[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Another divorce thread (Page 1 of 2)
Posted: 7/1/2013 8:40:59 AM EDT
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Starting with the back story:
So I was married for 7 years with 2 childred aged 6 and 3 now. Ex and I got married way to fast and things didnt work out so I finally ended it, I was on the edge of possibly doing something that would really destroy her and I felt she deserved better than that. The Ex took my children to her mothers/ grandparents house in washington state, I am here in the Navy stuck in california with no chance to be stationed anywhere near washington for at least 5 years. I have been in for 10 years and I am an E6 and I am eligible for Chief. I am good at my job and I am a successful leader. My enlistment is up in November 2013. My question is: Do I get out of the Navy(stable, well paying, fun, successful) to go into the civilian world(unknown, poor advancement opertunites, possible poor paying jobs, no guaranteed health insurance) to be closer to my children. In the navy, best case senario, I will see my girls once every 2 months. So, to recap Stay Navy = see my girls 6 times a year, but have a good job and benefits. Go Civilian = See my girls more often, but venture into the great unkown and possibly lose everything I have worked so hard for the last 10 years. Please help. |
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Ill preface this by saying, I do not have children.
Id say, stay in the Navy. And be the best father you can be when you see your kids. Take care of them, talk to them as often as possible and make sure they know you love them. Even with seeing you very little, they will surely appreciate what you did for them when theyre older. |
 I don't know about sticking with your job.
I've been doing a lot of introspection lately and one thing I realize is that if my father were not in my life, day after day after day, my life would be very different now. (I'm female, BTW.) Maybe for a few more years, you could get by with the Navy. But I strongly urge you to be with your daughters before they hit puberty. Preferably before they're 10. Some of you guys wonder why so many girls are messed up these days? There are probably a lot of reasons for it, I'm not an expert on all of today's woes, but I sure as hell know that a strong father presence is a very good thing. So many of you guys lament feminism, and bitch incessantly about women this, women that . . . well here's a chance to nip that in the bud for the next generation. Right? Just saying. Do what you have to do, OP. I wish you and your kids all the best. |
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I'd stay Navy. Let me explain.
I started as a corrections officer at 20 years old. Made Sergeant at 23. Left at 27. I would have 12 years in, be vested in my retirement and insurance and probably looking at Captain or maybe Major. I would have 8 years left until retirement. Then, I could have stayed on or moved to a second career at 40 years old. If I could go back, to the day I resigned, I would in a heartbeat and gone on the lieutenant board I had scheduled. I regret walking away from what I spent almost 7 years building. I left so my wife could take a job farther away. |
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As a retired Chief, I say stay in. You have a paycheck and benefits for your girls and those benefits last many years for them even into your retirement.
I think it only matters where you are/were living during the divorce, not what state she fled to so this could impact how much she gets. Also since you weren't married long enough she will not be entitled to any of your military retirement when you reach that point. Again, stay with your secure job so you can properly provide for your girls. |
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You only have one chance with your kids! I'm divorced but live in the same town, I get my kids every other week I couldn't imagine going that long without seeing them!!!
My father wasn't around, luckily my grandpa stepped up! You can find a job and make it work! Oo and lawyer the fk up! |
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Quoted:
I don't know about sticking with your job.
I've been doing a lot of introspection lately and one thing I realize is that if my father were not in my life, day after day after day, my life would be very different now. (I'm female, BTW.) Maybe for a few more years, you could get by with the Navy. But I strongly urge you to be with your daughters before they hit puberty. Preferably before they're 10. Some of you guys wonder why so many girls are messed up these days? There are probably a lot of reasons for it, I'm not an expert on all of today's woes, but I sure as hell know that a strong father presence is a very good thing. So many of you guys lament feminism, and bitch incessantly about women this, women that . . . well here's a chance to nip that in the bud for the next generation. Right? Just saying. Do what you have to do, OP. I wish you and your kids all the best. Good advice.........I see this as a huge problem with young women...particularly teens. Whenever we deal with teenage girls suffering from depression, mental health, drug problems and/ or poor behavior it almost always points to a lack of active and engaged fathers. From my experience my wife of 20 years is a very capable, steadfast woman and she will tell anyone that she meets it's due to her father. I believe there is a deliberate attack on men in general and even more so on fatherhood....... For the time being stay in and start looking at job opportunities, schooling etc. and make a plan. There are jobs to be had....with a Military background....corrections, firefighter......and man Washington State with all the outdoor areas!!...... they gotta need some State and Fed Park Rangers, Wildlife Officers |
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Lots of service members sacrifice time with their family. I vote you stay in the Navy. It seems you enjoy it and it provides for you. Just make sure that when you do see your children, you make it count. Show them your commitment to them is the same as your commitment to the Navy and explain what that provides for you, and for them.
Sly |
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Quoted:
I don't know about sticking with your job.
