Feels thread.

Wow, I don't know if it's my age or just the time of year, but I feel like tossing everything out and hitting the reset button. Trying to decide whether this slew of emotions is a result of cabin fever, or reaching midlife, or a combination of both. Fucking frustrating.

Lately I've thought about drastic measures like quitting my job and finding something else to do, or selling our land to pay our house off, and some other minor things that I feel might bring me some satisfaction or a more positive outlook. No, I'm not going to buy any sports cars, sorry.

Also realize much of that thinking is a fallacy because change really needs to come from within to make a real difference. Still, can't help that my mind is racing thinking about all the other stuff. Trying to remain calm and level headed in order to make good choices is also a bit of a struggle.

So, if anyone understands, I'd enjoy hearing what you have to say.

American Beauty makes sense.

The times you ‘struggled’ weren’t so bad.
Most people suck.
Modern life is bullshit.
Everybody is playing a role.

You appreciate your teenage years more. Not so much High School or even your body you had.

It’s just at that age, it was easier to be open minded and everything wasn’t set in stone. You had options.

The concept of death isn’t scary anymore.

Like, sometimes I’ll get me a milkshake I really like, put on some headphones, sit up under a tree somewhere and just take it all in.

Like....This is no longer ironic to me

I don't care about much anymore; I see through everyone. I want to see a return to "right." I want a reckoning before my days end.

Unless you have a awesome family and are financially set, its all down hill from here...

See you at the bottom... :)

I gave up trying to control things. Particularly that of which I never really had any control over; Wife, Children, politics, career, etc.

Stuff, things, prized possessions - Time or tide will separate us from it all, sooner or later. If you have something you really want to make sure goes to someone in particular, give it to them while you still can. Do not depend on a WILL to dispose of your property the way you want.

I stopped seeking perfection. Dings and dents don't bother me anymore. Living is far more important than paint.

"It is" NOT "what it is". "It is" generally EXACTLY what people have made it for themselves

I'm 53 years old FWIW.

You realize what you thought was important isn't.
For things that are important, there's no time like tomorrow for that.
You don't have to impress anyone.
It's ok to do whateverthefuck you want. Only 1 person in the world cares about your happiness.
You can always try masturbating more to ease your frustration and take your mind off decisions that might be really stupid.

You only get one shot at life. So, live how you want too...

After my divorce (late 30's), I sold everything and hit the road. I've been an employed vagabond for 5 years now. I rent Airbnb's for a month a time and have circled the globe twice (at least). All of my stuff fits in a carry-on suitcase and a backpack. I can't imagine going back to a 9 to 5 job and mowing the grass on the weekends. That's a velvet prison, to me. Also, I couldn't even begin to tell you all of the stories about my adventures. It's been a hell of a lot of fun!

Accountant

It’s a wild ride we are all on.

Nobody has it figured  out.  Nobody.  Accept that and go with it.  That doesn’t mean it’s bad.

I know EXACTLY how you feel OP.  I am 56YO.  My family is all in their own, my business is on auto pilot, I’ve traveled and bought the toys.......there is nothing that makes me passionate anymore.

I do, however, have the ability to find zen moments with the small things.  I can find great peace with a good cup of coffee, a nice sunset, sitting in the yard a smelling the fresh cut grass.  Sometimes a nice song on the radio make me stop in my tracks and can put me in a daydream.

I really don’t know what the hell I’m doing or even where I am going.......but I am OK with that.  As I’ve gotten a bit older than you.......I’m pretty comfortable with that arrangement and I’m just trying to enjoy the ride.

In my 20s I figured I'd probably die young, and largely disregarded my future.  I didn't do anything stupid, but I didn't do anything smart either!  In my 30s, I realized I probably will actually grow old, but figured retirement was a pipe dream.  At 40 I realized retirement is actually possible, and if things go well, I might even retire early.  It's definitely changed the way I handle my finances.

Teenage years?  The other day I texted a friend to remind him that when I got that POS snowmobile in high school, we got our helmets from Goodwill!  He replied and told me the trees we planted behind his parents' house were huge.  We had got bored one high school summer day and dug up a few trees from the empty field nearby, planted one in my yard and a couple in his yard.  Can't imagine many kids today putting their phones down to something random like that.

