Valentine's day morning my babe and I will exchange small, inexpensive, but meaningful gifts.
That night will start with drinks- I'll have a couple Nob Creek Bourbons over ice- She'll have a fine Cabernet. Dinner will be 2 inch thick steaks, marinated all day in chili and tequila, grilled rare over mesquite. Lights down low, a fire crackling, soft music, we'll share a vanilla mousse, laced with Kahlua (coffee liquor), a cup of fine, strong expresso. Finally, we'll laugh joyfully as we go to our bedroom, where, I dream of holding, fondling..................................................................................
MY NEW ROMY KIT the next morning! UPS has it scheduled to be delivered on Valentine's Day? It wouldn't be wise to play with my new toy on Valentine's night- How do I know? We've been married for 34 yrs!

Aaaaa, what the heck.
Some women like the smell of cosmoline.
After 34 years I'm sure she'd understand.