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Posted: 1/6/2002 11:00:36 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 11:04:26 AM EDT
Here's my pathetic attempt at pop psychobabble. I bet she's feeling as if she has no control. Perhaps, she needs a job of some type to help her feel like she has some control over her life. You know, a feeling of selfworth. Then maybe she'll stop trying to control your life. Just a thought, it works for me.
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 11:04:38 AM EDT
Frankly, if she threatens divorce over something like this, you would be better off without her.
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 11:12:41 AM EDT
M4, I understand how you may feel about spending the money because you make it all. But, you know that your married and that you should share with your wife. The fact that the bills and your wife's necessities are paid doesn't mean that the rest of the money is all yours to do as you see fit. I'd just advise her to get a job. After she does, that extra money would be all yours because she already has her own money. But in the meantime to keep her happy, you'll have to give her an allowance and keep her happy. Just my $0.02
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 11:12:47 AM EDT
Sounds like a true give & take relationship, You give she takes. If she is thretening divorce over something so trivial, I would say give it to her. I had a girlfriend like that once, notice the key word HAD ? I have no girlfriend nor wife and am much happier. The hassles outweigh the benefits IMHO. Anyway, good luck in whatever you decide. [purple]My Girlfriend Said If I Go Shooting One More Time She Is Going To Leave Me, Im Going To Miss Her![/purple]
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 11:20:40 AM EDT
Blah, blah, blah... relationship... Blah... WHAT KIND OF GUN DID YOU BUY?
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 11:20:53 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 11:25:04 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 11:28:28 AM EDT
If my wife ever threatened divorce over something as trivial as something I bought she would be outside in the cold, sitting on her ass faster than she could say "snot licker". Yes, I love my wife very much, but I don't take shit off of anybody and I expect the same of others.
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 11:30:32 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 11:46:02 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 11:54:07 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 11:56:31 AM EDT
Big_Bear, That's our arrangement as well. At one point she was making all the cash, I was in school. And at various points I was. We always consulted each other and always considered it our money. I still think she wants a feeling of control, but if she isn't willing to get a job for it then I'd say she's found what she likes to control, you.
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 12:50:04 PM EDT
I had a wife like that. She threatened divorce over a gun purchase. We now are. Jamie
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 12:57:55 PM EDT
I would have come unglued all over her for snooping through my wallet! What would she do if you did that to her purse?
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 1:11:26 PM EDT
i would never go thru my wifes purse, pockets or wallet out of respect for her privacy, and i expect the same in return. it doesn't matter who is brining in the bacon. i am an adult, i don't ask for permission, i don't expect to be asked for permission. we know what our financial responsibilities are and BOTH of us act accordingly. on any major purchases, we discuss them first. it is a known fact that any time i leave the house, it is possible that i might return with more or different firearms than i left with. if you live with me you just have to accept that. i also accept the same thing with my wife's vices. i did have a wife that demanded that i account for every nickel that i spent. i was young then but as i got older i resolved that problem. your mileage may vary on the above, but it sounds like you have some serious issues to resolve. good luck.
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 1:16:16 PM EDT
. it is a known fact that any time i leave the house, it is possible that i might return with more or different firearms than i left with. if you live with me you just have to accept that. i also accept the same thing with my wife's vices.
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sounds fair to me!!
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 1:49:06 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 2:22:24 PM EDT
My wife and I have been together for 20 years. She left work to raise our kids. That said we have our own toys and respect the need for them. She got a small pile of money when her aunt passed on and used it to buy herself a truck. On the lighter side: Was that a typo [argue]"she threatened Divorce" I see that as more of a promise or a goal. [beer] These are great: How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it. ---------------------------------------- Why do women have smaller feet than men. It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink. ---------------------------------------- How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..." ---------------------------------------- How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. ---------------------------------------- If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in. ---------------------------------------- I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months: I don't like to interrupt her. ---------------------------------------- Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 per cent. It's called a Wedding Cake. ---------------------------------------- Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring, Suffering. ---------------------------------------- Our last fight was my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust! ---------------------------------------- Why do men die before their wives? They want to. ---------------------------------------- A beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on the High Street and said, "I haven't eaten anything for days." She looked at him and said, "God, I wish I had your willpower." ----------------------------------------- Young son: "Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad: That happens in every country, son. ---------------------------------------- A man inserted an advertisement in the classified: Wife Wanted." The next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 2:31:29 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 3:29:42 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Big_Bear: We have an agreement in my house. Neither one of us spends more than $100 on something without consulting the other party. It's more a matter of mutual respect than control over the finances and she doesn't care what I buy as long as we can work it into the budget.
