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Posted: 4/25/2005 11:42:26 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/25/2005 12:00:00 PM EDT by Mantis_51]
I've done a little research, and what I've
discovered should make anyone think twice....

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming
households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in
the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years;
infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died
in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and
influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within
24 hours of eating bread.

5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been
proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to
suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than
that in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low
incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and
osteoporosis.

7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of
bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as
little as two days.

8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to
"harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even
cold cuts.

9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is
more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could
lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food
product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit!
That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish
between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical
babbling.



In light of these frightening statistics,
we propose the following bread restrictions:

1. No sale of bread to minors.

2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity
TV spots and bumper stickers.

3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal
ills we might associate with bread.

4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may
appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.

5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.


ETA: I did not do any research, this is a joke e-mail that I got that I though was funny.
Link Posted: 4/25/2005 11:46:26 AM EDT
Using up oxygen…
Link Posted: 4/25/2005 11:46:43 AM EDT
Link Posted: 4/25/2005 11:46:49 AM EDT
HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY IT!

Quit giving them ideas!
Link Posted: 4/25/2005 11:53:21 AM EDT
I think this is on the Dems hit list, I think it is in the top 5.
Link Posted: 4/25/2005 11:58:53 AM EDT
White?
Wheat?
Sour dough?
Rye?

Which bread should we avoid to give our selves a sense of safety and security?
Link Posted: 4/25/2005 11:59:59 AM EDT

Originally Posted By sysop:
White?
Wheat?
Sour dough?
Rye?

Which bread should we avoid to give our selves a sense of safety and security?



I think all of them, espically the evil looking pieces that are in the front of the loaf.
Link Posted: 4/25/2005 12:10:35 PM EDT
This guy is getting his before the ban.

Link Posted: 4/25/2005 12:13:18 PM EDT
Link Posted: 4/25/2005 12:15:39 PM EDT
What do you think Aitkins and South Beach Diets are all about?
Link Posted: 4/25/2005 2:06:00 PM EDT

Originally Posted By mcnielsen:
What do you think Aitkins and South Beach Diets are all about?



Tin foil time, I think it those diets are created by the government to reduce bread usage in its ultimate goal to eliminate the total usage of bread in America
Link Posted: 4/25/2005 2:21:18 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/25/2005 2:22:22 PM EDT by pale_pony]

Originally Posted By Mantis_51:

Originally Posted By mcnielsen:
What do you think Aitkins and South Beach Diets are all about?



Tin foil time, I think it those diets are created by the government to reduce bread usage in its ultimate goal to eliminate the total usage of bread in America




Exactly the opposite, my friend. The government does all it can to encourage bread eaters.
Bread eaters require "a village" to survive; someone to grow the wheat, someone to store the wheat, someone to mill the wheat, someone to grow the yeast, someone to bake the bread. Bread forces people to live in communities and settle down. Bread does not require weapons to hunt with and places people where they are more easily controlled.

Whereas hunters are independent, nomadic following game, and are armed.

Don't let the bread eaters win!

Link Posted: 4/25/2005 2:21:26 PM EDT

Originally Posted By KangarooAR-15A3:
This guy is getting his before the ban.

rds.yahoo.com/S=96062883/K=dangerous+bread/v=2/SID=e/TID=I031_87/l=IVS/SIG=132ioqjsi/EXP=1114546266/*-http%3A//webphysics.nhctc.edu/webphysics/workshop97/Team12/quizf1/gifs/bread.jpg



The Gov't should pass a law that anyone with more than 10 loaves, or more than 25 lbs of flour must apply for a Bakery License
Link Posted: 4/26/2005 4:11:25 AM EDT
Link Posted: 4/26/2005 4:56:33 AM EDT
This is just to get a rise out of us, isn't it?

Soon bread will be available only to the upper crust of society, not just to anyone who loafs around.

The whole idea is just half baked though. There's too much dough involved with Big Bread for them to give up without a fight.
Link Posted: 4/26/2005 7:03:31 AM EDT

Originally Posted By pale_pony:

Originally Posted By Mantis_51:

Originally Posted By mcnielsen:
What do you think Aitkins and South Beach Diets are all about?



Tin foil time, I think it those diets are created by the government to reduce bread usage in its ultimate goal to eliminate the total usage of bread in America




Exactly the opposite, my friend. The government does all it can to encourage bread eaters.
Bread eaters require "a village" to survive; someone to grow the wheat, someone to store the wheat, someone to mill the wheat, someone to grow the yeast, someone to bake the bread. Bread forces people to live in communities and settle down. Bread does not require weapons to hunt with and places people where they are more easily controlled.

Whereas hunters are independent, nomadic following game, and are armed.

Don't let the bread eaters win!




EXACTLY!

South Beach and Aitkins encourage consumption of MEAT!

Eat your fill, boys, and don't worry about the bread and pasta!
Link Posted: 4/26/2005 7:04:16 AM EDT

Originally Posted By DDiggler:
This is just to get a rise out of us, isn't it?

Soon bread will be available only to the upper crust of society, not just to anyone who loafs around.

The whole idea is just half baked though. There's too much dough involved with Big Bread for them to give up without a fight.



Let them eat cake...

Link Posted: 5/19/2005 11:21:01 AM EDT
Bump due to the Dupe
Link Posted: 5/19/2005 11:23:18 AM EDT
bump for 2 bread threads
Link Posted: 5/19/2005 11:24:34 AM EDT

Originally Posted By KangarooAR-15A3:
bump for 2 bread threads



We have to do it before the ban.

We have to do it for the childern
Link Posted: 5/19/2005 11:37:20 AM EDT
Loaves may not contain more than ten slices. Licensed sandwich shops and cafeterias may contain loaves with more than ten slices if those loaves are marked "For sandwich shop or cafeteria use only". The loaf also may not have have sprinkled sesame seeds on top if it utilizes detachable end pieces.
Link Posted: 5/19/2005 12:01:27 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/19/2005 12:04:01 PM EDT by goodmedicine]
Largest "Bread Lab" bust in US history

Officer Pacino (pictured top) was quoted saying; "If it wasn't for my trusty ah, um,
my rifle here, things could have gone bad"



"Bread Lab" surveillance photo:


Authorties decided not to take down the lab during peak production for fear of
all the flour suspended in the air might ignite during the gun play that was sure to follow.

GM
Link Posted: 5/19/2005 12:06:05 PM EDT
What will pizza taste like bread-less?
Link Posted: 5/19/2005 12:23:31 PM EDT
Link Posted: 5/19/2005 1:15:23 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/19/2005 1:15:23 PM EDT by The_Beer_Slayer]
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