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9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 1/2/2006 12:29:21 PM EDT
I've been wondering about these virgins for some time now. There isn't really much information about them regarding quality, it's all quantity. What if it turns out they're just 72 chicks so butt-ugly that they couldn't get laid while they were alive? I'll bet Johnny Jihad would be pissed....

CO
Link Posted: 1/2/2006 12:30:38 PM EDT
Maybe it's a mistranslation?

I think it says 72 sturgeons.
Link Posted: 1/2/2006 12:31:15 PM EDT
I always heard they were men..
Link Posted: 1/2/2006 12:32:33 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/2/2006 12:33:13 PM EDT by Triumph955i]
I dunno.

If you had 72 virgins to spend eternity with....


i'm sure you would make the best of it.

Even if she is a unibrow kinda chic.


ETA: where does the 72 come into it??
Link Posted: 1/2/2006 12:32:38 PM EDT
One of the big universities recently checked the translation of the ancient texts.

It really say there's only ONE virgin, and she's 72.
Link Posted: 1/2/2006 12:34:07 PM EDT
I think they are just a bunch of fat chicks that could not get laid so Allah punished them by making them have sex with the terrorists that were stupid enough to buy into the whole 72 virgins thing.....you know now that I read that it makes no sensehinking.gif

I just want all the damn Tommy Talibans and Joimmy Jihadist to DIE!
Link Posted: 1/2/2006 12:35:48 PM EDT
I've heard it translated as 72 Crystal Raisins.

Boy, would I be pissed.

Link Posted: 1/2/2006 12:36:31 PM EDT

Originally Posted By zanthope:
One of the big universities recently checked the translation of the ancient texts.

It really say there's only ONE virgin, and she's 72.



Link Posted: 1/2/2006 12:36:42 PM EDT
nope look at it this way 72 virgins, and they will stay that way for ever. i mean it does say eternity with 72 virgins, that means they will be virgins for enternity
Link Posted: 1/2/2006 12:38:29 PM EDT
72 virgin sheep
Link Posted: 1/2/2006 12:38:31 PM EDT
Thats a myth they love to hear.
Link Posted: 1/2/2006 12:38:49 PM EDT
I'd rather have 2 virgins and 70 porn stars
Link Posted: 1/2/2006 12:39:03 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/2/2006 12:39:24 PM EDT by vito113]
Link Posted: 1/2/2006 12:40:56 PM EDT

Originally Posted By CasualObserver:
What if it turns out they're just 72 chicks so butt-ugly that they couldn't get laid while they were alive? I'll bet Johnny Jihad would be pissed....

CO



Anythings gotta be better than a goat!
Link Posted: 1/2/2006 12:41:29 PM EDT
I hope this works..



My favorite shirt I love to wear!
Link Posted: 1/2/2006 12:41:59 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/2/2006 12:43:02 PM EDT by jkstexas2001]
There is a basic inconsistency here. According to this sect of Islam, the radical sect, Allah wants you to live a holy life, pure from sexual defilement (they make the women wear burkas to keep the men from lusting); yet, if you die in jihad, you are given 72 women, to whom you are not married, to satisfy pure, unadulterated sexual lust. It is like allah tells you its wrong to steal, but once you get to paradise, you are given a gun and told to go around and rob people all you want.
Link Posted: 1/2/2006 12:43:15 PM EDT
2 interesting facts I've learned:

First, when Semitic texts (Hebrew, Aramaic, Arabic, etc., things like the Torah and Q'uran) use a number such as 70-something, or a high number like that, it usually means innumerable, indefinite, or infinite, because most people didn't have enough of a concept of higher numbers back when these texts were created (note I say most, not all).

Second, from my own (admittedly meager) studies of Hebrew, I've noticed a certain thing (that supposedly holds true for most other Semitic languages), which is that the word for "virgin" or "young woman" is also the same as "ripe fig," "ripe grape," "delicious grape/grape of unusual clarity and taste," etc.

So, there is a school of thought that notes this, and thinks perhaps it refers not to 72 or infinite virgins, but rather to innumerable sweet fruits, a delicious feast.

I suppose if you were really desperate, you could have sex with a big-enough fig, but still...
Link Posted: 1/2/2006 12:46:49 PM EDT
Yup, 72 virgins. Gender to be decided at a later time
Link Posted: 1/2/2006 12:55:58 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/2/2006 1:05:56 PM EDT by vito113]
Link Posted: 1/2/2006 12:57:20 PM EDT

Originally Posted By MagKnightX:
2 interesting facts I've learned:

First, when Semitic texts (Hebrew, Aramaic, Arabic, etc., things like the Torah and Q'uran) use a number such as 70-something, or a high number like that, it usually means innumerable, indefinite, or infinite, because most people didn't have enough of a concept of higher numbers back when these texts were created (note I say most, not all).

