I am not a big fan of the terms "one shot stops" or "stopping power". But I can see what you are getting at and I think the following links will give you much of what you want to know:
[url]http://www.ar15.com/forums/topic.html?b=3&f=16&t=162042[/url]
[url]www.ammo-oracle.com[/url]
[url]www.tacticalforums.com[/url]
[url]www.firearmstactical.com[/url]
[url]www.ammolab.com[/url]
When choosing ammunition for self defense, look for the following qualities:
1) Reliability
2) accuracy
3) Penetration of 12"-18" in 10% ballistic gel
4) Robust expansion or fragmentation
5) Low muzzle flash
If your ammo can do all of those, you have a good load. Of course 00 buckshot isn't likely to fragment or expand (it may flatten somewhat) so get one that patterns well and meets the minimum 12" penetration requirement. Fragmentation of rifle bullets is generally preferred over expansion because the potential wound size increases when fragmentation occurs. Again, make sure it will penetrate at least 12" though. If you want to defeat barriers, a good bonded bullet often works well, especially in the .30 caliber rifles. And for handguns, you want a bullet that holds together well (fragmentation of handgun bullets isn't a good thing), penetrates to the minimum 12" depth and robustly expands (preferably .50" recovered diameter or larger).
The above links will go more in depth, but those qualities I mentioned are basically what you want in defensive ammo. I hope this is helpful. If you have any caliber/brand specific questions, feel free to ask. Someone here will probably be able to answer your questions.
-CH