[ARCHIVED THREAD] - AMF!!!! (Page 1 of 2)
Posted: 6/2/2004 9:45:55 AM EDT
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Today is my last day to be around the husband! No more of his B.S.! I guess I should feel bad about this.I have not told him I'm leaving.For the last 2 weeks,on my days off I have been moving my junk out.He thinks everything is O.K..As long as I'm cooking and cleaning up after him he is fine. There is no way that I can tell him because he will fly of the handle,run his big foul mouth and threaten me. We get along O.K. as long as I keep my mouth shut.If I ask him to pick up after himself or do anything around here that might help me I hear shut your bitchin' mouth. I cant even ask for some covers without hearing him say shut your bitchin' mouth.That happened about 3 weeks ago.It was the straw that broke the camel's back. I'm looking forward to going to work knowing that when my 12 hours are up I can come home and relax.The way it is now I get home around 7:00 p.m. and I start supper,do a load of laundry,take out the trash and wash the dishes.I might get to set down around 9:00.Heaven Forbid if I bring home fast food and say I'm tired! According to him my forktruck driving job is not work.He doesnt think that running a 5000lb.lift up and down a rough concret floor 10 hours out of a 12 hour day should bother me.I have been doing this for 9 years.He thinks all I do is set around and talk about guns all day.He doesnt have a clue about what I do because I'm not allowed to talk about my work.He can go on for hours about his. I know I dont post much and I dont visit much.He bitches about me looking at gun sites.I rarely get on the internet when he is around.If he even thinks I want to buy another gun he has a yelling screaming fit!The last gun I bought I didnt tell him about for two months.Boy did I catch hell! I did remind him that he had jacked off about $1000.00 on junk from e bay in the last 3 months.He thought that was O.K. he needed that stuff,it might be worth alot of money some day.Since it is old woodworking tools and old wood lathes it's worth more than all my guns.Says he can make money with it.I have yet to see that happen. It does bother me that he is going to get a chunk of my 401K.He had better use it to pay off his truck.I know that if I'm going to be stuck with the payment I will be driving it.Driving it right to a Ford dealer.I hate that gas hog Dodge truck!He will get stuck with my truck.A 11 year old Ford Ranger 4x4 with 154,000 miles on it.He has no 401K,no insurance-nothing. I dont know what will happen or how bad things might get before for it's all over.I'm ready to deal with it.I'm sick and tired of dealing with him.I have been wanting to get away from him for sometime now but have always been afraid of him and of all the little details that I worry about.This time I'm not going to sweat the small stuff.The small stuff has kept me here in misery.Life is too short to be miserable all the time. When October rolls around and it's time for the Tulsa Gun Show I can go if I want too.I wont have to hear him tell me there is no way in hell he is going to Tulsa or any gun show so dont even ask! Sorry for venting about this.Thanks for listening.I wrote about some of my situation in a post about marriage and sex.Thanks to those who wrote in support. AMF |
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Congratulations!! Whatever happens, don't go back, it's not worth it. People like that deserve no loyalty, don't let him pull you back in with promises, it will just go back to being the same all over again. Good luck, watch your back, and make the most of your new life! |
I could'nt say it any better----GOOD LUCK 
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I always hate to see a marriage break up, but it takes two to make one work. It sounds like it will be his loss. Good luck, and as you get on with life don't carry bitterness from the past around with you. It will just eat at you and won't bother him a bit. I know from experience. I carried a lot of baggage from my first marriage for five years before I learned to let it go. Put the past behind and press on into tomorrow. |
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You've got bigger balls that most of the people on this site! That's got to have been hard to do. I admire you for doing it. CONGRATULATIONS for deciding that you don't have to put up with that kind of crap, and getting in the driver's seat of your own life again! I just wanted to echo what tjmz said:
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HOLY crap , the wife wouldnt stand for that but one time and one time only. After that she would be gone or black and blue.
