With the recent school shooting I have decided to state my opinions on kids/parents and why they are so screwed up.

1. No GOD in their life...this leads to no moral values and little sense of right and wrong.

2. Single parent families..leads to poor supervision, less love in the home,no stability or routine in the kids life

3. Both parents working..A kid needs there MOTHER at home when they get home. A women provides direction, supervision and love. They are the most important person in a childs life.

4. Wimpy/non-existant fathers...Fathers need to spend quality time with kids, exspecially boys.

No here is the kicker..If your wife stays at home you will have to suffer financially, people will call you backwards in thinking, even say you (the man) are being abusive to your wife by having her stay at home.

If you believe in GOD they will say you are ignorant, weak willed, and maybe even a fanatic!!  After all, science shows us how the world really works...right?

My point is this..if you have kids they need a parent at home, both parents must participate in their lives, and a sense of direction/morality (ie GOD!!).

You may suffer because of this.  You may not be able to buy new cars or a new home, but as a parent it is your job to make these sacrifices.  This includes working thru problems with a difficult spouse,putting off your wants, and sacraficing your time for the sake of your kids and the family.  If you do this you may be ridiculed and looked down on, but at least your kids will grow up as good human beings.

sgtar15

I have a 5 year old daughter, and a son due ANY DAY now.  We cherish, value and love our daughter, as we will our son.  And by "we", I mean my wife and I.  They will grow up in a home, note I did not say house, that loves, needs and teaches them.  There will be boundries, and freedoms.  There will be consequences for poor action, and encouragement, note I did not say reward, for proper action.  But most of all: there IS LOVE.  My wife and I, sadly, are one of only two happy couples we know.  Our friends, families and co-workers are peppered with examples of broken marriages, homes, and children who are paying the price.  A price that will be, and IS, being passed on to the consumer, society as a whole.  I agree with Sgtar's point about God in the home as well, though we are Christian but not church-going, we send, and will continue to send, our daughter and son to a Christian school.

But even if you cannot find a way for Christ to be in your home, things would be so much better if COMMITMENT were there.  Commitment to each other, children, family, responsibility, etc.  Think of the benefits this would reap.  Can anyone point out a downside to commitment, honor and character?  Every society, every century, has it's problems, and every one thinks it is the herald of the end.  It isn't, in my opinion.  But, we live in a time where population centers are dense, stress is high, and yes, weapons are fairly easily had.  But access to a weapon is of no consequence to the argument.  That anyone, much less a CHILD, would consider using one in malice is at issue.  We must begin to address this, and point the finger where it needs to be pointed.

On the Maria Shriver special the other day one "mom" who I'm pretty sure was a single parent said " Well they were in their room playing with the gun and smoking Marijuana and doing things teenage boys shouldn't be doing!"
DUH! The gun got all the blame for killing this boy...But I beleive it was the lack of parental involvement that leads to a great majority of these types of tragedies.
Focus on the Family had some statistics about "Fatherless" children and they were astounding. I can not remember exactly but seems like it was 500 times more likely to get in trouble (ie= gangs,drugs,crime etc.) than homes that had a father. Motherless girls were more likely to get in trouble (ie= pregnant,drugs etc) than a family with a mother but not near as likel;y as when there is NO FATHER.[:(]
Men, We need to be good role models for our own children as well as others...If you and I don't then who will?
Elton John,Eminem,Marilyn Mansion,Charles Mansion...etc.
Our society and our Country needs good role models.
I saw a slogan the other day that said "Teach a kid to fish and shoot and they won't learn to shoot up!"
Lynn [uzi]  

Get real.  Surveys show that more people believe in God now than did in the 50s.  Lack of belief in God is obviously not the problem.  The problem is lack of self-discipline and lack of parental involvement.  Broken homes tend to produce broken personalities.

