Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."

Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."

Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."

Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."

Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."

Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."

Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."

Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 foot per minute descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."

Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."

Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there for."

My favorite.

It's amazing that the ground crews are smarter than the pilots.  Shouldn't it be t'other way 'round?

LOL!

This is my favorite one



medcop

My personal favorite was "no transmit in stby"
of course it wont transmit stupid it is in stand-by.  i.e. it is warming up.

WE were flying down at Ft Rucker one night and we hit a bird. It came through the Chin Bubble and got stuck in the Tail Rotor control pedals.

The guy wrote up "Duck Lodged beween co-polits tail rotor conrtol pedals"

Action taken: Removed Duck.



Aviator  [img]www.milpubs.com/aviator.gif[/img]

I had to email this one to my wife , since she used to be a avionics tech in the army . Sounds like a list of 'operator headspacing' problem .[:)]

You could fill a book with this stuff.  I'd buy it.  [:D]

Problem: My canopy turns black when I pull 9 Gs
Solution: That is your problem, not the canopy's!

my favorite.



you think the pilot would understand this?

and #2



mmhmm... and i though pilots knew their aircraft intimatly(no not that way you pervert!).