I'm sure his head and nose were pretty much cleared up after that [:D]

I have seen alot of guys riding around with road kill under their car seats thinking it was their arrest smelling so bad and chastising them for it

Even heard of someone putting a dead tarantula in a arrest's pocket to be found by the C.O. during pat down for booking

You can also get a large tube of your favorite colored glitter and dump it into the defrost vents and of course turn the defroster on high
no matter what they do to get it off  you can still see some sparkle

another I've seen is to tie a manican to the rear of the cruiser and push it up under the car so it cant be seen guys will drive around for awhile not knowing they are dragging a plastic body around the city

I was wearing UC clothes for a detail we were doing. I had a patrol officer in a marked unit pick me up from a spot that I was watching a drug house from. I was riding in the back seat and told him to roll down the window. When we were stopped at a light I took out my handcuffs and put one cuff on one hand and let the other one dangle. I then began reaching out the window, acting like I was trying to unlock the door from the outside. I would then look at the citizens in cars and act startled that they were looking at me and pull my hand back in the car real fast. All these people in other cars at the light began looking at me, thinking I was a prisoner trying to escape. They all gave the Officer driving a weird look but nobody said anything. I did it at a few more red lights. All these people were giving him weird looks and he caught on. It was funny as hell

Take one of those fireworks where you pull a string and confetti goes flying with a loud pop.

Tape the body to the radio mount, aimed at the driver.  Tie the string to the mike.  When the cop grabs for the mike, that stuff hits him in the face.

Can be dangerous.  Sarge backed into the dumpster behind the PD on an assistance call last time we did it.

JUST MARRIED signs on the rear of the straight/gay partner cars work too.

Had a buddy once that wanted to tie a dead dog to anothers truck bumper so the guy would drag it all the way home.  He picked the dog up by the back legs and the worst dead fart you ever smelled hit him right in the face.  Threw his lunch up all over our unit.

Died laughing.  

Got the dog in the trunk but it stunk too bad to ride with.  Took 3 cans of lysol to keep us out of trouble with the Sarge.

The funniest joke I ever saw was when one of our officers found some “heroin” and couldn’t get it to test with a test kit.  

They planned it to where this UPTIGHT Sgt. walks in and is heading to the patrol Captain’s office and sees him trying to get the stuff (brown sugar) to test positive for heroin.  The Sgt sees he’s having trouble and offers his help.  They had the stuff (and I mean a lot of it) all wrapped up in cellophane and it looked real as hell.  Sgt’s like “man, that’s a good pop!  So you think its heroin?”   He tells the Sgt “Yeah, but I cant get it to test positive” as he’s shaking the kit like a madman.

A second later in walks a rookie (who was in on the joke) and he says, “Wow that’s a lot of heroin!” then sticks his finger in it and scoops out a bunch and puts it in his mouth!  The rookie says “Yep that’s heroin for sure!” and at the same time the other officer yells that it finally tested positive and holds up another test kit that was made to look positive.

The Sgt’s face went white and he starts sweating like a ‘pig’!  He starts yelling that he needs the rookie’s gun and for him to sit down NOW!  The whole time the other guy is yelling that he cant believe it finally tested positive and it is in fact heroin and starts high-five-ing everyone in the room.  

The shift Lieutenant steps out of the Captain’s office as if he is looking to see what all the commotion is about (he was in on the joke too) and walks over to the table where the “heroin” is sitting.  The Sgt is still yelling for the rookie to surrender his weapon and sit down when the LT scoops his finger into the “heroin” and plops a sample into his mouth!  The Lieutenant exclaims, “Yep that’s definitely heroin!”  and starts smacking his lips.

By this time the Sgt is about to faint and sweat is running down his forehead and veins are about to bust in his neck!  When he ordered the LT to surrender his sidearm the room erupted with laughter because we just couldn’t take anymore!  

I guess per the plan, the shift Captain was next to sample the goods, but everyone was about to piss their pants from laughing so hard.  We finally had to tell the Sgt it was just a joke before he ordered an ambulance for the rookie and lieutenant!

...one sunday morning I heard Communications dispatch a Deputy on a suspicious animal call where the "caller" told them a yeti ran through his back yard...

LMAO!

