Jesus Christ, this is hillarious! Here's three things, that won't cost you a penny, that will help save your life when we show up:
1) Call 9-1-1 from your cell phone (which thankfully was still on your belt because this gay sash didn't take up it's space), and tell them where you are and what you're wearing so I'll have an idea of who not to shoot.
2) Listen to what the fuck we're telling you. I don't care what you have to say unless it's that another BG is trying to sneak up on ME!
3) Stay out of our way (phsycially and verbally) once you're relieved of your weapon and probably handcuffed. Don't say shit until your lawyer comes. What?? You don't have the number of a good attorney already??? You're two steps behind already....
Just my $.02 from personal experience.