-Save Money
-Pay off debt and do not take debt on.
-Spend less money on "things."
-Spend money on experiences.
-Do not get married or exposed to the family court system, it is stacked against Men and you will not win.
-Foster friendships as well as enemies, they are both assets.
-Stay optimistic, life is too hard not to.

The above are almost all polar opposites of what I did in my younger years. I am 42 by the way.

I can only say this.

As I went through my life and imagined what the future would hold, I never .... and I mean never, imagined the way it turned out.

It turned my outlook upside down.

I'm in the middle of the midlife crisis/change myself so I'll have to let you know how it turns out in a couple of years. So far, it's involved lots of new debt and alcohol though.

I understand. I turned 40 last year. Im glad I went the military route because it isnt long before I retire.

Alot has changed, my priorities, my attitude and my goals.

I really wish I knew in my 20s what I know now. My wife amd I both make good money but if we would have made better decisions in our 20s and early 30s we probably could be significantly wealthy.

As far as your post, I suggest finding a project or a build such as a car or a big wood project. Or maybe an epic hike and camp trip and engulf your self into it. And when you complete it just quickly move on to the next one.

Time to buy a high-performance car.

I have learned that getting old sucks and my body just doesn't work the way it used to.  I have realized that years of seeing loved ones die, experiencing pain and suffering due to some health issues has made me cold in a way.  I value my family more than anything and god help anyone that would try to hurt them.  I do not fear death.

Oh yeah. OP I get it. Nostalgia isn’t just smiling when you hear a song from your youth... it can stop you in your tracks and make things dusty when you think about how simple life was. When you weren’t losing people close to you. When your outlook on life and the world wasn’t so bleak.

I’m 48 and I’m trying to be careful not to fall onto the morose side of nostalgia. I’m sure that’s fag talk to a bunch of people here who will tell me to get my testosterone checked (and I will) but that’s where I’m at.

Now I’m trying to figure out what kind of legacy I want to leave for my nieces and nephews. I also get trying to enjoy the money I’ve built up ... I see why guys buy fast cars at my age. They see the end and know they’ve got maybe a decade of vitality left before real old age sets in, and they want to embrace youth as long as they can (sometimes literally ). Me, I want to get a loaded Wrangler and just ride around with the tops off and listen to music sometimes. Go on a hike. Be active and try to stay as vital as I can be while the world around me goes to shit.

Edit: this isn’t some nihilistic bent in me. In my 20s I was a realist but I never thought more than 5, 10 years into the future. Now I’m looking at hopefully making it to 80 and I want to ensure the physical sins of my past (I proudly own a “I do all my own stunts” shirt) don’t haunt me too badly. And I totally understand what my father in law meant when he said, a few days before he died after he talked about all the things he and my MIL had been able to do, “Not bad for a kid from [his hometown]”... it wrecked me then but I’m feeling the same way. I grew from humble origins, have an amazing wife, a good home, and I’ve been able to turn my previously brutal (mentally not physically) career into something I’m proud of. Now I just want to leave something my nieces/nephews can enjoy as well.

When I hit 40...nothing changed.  Hit 45...nothing changed.  I got diagnosed with renal cancer at age 47...OH, and it's in the only kidney I have...had surgery, cancer free...now on dialysis for 2 years from date of surgery (minimum)...until I can be transplant eligible.  I have to be cancer free then I can get a kidney...oh, and I almost died this January 3rd with a pulmonary embolism due to complications from dialysis.  I have 18 months left of my 'jail sentence'.

Now...my attitude has changed.  All of my long term plans...brushed aside.  I do literally do not look past the day I am living because I feel like death could happen at any time. Yes, it can happen at any time, but I feel it...and am strangely comfortable with it.

