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9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 5/8/2001 10:40:45 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/8/2001 10:44:06 AM EDT by Mark IV]
It's that time of the year again. As always, a good read. Hot off the press. The 2000-2001 Darwin Awards Are Here!! The Darwin Awards, for those not familiar, are for those individuals who contribute to the survival of the fittest by eliminating themselves from the gene pool before they have a chance to breed. 1. A young Canadian man, searching for a way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk. Not surprisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited into the fireplace in his house. This resulting explosion and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his sister. 2. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of his home died of suffocation, according to police. He was approximately 6'2" tall and weighed 225 pounds. He was wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle shoes, and a woman's wig. It appeared that he was trying to create a schoolgirl's uniform look. He was also wearing a military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and a rubber hose attached in its place. The other end of the hose was connected to one end of a hollow wooden tube approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter. The tube's other end was inserted into his rear end for reasons unknown, and was the cause of his suffocation. Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of his death to his family very awkward. 3. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at low altitude when another plane approached. It appears that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane, but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed. They were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants around their ankles. 4. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call. She had no details before arriving, except that someone had reported that he was not breathing. Upon arrival, the officer found the man face down on the couch, naked. When she rolled him over to check for a pulse and to start CPR, she noticed burn marks around his genitals. After the ambulance arrived and removed the man-who was declared dead on arrival at the hospital the police made a closer inspection of the couch, and noticed that the man had made a hole between the cushions. Upon flipping the couch over, they discovered what caused his death. Aparently the man had a habit of putting his penis between the cushions, down into the hole and between two electrical sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for obvious reasons). According to the story, after his orgasm the discharge shorted out one of the sanders, electrocuting him.
Link Posted: 5/8/2001 10:41:47 AM EDT
5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a highway near Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously injuring her passenger and killing herself. As a commonplace road accident, this would not have qualified for a Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that the driver's attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi key ring, which had started urgently beeping for food as she drove along. In an attempt to press the correct buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman lost her own. 6. A 22-year-old Reston, VA man was found dead after he tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot railroad trestle. Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia, a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together, wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the pavement. Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was found nearby. "The length of the cord that he had assembled was greater than the distance between the trestle and the ground," Carmichael said. Police say the apparent cause of death was "Major trauma." 7. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites. It seems that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using the rattlesnake as a ball. The friend, no doubt a future Darwin Awards candidate, was hospitalized. 8. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas noticed the smell of a gas leak. Sensibly, management evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential sources of ignition lights, power, etc. After the building had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company were dispatched. Upon entering the building, they found they had difficulty navigating in the dark. To their frustration, none of the lights worked (you can see what's coming, can't you). Witnesses later described the sight of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and retrieving an object, that resembled a cigarette lighter. Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three miles away. Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was virtually untouched by the explosion. The technician suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of as 'bright' by his peers.
Link Posted: 5/8/2001 10:52:27 AM EDT
Favorite time of year..... Almost as good as Christmas.
Link Posted: 5/8/2001 11:04:48 AM EDT
it is a fact stupid people have stupid children so please if your stupid dont have sex if u must have sex please have sex with animals prefarbly anime that are smarter than u are that way if by some biological fluke u and the animal have offspring the offspring will be smarter than u are this message brought to you by the collection of people that are smarter than u are
Link Posted: 5/8/2001 1:01:50 PM EDT
btt
Link Posted: 5/8/2001 1:16:04 PM EDT
The sander one made me actually laugh out loud.
Link Posted: 5/8/2001 1:25:30 PM EDT
In reference to #4 - Thats why you get the cordless one's!! You just can make this stuff up can you. Labrat454
Link Posted: 5/8/2001 1:44:36 PM EDT
Originally Posted By M15A2: The sander one made me actually laugh out loud.
View Quote
I guess I better not do that anymore!
Link Posted: 5/8/2001 1:45:08 PM EDT
hehehehahahahaha
Link Posted: 5/8/2001 1:45:28 PM EDT
#6 was the best, just looking for some fun on his day off [:D]
Link Posted: 5/8/2001 2:06:33 PM EDT
#6 is good because I know exactly were that is. Funny I did not hear it on the local news.
Link Posted: 5/8/2001 3:59:08 PM EDT
Ahhh yes, the Darwins... Always, always good for a laugh. Thanks for sharing. I had forgotten about them.
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