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Have to agree w/ this one. I had the same problem. I told her before hand I was buying a 1911, homever I also decided to get an AR at the same time and didnt bother to tell her. When she found out it was an allnighter. We discuse majore purchases beforhand and all goes good. R35
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 3:43:22 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Big_Bear: We have an agreement in my house. Neither one of us spends more than $100 on something without consulting the other party. It's more a matter of mutual respect than control over the finances and she doesn't care what I buy as long as we can work it into the budget.
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You're right on BigBear. M4Madness, it sounds like there's a [b]LOT[/b] more problems than simply guns or wallets. More like TRUST and RESPECT are lacking on both parts. Hope this illustrates a need for better communication, trust and respect on both your parts. Good luck.
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 3:53:46 PM EDT
When she goes out and buy's something with your money that you did not know throw a fit just like she does, i really do not think thats right you gave up one gun to place at least half of the cost of another! she's controlling! when i ask my wife i want to get a type of gun my wife works with me and we together save the money and together we go and purchase my new toy! man i love her. example: i wanted an new AR10A2 she told me we can save our money and you can get it. MAN I LOVE HER.
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 3:55:00 PM EDT
[b] Do you love each other?[/b] (Think before answering) Good Luck
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 3:57:55 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 4:01:59 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/6/2002 4:08:51 PM EDT by Canooger]
Wisdom- Chicks want romance. Buy her flowers. Take her to dinner and a movie. Say you're sorry (whether you mean it or not). Let her buy something for the house; after you do this sit back and watch- if she gets worse- try it again. I only say try this because you saw something there at one time, and it just might need some ressurecting. If not- after your married ten years she gets a bunch of your social security. You may need that cash. I'll bet she changes- and you get the gun. IMHO. Women also like passion. Thats why so many "bad boys" garner alot of chicks, they'll even stick around for the beatings! Don't kid yourself about being Mr. Stability- this isn't Asia- women are'nt spending alot of time worrying about subsistance.
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 4:52:35 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 5:01:09 PM EDT
I call her from the gun store and she says'what did you buy?' I say nothing, she says how much? are the bills paid?, yes, then I buy it. I don't need to sneak a gun home. as long as the bills are paid She also knows I want 50,000 rounds...as long as the bills are paid.
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 5:04:59 PM EDT
BTW, the manager of the gun store voted my wife, 'Wife of the year'
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 5:06:46 PM EDT
my advice- pack a bag & disappear for a week. Let her put that in her pipe A& smoke it.
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 5:08:50 PM EDT
Originally Posted By RikWriter: Frankly, if she threatens divorce over something like this, you would be better off without her.
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What he said!
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 5:23:33 PM EDT
To quote you M4Madness, "It just seems like anytime I have money left over,she wants me to spend it on dumb stuff." Well it is obvious she thinks you spend money on dumb stuff. She obviously isn't into your gun hobby. "I generally try to save extra money for things that I want." (you are the center of the universe) What about spending money on things your wife wants? You are obviously a selfish guy. It seems you have never learned to share. "I would never be able to save money if we discussed purchases in advance because she would find other things to spend it on that she THINKS we need more." You didn't NEED a new black powder rifle, you WANTED a new rifle. And you obviously aren't SAVING any money because money is a problem in your household. People with savings don't argue over a few hundred dollars in expenses. Do you love your wife? Do you respect your wife? Do you have an unselfish bone in your body? Learn to share. Show her some kindness, decency and respect. P.S. Don't get upset at my non-support of your selfishness. If you want to air your personal life (and problems) on the "net", you should expect candid, honest responses.
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 5:33:58 PM EDT
Your wife is a parasite. Kick the bitch to the curb!!
