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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:11:34 AM EDT
[#1]
Say goodbye to your face and genitals.
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:11:57 AM EDT
[#2]
"Win" implies there would be an actual contested outcome. There won't be. Just pray the chimp tears your head off first instead of your balls.
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:13:57 AM EDT
[#3]
Slim possibility that you can outrun the chimp. Failing that hit him with a stick, rock, or anything else that might slow him down.
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:14:34 AM EDT
[#4]
I'm a dead man, but ill at least try to get my fingers into one or both of his eyes. Still going to die, but he'll remember the day he killed me.
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:15:41 AM EDT
[#5]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I'm a dead man, but ill at least try to get my fingers into one or both of his eyes. Still going to die, but he'll remember the day he killed me. |
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:17:10 AM EDT
[#6]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Don’t speak too soon friend. The votes are still pouring in. 4 people clearly disagree with you (I voted chimp). Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
This is so stupid. The chimp will delimb you and then fling his poo at your torso. OP should get a time out for wasting bandwidth. 4 people clearly disagree with you (I voted chimp). Maybe the poll should have been chimpanzee Vs Kamala Harris. Hint, it's a trick question. |
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:17:26 AM EDT
[#7]
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:18:09 AM EDT
[#8]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
look at those nuts |
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:19:04 AM EDT
[#9]
Hard to imagine me being anywhere without a at least a knife and staff.
With that I give myself a a 5% chance that he would decide I wasn't worth it and I would win by default. Although as a rule I wont travel anywhere without a gun. |
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:20:31 AM EDT
[#10]
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:23:51 AM EDT
[#11]
There is a reason when you see pictures of old school African tribal people they are walking around with spears and in groups. God gave you one weapon of immense power that we have used to dominate every species on the planet and your setup takes that out of the equation.
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:30:13 AM EDT
[#12]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
From the hearing damage caused by me screaming like a bitch. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
I'm a dead man, but ill at least try to get my fingers into one or both of his eyes. Still going to die, but he'll remember the day he killed me. 
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:30:37 AM EDT
[#13]
Give me a day and that fucker will be fetching me tree fruit and painting me pictures with his shit.
 Failed To Load Title |
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:34:15 AM EDT
[#14]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHtldHf69JU
It opens car doors....... Native Missouri Chip hates the Police |
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:34:37 AM EDT
[#15]
Money is on the chimp unless I can out run it.
Even in my prime when I was VERY strong. Even balls out berserk NO human hand to hand is a match for a full grown male chimp. |
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:35:54 AM EDT
[#16]
this is a stupid poll.
chimp will simply eat your face. is like asking if you jump off the top of the empire state building do you think you would survive. |
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:36:38 AM EDT
[#17]
I would die.
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:41:30 AM EDT
[#18]
Muscle strength
Chimpanzees[dubious – discuss] are known for possessing great amount of muscle strength, especially in their arms. However, compared to humans the amount of strength reported in media and popular science is greatly exaggerated with numbers of four to eight times the muscle strength of a human. These numbers stem from two studies in 1923 and 1926 by a biologist named John Bauman.[36][37] These studies were refuted in 1943 and an adult male chimp was found to pull about the same weight as an adult man.[38] Corrected for their smaller body sizes, chimpanzees were found to be stronger than humans but not anywhere near four to eight times. In the 1960s these tests were repeated and chimpanzees were found to have twice the strength of a human when it came to pulling weights. The reason for the higher strength seen in chimpanzees compared to humans are thought to come from longer skeletal muscle fibers that can generate twice the work output over a wider range of motion compared to skeletal muscle fibers in humans. |
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:43:48 AM EDT
[#19]
Ankle socks, briefs and a digital watch? Never getting laid, let the chimp do his worst.
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:44:57 AM EDT
[#20]
Every single person on this site would lose one on one to a full grown chimp.
I'd go as far as to say that 4 US Marines would have a hard time fighting a full grown chimp without weapons. |
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:46:50 AM EDT
[#21]
If my trunk monkey contract is up to date, I have no worries.
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:48:37 AM EDT
[#22]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Every single person on this site would lose one on one to a full grown chimp. I'd go as far as to say that 4 US Marines would have a hard time fighting a full grown chimp without weapons. I don't know too many people who can do a one handed chin up never mind throw themselves across the room with a few fingers. He had my respect. |
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:49:22 AM EDT
[#23]
No doubt I would win. I met Chuck Norris once. Osmosis FTW.