"Take your kids hunting so you don't have to hunt for your kids!" Ted Nugent

http://www.tnugent.com/kampforkids/index.shtml

This was was unsigned, but I think that our kids
should learn and maybe we won't have all the problems
RON


To thine own self be true

 I pledge allegiance to all the
things that are good about me.
 And I shall from this day forward
no longer try to be everything
to everybody.
 I shall no longer use all my
energies to fulfill the dreams of
others while mine go unattended.
 I shall use my assertive right to
take charge of my life.
 I shall never again know guilt,
for this pain is self-chosen.
 I shall fight the manipulators
and their ploys by standing up for
myself and my ideals.
 I shall insist upon being treated
with dignity and demand goodness
in my life.
 I shall speak the truth quietly
and clearly and listen to others.
 I shall be gentle with myself
and strive to be happy.
 I shall live positively.
 I shall begin NOW!

Ron

I work with delinquent youths addicted to drugs! and they are the winiest little b**ches! These kids shoot each other because they do not know at all how to deal with adversity! NO! SKILLS WHATSOEVER! These kids will shoot at each other,some have even beeen shot! but if a peer looks at them and they don't like it,it's "staff he's looking at me!" I liked my lob better bak in the gangmember days! you could reason with them and deal with them alright! but now i'm thinking to myself! if these kids are this weak as human beings it might be better to let darwin take over and let them remove themselves from the gene pool! These kids can't handle being told no! what are they going to do when real life hits them and their parents aren't going to take care of it anymore! Most of the kids i'm working with would be better off dead! rant over!

It's what my wife and I call '90's parenting.  "If you don't stop that I'll " but threat is never followed up on.  Kid never has any boundries and does as he pleases.

I regularly see parents "negotiating" with their kids.  "If you stop crying I'll buy you this toy," or "Quit running around or you won't get any ice cream when you get home."

What?  How about grab the kid by the ear, and when you get home send the kid to bed at 3pm and make them stay on their bed with NOTHING to do until the next morning.  Talk about torture, my parents didn't have to whack me to keep me in line (well, not usually).  You make a punishment really make the kid miserable and they will remember, they will mind.

The average parent sends the kid to their room for a 1/2 hour.  The kid is just laughing, yeah, I can cut this, it was worth it.

All this and lack of morals, lack of guidance, and lack of discipline.

What astounds me is when some kid is going off, disturbing others and if you comment to the parent, oh god, you are committing an act of terrorism against that poor child.  In a resturaunt a kid sat there and screamed and everyone just ignored it.  I leaned over and said, "Excuse me, your child is annoying everyone."  To which the guy replied, "Well what do you suggest I do?"  I told him, get take out until you can handle your child or until it matures enough to be in public.

The shock on that man's face.  He wanted to kill me.  I could tell by the looks on other's faces that they were relieved I said something.

What is he teaching that kid.  It's ok to do whatever you want, shit all over your neighbors, you are important, they aren't, the world revolves around you.

How hard is that for a youth with no morals to translate into, "they aren't important, I can shoot them all."

I hear so many adults say, "When I was in trouble at school, my parents asked me, what did I do.  Now the parents ask the school, what did you do to my child."

Actually, the most recent Gallup pole (1996) stated that 94% of Americans believe in God or a "universal spirit". In 1953-54 it was 99% (the highest level since the question was first asked in 1944).

There is a difference in believing in God and actually accepting God into your heart and living your life in his honor. Sadly, the latter case is less common today. I'm not a bible thumper and even I can tell the difference.

As a kid growing up in Los Angeles, we were taught to love God and obey his teaching as presented in the Bible. But we were also taught to fear his wrath. As an adult, I take a more pragmatic view of religion, but as a child, well, a little fear is good for them once in a while.

As sgtar15 said, it's a combination of things. However, I would not discount the beneficial effects associated with a sound spiritual upbringing.