Second, from my own (admittedly meager) studies of Hebrew, I've noticed a certain thing (that supposedly holds true for most other Semitic languages), which is that the word for "virgin" or "young woman" is also the same as "ripe fig," "ripe grape," "delicious grape/grape of unusual clarity and taste," etc.

So, there is a school of thought that notes this, and thinks perhaps it refers not to 72 or infinite virgins, but rather to innumerable sweet fruits, a delicious feast.

I suppose if you were really desperate, you could have sex with a big-enough fig, but still...



Sig line created!

Link Posted: 1/2/2006 12:58:03 PM EDT
If it was me I would want 72 porn stars. No learning curve issues.
Link Posted: 1/2/2006 1:03:07 PM EDT

Originally Posted By MagKnightX:
2 interesting facts I've learned:

First, when Semitic texts (Hebrew, Aramaic, Arabic, etc., things like the Torah and Q'uran) use a number such as 70-something, or a high number like that, it usually means innumerable, indefinite, or infinite, because most people didn't have enough of a concept of higher numbers back when these texts were created (note I say most, not all).

Second, from my own (admittedly meager) studies of Hebrew, I've noticed a certain thing (that supposedly holds true for most other Semitic languages), which is that the word for "virgin" or "young woman" is also the same as "ripe fig," "ripe grape," "delicious grape/grape of unusual clarity and taste," etc.

So, there is a school of thought that notes this, and thinks perhaps it refers not to 72 or infinite virgins, but rather to innumerable sweet fruits, a delicious feast.

I suppose if you were really desperate, you could have sex with a big-enough fig, but still...



This is exactly the interpretation I've heard.

At the time these texts were written, foods such as preserved fruits (specifically "golden raisins" in the case of this misunderstood translation) were an incredible delicacy, and incomprehensibly rare. Kind of like the incenses myrhh and frankincense being worth their weight in gold.

Like has been said earlier, there's going to be some pissed off Jihadists
Link Posted: 1/2/2006 1:07:24 PM EDT
Seventy two is a lot of work.Not sure I'd want to put up with 72 honey-do lists,either........
Link Posted: 1/2/2006 1:11:31 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Bama-Shooter:
72 virgin sheep



They might consider that a plus.
Link Posted: 1/2/2006 1:14:38 PM EDT
Trapped for eternity with 72 woman? What kind of reward is that? No wonder these people are so bitter and hate the rest of the world!
Link Posted: 1/2/2006 1:39:02 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/2/2006 1:43:32 PM EDT by glockguy40]

Originally Posted By vito113:
I posted on an islamic ICQ board and asked them about these 72 Virginians they were promised...

None of the RoPers caught the joke....


ANdy



You know you are now on MI5's watchlist right???
Link Posted: 1/2/2006 1:50:50 PM EDT
1) What if the bomber wants girls with more experience?

2) What if one virgin is no good in bed? Does she get replaced or is he stuck with 71?

3) If he's gay, does he get male virgins?

4) What if he's celibate? What does he get?

5) What if he hasn't reached puberty yet? Does he get 72 Xboxes till he comes of age?

6) If he's bi, does he get 36 of each?

7) If he blows himself up while building the bomb, does he still get credit?

8) What do you call a relationship with 72 women, a menage-a-soixante-deux?

9) Are they like 72 wives or 1 wife and 71 concubines?

10) What if he's ugly or smells bad and the virgins don't want anything to do with him?

11) Is there viagra in paradise? Ya know, just in case?

12) Is there an age of consent?

13) When they're deflowered, do they get replaced by new virgins or are they "born again"?

14) Do they become his common-law wives eventually?

15) If he has a tryst with a 73rd virgin, do the others consider it cheating?

16) Do the virgins have a union? If so, can they strike if they're not satisfied?

17) Is there a temp agency that replaces virgins if they call in sick?

18) What if the bomber's into animals? Does he get accommodated?

19) Why 72? Is 71 too few? Is 73 too many?

20) If it was a female bomber, how do the male virgins prove their virginity?

21) What happens when paradise runs out of virgins?

22) Can a bomber make reservations on specific virgins before he blows himself up?

23) If there are no virgins available, is he put on a waiting list?

24) If he's a catholic priest, does he get 72 little boys?

25) Would you call a female bomber a bombshell?

26) Would you call a child bomber a bombino?

27) Is it not 73 out of respect for Barry Bond's home run record?

28) If the bomber previously dated one of the virgins, does it get awkward?

29) Do they have a bomb squad in paradise just in case one of the charges didn't go off?

30) Did they start using female bombers because they ran out of virgins for the guys?

31) If she's a lesbian, do they "convert" the virgins, or will straight girls suffice her?

32) Does a hermaphrodite bomber get hermaphrodite virgins?

33) If so, are there 72 available?

34) If they run out of virgins, do they get inflatable dolls till they find more?

