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Posted: 10/3/2005 7:38:35 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/3/2005 9:54:51 PM EDT by Roland_O_Gilead]
I was eagerly watching my tracking numbers from Ammoman all day long. I had ~ 5,000 rounds of assorted 5.56, 7.62, 12 gauge, .22LR and five AR mags coming in one shipment of six boxes. I was not able to be at home due to a busy teaching schedule today.

Around 8:30 I got out of hapkido class and checked my messages. There was one from an older woman calling about all of the packages that UPS accidentally left on her mother's back porch. She asked that I call immediately. She sounded very upset.

I dialed the number she left and caught her mother who began asking me a whole satchel of questions. One of my housemates had already been called about the package and was supposedly on his way to get it. I told her that they were really heavy and that if she could wait a few minutes I could get them without troubling anyone.

Her tone changed. "Yes! What on earth is in those packages young man! Don't hang up yet! I am not letting you hang up until you tell me what makes those boxes so heavy!"

Me: "Um, well, you see, I am a long distance target shooter" (yeah right) "and I order ammunition in bulk."

Her: [GASP] "Goodbye!" - as she slams the phone down.

So I am now seeing visions of myself huffing and puffing over these heavy boxes on her back porch just as the cops that she called to report my terrorist activities roll up and draw down on me. I hurry home and find out that my housemate has already gone across the street in his pickup to load the packages for her. I am not sure which house hers is so I am skulking around people's driveways looking for his pickup truck.

Did I mention that I am wearing jet black pajamas at 9:00 PM? Remember, I had just left hapkido class.

I finally hear my housemate's voice coming out of a door and I walk up calling out loudly so no one gets freaked out. I see him talking with this lady - who must be at least 90. A sturdy 90 but very old nonetheless.

Me: "I'm here! Let me get the boxes and I'll be out of your way!"

Lady: "No! Come inside and let me have a look at you. And tell me what makes these boxes so heavy"

Ed (housemate): "We've been arguing which one of these boxes has the ammo in it. Is it this one with the red label?"

Me: "Actually, all of them are full of ammo."

Ed and my neighbor take a wide-eyed look at each other. See, we share no living space so Ed has no idea that I even own a gun.

Lady: "I see! You're an anarchist! Look at the way you're dressed! You're a crazy anarchist!"



The conversation went on for awhile and the lady turned out to be rather charming. Ed and I loaded up the boxes and got to talking about guns. Turns out his (single) sister is a crack marksman and Ed (who is an effeminate gay man) used to be a cop for several years! Weird.

It took me an hour to clean out my safe enough to fit in all that ammo.

I am going fishing this weekend.
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 7:42:55 PM EDT
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 7:43:09 PM EDT
ANARCHIST NINJAS!!!
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 7:43:53 PM EDT
Now that's funny
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 7:44:54 PM EDT



Shoulda told her it was porn, lots of porn......or maybe bed-pans for her and her friends
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 7:55:30 PM EDT
shouldda told her it was depends
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 8:02:57 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/3/2005 8:05:23 PM EDT by ark-and-spark]
You live with an effeminate gay man???????
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 8:08:29 PM EDT
The stories here just get curiouser and curiouser...........
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 8:10:55 PM EDT
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 8:11:43 PM EDT
Strange things are afoot at the Circle K.
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 8:12:11 PM EDT

Originally Posted By out-a-ammo:
ANARCHIST NINJAS!!!



Link Posted: 10/3/2005 8:15:20 PM EDT
You need to buy a team membership just to use that as a sigline.
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 8:25:54 PM EDT
This is sounding like an ARFCOM version of a sitcom.

Link Posted: 10/3/2005 8:27:50 PM EDT

Originally Posted By ark-and-spark:
You live with an effeminate gay man???????




Thats what I got out of it.
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 8:30:22 PM EDT
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 8:31:22 PM EDT
Sooooo

You have a gay "housemate" ???
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 8:33:59 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/3/2005 8:34:17 PM EDT by The_Friendly_Sponge]

Originally Posted By out-a-ammo:
ANARCHIST NINJAS!!!




Wouldn't that be "GAY ANARCHIST NINJAS?"

Link Posted: 10/3/2005 8:35:43 PM EDT
hahaha, not bad.
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 8:35:50 PM EDT
Okay folks, about the "housemate."