Raising a child is a lot of work. Most people don't want to expend the effort. Plus a lot of kids don't have the extended family any more. The parents don't have the grandparents, great-grandparents, aunts and uncles for support. That's too bad, kids grow up and never understand what "family" means.  

stgar15 gets a big AMEN from me I agree a lot of people talk religion today,the BIBLE tells us in the last days we will have a form of GOD but deny the power of the real GOD.
ITS WHAT'S IN THE HEAD NOT IN THE HANDS--HAYBOY

i've just been given my flame-proof suit, complete with helmet, and i'm sure i'm going to need it here.

i take exception to the wording in sgtar15's initial post.  single parent families do not CAUSE problems in children.  rather, single parent families are MORE LIKELY to lead to poor supervision, less love in the home, and a lack of stability or routine in the kid's life.  however, this is not always the case.  because of circumstances, i was raised in a single parent home.  personally, i had more supervision, more love, and more routine than several of the kids i went to school with who had both parents, even one who stayed home.

i understand your point.  raising a child in a single parent situation is not getting off on the right foot to begin with.  but a single parent family is NOT the cause of so many of the problems.  it is the other circumstances that resulted in a single parent situation--immaturity on parents part, lack of love and respect on parents part, inability to make decision based on the child's welfare rather than parents' selfish desires (why they aren't biting the bullet and raising the child together in the first place)--that also lead to the problems ASSOCIATED with single parent children.

to illustrate here are two scenarios.  FIRST CASE: john and susie are 20 yrs. old.  the heat of the moment gets to them, a child is conceived, and for whatever reason, they do not decide to get married and raise the child together.  perhaps john is too selfish to sacrifice his freedom.  or susie decides (after the fact, of course) that this isn't the man she wants to raise her children (should've thought of that in the first place, huh?)  SECOND CASE: mike and amy have been married for several years and just had a newborn sone.  amy is killed in a car accident by a drunk driver and mike must raise his son alone, well family helps but you get the point.  at some point he will remarry, but his child comes first.

my point is that not all single parent households are the result of stupidity on parents' part, thus will not necessarily results in messed up kids.

but i understand your basic point:  people who would raise children under "wrong" or unhealthy circumstances shouldn't be raising children at all.  

As parents or single parent, we always, always want to do good for our child. We will make do whatever and whenever we can as our life dictated it. Some can do a whole lots, and some just can't.  I just feel sorry for those who wanted to but can't.  Weak, stupid, low or whatever you might want to call it, but not everybody is equal.  I hope you understand my point.  As for my kids, I have to watch out for the friends they hang out with. Kids sometime influence each other more than parents can.

God is not the answer (many people have been killed in the name of God throughout history), nor is the divorce rate, nor both parents working.  I was one of seven kids.  We were not raised on religion, but we were taught right and wrong.  We were very poor and both parents worked, but we knew when they got home, we would be loved, or punished if needed.  My old man was a corrections officer, so it was made clear what would happen if we screwed up.  Neither parent would hesitate to use a belt or switch when needed.  We were also taught to use and respect guns, but what the consequences would be from mom and dad if we so much as touched one without permission.  I am a Christian, but you don't have to be one to know right from wrong, nor do you have to be one to exercise control and discipline over your kids.  There is the big answer.  If it is a single parent home, or both parents work, show love when you are together with the kids combined with no compromise discipline.

ARlady,

You will get no arguement from me, but yours was an exception, not the rule.  My main points stand.

Lack of GOD
Lack of Parenting
Lack of Love/Discipline

Wheather it be one great parent or two, the main problem is when parents put their lives ahead of the kids.  As a father of two, my kids needs almost always come before mine, and that sometimes includes getting a new rifle.

sgtar15

I want to thank you guys and gal(s) for these kind of posts. Posts like these are the kind that provide the important guidance in raising a child in this crazy little world we have here.  
These are all issues I’ll be contending with come August.
Found out last month I’m going to be a father.
Found out yesterday I’m going to be a father of TWINS.
Looks like I really have my work cut out for me. I just hope that I can do as good of a job raising them, as my parents did raising me. I’m genuinely frightened about this. Very overwhelming.
I’m going to do the right thing. We’re getting married (May 5th). Bailing out was never aan option. I know it wasn’t done in necessarily the “right’ order, but I honestly believe the “big things” like this happen for a reason.

Is this then the start of TEOTWAWKI?

Sounds like it to me...

The problem can also be described this way:

Many parents treat their pets like children and treat their children like pets...

