I googled for "Bloated Obese fat airsoft kid" and this was the first hit:
3) Fat kids - Fat kids have the unfortunate feature of being fat, which prohibits them from being classified in the "skinny" or "average" group of kids. Scientists have conclusively proven that no fat children have ever been popular in high school, unless if you're referring to them as being a popular punching bag or target to throw staplers at. Fat kids also point out when you end sentences with hanging prepositions, so that's reason enough to not like them. This group of kids are responsible for 90% of the fabric produced in the clothing industry, and regularly wear shirts that could completely envelope major national monuments. I should know; I've had to mail out the XXXL Something Awful T-shirts, articles of clothing large enough to cover an entire SWAT team.
You routinely eat things like this on a daily basis! Did you know that? No wonder you're so fucked up!
Now while this is all well and good, once high school ends, bad things begin happening to people's bodies. For example, there's college. In addition to that, people begin noticing that their metabolism isn't quite as metabolic as it once used to be. The days of eating an entire large pizza topped with a 24-ounce steak marinated in cotton candy suddenly end, and people realize that their body lost its ability to break down unhealthy foods and turn them into, well, whatever the hell the body turns junk food into.
And my FAVORITE part, was this little gem:
Speaking of exercise, these clever youth have created a brand new and exciting method of getting into shape while having fun and possibly critically injuring themselves in the process: they buy wheeled office chairs, sit down on them, and then get a friend to push them down a hill into a rock or wall or pile of trash! How fun! What an excellent use of spare time, time that could possibly be used to research the topic of "stupid things people probably shouldn't ever, ever do no matter how bored they are." Their website also has a comprehensive and detailed analysis of paintball guns and their rival, the Airsoft guns.
For you people who don't know what Airsoft is, it's the gayest idea ever created. It involves little plastic BB's which you shoot from SPRING LOADED GUNS. How GAY. As you can see people who even think Airsoft is cool are gay and homogetic people. *If anyone wants to join the gay people at RMS to play Airsoft, then tell them they are gay and don't join in!*
This highly critical review of Airsoft guns comes from a group of kids who record footage of themselves sitting in chairs, rolling down hills, and colliding with pieces of plywood, so I'm not sure how much weight you should put into their synopsis. Their videos include colliding with a mailbox, colliding with a street sign, colliding with even more street signs, and colliding with two street signs at once. Kids these days need to learn how to do something more constructive with their free time, such as drugs or arson or anything except filming themselves rolling into street signs unless it results in them dying.
Jasondcrum: I fully agree with the word 'hazard' when you combine my ass, a speedo and a couple of spun-up magnatron tubes in a big pot of boiling water thats probably spiked with a hint of some dudes baby batter.