Warning

 

Close

Confirm Action

Are you sure you wish to do this?

Confirm Cancel
BCM
User Panel
vortex
midwest
bravocompany
geissele
VP
SDS
aim
fightlite
magpul
troy
springfield
Hit
silencerShop
skd
GS
brownells
delton
RS
primaryArms
palmetto
laRue
jt
JRH
CA

fightlite
brownells
springfield
dsa
LAPG
geissele
JRH
LAPG
SAS
jt
silencerShop
bravocompany
cmmg
palmetto
Faxxon
primaryArms
THBRD
ar15com
blackhills
RS
CA
Pro2A
gray
bravocompany
cmmg
tnvc
trijicon
bravocompany
Users Online4045 Online
bravocompany missing Hydra
Page General » Religion
Site Notices
Sponsor News TNVC Partners With Envision Technology - MARS Rangefinder Family, MARS-Lc!
Archived [ARCHIVED THREAD] - CALLING HEAVEN (God's voice mail)
Posted: 9/19/2005 11:03:21 AM EDT
CALLING HEAVEN

Most of us have now learned to live with voice mail as a necessary part of our lives. Have you ever wondered what it would be like if God decided to install voice mail? Imagine praying and hearing the following:



Thank you for calling heaven.



For English press 1

For Spanish press 2

For all other languages, press 3



Please select one of the following options:

Press 1 for request

Press 2 for thanksgiving

Press 3 for complaints

Press 4 for all others

 
I am sorry, all our Angels and Saints are busy helping other sinners right now. However, your prayer is important to us and we will answer it in the order it was received. Please stay on the line.


If you would like to speak to:

God, press 1

Jesus, press 2

Holy spirit, press 3


To find a loved one that has been assigned to heaven press 5, then enter his social security # followed by the pound sign.

If you receive a negative response, please hang up and dial area code 666.


For reservations to heaven, please enter JOHN followed by the numbers, 3:16.


For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, life and other planets, please wait until you arrive in heaven for the specifics.


Our computers show that you have already been prayed for today, please hang up and call again tomorrow.



The office is now closed for the weekend to observe a religious holiday.  If you are calling after hours and need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor.


Thank you and have a heavenly day.
Archived [ARCHIVED THREAD] - CALLING HEAVEN (God's voice mail)
Page General » Religion
Close Join Our Mail List to Stay Up To Date! Win a FREE Membership!

Sign up for the ARFCOM weekly newsletter and be entered to win a free ARFCOM membership. One new winner* is announced every week!

You will receive an email every Friday morning featuring the latest chatter from the hottest topics, breaking news surrounding legislation, as well as exclusive deals only available to ARFCOM email subscribers.


By signing up you agree to our User Agreement. *Must have a registered ARFCOM account to win.
LAPG
JRH
jt
LAPG
SAS
springfield
primaryArms
geissele
ar15com
Faxxon
fightlite
RS
CA
THBRD
Pro2A
bravocompany
blackhills
silencerShop
gray
dsa
cmmg
palmetto
brownells
missing
AR-15 AK-47 Handgun Precision Rifles Armory Training Competitive Shooting General Outdoors Archery Hometown Industry

About AR15.COM

Become an AR15.COM Team Member

AR15.COM is the world's largest firearm community and is a gathering place for firearm enthusiasts of all types.

From hunters and military members, to competition shooters and general firearm enthusiasts, we welcome anyone who values and respects the way of the firearm.

Stay Connected

AR15.COM Facebook AR15.COM Twitter AR15.COM YouTube AR15.COM Instagram
Pepperjam Verification

Newsletter

Subscribe to our monthly Newsletter to receive firearm news, product discounts from your favorite Industry Partners, and more.

Contact Us

Advertising
[email protected]
General
[email protected]

Copyright © 1996-2024 AR15.COM LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Any use of this content without express written consent is prohibited.

AR15.Com reserves the right to overwrite or replace any affiliate, commercial, or monetizable links, posted by users, with our own.

Advertising Memberships ARFCOM Shop Gear Deals Virtual Weapon Build Discussion Forums Help Privacy DMCA About Your Privacy Choices California Consumer Privacy Act (CCPA) Opt-Out Icon   Goat Signal
** When you click on links to various merchants on this site and make a purchase, this can result in this site earning a commission. Affiliate programs include, but are not limited to, the eBay Partner Network and Amazon.
Top Top