Public safety work is hard.  I was a medic and I still struggle with what I saw, the cases I worked, and the lasting memories of a friend who was nearly killed fighting a fire and another who shot a suspect to death after a foot chase. Perhaps your husband saw these sort of things and didn't know what to do.  Whatever the case, prayers for you.  Life is precious.

Sorry for your loss.

I am sorry for your loss.  I am a LEO in VT and lost a friend/partner to suicide in 2003.  It was very hard on his family at home and work.  He was a K-9 handler and I had the honor of working his K-9 for the rest of the K-9's career.  In fact his son just reached out to me last week.  I kept in touch with the family off and on over the years.  When our K-9 passed, he was cremated.  I gave the ashes to my friend's father so he could have them placed with him.  I stop by the grave every time I am in the town, about two hours away.

We also had another Public Safety member commit suicide in the last few months who put a lot of time and effort into supporting our LEOs across the state.  I knew him through the work he did and it was a surprise for many.

It is a sad time for everyone when this happens and I cannot image what you are going through being in the position you are.  I have taken away from my first experience the need to have the hard conversation if you even think the slightest concern exists.  Some are very good a hiding it, but hindsight gave me chance to just be aware a little more and don't be afraid to reach out.

If you need anything don't hesitate to reach out.  There may be some assistance or support available through his agency or union.  If there are more members of your family don't forget to take care of yourself so you can be there to take care of them.

Mike

I am so sorry for your loss. I didn’t know him but I am not really familiar with anyone on here. I mainly like reading people’s funny opinions and comments in things.
But I am also a cop. Over the years I have lost several coworkers to suicide. When I was first hired at my department a guy that I considered my mentor shot himself  in the head and I was the fresh young Deputy to found the body. He was  also my school resource officer  while in high school and helped out as a strength coach. A guy EVERYONE liked. I looked forward to working with him but that’s never going to happen.
The second guy parked behind our office. I walked to the parking lot and it looked like he was hunched over sleeping. What he actually just did was shot himself in the head/face while sitting in his patrol car. Not sure what pushed up.

Those were the two guys I really KNEW. Pulled up along side then  during a crazy shift and made jokes about it. Guys I called for advise on things or played practical jokes on.

I’ve seen countless other civilian suicides.i will lie if I say it doesn’t bother me greatly. I typically get creepy haunted dreams about going to the same call but this time the dead person walks up and starts screaming at me or trying to harm me. And the dreams are vivid.

Honestly I have been down at times  (relationship trouble) and felt that a 40cal round to the head woudnt be a bad pill to take. I can’t think of a better way I would want to go. But that’s some higher powers decision I guess.

Same here. I was in LE for a while. It is different when it is someone you know. My brother shot himself in the chest first with a pistol. Lung shot. It didn’t do what he thought it would and you could tell he struggled to finish the job to the head. I had extremely vivid dreams nightly for about 2 years of walking in and him grasping ffor air choking. Wide eyed reaching for me. I would wake up amped up to level 12.

I had been around scenes like the one room he shot himself in. I knew what it would do to people like my Dad and Sister (who was a minor at the time) and wouldn’t even let them in the house. I did the clean up alone that night after they left with the body. Took me about 12 hrs IIRC. That was hard.

I have/had never been “triggered” if you will by any film until about two weeks after that happened. A couple family members were watching that stupid movie no pain no gain, and I was half watching and half reading. There is one scene where they cleaned up after a bloody death that just overwhelmed me. Silly as it may sound I had to get up and leave. I had seen dead people and had a guy die on me trying to free him from a wreck. None of that really bothered me, but what happened with my Brother...I walked into that room with him laying in there one man and walked out another.

very sorry for your loss

reach out and talk to somebody clergy, friend, therapist, etc

Dont do this alone.

Topic Moved

Prayers for you and your family.

Very sorry to hear.  Thanks for getting the word out.  I bet you will be helping more people than you realize.

Sorry for you loss.  Praying for you and healing of your heart and mind.

Omg! Thank you so much!! You surely did not need to do that! May God bless you!!

We all hope you are doing better now.

No way. I’m so sorry to hear this. This is such sad news.