

[#28]

My favorite CN story: Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive reentry without a spacesuit. On July 19, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris reentered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3,000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Posted: 9/5/2021 7:54:49 PM EDT

[#29]

Chuck Norris doesnt fight he just allows you to lose

Posted: 9/5/2021 8:03:51 PM EDT

[#30]

Quote History

Quoted:

Into the sauce again, this early on a Sunday?

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Chuh Norsis can sing in braile

Into the sauce again, this early on a Sunday?

Imma telln Churn Norksis that your a mean!

Posted: 9/5/2021 8:14:46 PM EDT

[#31]

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.....so he reached into his pocket for his bic lighter and lit his fart kicking in the afterburners and flew to safety.

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That implies he was in an unsafe situation. I dom't believe you.

Posted: 9/5/2021 9:36:27 PM EDT

[#32]

Chuck Norris doesn't need afterburners to go into supersonic fight.

Posted: 9/6/2021 5:54:09 PM EDT

[#33]

Said Chuck Yeager to Chuck Norris: You're sitting in my seat.
Sorry, sir! replied Ser Norris.

Later:

Fine flight, but you're supposed to be using an aircraft when you go supersonic, said Charles Yeager to Chucky Norris
Oooopps! said Chucky Norris.

Posted: 10/5/2021 12:12:14 AM EDT

[#34]

Chuck Norris has nothing to do with the Fuck Joe Biden chants.

Maybe next time

Posted: 10/5/2021 9:15:38 PM EDT

[#35]

Chuh norse is a tughh guy man an can beet up your you an you dad

Posted: 10/10/2021 2:18:05 PM EDT

[#36]

Chuck Norris was first in line at Knob Creek yesterday and today.

Posted: 10/10/2021 2:26:19 PM EDT

[#37]

Posted: 10/10/2021 3:24:32 PM EDT

[#38]

They were going to add Chuck Norris to Mount Rushmore, but the granite was not strong enough.

Posted: 10/10/2021 3:26:42 PM EDT

[#39]

Jack was nimble. Jack was quick.
But Jack couldn't dodge Chuck's roundhouse kick.

Posted: 10/10/2021 3:31:50 PM EDT

[#40]

Chuck Norris went up Niagara Falls in a barrel.

Posted: 10/10/2021 3:34:09 PM EDT

[#41]

Chuck Norris can punch you in the back of the face.

Posted: 10/11/2021 9:04:16 PM EDT

[#42]

Chuck Norris can pull off your head AND throw it in your face.

Posted: 10/11/2021 9:11:36 PM EDT

[#43]

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Quoted:
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.

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While wearing them.

Posted: 10/11/2021 9:12:33 PM EDT

[#44]

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Quoted:

While wearing them.

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Quoted:
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.

While wearing them.

And roundhouse kicking fjb.

Posted: 10/20/2021 2:42:50 PM EDT

[#45]

Chuck Norris doesn't always win:

He once threw a spear at the moon. He missed it.
Recall that several years ago some asteroid crashed into Jupiter.
That was really a Spacecraft from another planet that was hit by Ser Norris. He hit the power plant Dead on. The resulting fragments landed into Jupiter as debris.