How has my life changed?  I can no longer fish.  I can no longer play golf.  I can no longer lift weights like I used to.  I can't exercise like I used to.  My employer, thankfully is taking good care of me...but I cannot perform my job the way I did before.  No more cigars.  No more red meat.  So many food restrictions on a dialysis/renal diet.  No Alcohol.  All COLD TURKEY.  I have a 'new part time job' in going to dialysis for roughly 15-20 hours per week.  My health is fucking weird...and I am on a physical roller coaster.  Dialysis kicks my ass...and then the next day I feel good.  Dialysis has brought about reduced testosterone, my dick quit working (very common with dialysis), and I have lost a significant amount of strength.  Let me put it this way...the only 'hobby' I have left is shooting, and I am struggling with doing it as I used to before all of this happened.

I have a constant battle to keep a good attitude and be thankful for the things I have.  I am thankful for my wife.  I am thankful for my church.  I am thankful for my family.  I am very thankful that Jesus Christ has saved me and that makes me unafraid of death, yes, I am pretty bad at being a 'good Christian', but there's not any phoniness with me in this regard.  I know that this challenge has been placed before me for a reason...I don't know what it is yet, but I have been able to share my story with others dealing with the same maladies as myself and encourage them and ease their anxiety about what's in store.

I guess the biggest thing that's changed is I used to just go with the flow with life and people around me...and right now, life feels like I'm at a big party and everyone is drunk...except for me.  I feel like the only sober person in a room full of drunks...and sometimes it just pisses me off.  I find myself being angry a lot.  A LOT.  Then I have to dial it back and accept that being angry is not changing my situation...so SUCK IT UP BUTTERCUP!

I just want to win the day, and make it to the next until I can get a new kidney and live life again.

That's how my life has changed.

Young me had hope, faith, and resolve.

Old me just has resolve.

You can only see bad shit happen so many times before it stops being seen as a fluke and starts being seen as the norm. It is easy to be idealistic and hopeful when you are young, because you truly haven't seen shit yet. Once you are old enough and have been to enough rodeos, you know what to expect from the bull... and what you expect isn't good things, sunny smiles, and happy fun times.

Any birthday is nothing more than another day...

Corruption in US government is rampant; they just hide it better than third world countries.  Don’t get bothered by it, nothing you can do.

Your employer is not your friend no matter how great the current relationship. They will likely screw you if they can.  Invest your life accordingly.

Save money. Both 401k and accessible cash.  Some day your investments will make more than your annual salary and it will bowl you over “I made more money doing nothing”.  But keep cash- nothing worse than needing money and holding a ton of 401k they’ll nail you to tap into.

No matter how much you save, when you get to 55 and are tired of the rat race and think about early retirement, you will be pained by how little annual money there is when cut into 25 year chunks. So invest more than you think you need.

Invest in your retirement home early so it’s paid for by the time you’re 55.

Kids are a lot of work.  Welcome to your new, long term priority.  Be a father- you can tell which kids fathers lose interest.  You are no longer priority #1 for 20 years, deal with it.

Tomorrow won’t be better than today.  So make the best of today.

Neat...

I don't opine as much as I used to. I just let stupid people be stupid. I'm getting this look down pat:



I don't sweat the small stuff as much and mainly concentrate on spending quality time with my loved ones.

I'm almost 41.

Younger me used to be optimistic. One day I'll do this, someday I'll have that, etc. Someday is here and all of those things are just as much out of reach now as they were then.

I don't sweat the small stuff and appreciate what I once overlooked. That is it in a nutshell.

What do you consider “midlife”?

How much are you selling the land for?

The birthday count never got to me, but my oldest child going off to college made me understand what the “midlife crisis” is all about.  
Truthfully, it sucks.   First world problems, LoL.

That was right in the middle of my child-rearing years, and while it wasn't exactly a sudden revelation, understanding that it wasn't just about me anymore was like moving in and taking over somebody else's life.

No ragrets.  

I guess my sense of mortality. I still feel like a kid, but seeing similarly aged friends and acquaintances succumb to cancer, heart attacks, etc., is rather moving.

Raising kids is a whole other animal and completely changes perspective.