35) If a bomber finds an infidel in paradise, can he blow him up and get 72 more virgins?

36) Could the Koran have had a typo and it actually provided just one 72 year old virgin?

37) Is Muslim hell being one of the 72 virgins?

38) Instead of 72 guys, would a female bomber settle for 1 man who does dishes and garbage?

39) Do the bombers go broke on Valentine's Day?

40) If he's monogamous, does he pick one of the 72 or does he get a supermodel?

41) What if he doesn't like either gender? Does he just klutz around in paradise?

42) Eternity is long, and eventually he'll grow bored of his 72 women. What happens then?

43) How does he pick the 72 to begin with? Lottery? Beauty pageant? Police lineup?

44) Is he allowed to covet his neighbor's virgins?

45) Do the virgins have agents and/or contracts?

46) If so, can a virgin request to be traded or put on waivers if she's unhappy?

47) What should he say if one of the virgins asks "Does this Burka make me look fat?"

48) If he gives the wrong answer, is he uh, screwed?

49) How is anyone expected to handle a catfight amongst 72 women?

50) Did the 9/11 hijackers who didn't know they were going to die get 72 virgins too?

51) Are scouts employed to find virgin talent?

52) Do the virgins ever retire, or do they remain virgins forever?

53) If they retire, what kind of pension plan do they get?

54) Wouldn't it be interesting if they're virgins because they're ugly?

55) So is it 72 Muslim girls or like 1 virgin from every culture?

56) Wouldn't it be sweet if Lorena Bobbit got hired as one of the virgins?

57) What does Gloria Steinem have to say about all this?

58) When he gets home, does he have to say "How was your day?" to all 72 virgins?

59) Do they have counseling for sexual addiction in paradise?

60) If the virgins start hogging the remote, is he in hell?

61) They must take up an entire theater when they go to the movies, huh?

62) Are there restaurants in paradise that can accommodate a reservation for 73?

63) If a virgin suffers from multiple personalities, is she considered two virgins?

64) Does he get all the virgins at once, or do they have an installment plan?

65) Is the bomber entitled to subsitutes, exchanges, or refunds?

66) What if all the king's horses and all the king's men can't put the bomber together again?

67) Is "not tonight, dear, I have a headache" a valid excuse in paradise?

68) Do the virgins come with a warranty?

69) If so, does paradise replace defective parts and provide on-site service?

70) What do you call a lifetime warranty if you're dead?

71) Do siamese twin bombers get 144 virgins?

72) Who gets to clean up all those nasty sheets?

Link here


Link Posted: 1/2/2006 11:15:16 PM EDT
Link Posted: 1/2/2006 11:17:25 PM EDT

Originally Posted By scotty1911:
nope look at it this way 72 virgins, and they will stay that way for ever. i mean it does say eternity with 72 virgins, that means they will be virgins for enternity



In "Dogma" nobody had sexual organs in Heaven, so I guess they will stay virgins.
Link Posted: 1/3/2006 5:02:45 AM EDT
I heard it was 72 virgins, but it's the same 72 every time...
Link Posted: 1/3/2006 5:04:58 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/3/2006 5:18:54 AM EDT
I can't figure why a virgin, let alone 72 of them, would want to throw down with the offspring of Sand Gnats & Swine.

Link Posted: 1/3/2006 5:27:53 AM EDT

Originally Posted By zanthope:
One of the big universities recently checked the translation of the ancient texts.

It really say there's only ONE virgin, and she's 72.



that almost beats 72 Virginians!
Link Posted: 1/3/2006 7:07:19 AM EDT
I guess 72 virgins would be a treat since the only virgins in arabic countries are camels. The reason, they are the only thing that can run faster than an arabian man.

Billster
Link Posted: 1/3/2006 7:09:22 AM EDT

Originally Posted By jkstexas2001:
There is a basic inconsistency here. According to this sect of Islam, the radical sect, Allah wants you to live a holy life, pure from sexual defilement (they make the women wear burkas to keep the men from lusting); yet, if you die in jihad, you are given 72 women, to whom you are not married, to satisfy pure, unadulterated sexual lust. It is like allah tells you its wrong to steal, but once you get to paradise, you are given a gun and told to go around and rob people all you want.



Indeed.

That never made much sense to me.
Link Posted: 1/3/2006 7:51:55 AM EDT
What Allah meant was that when Johnny Jihad blows himself up, he ends up in a Star Trek Convention.
Link Posted: 1/3/2006 7:55:43 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/3/2006 7:56:01 AM EDT by Stealth]

Originally Posted By Javak:
What Allah meant was that when Johnny Jihad blows himself up, he ends up in a Star Trek Convention.



That one took me a minute.
Link Posted: 1/3/2006 9:08:52 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/3/2006 9:11:19 AM EDT by panzersergeant]


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