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Posted: 3/14/2005 10:32:25 PM EST
OK so my girlfriend of 3 years is moving to SC in august to further her education and get a masters degree. I am lookin for jobs and am really wanting to move to vegas but am gonna take the best damn offer I can get in a good gun state. I really love this girl, should I go to SC no matter what? try get a job there but if not oh well? break up now ? what ya guys think....

It is like this 2 people about to change their lives more than ever.... should I just do what is best for my career and my idea of where i want to live or follow my heart?
Link Posted: 3/14/2005 10:34:44 PM EST
Im in a somewhat similar situation bro, sorry to hear it.

On the other hand, I live in SC, maybe we could swap?

best of luck
Link Posted: 3/14/2005 10:35:36 PM EST

Originally Posted By sprist:
OK so my girlfriend of 3 years is moving to SC in august



So, did you get invited to tag along or not?
Link Posted: 3/14/2005 10:36:53 PM EST

Originally Posted By NMSight:

Originally Posted By sprist:
OK so my girlfriend of 3 years is moving to SC in august



So, did you get invited to tag along or not?



absolutely invited
Link Posted: 3/14/2005 10:37:49 PM EST
You are absolutely right.

Asking ARFCOM for relationship advice is just stupid!

I'd put a smiley there, but really, I've read some real crap here in the "Dear ARFCOM" files.

My only advice would be for you to give it more thought when you're sober!!
Link Posted: 3/14/2005 10:38:47 PM EST
Where do you live now?
Link Posted: 3/14/2005 10:39:14 PM EST

Originally Posted By Stealth:
You are absolutely right.

Asking ARFCOM for relationship advice is just stupid!

I'd put a smiley there, but really, I've read some real crap here in the "Dear ARFCOM" files.

My only advice would be for you to give it more thought when you're sober!!



I dont know where your getting this idea about sobberness, but i do all my best thinking drunk.... all men do! thats just science, and you cant argue with schience
Link Posted: 3/14/2005 10:40:24 PM EST

Originally Posted By svi40:
Where do you live now?



cali, not that it matters as we both decided were leaving cali no matter what
Link Posted: 3/14/2005 10:41:15 PM EST
She is supposed to follow you. Go to Vegas, if she follows you, then she loves you. If she doesnt follow you, fine- enjoy your new high paying job and move up the ladder with a hotter chic.

Have you studied ladder theory yet?
Link Posted: 3/14/2005 10:55:11 PM EST

how old are you ?
Link Posted: 3/14/2005 10:57:38 PM EST

Originally Posted By cnatra:
how old are you ?



23
Link Posted: 3/14/2005 10:59:55 PM EST
Go where you want but expect every place to suck and go to hell, dont matter where you are.

Both might be better then current location though
Link Posted: 3/14/2005 11:04:40 PM EST

Originally Posted By Taxman:
Go where you want but expect every place to suck and go to hell, dont matter where you are.

Both might be better then current location though



way to think positive
Link Posted: 3/15/2005 2:57:41 AM EST
She is leaving you. If you follow you will demote yourself from former boyfriend to clinging loser in her mind and that of her friends.
Link Posted: 3/15/2005 4:36:58 AM EST

Originally Posted By Happyshooter:
She is leaving you. If you follow you will demote yourself from former boyfriend to clinging loser in her mind and that of her friends.



well said.
Link Posted: 3/15/2005 4:45:36 AM EST
[Last Edit: 3/15/2005 4:46:05 AM EST by DScott]
Asking for relationship advice here is like talking to this guy about your love life:




It may look like a good idea when you're drunk, but...
Link Posted: 3/15/2005 4:48:31 AM EST
Depends on where you live now. SC is pretty cool. No matter what anyones says, in the end it's your decision. Sober up first. You will be the one that has to live with the consequences.
Link Posted: 3/15/2005 4:49:08 AM EST
[Last Edit: 3/15/2005 4:51:09 AM EST by BeetleBailey]
If you have to ask.... Seriously it sounds like the indecision is stemming from your equal valuation of your career/home and your relationship. What this means is, you can't figure out which one is more important. I doubt you will be displeased with SC, the good 'ol dirty south, but then again if your surroundings are that important to you, then you have to decide this - how much personal, mental, intellectual, spiritual, emotion, financial gain would you project from moving to where you want to move (without your girlfriend), or moving with her?

If you move away from her, one of two things will happen. You will either miss her and regret it, and it will be very hard to undo a newly started life, or you will be glad that you made the move for yourself and your personal gain. If you go with her, you might either regret it in the back of your head for a long time, or you may end up really liking SC, in which you win because you are still with your girl.

So, for the nutshell approach - is she more important, or is the possibility of your personal gain from moving to Vegas more important to you. And which might reap greater rewards in the end.

Before we got engaged my wife went off to school across state. We saw each other every weekend and talked on the phone when we couldn't see each other. In our case, absence made the heart grow fonder and we eventually (obviously) ended up getting married.

If you are a spiritual person, I would suggest praying about. Actually, I would suggest that even if you aren't. You would really be suprised how God guides the faithful.
Link Posted: 3/15/2005 5:09:29 AM EST
I've been there in the exact same situation that you are and did exactly what you are considering...so here is my input:

Short Response: Speaking from a voice of experience....Don't Do It!