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:49:41 AM EDT
[#24]
Is there a river near by? I would jump in and swim away. Chimps can't swim.
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:51:25 AM EDT
[#25]
Who the fuck walks around Africa unarmed?
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:52:08 AM EDT
[#26]
Does my watch have a grenade setting?
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:54:20 AM EDT
[#27]
Me.
Why... 1st id rip my fucking clothes off... Give the loudest nastiest tarzan simba lion king mother fucking king kong roar ever.. Whip up a murder boner...piss on the dirt in between me and tge chimp. At this point... id start pacing and doing my best impression of a pissed off Americana rooster that aint fucked in 3 weeks and has been fed ghost chilis before an illegal under ground mexican cartel cock fight. Soon as that hairy lame ass excuse for a primate attempts to cross that line id make ny move..id leap at that fucker and attack him better than brad Pitt killing a giant on the beaches of troy. Rip his balls off and murder boner rape him. Itd be no contest...me impaled in his lil furry chimp ass to the hilt. His bloody Balls in one hand and fish hooking him with the other. Id be a naked bull riding that planet of the apes reject back zimfuckingbabwae ....while signing akuna fucking matada.. |
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:56:04 AM EDT
[#28]
From what Ive seen at the circus, tv and such, they're smart alright, but cant resist a good cigarette...they go apeshit over them. Unfortunately they have not mastered the use of their thumbs to manipulate a zippo or a simple bic lighter. If you got a pack of Marlboros, or even Virginia slims, that chimp is smart enough to know he needs you alive to light those fags for him. So, dependent upon a few variables, how many cigs in the pack, his drag time on each coffin stick, come on, you've got time to find a rock or something to use against him, no?
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:56:49 AM EDT
[#29]
Me because Id shoot him in the face
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:57:16 AM EDT
[#30]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Me. Why... 1st id rip my fucking clothes off... Give the loudest nastiest tarzan simba lion king mother fucking king kong roar ever.. Whip up a murder boner...piss on the dirt in between me and tge chimp. At this point... id start pacing and doing my best impression of a pissed off Americana rooster that aint fucked in 3 weeks and has been fed ghost chilis before an illegal under ground mexican cartel cock fight. Soon as that hairy lame ass excuse for a primate attempts to cross that line id make ny move..id leap at that fucker and attack him better than brad Pitt killing a giant on the beaches of troy. Rip his balls off and murder boner rape him. Itd be no contest...me impaled in his lil furry chimp ass to the hilt. His bloody Balls in one hand and fish hooking him with the other. Id be a naked bull riding that planet of the apes reject back zimfuckingbabwae ....while signing akuna fucking matada.. |
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:57:47 AM EDT
[#31]
The Chimp would rip your balls off. Then your thumbs. Then poke out both of your eyeballs. Maybe pee on ya.
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Posted: 10/4/2018 9:58:41 AM EDT
[#32]
Run.
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Posted: 10/4/2018 10:07:39 AM EDT
[#33]
My 9mm penetrates his control system and he falls limp on the forest floor. oh well.
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Posted: 10/4/2018 10:10:26 AM EDT
[#34]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
For the life of me I can't piss when I have a boner. I'd like to know your secret Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Me. Why... 1st id rip my fucking clothes off... Give the loudest nastiest tarzan simba lion king mother fucking king kong roar ever.. Whip up a murder boner...piss on the dirt in between me and tge chimp. At this point... id start pacing and doing my best impression of a pissed off Americana rooster that aint fucked in 3 weeks and has been fed ghost chilis before an illegal under ground mexican cartel cock fight. Soon as that hairy lame ass excuse for a primate attempts to cross that line id make ny move..id leap at that fucker and attack him better than brad Pitt killing a giant on the beaches of troy. Rip his balls off and murder boner rape him. Itd be no contest...me impaled in his lil furry chimp ass to the hilt. His bloody Balls in one hand and fish hooking him with the other. Id be a naked bull riding that planet of the apes reject back zimfuckingbabwae ....while signing akuna fucking matada.. Last drunk i kinda missed the toilet by 87% and wife didnt like the mess. So i go outside...with the dogs. 
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Posted: 10/4/2018 10:10:34 AM EDT
[#35]
I am in my prime. I am lean, strong, fast motherfucker. I wouldn't stand a chance.
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Posted: 10/4/2018 10:12:16 AM EDT
[#36]
Even if my strength was equal, I seriously doubt I could out violence a chimp.