Now that is very good! Now that you mention it, I can say that I have seen it! And I agree with you 100%...

Congrats Coal Cracker!!  Twins!! WoW!!  Just follow your heart and tell your kids every day you love them and you will do fine.  I also highly reccommend you be present at the delivery.  The greatest moment of my life was being the first person to hold each of my kids.  I literally cried, it is something I will never forget.

sgtar15

PS.  My wife and I didn't do it in the right order eather.

lack of accountability! parents blame teachers, teachers blame parents. how many of you who coached thier kids baseball team and saw the kids who spent all day at the ball park, and the "parent" showed up just before dark to pick the kid up. or the kid gets a ride all the time because "mom&dad" are busy.not just bring your kids up in a christian environment, but spend serious time involved with thier lives. i know a lot of people do, but too many, way too many, are just so wrapped up in themselves that the kids are just tag along or not there at all. go fishin with the guys, fine, but take the kids as much as you can. they`re your kids, and too soon gone!

SGTAR 15 WROTE: With the recent school shooting I have decided to state my opinions on kids/parents and why they are so screwed up.

1. No GOD in their life...this leads to no moral values and little sense of right and wrong.

2. Single parent families..leads to poor supervision, less love in the home,no stability or routine in the kids life

3. Both parents working..A kid needs there MOTHER at home when they get home. A women provides direction, supervision and love. They are the most important person in a childs life.

4. Wimpy/non-existant fathers...Fathers need to spend quality time with kids, exspecially boys.

No here is the kicker..If your wife stays at home you will have to suffer financially, people will call you backwards in thinking, even say you (the man) are being abusive to your wife by having her stay at home.

If you believe in GOD they will say you are ignorant, weak willed, and maybe even a fanatic!! After all, science shows us how the world really works...right?

My point is this..if you have kids they need a parent at home, both parents must participate in their lives, and a sense of direction/morality (ie GOD!!).

You may suffer because of this. You may not be able to buy new cars or a new home, but as a parent it is your job to make these sacrifices. This includes working thru problems with a difficult spouse,putting off your wants, and sacraficing your time for the sake of your kids and the family. If you do this you may be ridiculed and looked down on, but at least your kids will grow up as good human beings.

sgtar15"

Hey sgtar15...

I'm gonna have to disagree there...

I am 14, a freshman in high school, and not the most popular kid in school.

I do not have god in my life (and that was my choice), my mother doesnt stay home, in fact, she lives 3 hours away from me. My father works 70 hour weeks, he just married someone who he's known for 3 MONTHS, and she works all different hours, ALL the time...

My dad and I say about 10 words to eachother per day, and my step mother, about 2, if even.

I am, and always have been into guns. They are locked into a safe (which I 1 of the keys), but the ammo is seperated.

Taking them to school, and shooting someone(s) has never even crossed my mind!

Black& Green-I know what you are talking about:
I coached a little league baseball team-the parents would drop their kids off and not return until the game was over-nice fucking parenting.  What really got my goat was when the game was finished, some parents wouldnt even be there at all. Once we waited for almost two hours before they finally came to get him.  Of course I would not leave him there alone.  I was so pissed at these parents I did not even say a word to them-they did not even get out of their new SUV to say "thanks" for babysitting their kid.  The funny part is that the parents that 'appeared' to not have the most money (beater cars/clothes) were 100% better at attending than the rich bastard fucks that dropped their kids off.  Take care of your kids and maybe in the future, when you need it, they will take care of you.

cleatus, correct about the "type" of parents to a great extent. but it isn`t always true. the thing that lacks the most is that parents don`t teach they`re kids to respect others, often due to the fact that there is little or no self respect,in themselves or thier kids. you saw it first hand coaching l.l. and at least you had a little influence on those "disrespectful" ones, but they have to learn it at home. all goes back to what we are all talking about here, and then something to hold it all together, like some kind of faith in god maybe? fact is this world, OUR world is in deep do-do, and what are we going to do about it? i don`t want anybody taking MY guns away, and i guarantee, MY kids respect my guns! as to some of thier "pals" ???