FPNI

Neither of us like to go that long without.  And at 25 years of Marriage we have probably been more all over each other lately than about any time in our relationship.  I’ve never understood those whose sex lives shrivel up.

33 years of marriage, time has taken its toll.  Mother nature is much harsher on women than men.

If my life depended on it, I could not tell you the last time we had sex.  All I know is it was a long time ago and I have stopped even mentioning it because it leads nowhere.

For me, I think I am hornier now at this stage of my life, hell I am erect if the damn wind blows  

I understand why it was common in past times for men to have a wife but also have younger stuff on the side.

I have been married for almost 30 years. My wife still initiates more often than I do. I voted a day, but it could certainly be two days as we are old people.

For me 1 day.

My neighbor had a snowmobile that we started calling "The Tania" (his wife's name) because it hadn't been ridden in 2 years.

Considering that maybe some of you are disgusting fat bodies might explain your wife's lack of interest.

It might take a week. We’ve had conversations about it before, so she’s not apt to fall for the proposed test. If it has been a few days, she’s trying to figure out what’s going on.

One difficulty that I think the described situation presents is that some men believe that holding out on their wife like this, then presenting them with the accusation that they’re a cold, sexless shrew because they never initiate will somehow ingratiate themselves to their wife by their demonstration of long suffering patience or otherwise obligate their wife to begin to shoulder her share of the sexual burden. I doubt that it turns out that way often, if ever. What I think is more likely, is that men introduce testing and gamesmanship into a realm where they claim to not want women to test them or play games.

Before you try something like that, ask yourself what your goal is. If you just want to make your wife feel bad, then it will probably work. If you actually want to have more sex and you want her to possibly initiate more often, realize that trying to demonstrate that she’s a cold shrew will backfire.

Women are typically more responsive in their sexual desires than aggressive. Their anatomy, physiology and often psychology all dictate that they are receptive and responsive when it comes to sex. Their sexual response is often slower. This is borne out in the common response of “she rarely initiates but she never says no.” I believe that this is the sexual baseline of “mature” women who are no longer feeling the push to become pregnant but also haven’t reached menopause yet; women for whom sex is primarily relational instead of reproductive.

Additionally, women and men often see what actually constitutes initiating sex differently. What men often expect from sexual initiation is actually for women to become the sexual aggressor, which is frankly just outside the sexual vocabulary of most women in stable heterosexual relationships. Many women view this level of sexual aggression as too masculine and thus uncomfortable and undesirable for them. Women are more likely to initiate through flirtation, innuendo or subtle physical contact (often entirely imperceptible to men). Women often view cuddling, wearing of certain clothing, walking through the bedroom naked or even a casual mention of sex as an initiation. If you ask a woman, she may perceive that she has made an initiation hours before intercourse ever takes place, by a lingering kiss or a playful comment or by wearing special underwear.

Like another poster said, I take sex very seriously. It’s an important part of marriage that often doesn’t get the attention or conversation that it deserves. I can’t stress enough how important it is to talk about sex with your wife. A lot of the issues I see described in threads like this could be solved with short and simple conversations.

My wife adores sex, even after menopause. If I’m not initiating by the butt crack of dawn on Saturday morning, she is. (Work schedules)
I’ve made a few dumb decisions in my life, but my nympho wife wasn’t one of them.

She initiates half the time or more..... so, every day or two.

While I admit that I have an amazing wife today,

in my first marriage, I went 3 months straight without sex the first 6 months I was married, and it really didn’t improve the 3 years we were together ( except when she wanted a kid ) . She was like a porn star while dating, as much as I wanted, anywhere I wanted, said “ I do “, and she basically laid back, sighed in relief “ whew, no more of that annoying sex ! “… ( well, not with ME anyway )

Dating a nympho now lol.
Still prefers if I initiate.

Maybe 3 days tops. She knows the adage “keep his belly full and his balls empty.”

Post menopause, after a couple month pause, we ended up at a twice a week agreement. Scheduled/Required.

It works. Keeps me off the streets.

Women will say they're not interested in sex, they'll say it's hormones, they'll say they don't feel sexy;  but if you divorced her tomorrow it would take her weeks to go see a doctor, a month to get a gym membership, 2 months to lose some weight, 3 months to buy a whole new wardrobe, and then she'll fuck the first guy that will take her out to a TGI Fridays.  

The real answer is she's just not that into you.

You ever get the “You gonna dick me down” question? That’s when it’s been a second.

Years ago there was a thread in GD about wives not being interested in sex.  Someone posted “be a man she wants to fuck”.  
There’s some serious wisdom in that statement.