The suits at my former PD required the night shift officers to pick up a dozen fresh donuts for their morning meeting of the minds. They expected this box to be on their meeting room table when they came in and woe be unto the troops if any were missing. Naturally, this was a sore spot with the officers.

One morning, after eating most of their donuts, one of the suits noticed a Polaroid picture at the bottom of the box. It was a pic showing a uniformed officers midsection and he had his male member stuffed through a donut hole. It contained a date/time stamp showing it to be taken that morning but did not show enough of the officer to identify him.

The $64,000.00 question: Who got the magic donut?

Subsequent investigation revealed that due to a heavy call load, no officers had been available to pick up their pastries for them that morning. It was never determined how that box of donuts got there, but from then on they picked up their own damned donuts.

......ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!

This only works if the departments cars have hubcaps, take a handful of pea gravel and put it into the hub cap , every time the cruiser slows down it sounds like hell.

We used to have an Assistant Chief who was a good guy but gullible.  I used to leave messages for him to call a # and it would be a massage parlor.  He'd go on with whoever answered trying to figure out why he was supposed to call.  Also, he was VERY Catholic.  I left him a bogus arrest report saying I'd tagged a nun for obstructed vision for having a crucifix on her rear view mirror.  We even got the local priest to call and bitch to him about it.  The best was leaving a bogus arrest report detailing a drug arrest of a 19 yr old female college student.  We wrote that we conducted a male-officers-only strip search of her which we videotaped.  He went nuts.  He once tried to get me back by yelling to me while I was on the phone with a citizen that he was going to take a crap and would I come hold his hand.  I threw an ammonium sulfide stink bomb in there while he was crapping and he almost passed out.  Came staggering out with pants around ankles and TP stuck to his shoe!  I miss him.  Now we have to wait until someone accidentally leaves their e-mail open and send a message to Human Resourses saying "I'm depressed."  I once sent one from a Sgt. to a Capt. bitching about the low quality TP in the building.  You gotta have fun in this job.

Got my buddy with the glitter earlier this week. His car is still covered in the stuff! He started it by spraying OC in my Coke while I was in the restroom.

wire ties.  man's greatest gift for practical jokers.  
figure out if your mark is left or right-handed.  then take a wire tie and place it on the opposite sleeve cuff of a jacket.  usually the mark puts the strong arm in first, then the weak arm.  
take said wire ties and crawl under mark's car.  go to the drive shaft and wrap a bunch of ties around it but don't trim it.  it makes an irritating noise on the exhaust pipe and other stuff, especially when the mark is trying to be stealthy on patrol.
take a mark's badge and nametag off the jacket and put them on upside down.  usually takes a day or so to notice that.
another is to remove a couple wheel weights from the mark's tires.  makes for an interesting conversation about "front end shake."

Save the full trash bags from your paper shredder, 5 or 6 good size trash bags of confetti takes a while to clean out.

Get an old pair of mechanics coveralls.  Stuff with paper filler and attach shoes.  Place it under squad car so that it can't be seen, but as you mark pulls out, the legs and most of the torso will drag behind.  Looks like he drove out of the shop with a mechanic stuck behind!  

To be really cruel, you can get a cat and feed it some wet cat food with some laxative on it.  Just drop said kitty in the car, and let nature take its course!  The smell of runny cat shit takes a while to get out.  You can also take a can of tuna, and poke several holes in the top of it, leave it under the car seat, and the summer sun take care of the rest.  GAG!

Lastly, get into an argument with a co worker about proper handcuff procedure, as new rookie walks by stop him and use him as a "prop" to show your friend proper handcuffing technique.  Once your rookie is cuffed, hands behind his back and on the floor, simply leave.  This is most embarrassing in the lobby of the station.  ( it was 20 minutes and about 40 officers who walked by, laughing at me, before one of them was kind enough to un cuff me! )

Yes I said ME in the last one.  In '95 I was embarrassed and pissed off, now I think it was funny as hell...  especially when I do it to new guys...

ps-  go out to a news stand and find any strange magazines you can, GAY PORN works the best.  Subscribe to it in the Sgt's name and have it delivered to the station.  He will just love this,  NOT!

I have an update.

Be careful who you prank. One of our high-tech crimes investigators was a little cranky last week. We responded by screwing with him. Three of us independently came up with various nefarious plots against him.