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Posted: 10/4/2018 10:15:36 AM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
From what Ive seen at the circus, tv and such, they're smart alright, but cant resist a good cigarette...they go apeshit over them. Unfortunately they have not mastered the use of their thumbs to manipulate a zippo or a simple bic lighter. If you got a pack of Marlboros, or even Virginia slims, that chimp is smart enough to know he needs you alive to light those fags for him. So, dependent upon a few variables, how many cigs in the pack, his drag time on each coffin stick, come on, you've got time to find a rock or something to use against him, no? 
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Posted: 10/4/2018 10:23:20 AM EDT
[#38]
I could not but I think @DaringRaider could win that fight, he is Operator as Fugg.
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Posted: 10/4/2018 10:23:46 AM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Muscle strength Chimpanzees[dubious – discuss] are known for possessing great amount of muscle strength, especially in their arms. However, compared to humans the amount of strength reported in media and popular science is greatly exaggerated with numbers of four to eight times the muscle strength of a human. These numbers stem from two studies in 1923 and 1926 by a biologist named John Bauman.[36][37] These studies were refuted in 1943 and an adult male chimp was found to pull about the same weight as an adult man.[38] Corrected for their smaller body sizes, chimpanzees were found to be stronger than humans but not anywhere near four to eight times. In the 1960s these tests were repeated and chimpanzees were found to have twice the strength of a human when it came to pulling weights. The reason for the higher strength seen in chimpanzees compared to humans are thought to come from longer skeletal muscle fibers that can generate twice the work output over a wider range of motion compared to skeletal muscle fibers in humans. Chimp is going to do some damage, but he is going to get his ass kicked. |
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Posted: 10/4/2018 10:27:21 AM EDT
[#40]
Why don't I have a knife?
Why don't I have a gun? Why did I not pick up a stick the second I got separated from my party? or for that matter when the hike started that morning? Empty handed I give it to the Chimp 70%-30% me. Get a hold of a 4'-7' "Stick" I will win 99% of the time. This is Arfcom...before I look for food, water, or shelter I secure a primitive weapon if for some damn reason I don't have a gun or a knife which is laughable 98% of the time. |
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Posted: 10/4/2018 10:30:46 AM EDT
[#41]
I voted "probably the chimp" only because there wasn't a "absolutely, positively, the chimp, no doubt in anyone's mind".
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Posted: 10/4/2018 10:31:08 AM EDT
[#42]
I have read the Tarzan books at least 100 times each.
Everything I learned about fighting dangerous creatures is contained on those pages. Get in fight Get knocked out and transported to their lair Wake up with hot captive female or hot female leader of miscreants Have zero interest in hot captive female/hot female miscreant because my wife is the most beautiful, virtuous woman on the planet Win over hot female miscreant and/or save the hot captive female In any battle, jump on your opponent's back, sink your teeth into their neck, wrap your arms around their throat, and use your mighty thews to break their neck/choke them out/snap their spine Go home to hot virtuous wife All rather simple really. |
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Posted: 10/4/2018 10:42:23 AM EDT
[#43]
Meh...... poll should be adult chimp vs juvenile w/ AK
https://youtu.be/6Vpuh6q2O_c |
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Posted: 10/4/2018 10:44:02 AM EDT
[#44]
Your only chance would be travelling with a group of pee wee football coaches, your tactical cargo pants would confuse the chimp as you took turns throwing haymakers.
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Posted: 10/4/2018 10:44:34 AM EDT
[#45]
Give me a week to make a knife for the event. I'd offer him my arm, then stick him and cut his head off while he was removing my arm.
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Posted: 10/4/2018 10:48:10 AM EDT
[#46]
Likely the chip, but Ill give it a run for its money. Keeping range will be key.
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Posted: 10/4/2018 10:48:28 AM EDT
[#47]
Hairless chimp as an example of how jacked these fuckers are. You would have a very bad time before you died.
 Hairless Chimps In Action |
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Posted: 10/4/2018 10:49:25 AM EDT
[#48]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I wait for him to charge and piss in his face. 
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Posted: 10/4/2018 10:51:11 AM EDT
[#49]
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Posted: 10/4/2018 10:51:12 AM EDT
[#50]
If I can find a deep body of water, and can run to it before he gets to me, I survive.
otherwise, I'm toast. pound for pound, chimps are superhumanly strong. They also like to remove genitals, eyes, noses, ears, and whatever else they can get a hold of on their opponents. |
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