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Posted: 10/25/2013 1:45:39 PM EDT
[#1]
I would, but I don't want to have to make a side trip to the underwear isle.   
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Posted: 10/25/2013 1:46:21 PM EDT
[#2]
Nothing to add, I just found this entertaining
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Posted: 10/25/2013 1:46:47 PM EDT
[#3]
I like to fart on the "up" escalators.
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Posted: 10/25/2013 1:47:19 PM EDT
[#4]
I store farts in my office chair. Upon farting, the gases permeate the fabric and foam cushion only to be released next time I sit down on it.
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Posted: 10/25/2013 1:48:05 PM EDT
[#5]
It is the only reason to use the escalators in the mall.
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Posted: 10/25/2013 1:48:51 PM EDT
[#6]
Yep.
My wife is not a fan. |
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Posted: 10/25/2013 1:50:38 PM EDT
[#7]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I prefer strategic bombing, release and bug out This is the correct answere
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Posted: 10/25/2013 1:50:49 PM EDT
[#8]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Anyone ever rip one as they are parking and close up their vehicle to surprise themselves later? I may or may not have done this to a customer's car I've finished working on
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Posted: 10/25/2013 1:56:06 PM EDT
[#9]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Is capturing a fart in your hand and releasing it in front of someones nose socially acceptable? Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Cut one , then say 'I smell popcorn" , then everyone takes deep breath.
Is capturing a fart in your hand and releasing it in front of someones nose socially acceptable? Cup-O-Cheese!
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Posted: 10/25/2013 1:57:58 PM EDT
[#10]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Anyone ever rip one as they are parking and close up their vehicle to surprise themselves later? I do this in my wife's vehicle all the time. When we get back in on a hot day she gags  .
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Posted: 10/25/2013 1:58:37 PM EDT
[#11]
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Posted: 10/25/2013 2:02:27 PM EDT
[#12]
Quote HistoryWe've already reached the event horizon. There's no turning back now. |
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Posted: 10/25/2013 2:02:28 PM EDT
[#13]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Anyone ever rip one as they are parking and close up their vehicle to surprise themselves later? 
That is a little twisted right there....you should seek counseling |
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Posted: 10/25/2013 2:12:15 PM EDT
[#14]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Anyone ever rip one as they are parking and close up their vehicle to surprise themselves later? No, but a friend of mine put something in my car after I got to work and cussed me for the "dutch oven" when he leaned in. I'm pretty sure he was impressed. 
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Posted: 10/25/2013 2:49:01 PM EDT
[#15]
Farted on a midget in line at Subway once. It was silent but deadly and dude was pissed. Said GD, SERIOUSLY and walked out. Was a hot one and was coughing trying to cover my laugh. Friend with me was pissed at the smell but had tears in his eyes from laughing. Others were either mad or mad laughing.
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Posted: 10/25/2013 2:50:17 PM EDT
[#16]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Cut one , then say 'I smell popcorn" , then everyone takes deep breath. This is a good tip. |
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Posted: 10/25/2013 2:53:42 PM EDT
[#17]
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Posted: 10/25/2013 2:56:09 PM EDT
[#18]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Usually I let them out. No point storing them.
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Posted: 10/25/2013 2:57:28 PM EDT
[#19]
not really a store...but my most proud "hear me roar" moment was down in Bryce Canyon Utah...hiking into the little canyons with the wife.... I ripped a heart stopper and it echoed
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Posted: 10/25/2013 3:16:26 PM EDT
[#20]
Quote HistoryQuoted: It is the only reason to use the escalators in the mall.  |
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Posted: 10/25/2013 3:49:09 PM EDT
[#21]
My spouse accuses me of this nearly every time we go to a store.
She's only right about 80% of the time. |
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Posted: 10/25/2013 3:56:25 PM EDT
[#22]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Really? I use them to get from one level to the other.
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
It is the only reason to use the escalators in the mall.
Stairs? |
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Posted: 10/25/2013 3:58:24 PM EDT
[#23]
whenever the wife and I are in a store and I drop back a couple feet she knows what is going on.
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Posted: 10/25/2013 3:58:35 PM EDT
[#24]
I do not do them around folks with small kids... But if you are dressed like a thug, or are wearing swear pants in a public place, I will TRY to shit myself.
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Posted: 10/25/2013 4:07:14 PM EDT
[#25]
always.
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Posted: 10/25/2013 4:11:27 PM EDT
[#26]
I know right...
I don't mind the "pink" pants , but I draw the line at fuck and shit written on the pants 
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Posted: 10/25/2013 4:11:40 PM EDT
[#27]
Damn double tap
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Posted: 10/25/2013 4:15:29 PM EDT
[#28]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Farted on a midget in line at Subway once. It was silent but deadly and dude was pissed. Said GD, SERIOUSLY and walked out. Was a hot one and was coughing trying to cover my laugh. Friend with me was pissed at the smell but had tears in his eyes from laughing. Others were either mad or mad laughing. I've always wanted to do that. 
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Posted: 10/25/2013 4:18:06 PM EDT
[#29]
I like to bomb the elevator at work right before I walk out
I rarely hold them in, though I am noticing my o-ring is starting to fail, couple times I have let them out only to realize to my horror that I needed to do the straight leg dash to launch an enchilada submarine. Can be a dangerous game to play
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Posted: 10/25/2013 4:21:35 PM EDT
[#30]
(Rex Kwon Do) Just break the wind, and walk away. (Rex Kwon Do)
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Posted: 10/25/2013 4:21:42 PM EDT
[#31]
Went to see Cheech & Chong last Friday and blasted all the way through the show. Till the end. The guy next to me called me a "nasty bastard"...busted. |
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Posted: 10/25/2013 4:21:53 PM EDT
[#32]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I let a really bad one go on the moving walkway in Chicago O'Hare Airport. It just lingered there...I looked back and could actually see the moment it hit a pack of young ladies. Or rather, when they hit the fart. The look on their faces was unmistakable.  The TSA might have come after you for using a chemical weapon.