One of us moved his vehicle to another parking lot, causing him much frustration (it has a very high-speed alarm and security system; moving it around without the authorized keys was no small feat).

The other guy picked the lock on his desk and messed with his workout gear (the investigator runs at lunch every day). He "Shortsheeted his shoelaces, making them several inches shorter, and deleted all of his techno music from his MP3 player and replaced it with "kicker" music.

I did my pager hijinks, with phony error messages. I topped it off with a message to call Airtouch customer service, and included the real 800 number. The investigator was so frustrated he actually wound up getting a new pager.

This was stupid on our part. You should not mess with a "High-Tech Crimes" guy; they know far too much about computers and can hurt you too much in this information era. His favorite movie is "The Matrix." The guy is huge, bald, and wears a leather trenchcoat  and sunglasses in the winter. We call him the "White Morpheus" and the resemblance is pretty close.

He hacked into the access card system and deleted our access cards. I couldn't even get into the Department, let alone my office. Our IT guy was gone, so it took us a while to get things fixed.

He hacked into the server and really messed up all of our computer settings and profiles. I almost shot my workstation because he had the sound maxed out and the first time an e-mail came in it sounded like I was taking fire (I also had everyone in the building come by to see why I was making such a racket). he also messed with our e-mail significantly, to the point where I had to explain to the Chief that someone was playing a joke on me and I did not really send out the offending e-mails. I still haven't found everything he did to my computer.

I have since gotten him a very expensive server and UPS system from military surplus for forensic exams as kind of a peace offering. I am not going to screw with him again. I really should have known better; I have seen him do far worse to other people.

Nitro paste as mentioned earlier is a great one. The place to put it is on the toilet seat....your partner will think he is having a vaso-vagal response.

I found a 35mm film cannister of weed while doing medical at a concert, I passed this along to one of the officers there...he chuckled and said he was going to stash it under the back seat of one of the K9 units so the dog would tear up the car looking for it.

One of the guys on the local PD left his car unlocked while he was having lunch. Another officer rolled down his driver's side window, tossed a bunch of broken glass on the seat to look like the window had been broken. He then removed the shotgun and placed it in his trunk.

don't know if any of you guys have tried this,didn't read all the posts,anyway we O.C. sprayed the chiefs office a couple of times while he was out of the office,sprayed under the door with a couple of cans of mist,needless to say he wasn't very amused at the situation but he's a good sport about it.

Another one that works well,We mad a sign and hung it on a guys License plate,Said "I love GAY Troopers" another one is hang a sign on buddies car "GAY AND PROUD HONK FOR YOUR SUPPORT" Had a guy drive around for 3 days with that one on was always wondering why people were beeping at him,he wasn't very happy after he found the sign,lol!!!

OMG!!! i would've been pissed! that's too funny.

We made a personalized plate on the computer that said "IM GAY" (it looked just like our state's tag) and put it on a coworker's truck. He rode around for a few days before we remembered it was on there and told him about it.

Deep nights shift patrolling the county with a trainee (female).  Poor girl was up all day studying for her shift.

0324 hrs.  She dozes off while sitting in the passenger seat.  

I stop the car carefully, turn on the overhead lights...

I ease out of the car...(remember, we're way out in the county!)

I lay out in the road in front of the patrol car in the headlights...

Draw my glock and fire 3 rnds in the air and play dead!!!

She jumps awake and starts screaming OFFICER DOWN into the wrong mic (PA) and pissin' her pants!

she'll never fall asleep on shift again, that's for sure. [sleep]

In my town we have a few intersections where trains roll through so.....

We take a rookie and have dispatch send him to the the intersection of 1st and Main for a report of metal in the roadway.....

It takes 'em awhile.

Then there was the Investigations Lt. who was new to the unit.  They decided to give him a welcome aboard gift.....

They turned one of his desk drawers into a goldfish bowl.  (My idea, their cajones)

Then their was the patrol Lt. who kept a mini fountian in his office for stress relief....

They put red food coloring in the water.  Once that was cleared up....

They put a goldfish in the fountain.  Unfortunately it got sucked into the pump.....

He doesn't have it in his office anymore.

Then there is Deputy Chief L***** who is hated by all.  He once reamed everybody in Investigations for having personal items, including family pictures, in their cubes....

His framed picture was soon in every cube (wearing his trademark sweater)....