I’m about to hit 50 this June. I’ve been married and divorced 3 times.  Have two kids. A 21 year old daughter who hasn’t spoken to me in over 3 years due to her twisted mother and my 19 year old son who lives with me.  Starting to recover after the child support ended last July.  Now dating a 31 year old who is not acceptable to GD’s standards of beauty, but she would swim in crimson and hellfire for me.  She has no kids and never been married.  The prospect of having a child graduate from high school when I’m 70 is a very real possibility.  I’ve never contemplated cashing out, but yes there have been times I’ve wanted to just move to another place and start over.  I still have 7 years to go before I can retire.  What comes after that I don’t know. All I can say is in 5 months.  Things are going to get way better.   Looking back,  a couple of things I wish I could change, but it’s in the books now.  My advice to young guys. Find a good woman and spend more than a year before getting married. Also if you want to be with a woman who has kids. Never expect to be on any sort of playing equal level. I know some guys in here will praise it, but after all is said and done, you will never have solid true respect.

Good luck man. I have been in a bit of depression because I broke my ankle a week and a half ago and will not be able to run for a month and about 5 months of rehab. Your story kind of puts things in perspective. I should just be thankful for the positive things in my life.

Prayers sent.

this is interesting.  how do you support yourself?

I'm 50. Not really sure what you're going on about.

That's some Jack Reacher shit there. It sounds amazing, but I'm too grounded with family.

Took me til a couple of years ago to see this. Shame it didn’t come earlier

Nah, BUY a Machine Gun.

Not so cliche' (for a midlife crisis purchase)

An actual investment (unlike a car)

The chicks dig it. I mean DIG IT!

LOL, just don't see that happening. I've had enough experience with other folks' high performance vehicles. Grew up in the Detroit area where every swinging dick has a sports car or classic hotrod in their garage. At age 17 I did the first Woodward Dream Cruise with my buddy in the pristine 1973 Z28 his dad bought for him. It was awesome. Have also watched coworkers go broke spending money on their hotrods. Wife is from a family centered around the local stock car racing scene. While I still think fast cars are cool, they no longer interest me enough to want one of my own.

I think part of it is a desire to do something off-script and atypical that is brought on by years of domestic drudgery. Commute, work, commute, sleep, repeat. Doing this shit every day for years wears you down, and I think around 40 or so is when you reach a boiling point and just want to hit the reset button.

I have this strange desire to point my car in a random direction one weekend and just take back roads all the way to the coast. Find an inexpensive motel and get a six pack and just revel in how different my surroundings are, even if a little "shady". Anything but the usual cutting grass and being scolded by my wife for some innocuous transgression.

OP, it's a guy thing and you are not alone.

Sum of thread so far: Outlooks have changed, but for 99% ... not for the better.

ill be 39 this year, and I am already "GET OFF MY LAWN" everything.
I find people annoy me more than anything nowadays. People will talk your leg off one day and the next act like they dont know who you are.

I became very cynical when it came to the world and also when it came to God.  That time of my life was crushingly difficult.

Twenty years later I remain cynical toward the world.  My understanding of God's desires for me are much clearer, and we have a good working relationship.

I am Jack's penile meatus.

This song sums up a lot of it

OP, do not follow those impulses.  Or do them slowly starting with the little ones.  cabin fever / midlife crisis is what it sounds like.

@BillofRights

Will turn 42 in a couple months. Figure midlife is 40s or thereabout, generally.

Not real sure of land price, but probably around $2k per acre. 50 acres in NEMO, mostly pasture, some timber, small pond, with electrical on site. You wanna buy?

Me too, brother. See ya at the bottom.

I told my wife that this morning.

Watch the movie a Middle Age Crazy and you will find yourself. Anne Margret is in it.

This is a zen moment for me.  This is what you live for as you get a few miles on the odometer!

Physically still feel and perform ad I did in my 20's. But my overall goals and attitude towarda life has changed its focus to paying off any unnecessary debts and doing and seeing as much as I can of the world while I and fit healthy. I often see too many people wait until late retirement to begin traveling amd the often cannot enjoy it fully due to physical limitations.

Thoughts looking back (after 53 years on this ball) -

Get your bucket list done first, not last.  You may not live until "someday".