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Posted: 10/25/2013 4:23:43 PM EDT
[#33]
Sometimes the best part of shopping
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Posted: 10/25/2013 4:32:13 PM EDT
[#34]
Quote HistoryQuoted: The TSA might have come after you for using a chemical weapon. Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: I let a really bad one go on the moving walkway in Chicago O'Hare Airport. It just lingered there...I looked back and could actually see the moment it hit a pack of young ladies. Or rather, when they hit the fart. The look on their faces was unmistakable. The TSA might have come after you for using a chemical weapon.  |
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Posted: 10/25/2013 4:32:42 PM EDT
[#35]
I used to work at Whole foods market and this lovely girl who worked in the deli, once told me how she like to walk up close to gaggles of young hipster girls by the salad bar and let loose a " nice egg fart" ....made me warm inside.
I have since and still do execute this manuever in appropriate places, just yesterday I wanderd into left bank books in Pikes Market and left them something foul to think about - Borscht for lunch and Curry the night before
I like to target left groups and book stores, sometimes gaggles of obnoxioius tourists....or retards with their hats on side ways speaking in mono syllables...they are very sensitive and react with great drama to unpleasant aromas....rather amusing to see. During pre mob training we had a fellow who did not do well with MRE Dairy shakes, ok he did fine the rest of us suffered. My squad leader gave him a direct order to not drink any more and promised grievous bodily harm to any one who gave said soldier a dairy shake....then we figured out he could be used as a weapon. We fed him a shake then he casually strolled over to the other platoons barracks, and simply walked on through... I am sure they heard to agony all the way to Canada. Farts can be fun, they make people go away and can ruin entire days for the overly sensitive....in fact I will he visiting a college soon, so I am preparing with hard boiled eggs, kimchee and IPA...may have to visit the environmental studies department or the "diversity office" not sure what it is only saw the sign, but they will remember Max Fucking Power all right |
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Posted: 10/25/2013 4:36:35 PM EDT
[#36]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
For a minute I could have sworn I was dyslexic. http://i1286.photobucket.com/albums/a607/sampsonite987/Capture_zps61c9011e.jpg I was just as confused for a moment!
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Posted: 10/25/2013 4:38:30 PM EDT
[#37]
Quote HistoryQuote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
I let a really bad one go on the moving walkway in Chicago O'Hare Airport. It just lingered there...I looked back and could actually see the moment it hit a pack of young ladies. Or rather, when they hit the fart. The look on their faces was unmistakable. The TSA might have come after you for using a chemical weapon.
 http://youtu.be/pQ0IMxzMLew
Is that real? Funny as hell |
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Posted: 10/25/2013 4:38:52 PM EDT
[#38]
Of course. It's one of life's simple pleasures to linger in the nostrils of strangers in the cereal aisle.
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Posted: 10/25/2013 4:40:23 PM EDT
[#39]
First time I ever chuckled at a thread title. Well done OP, and yes, I do perform store farts if the mood is right.
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Posted: 10/25/2013 4:43:02 PM EDT
[#40]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I blame them on my wife.... Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
I especially like to do it when I am with my wife. I blame them on my wife.... I'll give her a look of haughty derision and mouth "sorry" to any bystanders. |
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Posted: 10/25/2013 4:45:53 PM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Cut one , then say 'I smell popcorn" , then everyone takes deep breath. I've done similar in bed. "Honey did you leave something on downstairs because I smell smoke". |
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Posted: 10/25/2013 4:48:49 PM EDT
[#42]
I crop dust.
Shame on my face, dancing glee in my eyes. |
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Posted: 10/25/2013 4:49:42 PM EDT
[#43]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Is capturing a fart in your hand and releasing it in front of someones nose socially acceptable? Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Cut one , then say 'I smell popcorn" , then everyone takes deep breath.
Is capturing a fart in your hand and releasing it in front of someones nose socially acceptable? CUP OF CHEESE BITCH! |
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Posted: 10/25/2013 4:51:15 PM EDT
[#44]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
give the wife the ol' "hang on...............ok let's go" "what? why...OH MY GOD YOU'RE DISGUSTING" lmao |
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Posted: 10/25/2013 5:09:00 PM EDT
[#45]
I grew up in a poor but proud family. All 14 of us children were trained to hold our methane (and trace odiforous gases) and bring it home for controlled release to ignite and use to cook dinner all year round, and to warm the house in winter.
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Posted: 10/25/2013 5:14:25 PM EDT
[#46]
You all do know that a fart is just a turd honking for the right of way!!!
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Posted: 10/25/2013 5:20:11 PM EDT
[#47]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Cut one , then say 'I smell popcorn" , then everyone takes deep breath.
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Posted: 10/25/2013 9:10:33 PM EDT
[#48]
Every time I walk into a Walmart. I don't know what it is about that particular chain of stores, but every time I walk in the gates of hell are opened. I was in Gulf Shores back in August and cleared the bread aisle with the most vile SBD my gut ever created. I had old men checking themselves it was that bad. I would have gotten away with it too if my girlfriend hadn't said "Do you smell that". Busted
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Posted: 10/25/2013 9:13:00 PM EDT
[#49]
OP, don't hold onto your farts, they travel up your spine and cause all of your shitty ideas.
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Posted: 10/25/2013 9:16:58 PM EDT
[#50]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Yep. My wife is not a fan. Especially when she's taking the blame. If my wife ever does divorce me, it will be due to my ass. |
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