If your hot you can live with me!!! Just kidding. Edit to add I feel your pain. I drive A sweeper truck (think of it as A 5 ton 6 wheeled vacume cleaner) for 10+ hours A night. I come home dog tired and the Wife says "How can you be tired, All you do is drive?". If that was the only crap I did at work. Any whoo.... YOU GO GIRL!!! |
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Taking a bump up - I hope she gives us an update. I havent even read a post by her before that I know off - but her husband is a total ass. Ive said some words i regret to my wife in the heat of an arguement - but verbal abuse like that is horrible. Hope you get free and find a good man (I am sure you will with you hobbies ;o) |
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Thanks again for the support and words of encouragement. I have been at my folks since Thursday the 3rd.He called Thursday evening and was upset but not mad.We talked for over a hour or I should say that he did most of the talking.I talked to him Friday and Saturday evening also.Friday evening's talk really made me feel guilty about leaving but I'm not going to give in to the guilt trip.Saturday's talk started out about the pups Myrt and Frosty then he started telling me he was sorry for the way he had been treating me and not helping around the house.Said he would do all the cooking and cleaning from now on if I would come back.I didnt talk to him Sunday.After I got off work I went for a walk and then I went out to my sister's. I dont want to go back.The guilt I feel about leaving is hard to deal with but it is not a reason to go back. I do miss Frosty and Myrt.He has used them to get me to come out. I do feel out of place at mt parents.I have cut down on my smoking since I cant smoke in the house. I found my Dad's 37 year old Outers Gunslick .22 cal Revolver Cleaning Kit.It's all complete execpt the box of patches is empty. Things are going O.K. as long as I can stay strong and not give in to the guilt.He has been crying but I have yet to cry over him.I have shed a tear for Frosty and Myrt. This is my Dad's computer and they have a single phone line so I better get off in case my grand parents need something. You all are a great group of folks and I'm proud to be a member at this fine forum. Brenda LOCK AND LOAD!!!!!! |
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You're a brave woman Brenda. I don't know you situation personally, but please avoid acting out of guilt. Base you judgements on the merits of the relationship (is it really worth it?) and not on guilt. One of my aunts stayed in an emotionally abusive relationship for years. She finally got out. Later, the jerk did himself in with a gun to the head. I'm glad she and the kids were already gone before he went overboard. My aunt later found a wonderful, simple, hard working man. They aren't rich, and probably never will be, but he treats her like a queen. Her new husband, Dan, is a salt of the earth type of guy. Everybody in our family loves him. My sincere hope is that you'll find a salt-of-the-earth type of guy for you. They're out there. |
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Don't let yourself be manipulated (the guilt trip thing). If you feel inclined to discuss things with him, ask yourself: - Can I trust him? - Does he really mean it when he says he'll change? - Can I expect him to respect me? If you can't give these questions a solid "Yes", listen to your gut. People who are in that kind of mindset are stuck in their patterns. Have you ever seen a kid who wants something and says, "I promise I'll be good." What happens when the brat gets what he wants? The same cycle starts up again. I'm a believer in marriage, and I place a great value on mine. This is my second. I tried to salvage my first, but it takes both parties to make it work. I learned a lot the hard way. My first wife and I weren't compatible. It's hard to be objective in the middle of a situation like this. Think things through carefully. |
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I went out to the house this afternoon to talk with him..He had been very busy over ther weekend.He had done alot of cleaning and getting rid of the piles of crap that I could not throw away. I believe that he is really sorry and ashamed for the way that he had been treating me.He couldnt believe that I had not shot him.I told the honest truth that I had thought about it.The only thing that stopped me is that it is illegal and I didnt want to ruin the rest of my life. I feel like a cold hearted jerk.I didnt cry this evening,he did the crying.I did cry when I got back to my parents. He keeps telling me that he knows I got to decide what I need to do. I know what I want and it is not going to be easy for him to accept. I have been looking for a palce to rent but thanks to Wal-Mart the rent for any decent place is almost impossible for a single person to afford.I could change the subject and start on a I hate Wal-Mart tear but if Wal-Mart stopped buying the trash bags I help make I would be out of a job. |
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Brenda, I didn't read all the replies so I'm probably repeating someone, but here's what I think; You have to drop the guilt ASAP. If you thought it out before you left, you've already decided that it was mandatory to leave, so therefore no need for guilt. You mentioned talking to him, and that's not good. If you're truly not going back, don't talk to him unless it's something you can't get a lawyer to say. Every conversation, no matter what words are said, tell him you still care and want to come back. Be very careful. If he gets mean, you don't want to be caught unaware. Stay alert, and if you have friendly neighbors tell them what's going on too. Extra eyes watching for a certain vehicle that doesn't belong works quite well. They don't have to get involved directly, just make a discrete phone call to warn you. Live your life, but while keeping your chin up keep your guard up too. (At least for now). I hope it all works out well for you in the end. |
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Brenda, You (and every one of us) deserve to be treated with respect. I always give it and I demand it from everyone. Life is too damn short to put up with being put down and treated badly. Emotional abuse is destructive in many ways. I applaud you for taking a stand and putting this toxic bastard out of your life. Keep the faith sister. There are so many great folks out there. I trust that you will find your way. With much affection from the ARFCOM community, PITSNIPE 
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Brenda, Stay strong and don't give in. Once a person show's his/her true side. Then that's who they are. They may change for a little while, when they loose something. But if that something comes back, after a while there true side will come out again. I see and hear so many people, that stay miserable way to long. Whether it's mental or physical. You'll be proud of yourself after time passes. Hang tough girl! YOU CAN DO IT! |
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Well guys I have to let you all know that I have give him another chance.I have been back home for a week and it has gone well.He knows the ground rules.When I told my Dad what I was going to do he said that I needed to tell him that if he started going back to his old ways that I would be gone.He wanted to know what my folks thought about my decision.I told him what was said and he agree with them. He knows what he was doing was wrong and has been helping around the house and helping with Myrt and Frosty. He had the trash set out Tuesday evening when I got home from work and that was a first. He has even made up a to do list for this weekend while I'm at work and it's not setting a his ass. I feel comfortable around him and I havent felt that way for some time.I use to hate coming home after work but Monday and Tuesday I was ready to get the hell out of Dodge and get home. Thanks again for your support of me during this trying time. I hope that the support will continue for the both of us and staying together. |