This thread is for 'newbies' only, if you don’t know what I’m talking about, stop reading now please!



Okay, listen up people! I'm breaking protocol and risking blowing my cover by posting this, so I’ll only say it once!

First off, I have one word for all of you: SLOPPY. I realize that a lot of you are fresh out of the academy, and anxious for your first 'big break' but that is no excuse. Did you guys sleep through Internet Espionage 101??? We aren’t going to win the war on guns by acting like a bunch of amatures!

Here are a few refresher lessons:

1. Picking a suitable “handle”: This serves as your moniker or alias on the gun board. This alternate identity is VERY important to these gun freaks, so chose your nickname wisely!!!

Don’t be too obvious! Names likes “ILIKEGUNS,” “RIFLEGUY” or “GUNOWNER7” are way too generic to be accepted by these paranoid individuals. Also, remember not to go overboard, because these guys are kind of PC here (this isn’t Assaultweb.net, damnit!), so no more names like “KOPKILLER,” “ULTIMATEPATRIOTCOMMANDO,” “GOVTH8R” or “ILIVEINAMISSILESILOINMONTANA”

Some good ideas: Incorporate a gun type, or gun manufacturer in your handle. For example “SteyrAug,” “Garandman,” and “Grin-N-Barrett.”

Also acceptable are handles that don’t seem to make any sense, for example “FranktheSpank,” I-Luv-Carrots”, and “Goatboy.”

DON’T USE YOUR REAL EMAIL ADDRESS!!! If I see one more "[email protected]" in a profile, I swear I’m going to the deputy director!

Lesson 2. Your first thread:

Again, and I can’t stress this enough! Don’t be so obvious! Exercise extreme patience, we’ll get them soon enough. First build confidence and gain friends. On this board, high post count equals, ‘cool gun guy.’ So gain their trust, one step at a time.

Examples of non-acceptable first threads: “Difference between an AR and M16?”, “Will a telestock fit on my postban?”, “Let’s storm DC! Who’s with me?” and “Gun laws are for pussies!”

Also, lay off the usual post-count builders like “Hi, I’m new,” “What is BTT?,” “What’s a Troll?”, “AR vs. AK?”, “9mm vs. .45?” etc…

Acceptable ways to boost post count include agreeing with everybody: “yeah, what he said!” “good post, BTT!” “That guy’s an A-hole!”, etc.

Posting pics of: pretty women (a.k.a. hot chicks, or fine womenz), cars, pets, guns (borrow some from the evidence room, or take pics of your MP5a3 and pretend you are wealthy), pictures of your dinner are also acceptable.
Also acceptable: talking about your ‘shitty wife,’ posting smilies ,and bitching about your ‘job’.

You may also try these two techniques: Shadowing a well known member, and becoming his lacky.
Also, try posing as a female, this usually works great, unless you are an actual female agent (they usually have a difficult time trying to pretend to be female).

Remember, now that Special Agent HANGFIRE has been exposed, we have lost our best inside man. The nation is relying on you people, don’t let the children down!”

Oh, and finally, congratulations to Special Agents Imbroglio and Major-Murphy for your recent promotions!


***REPOSTED due to SCATMAN attack.

Yeah, what he said!  Good post, BTT!

(Thought I'd add one more to my count for credibility)

"Remember, now that Special Agent HANGFIRE has been exposed, we have lost our best inside man. The nation is relying on you people, don’t let the children down!”"


Yep him and now SCATMAN to,all your best guys1 It's a real shame

Hey HKocher,

LMFAO...Great (that's a Capital) post.  Two more post to your credit!!!
Does a [newbie] get to us the spell check...?

I will attemp to increase the amount of post to AR15.com and to make the grade and follow the foot steps of FranktheSpank...? [spank] Or better yet Goatboy...for who we all owe much to for this Great forum.

How am I doing...?  $hit I could have made 3 post out of this.  Just another confused [newbie]...

I am not, now nor have I ever been Local, State or Federal law enforcement.
[:)]

I’m also not that new.
I posted on the old board under the name 3gunPete (I lost the login [:(])  
I’ve also bought a couple a guns off this board.