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 5:57:44 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 6:14:30 PM EDT
M4, a sad story. Do you guys have kids? If not, why the heck isn't she out being a full partner in the relationship? Your ego doesn't need to prove you can support a fully functioning person in a manner to which they'd like to become accustomed. If there aren't any kids, tell her she will be getting a job other than your employee. Did you pick well? Is this worth fighting this battle over what the heck was she doing going through your wallet!? This is an even more agregious violation than you buying something without telling her. I know the supporters of the womens movement are all in agreement...men are always wrong, women are always victims....luckily, most men are getting balls back and not instantly wetting themselves and whining "yes, dear, I've been bad"
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 7:56:07 PM EDT
Every time you buy something and she opens her yap, go right out and buy two more. Then 4 more, compounding every time she complains. You already got a bitchy wife so that can't get any worse and using my plan at least you will end up with 1/2 a nice gun collection when she leaves.
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 7:58:26 PM EDT
Originally Posted By M4Madness:
Originally Posted By VA-gunnut: You can just do what a friend of mine does. Everytime he buys a gun he buys something pretty close in value for the wife. Seems to be working so far.
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Yeah, but then I would be paying twice as much for every gun purchase.
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sarcasm on...oh, so it's okay for you to spend money on yourself but not on her...sarcasm off. i understand your frustration. she was wrong in going through your wallet for snooping purposes. and she is wrong in even threatening divorce...that is not something to be taken lightly. but i also see where she might feel a little slighted. she might have erupted because she felt you were hiding it, not because you actually bought one. even though it was the actual purchase she was ranting about. heck, even she may not have realized what really upset her. personally i wouldn't be upset if fiance brought home another gun (and believe me this is a regular occurence), but i would be madder than hell if he didn't tell me about it right away because it makes it seem like he's hiding it from me. and the only reason for hiding it from me (assuming it's not a gift, that's a whole different point of view) is because he knew, for some reason or another, that he shouldn't have bought it.
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 8:21:37 PM EDT
Originally Posted By ThunderStick: To quote you M4Madness, "It just seems like anytime I have money left over,she wants me to spend it on dumb stuff." Well it is obvious she thinks you spend money on dumb stuff. She obviously isn't into your gun hobby. "I generally try to save extra money for things that I want." (you are the center of the universe) What about spending money on things your wife wants? You are obviously a selfish guy. It seems you have never learned to share. "I would never be able to save money if we discussed purchases in advance because she would find other things to spend it on that she THINKS we need more." You didn't NEED a new black powder rifle, you WANTED a new rifle. And you obviously aren't SAVING any money because money is a problem in your household. People with savings don't argue over a few hundred dollars in expenses. Do you love your wife? Do you respect your wife? Do you have an unselfish bone in your body? Learn to share. Show her some kindness, decency and respect. P.S. Don't get upset at my non-support of your selfishness. If you want to air your personal life (and problems) on the "net", you should expect candid, honest responses.
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Hey Thunderdick, Are you his wife posting in drag, or what?? She doesn't work, she threatens divorce because he bought a toy with his money, and you think *he's* the selfish one?? Let me guess: you're a Democrat who thinks that the rich should be taxed more to provide bigger welfare payments to more poor people.[:p]
Link Posted: 1/6/2002 8:41:05 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/7/2002 10:37:11 AM EDT
Thats why I'm not married so I can spend my money on what I want to. [>(]
Link Posted: 1/7/2002 11:43:24 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/7/2002 11:43:59 AM EDT by MC_Man]
Both my wife and I work... me full-time and she part-time. I pay all the bills (even some of hers), she buys groceries and stuff for the house (things she likes). The last gun I bought was a Henry AR-7. I told after I bought it. She said, 'That's nice.' Anyway, as long as all the bills are paid, she usually doesn't have a problem with it. Most of the time she doesn't know anyway. If it something obvious, I'll tell her. If not, I don't. Luckily she has no idea of my gun collection, so she wouldn't know if I bought something recently or not. Basically, it comes down to she buys what she wants, I buy what I want. The only problem is when it is something REALLY expensive, she wants me to buy it. But now I have a good excuse... my company has cut all pay by 12.5%, so now we have to start saving (or budgeting).
