FOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL STAGES OF THE BATTERED WOMAN SYNDROME


1. DENIAL.
The victim refuses to admit--even to herself--that she has been beaten or that there is really a "problem" in her marriage. The victim calls each incident an "accident," or a fluke, and tries to believe it won't happen again. She offers endless excuses for her husband's violence.

2. GUILT.
The victim now acknowledges there is a problem, but considers herself responsible for it. She even believes she "deserves" to be beaten because she has actual personal defects. She thinks she is not living up to her husband's expectations, or that she's not working hard enough, or that she's just not doing "the right thing." She's not being "reasonable."

3. ENLIGHTENMENT.
The woman no longer assumes responsibility for her husband's abusive treatment, and recognizes that no one "deserves" to be beaten.
HOWEVER, SHE IS STILL COMMITTED TO HER MARRIAGE AND STAYS WITH HER HUSBAND, HOPING THEY CAN "WORK THINGS OUT."

4. RESPONSIBILITY.
Accepting the fact that her husband will not, or cannot, stop his violent behavior, the battered woman decides she will no longer submit to it and starts a new life.


 
 

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WHAT'S MOST IMPORTANT is that battered, codependent women - like battered gun owners, are often surrounded by powerful ENABLERS who tell the victim that she can't leave; that perhaps she's really to blame; that the beatings are "normal" behavior; and that "all men are like that."
"Enablers" also tell the victim that they not being "realistic" or "reasonable," and that if they ever leave the abuser, "YOU WILL LOSE EVERYTHING."

Sound familiar, folks? Are we all trapped in a very similar "invisible syndrome" that we--as law-abiding gun owners in the Republican party--can't see? Clearly, we are taking outrageous, abnormal abuse from the Republican party leadership. Still not convinced that we trapped in a syndrome? Wonder why we just can't get out? Here are a few more symptoms and characteristics of the codependent battered woman. Do you see something here?

We have been in a sick situation for so long that the abnormal now looks and seems normal.

Most of our attention and energy is focused on the abuser, trying to manipulate them to "do it our way"

The dreams we have for our future are always linked to *them*.

We have become approval seekers and have lost our identity in the process.

Our fear of rejection--and our fear of their anger--determines what we say or do.
We use giving in, giving up, and giving away as a way of feeling safe in our relationship with them. We put our values aside in order to connect with them.

We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment we might do anything to hold onto the relationship.
We experience guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
We have become reactors in life rather than actors.
We truly believe there is NO WHERE ELSE TO GO, no safe place, other than where we already are* We are--above all--FRIGHTENED ... and utterly dependent.
We fervently hope there's one more fact or study we can find that will magically "change everything"; that if we just work a little harder, or get out a few more votes, that our relationship with  *them*  will miraculously change.
Yeah, sure. So - I ask, do we, as a group, have a "codependent personality disorder"?   `
Are we all acting just like a trapped, 'battered woman?" You know my answer.
Wake up and smell the coffee. In life, and politics, it's what "you don't know that you don't know" that runs and ruins your life, and your FREEDOM.
I hope we all now might see a little more, knowing something we didn't already know. Finally, I want you to ask yourself one simple question: If you really already knew what you just read, why are you still hanging around in a lousy relationship getting the living sh*t kicked out of you?