First of all I grew up in church, my parents (mainly mother) always had us in church and taught us the ways of the Lord. As I grew up, I grew away. Far away spiritually...very far. The things I seen man do to each other allowed me to question Gods existence and I hate to admit it...even cursed him. I thought how could he allow children to be molested, neglected and the bad people seemed to get away with it. These thoughts plus me chasing material things allowed me to go further away from him. For a long time I have felt like something huge was missing in my life, it was him!

With the Covid-19 thing and along with other stuff happening in the world I started working myself up the other night. So much so I started having a little bit of anxiety. Now mind you I’ve been fights, had guns pointed at me and all other kind of stuff over 20 years of being a cop I was never phased while it was happening. I hardly ever got worked up afterwards, I just thought damn that was close. So I turned to him the other night, I prayed along with some YouTube prayer videos and I felt relief but I still had my doubts if he had forgiven me for not being faithful and being blasphemous. I still had something in my heart...

Tonight after talking to a friend (another fellow cop) about things at work I became uneasy again. After speaking with him I prayed along with the YouTube prayers but it didn’t seem to have the same effect as it did a couple of days ago. I am working a part time gig at an empty Christian College right now and I decided to go in the chapel auditorium, as I began to walk up the stairs facing a painting  of Jesus looking over a city I started to tremble. My eyes welled up with tears and my lip quivered. I felt a tingling sensation in my fingers and toes, my breathing became heavy... I apologized to the Lord for every wrong that I could remember. I apologized for leaving him, for wasting so much precious time. I begged him to forgive me and take away my guilt...and forgive me of my sins. I continued to walk up the stairs and I approached an alter, I prayed for about five minutes. I felt.....light, like so much was lifted from me. The void that’s been in my heart for years is no longer there. I have been forgiven....

As I walked away I was weak, very weak. As I type this last paragraph it’s been about 2 hours since this has happened, it took me so long to type this because major things are happening at work and I keep getting pulled away from this. I am still weak, I feel like I have been in the most intense workout I have had in a long time. I am back on the righteous path but I have so much to do. I hope he gives me time on this earth to make up for the waisted years...

I just wanted to share my joy with you all, I called me buddy and told him. He is very happy for me. I get back with you all soon...God bless

God bless you brother!  That was awesome!  Thank you for sharing that!

“But now, O Jacob, listen to the Lord who created you. O Israel, the one who formed you says, “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine.

When you go through deep waters, I will be with you. When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.

For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I gave Egypt as a ransom for your freedom; I gave Ethiopia and Seba in your place.

Others were given in exchange for you. I traded their lives for yours because you are precious to me. You are honored, and I love you.”

??Isaiah? ?43:1-4? ?

Thanks for sharing.  I don’t have any words of wisdom but I’m glad what you did worked for you. Good timing. Life is pretty stressful right now.

Praise God! Thank you for sharing. I have a similar story. PM me any time if you have Bible /theology /faith questions and don't have a better place to go. I've wrestled with a great many of them myself.

Thanks for sharing.

Continue to seek his path OP

Welcome to the Kingdom of God.

I spend most of the day in my company vehicle listening to the radio. It's tuned to the Christian Satellite Network most of the time.

There are a couple preachers I've really connected with; one is Richard Ellis.

Give this a listen. The button is a short scroll down.

3/19/20 sermon: Death Wish

Thank you all, I will reach out to those that have said to via IM over the weekend. I imagine I will be very very busy in the next few weeks, I pray this isn't as bad as they say it could get.  I will check back when I have brief moments of time, thanks...

You and all first responders will remain in my prayers.

I've been in timeout for 28 days. My first one. But I still read posts. I saved this page and could hardly wait to reply.

You are a true Inspiration to people. For sharing your experience with us.

Thank you.

I just wanted to check in with everyone following this thread, work has been busy. I have continued to read the Bible, watched a lot of YouTube videos of various pastors. I’ve been praying daily, most of the times twice a day. I’ve been reading daily devotions too. I can’t wait to get back in church but I have had to make do watching my pastor from childhood on  the church’s FB page. He is still captivating but all grey, he has to be in his 70s now but is still sharp as a tack!

I just learned some bad news, a cop in a sister city that I know is on a vent in the hospital and is not doing well. The guy isn’t in bad shape but he does have high blood pressure though and is 53. I’ve been praying for him all day along with a few other deputies from work.


Any way I just wanted to say hey and have a blessed Easter!

Thank you for sharing!

Beautiful thread OP.  if you need a prayer partner pm me for my cell

Praise God brother!

I am so glad to hear your testimony.

Don't stop praying.

Awesome! Praise God!