Detailed Reponse:
So she decided she was going to move and you are just SOL if you don't follow her. That means she is more committed to her life, her goals, her dreams, than she is to you or your relationship. Yeah sure it's a good oppertunity, I heard that too....but the bottom line is she is putting herself before your relationship. Why would you want to be with someone who puts your relationship second? ( I wish someone would have explained it to me this way)

You've been dating 3 years and still aren't married? I had dated mine just a little bit longer before she moved and I followed. Guess what, the average time that people date and get married is 2 years or less. Any longer suggests there is an underlying unresolved issue. What you are telling me is that after 3 years of being with this girl you still aren't ready to get married and she is putting her desires above the relationship. Again, why would you want to be with someone like this?

The results of my move: I followed my girl. She moved first to start school, it took me awhile to find a job. In the mean time she made new friends and started partying with them. She ended up hanging out with another guy and fooling around with him but "it just happend" because "they were drunk". Like a dumbass I forgave her and still moved. Things got better, we got engaged, 6 months later she calls it off because something didn't feel right to her.

Bottom Line: My girl put herself first and moved, put her phsyical desires first and cheated, then instead of working on things put her feelings first and called the wedding off. I could have saved a lot of grief if I had identified the fact that she was always putting her own self above the relationship.

Don't move, don't date the girl. There are plenty of quality girls out there. Let this one go do her own thing...because she is going to do it anyway.
Link Posted: 3/15/2005 5:18:25 AM EST
Do you already live together? If you both live together and you were gonna move anyways then go for it. You can always move to Vegas afterwards.

If you don't live together, kiss her goodbye.
Link Posted: 3/15/2005 6:08:55 AM EST
Unless you would marry her tomorrow, move to Vegas.

Link Posted: 3/15/2005 6:14:15 AM EST

Originally Posted By jblachly:
Unless you would marry her tomorrow, move to Vegas.





yep. propose now or call it quits.


-HS
Link Posted: 3/15/2005 6:19:09 AM EST
I say try out SC. Nice state, good economy and close to the beaches.

If it does not work you can always go on your own path.
Link Posted: 3/15/2005 7:08:02 AM EST

Originally Posted By jblachly:
Unless you would marry her tomorrow, move to Vegas.




I think that sums up in one sentence what I was trying to say in five paragraphs
Link Posted: 3/15/2005 7:57:34 AM EST
Unless you have something lined up in Vegas, I don't see why you shouldn't give SC a try. You can always move to Vegas later, but you can't change your mind once you go to Vegas.

If you already have something lined up in Vegas though, it comes down to what you want more and what you think your chances of it lasting.
Link Posted: 3/15/2005 8:03:21 AM EST

Originally Posted By BeetleBailey:

Originally Posted By jblachly:
Unless you would marry her tomorrow, move to Vegas.




I think that sums up in one sentence what I was trying to say in five paragraphs



=1.

Link Posted: 3/15/2005 8:23:09 AM EST
Everytime I have made a medium to major decision based on a woman, I got fucked.

If you find a job you like there, great, but don't move because of a woman. What happens if she starts banging someone in her class or something.
Link Posted: 3/15/2005 8:49:28 AM EST
If you love something let it go. If it comes backt to you it's yours, if it doesn't it never was.
Link Posted: 3/15/2005 9:17:01 AM EST

Originally Posted By NateM4:
If you love something let it go. If it comes backt to you it's yours it was meant to be, if it doesn't it never was hunt it down and kill it.



There, fixed it for ya!
Link Posted: 3/15/2005 9:47:20 AM EST

Originally Posted By SWIRE:
I've been there in the exact same situation that you are and did exactly what you are considering...so here is my input:

Short Response: Speaking from a voice of experience....Don't Do It!

Detailed Reponse:
So she decided she was going to move and you are just SOL if you don't follow her. That means she is more committed to her life, her goals, her dreams, than she is to you or your relationship. Yeah sure it's a good oppertunity, I heard that too....but the bottom line is she is putting herself before your relationship. Why would you want to be with someone who puts your relationship second? ( I wish someone would have explained it to me this way)

You've been dating 3 years and still aren't married? I had dated mine just a little bit longer before she moved and I followed. Guess what, the average time that people date and get married is 2 years or less. Any longer suggests there is an underlying unresolved issue. What you are telling me is that after 3 years of being with this girl you still aren't ready to get married and she is putting her desires above the relationship. Again, why would you want to be with someone like this?

The results of my move: I followed my girl. She moved first to start school, it took me awhile to find a job. In the mean time she made new friends and started partying with them. She ended up hanging out with another guy and fooling around with him but "it just happend" because "they were drunk". Like a dumbass I forgave her and still moved. Things got better, we got engaged, 6 months later she calls it off because something didn't feel right to her.

Bottom Line: My girl put herself first and moved, put her phsyical desires first and cheated, then instead of working on things put her feelings first and called the wedding off. I could have saved a lot of grief if I had identified the fact that she was always putting her own self above the relationship.

Don't move, don't date the girl. There are plenty of quality girls out there. Let this one go do her own thing...because she is going to do it anyway.



hey thanks man that is some good ass advice (im sober now) I think your right, and i was thinkign about that. She decided to move for herself so I should do what is best for myself. I actually told her this when she asked me if I would come.... I just needed to pose the question to help myself have the balls to go through with it.

i think that is what it really comes down to though, she didnt ask me if she could go or anything like that, she just decided that it is the best thing for her and shes goin. now i know it will be good for her career, really good... and i care about her and want her to do well. i figured if she didnt go she would just regret it forever anyway and then resent me later on.... so i even helped her get in. helped her a good deal with her get in letter, i know you all cant tell it from my online writing, but i have the writing skillz anyway thanks to all the advice.
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