I live in basement of a million-dollar home in what is probably the nicest neighborhood in all of Atlanta. The 72 year old owner and his 31 year old "roommate" live in the two floors above me. We do not share any living space, so get those dirty thoughts out of your head.

The conversation with Ed was more interesting than I let on - he turned out to be really conservative and a big Neal Boortz fan. We talked about his dad making Master Chief and about the Fair Tax.

I have often wondered if my neighbors think that I am the third member in their little tryst . . . I hope not. Then again they have seen God knows how many girls park their cars out front overnight.

Link Posted: 10/3/2005 8:40:41 PM EDT
thats funny stuff right there
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 8:43:07 PM EDT

72 year old owner and his 31 year old "roommate" live in the two floors above me.


Do you ever hear them having sex? One time I heard my parents having sex and fucked me up for a long time (I was about 20 years old at the time).

How do you know they haven't sneaked into your room at night and whacked each other off while they watch you sleep? They may have peephole cameras in your bathroom too.

Link Posted: 10/3/2005 8:49:35 PM EDT

Originally Posted By ArmedAndRetarded:

72 year old owner and his 31 year old "roommate" live in the two floors above me.


Do you ever hear them having sex? One time I heard my parents having sex and fucked me up for a long time (I was about 20 years old at the time).

How do you know they haven't sneaked into your room at night and whacked each other off while they watch you sleep? They may have peephole cameras in your bathroom too.




Yes. Usually I hear them watching gay porn and then I hear them having sex.

It's okay. It's not like they don't know what my girlfriends' vocal chords are capable of.
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 8:49:44 PM EDT
OK, I'm waiting for the punchline...
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 8:59:30 PM EDT

Originally Posted By A_Free_Man:
OK, I'm waiting for the punchline...



ThiS poor bastard bought "5,000 rounds of assorted 5.56, 7.62, 12 gauge, .22LR and five AR mags " and he is practicing hapkido in a darkened room while the elderly lady across the streets spies on him while the the gay guys are pounding away at each other...

AND YOU WANT A PUNCHLINE!!!!!!
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 9:01:31 PM EDT
My collage roomate's mother came over to the apartment one day and seen my plastic bag full of chinesse 7.62x39 that was copper washed and grilled me about that funny looking ammo. She said she had never seen bullets that color.
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 9:24:05 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/3/2005 9:26:09 PM EDT by PeteCO]

Originally Posted By ArmedAndRetarded:

72 year old owner and his 31 year old "roommate" live in the two floors above me.


Do you ever hear them having sex? One time I heard my parents having sex and fucked me up for a long time (I was about 20 years old at the time).

How do you know they haven't sneaked into your room at night and whacked each other off while they watch you sleep? They may have peephole cameras in your bathroom too.





You have an interesting imagination



Originally Posted By Roland_O_Gilead:
Yes. Usually I hear them watching gay porn and then I hear them having sex.

It's okay. It's not like they don't know what my girlfriends' vocal chords are capable of.



This fucking thread keeps getting better and better!
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 9:25:24 PM EDT

Lady: "I see! You're an anarchist! Look at the way you're dressed! You're a crazy anarchist!"



When she's right, she's right...
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 9:29:26 PM EDT
Actually, sometimes I think they are getting up to S&M or something crazy like that. I hear one of them screaming like hell and the other one yelling "SCREAM LOUDER! SCREAM LOUDER!"

That's usually when I put on 24 and practice dry-firing with my Sig.
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 9:35:51 PM EDT

Actually, sometimes I think they are getting up to S&M or something crazy like that. I hear one of them screaming like hell and the other one yelling "SCREAM LOUDER! SCREAM LOUDER!"


I'm sure if you're curious they'd let you watch or join in. If you do, please DO NOT post a thread about it.
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 9:39:26 PM EDT

Originally Posted By ArmedAndRetarded:

Actually, sometimes I think they are getting up to S&M or something crazy like that. I hear one of them screaming like hell and the other one yelling "SCREAM LOUDER! SCREAM LOUDER!"


I'm sure if you're curious they'd let you watch or join in. If you do, please DO NOT post a thread about it.



That's okay. I have not yet exhausted the endless ways to serve pie and am not looking to try sausage any time this century.
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 9:41:51 PM EDT
tag this bitch!
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 9:42:52 PM EDT

Originally Posted By mjrowley:
tag this bitch!