I've been doing a lot of introspection lately and one thing I realize is that if my father were not in my life, day after day after day, my life would be very different now. (I'm female, BTW.) Maybe for a few more years, you could get by with the Navy. But I strongly urge you to be with your daughters before they hit puberty. Preferably before they're 10. Some of you guys wonder why so many girls are messed up these days? There are probably a lot of reasons for it, I'm not an expert on all of today's woes, but I sure as hell know that a strong father presence is a very good thing. So many of you guys lament feminism, and bitch incessantly about women this, women that . . . well here's a chance to nip that in the bud for the next generation. Right? Just saying. Do what you have to do, OP. I wish you and your kids all the best. ^^^^^One of the best posts by a 13'er yet. Great perspective. It's a tough decision, to be sure, OP. As a father of two kids (21 and 16), I know which decision I would make . . . and it wouldn't even be close. |
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My parents got divorced when I was in Kindergarten, and the next year my dad had to move for work. Whenever he had time off he flew across the country to see us, called us a couple times a week, sent gifts/cards etc. It is possible to keep a relationship going long distance. This year I moved to be closer to my dad
Sadly in our case myself and my sisters got a little fucked up by the whole thing went through therapy etc. Two of us made it through, but my middle sister is a druggie/alcoholic at 23 yo. Don't give up. Find a way to transfer to WA ASAP. Stay in the Navy. Just my thoughts, not sure if the opinion of a 25 year old is worth anything. |
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Quoted:
Kids before everything and anything. I would rather be starving and living in a tent seeing my kids weekly, then have everything I need and seeing them only 6 times a year. That's almost word-for-word what I told my attorney. My ex went to despicable lengths to prevent me seeing the kids and I will sell everything I have and spend everything I earn in my attempt to get custody if I have to. They aren't kids for very long so it's time you can never, ever, get back or replace in their later years. I still say do whatever it takes to be close to your kids. Make sure any agreement you have includes first refusal on watching the kids if your ex needs somebody watch them. |
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Quoted:
Sometimes you need to be away from your family in order to take care of them. Sad, but true. Such is my life. Stay in the Navy, especially if you're up for Chief. You are providing steadily and well for them, which is one hell of a weight off your soldiers. Be glad you see them 6 times a year. I haven't seen mine in three years and won't again for another six... |
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Thanks everyone for the advice. I do pay a substancial amount of child support. Arfcom seems fairly torn on this subject. I have 5 years of sea duty to complete before any possiblility of transfer closer to them. We have agreed on visitation being whenever I am able to come see them. So far she hasnt attempted any crap.
Maybe today is just a bad day. I needed some perspective. People I know are too bias one way or another. |
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Quoted:
Starting with the back story: So I was married for 7 years with 2 childred aged 6 and 3 now. Ex and I got married way to fast and things didnt work out so I finally ended it, I was on the edge of possibly doing something that would really destroy her and I felt she deserved better than that. The Ex took my children to her mothers/ grandparents house in washington state, I am here in the Navy stuck in california with no chance to be stationed anywhere near washington for at least 5 years. I have been in for 10 years and I am an E6 and I am eligible for Chief. I am good at my job and I am a successful leader. My enlistment is up in November 2013. My question is: Do I get out of the Navy(stable, well paying, fun, successful) to go into the civilian world(unknown, poor advancement opertunites, possible poor paying jobs, no guaranteed health insurance) to be closer to my children. In the navy, best case senario, I will see my girls once every 2 months. So, to recap Stay Navy = see my girls 6 times a year, but have a good job and benefits. Go Civilian = See my girls more often, but venture into the great unkown and possibly lose everything I have worked so hard for the last 10 years. Please help. Retire at 20, then get a stable job in Washington. |
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Put in another 5 years and re-evaluate at that time.
Kids will be 8 and 11. Still babies. Plenty of time left to be a Dad. If you can't transfer at that time consider joining the reserves to get your last few years of service for retirement. Also, doesn't NAVY offer an early retirement option at 15yrs? |
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Quoted: Quoted: Raise your kids. You wont get a second chance. This. Yes Regret is an absolute useless bitch. It's a real catch 22 considering the job and money. But you don't get a second chance to raise your kids. I would hunker down right now and explore options for moving to Washington. Put some feelers out and figure out what all your options are before you decide. Child Support doesn't go away if you are unemployed, or under employed, for that matter. But you'll regret it if you're not there for your kids, the rest of your life. |
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Quoted:
Starting with the back story: So I was married for 7 years with 2 childred aged 6 and 3 now. Ex and I got married way to fast and things didnt work out so I finally ended it, I was on the edge of possibly doing something that would really destroy her and I felt she deserved better than that. The Ex took my children to her mothers/ grandparents house in washington state, I am here in the Navy stuck in california with no chance to be stationed anywhere near washington for at least 5 years. I have been in for 10 years and I am an E6 and I am eligible for Chief. I am good at my job and I am a successful leader. My enlistment is up in November 2013. My question is: Do I get out of the Navy(stable, well paying, fun, successful) to go into the civilian world(unknown, poor advancement opertunites, possible poor paying jobs, no guaranteed health insurance) to be closer to my children. In the navy, best case senario, I will see my girls once every 2 months. So, to recap Stay Navy = see my girls 6 times a year, but have a good job and benefits. Go Civilian = See my girls more often, but venture into the great unkown and possibly lose everything I have worked so hard for the last 10 years. Please help. there are many variables but generally because the job market is pretty bad you may want to stay in the Navy |