Link Posted: 1/7/2002 12:00:42 PM EDT
M4Madness, when was the last time you spent a few hundred dollars on your wife (not paying bills) for something she would like for herself or the house. Simply paying the bills isn't enough. Things change once the vows are exchanged. She (and the kids, if there are any) comes first, not you. ThunderStick and ARLady are right. There are much deeper issues than you buying another gun. beekeeper, you're right, most of us men aren't sensitive, and [b]that[/b] is a part of the problem. We're too selfish and not willing to put the family first. Sacrificing for the wife is necessary to make a marriage work.
Link Posted: 1/7/2002 12:13:00 PM EDT
I suggest you take the gun back to make her happy then spend the money on a lawyer.
Link Posted: 1/7/2002 1:57:10 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/7/2002 1:59:41 PM EDT by M4Madness]
Link Posted: 1/7/2002 2:06:33 PM EDT
Point 1---- My present wife was working at a factory on second shift. After about a month of dating, she decides that she wants to quit her job and get a first shift job so she could spend more time with me. Well, eventually we got married, and she still had not gotten a day job. Then she comes up with this idea that a husband should support his wife and that she does --She doesn't want to work? Point 2---. She was raised Pentecostal (not to the point of skirt-wearing), but had not been to church for three years prior to our marriage ---According to the T*r*h thge wife is to be odedient. and also the talmud tells us to get rid of a complaining wife as they destroy the harmony of the home. Point 3----get a nice Jewish lawyer, a woman lawyer, she will see you are a catch and help you lose the baggage. Then you convert and marry her.....trust me
Link Posted: 1/7/2002 2:12:13 PM EDT
Well, having been through all this at least twice (the experience, not reading the thread) myself - with the same woman, I can honestly say, you both have problems. The idea of saving up twice the price of the gun, is a good idea. I don't care if you think you're paying twice for it, she will at least know that while you're out there buying toys for yourself, you are also thinking of her. WIves don't think [b]at all[/b] about the utilities being paid on time - until you don't. So all your protestations that all the bills are paid on time really don't cut you any slack - it's what you're supposed to be doing, anyway. I assume you own the house you live in (because you can remodel parts of it) then maybe take the short leap and get a second (read home equity) and have the stuff done for her. Yeah, it's another bill, but then as long as it's paid, she really won't have reason to complain about you buying a toy, you can simply point out the upgrades you are still paying for. The problem (as I see it) is she probably feels like she is simply an appendage. She doesn't really want to work (and IMHO shouldn't, if you have money to spare now) yet feels like she's just "there" for you, when you want - is short, she's probably feeling taken for granted. Now, she shouldn't, because of all the other stuff, but women aren't wired that way - trust me, my wife and I go around time and again over this issue, and it all gets resolved to "I feel like you're taking me for granted" Make her feel special to you once in a while and it goes a long way. Think of her [b]first[/b] occasionally and you'll get farther. And probably get to buy more toys [:)]
Link Posted: 1/7/2002 2:13:32 PM EDT
Originally Posted By M4Madness: I don't smack her around or abuse her.
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Things Need to Change. [devil] Yeah Ok That was a Joke!
Link Posted: 1/7/2002 2:14:34 PM EDT
Point 1---- My present wife was working at a factory on second shift. After about a month of dating, she decides that she wants to quit her job and get a first shift job so she could spend more time with me. Well, eventually we got married, and she still had not gotten a day job. Then she comes up with this idea that a husband should support his wife and that she does --She doesn't want to work? Point 2---. She was raised Pentecostal (not to the point of skirt-wearing), but had not been to church for three years prior to our marriage ---According to the T*r*h thge wife is to be odedient. and also the talmud tells us to get rid of a complaining wife as they destroy the harmony of the home. Point 3----get a nice Jewish lawyer, a woman lawyer, she will see you are a catch and help you lose the baggage. Then you convert and marry her.....trust me
Link Posted: 1/7/2002 2:17:53 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/7/2002 2:26:31 PM EDT
I got my wife so pissed at me for not letting her know I was buying a 1300 dollar colt..... The rule in my house is, nobody spends a lot of money without discusion.... My wife didn't threaten divorce, but her being pissed at me is enough... good luck
Link Posted: 1/7/2002 2:27:22 PM EDT
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