Me too...
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 9:50:06 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Roland_O_Gilead:
Actually, sometimes I think they are getting up to S&M or something crazy like that. I hear one of them screaming like hell and the other one yelling "SCREAM LOUDER! SCREAM LOUDER!"

That's usually when I put on 24 and practice dry-firing with my Sig.




At least you don't rub one out.......
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 9:54:11 PM EDT

Originally Posted By PeteCO:

Originally Posted By Roland_O_Gilead:
Actually, sometimes I think they are getting up to S&M or something crazy like that. I hear one of them screaming like hell and the other one yelling "SCREAM LOUDER! SCREAM LOUDER!"

That's usually when I put on 24 and practice dry-firing with my Sig.




At least you don't rub one out.......



Trust me, if there were any homosexuality in my blood it would have "come out" by now living in Midtown Atlanta. I could have already picked up a rich "sugar daddy" down at Starbucks.

Sometimes I bring hot girls to Starbucks and have them hang all over me to let the gay men know that I am not to be bothered.

Link Posted: 10/3/2005 9:57:43 PM EDT
tag
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 10:36:58 PM EDT
Sorry, John Cusack's line "....they are all heavily armed and on Mescalin..." came to mind...
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 10:52:53 PM EDT
She probably thought you were the mall ninja.
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 10:58:12 PM EDT
It is threads like this that make me wish I hadnt learned to read.
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 11:01:13 PM EDT
Now That was funny
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 11:06:39 PM EDT

This is some funny chit
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 11:22:47 PM EDT
"Do you like movies about gladiators?"

"Ya ever... seen a grown man naked?"

"Ya ever... hang around a gymnasium?"

"Have you ever been in a... in a Turkish prison?"
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 11:30:20 PM EDT
I have a new sig line now....
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 11:34:56 PM EDT
Why do I always run into threads like these at 3:30 in the morning at the library? There's maybe 15 people in here, dead quiet except for my snorting and suppressed laughter.
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 11:35:51 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Surf:

Originally Posted By A_Free_Man:
OK, I'm waiting for the punchline...



ThiS poor bastard bought "5,000 rounds of assorted 5.56, 7.62, 12 gauge, .22LR and five AR mags " and he is practicing hapkido in a darkened room while the elderly lady across the streets spies on him while the the gay guys are pounding away at each other...

AND YOU WANT A PUNCHLINE!!!!!!



That is the funniest thing I have heard all week. Thank you
Link Posted: 10/3/2005 11:44:23 PM EDT
oh soooo tagged
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 12:55:05 AM EDT
Take the elderly neighbor lady shooting. See how much ammo she burns up. Then she can see that you ONLY had 5000 rounds.

ktm500
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 1:28:36 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Roland_O_Gilead:
The conversation went on for awhile and the lady turned out to be rather charming. Ed and I loaded up the boxes and got to talking about guns. Turns out his (single) sister is a crack marksman and Ed (who is an effeminate gay man) used to be a cop for several years! Weird.



Savannah?
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 2:12:21 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Roland_O_Gilead:

Originally Posted By PeteCO:

Originally Posted By Roland_O_Gilead:
Actually, sometimes I think they are getting up to S&M or something crazy like that. I hear one of them screaming like hell and the other one yelling "SCREAM LOUDER! SCREAM LOUDER!"

That's usually when I put on 24 and practice dry-firing with my Sig.




At least you don't rub one out.......



Trust me, if there were any homosexuality in my blood it would have "come out" by now living in Midtown Atlanta. I could have already picked up a rich "sugar daddy" down at Starbucks.

Sometimes I bring hot girls to Starbucks and have them hang all over me to let the gay men know that I am not to be bothered.




Ok, I would like to nominate this thread for "Thread of the Year"!!

On a side note, I have a pretty good idea where Roland lives, and it is beautiful women galore. I always promised myself if I ever got divorced, I would move back there and never leave. I do not know if I could live in the same house with two gay men having sex, but hey let bygones be bygones.


Bigfeet
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 2:30:00 AM EDT
IBPT (page 20, that is)
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 2:36:59 AM EDT
Living in a neighborhood with so many gay guys could have it's advantages. Just think how many girls there are out there who have no boyfriend. LOL. A large percentage of gay guys in the area will cut down on the competition, meaning more hot womenz for you.
Link Posted: 10/4/2005 2:51:07 AM EDT
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