I was also a commercial reloader for years. (Lynx Ammo)

Run away, run away!!!
[whacko]

SCATMAN was a rogue agent.  He belongs to my bureau's little known gay porn task force.  The job of said task force is to proliferate the spread of gay porn, not prevent it.

Well you can tell he really loves his job!

Love what you do and do what you love(but never take a bath in poo)

So for 60.00 a year, I can tell others how to post, what to post, when and how to post. You know what, I'll keep my 60.00 dollars and go buy some AR stuff, maybe on another sight, who made you the big boss man? If you don't like what you read, Don't read it. I don't mean to piss you off, but a lot of "newbee's" are learning a lot from this sight, and do appriciate it, like myself, I chose my AR15 Colt, by some of you guy's replies. Thanks

Who made me the "big boss man???"  

Hell son, the Assistant Director himself chose me to head up the Internet Espionage and Subterfuge division of this quadrant!  I suppose you just got out of the academy too!  Well remember my name son, you'll be hearing from your superiors soon about this altercation!

In the meantime, I suggest you get the hell out of my quadrant, and reread your training manuals, in particular the part about breaching protocals (9.45-10F) and addressing senior agents (10.34-97B).

Huh?????   Special agent hangfire???

Hmmm...

unsuspecting name = lordtrader
Bitching about job = check
not using personal e-mail = check
don't be obvious = check
never posted a what's btt, ak vs ar = check
posting pics of dinners = check
being Goatboy's lackey = check

Holy shit!!! I'm a Fed!!!!!! Damn that reprogramming really works. I didn't even suspect myself.

LMAO!

also feel free to post a pic so we can photoshop it [:D]

OK, Ive re-read the training manuels,I'm trying to get the hell out of your quadrant, but do I get a promotion for standing up to my "superior" ? Could you please assign me my own quadrant? I'd like to buy a promotion, where do I send my 60 bucks? Ha. Ha. I am send 60.00$ just for your info, in support of the sight. Not giving you shit just having fun, appriciate the info here, its been invalueable!

Over 900 posts and I'm still an enigma (but a comfortable one).  Take notes.

BTW, who's butt do I have to kiss to get a damned promotion around here?  (Casual personal joke to throw suspicion off of me).

Going to start "phase II" soon..... The all important signature.  It should appear innocent enough, yet still attract like minded people into my circle.  Something like "Drugs aren't bad, people who abuse drugs are bad" or "Semtek, the only way to fly".  Hey, I'm still working on it.

Oh, I am, believe me, I am...[IMG]http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/contrib/aahmed/biggrin.gif[/IMG]

This one goes in the file under "AR15 Classics".

Special Agent Imbroglio????? [IMG]http://www.freakygamers.com/smilies/s/contrib/aahmed/biggrin.gif[/IMG]

I was wondering when someone was going to go ahead and post the rules, we sure have had an influx of new ag..er posters lately.

[:D]

What does BTT mean?...........P.S...........my names NOT francis.....[stick]

I am looking for a Lackey,if you have enourmous breasts, and a low IQ you can be it.

Light duty requirements.

Email in profile.

Thank you.
By the way, Major-Murphy isn't an individual, "he" is eight different agents that work in our section.
"His" all over the map opinions and constantly changing personalies are due to the different agents who sign on in "his" name, everyday.

It definitely has nothing to do with beer. [:D]

All you're newbies are belong to us!

Oh my God, somebody slap me.

                   [stick]...7-08...7-08...7-08

I used to post at the old AR board under a different name. This new name is partly my sarcastic response to all these little baggy pants "mofos" I see everywhere. Plus I was living in a rather bad part of town at the time and like to shoot...

I pulled a no-no about 1911 vs. Glocks in the Handguns forum, but it was for a joke. Just to get a little controversy going in a new forum [:D]

Well congratulations Special Agent(s) Major-Murphy.

I also forgot that Imbroglio is actually and advanced random post generator/gun owner data collection program running on a pair of Cray-2s in a dark room in the basement under Langley.