After September 11 a flyer went around the department naming the head of the terrorist organization "The Management"....

Osama bin L*****.

Names were changed or deleted to protect.....

Me.

1.  Get a bunch of the paper circles punched out by the 3 hole punches in offices.  Stuff them in the defroster vents and turn the fan on high.  They start up the car, snowstorm!

2.  Call the dispatcher with a sugary voice and tell them you are so and so from X local gay bar and that Officer so and so, badge # whatever, forgot his wallet there the other night and you are holding it for him.

3.  Vaseline on briefcase handles, doorknobs etc.  Undo the lights in a hallway and if its dark enuf, put a condom full of crisco over someones doorhandle.

1. KY jelly on the windshield wiper blades.
2. Blood Bomb. Locate a 1/2 full bottle of peroxide. Locate and fill a vac tube 1/2 full of blood (Don't ask...)Float vac tube in peroxide bottle. Tighten peroxide cap very tight. Prop bottle up somewhere in rear of enemy ambulance. Wait.(Every ER has speed bumps.) You won't believe how much of a mess this makes. Dcon for at least an hour. Use sparingly.
3. We stuck a filthy wet stray in the mens room. Friendly pup. Big. Coppers kept coming by asking to use our head. We said sure, but there's a dog in there. Every one of them said "Sure there is wiseass.." And promptly got a huge muddy wet friendly dog jumping all over him. Laughed 'till I cried.
4. Friend did this one. Get digital camera. Locate enemy ambulance. Pull along side. You and your partner wave to the enemy. They wave back. Then you both flip them the bird. They return the bird and at that very moment you raise your camera and snap a priceless photo of the competition. Post it as you see fit.

And the list goes on. 12 years as an EMT. Ha ha.

This happened many years ago, One of the worst things to do is fall asleep on a third shift,
One of the rookies fell asleep behind a K-Mart
store and another patrol spotted his unit, and
got ahold of me by landline, we snuck up to his
car and removed the red lenses from his two
cherrys, (this was before we got the Twin a sonics)and then we put two orange traffic cones
over the the rotors, after we took off, got dispatch to get ahold of him to respond to to bullshit call, which was a Stop n Go right across the station, Called the Shift Officer
and told him that we were conducting an exercise
to show him a new tatic for deploying Traffic
control and to view it from the front door of the station, After the call went out, one State patrol and two county patrols picked up the call also, not knowing it was a bullshit call,
well the timing could'nt have been more perfect,
all four of them showed up at the same time,
when the State and the county got out of there
units they were laughing so hard they did'nt
even go into the Stop n Go to see if it was real
or not, and all my Shift Officer could say was
nice cordination between departments and walked back inside.

For the Firefighters or 24 hr Medics.

Wait till your rookie, or any good subject, has his bed made up. Carefully fold his sheets back and sift flour between his sheets. Be sure the lights are off when he comes up for bed and when you catch a call or he gets up in the morning he'll look like Casper the ghost. And yes,, I've been on both ends of this one.

The cathater through the ceiling tile works great also.

You are just WRONG man,, WRONG!!!!!!!! ROFLMAO

I like ticket books.  If one is left unattended, I flip about 1/2 back in the unused tickets, and draw a big, goofy smilely face on the hard copy.  Officer doesn't notice till he tears off the copy to hand it to the violator, after it's all filled out and signed.[:D]

I'll have to try...  "I Love You"


I've also been known to leave the pd radio on "external"....  all radio traffic is broadcast over the PA

the rookies are good for this one..

ME  "What kind of gun ya got?"
ROOK  "Sig Sauer P220"
"Cool...  Can I see it?"
"Yeah"
one of two things happen..  
1.  gun is totally disassembled.
2.  two to three rounds are fired into the air.

Make a sailors bed for your collegues who are on the nightshift...

The trick is to make the bed to make it appear a normally made bed, but you can't get under the sheets. If the're really knackered it 'll take some time before they figure out what is going on...

Hint only do this on collegues who have f*cked you over on things before...

Or the thing to do with new guys...fill a body bag with either a (live) collegue or pillows(if your mates won't climb into the eternal sleeping bag). Call the new guy and start chewing him out for not "cleaning" his rig. The real fun starts once your partner is starting to move inside the bag.