Maybe I didn't explain with the greatest eloquence and clarity.  I'm not saying a guy should simply announce "figure your shit out woman, and don't come back until you do!"  I mean that it's more of a, you can lead a horse to water type thing.  She has to be able to acknowledge her own role and be willing to work on it. Simply telling men to read her mind and be what she wants is an unfair expectation. Yet that's all you typically hear from women.

With my ex, we were both very religious and at that time I didn't have a ton of worldly experience for reference. I knew she was a bit on the prissy side but that's about it. Frequency wasn't terrible, it was just that things were.... off.  Foreplay was way more about calming her down and getting her to relax than it was about turning her on. I was the one who pushed for marriage counseling.  The counselor would see us together and separately. It didn't take long before the counselor would look at me and shrug. "Your wife is completely unwilling to look at her self or her role in your marriage. She just wants to point the finger at you. There's not much I can do."  She was the one to pull the plug. Which she now has done again and again and again.

Yes it's true that the sex is better when there's real emotional intimacy.  However, it's bullshit when women think men don't want that too or that they (women) are never the obstacle to emotional intimacy.

The woman I'm now with wears me ragged and when we talk about why things work so well she says things like she has never felt so connected or so secure with another man. There are days when the world has kicked her ass and I spend a good chunk of the evening on the couch with her in my arms letting her know it'll be ok.  That's a two way street though.  When my mom was dying with cancer and I was the one who had to make all the medical decisions she kept me from losing my mind.  There were days where I would come home and go straight to bed and she would put her arms around me and let me vent and grieve.  

The thing is I offered that to the ex too. She would have reacted to seeing me grief stricken by acting disgusted with me.
I'm the same guy, I'm offering the same support with pretty much the same approach and I'm equally vulnerable.  With one woman I was never enough for her to feel right and now I have a woman who thinks I hung the moon and wakes me up for more fun time.

As seriously as Realfitness86, though?

Propper chronological:
-Both fully nude before entering the room
-Must be in distraction-free/noiseless room, extremely quiet
-Start by standing/kissing/hugging
-Allow hormones to flow until "fuzzy" and fully effect male, fully wet female. (10-20 minutes)
-Missionary position
-Gradual rytheming penetration (a tad deeper each rythem)
-Enter uterus (she has to want your there or the wall stays closed)
-Release in uterus

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No idea. My wife and I agreed a long time ago that no sex was a complete deal-breaker. It's never been more than a day or two even if the other was "too tired" or "not in the mood".

This. My wife loves sex and we're super active but in almost two decades of marriage, she has initiated a grand total of twice.

Probably the same number here. It's just not in her wiring. But, she does start to drop signs if she thinks I'm neglecting her in that department (or myself), asks me if I'm upset, accuses me of being too focused on a book, internet, all sorts of things. She has extremely hard-wired ideas about gender roles well beyond that. Meh.

No the real answer is that she's very into the security you offer her.

Sex isn't why she would hit the gym, lose weight, get a new wardrobe and screw a new guy.  She would do all that to get back to a place of security with a new man...

So she could stop having sex with him down the road.

Some women just aren't into sex in general and men need to stop taking it personal.  Of course they should also stop offering security to women who play them like that.

As I have entered my late 50's I have slowed down a bit, and post menopause a woman's lady bits become more fragile.  The end result is that I have more stamina and she has less.  I have to be careful to not hurt her, and it sucks to pound away and fail to orgasm before she is in pain and we have to stop.  Hormone therapy has greatly reduced but not totally eliminated that problem.  We also tire out earlier in the evening, so we plan to have sexy time earlier in the evening, or mid-day on weekends.

Every third day seems to work best for us.  She will bring up the sexy time schedule as if reminding me to initiate things, but 90 percent of the time doesn't physically initiate things herself.  Sometimes if I travel for work and come home late Friday we discuss waiting until Saturday so we are both better rested and enjoy it more. (Quality beats quantity almost every time, but I'll admit that occasionally I just can't wait.)

I have no complaints.  After reading all the posts about sexless marriages I feel very blessed.  Good communication with your partner is essential to maintaining a good sex life as you age.  

Edit to add:  Talking about plans also helps to get her in the mood.  Learn to say the things that turn her on. (They are not the same things that turn you on, trust me there is a difference.)  A little anticipation goes a long way to improving her experience.

You've got a good woman Bohr_Adam

This is why I'm rolling my eyes at those saying guys who pull back from pursuing sex to gauge how long it takes for the woman to respond are causing more harm than good.  

It's no mystery that men like sex.  There's not a woman alive of marrying age who doesn't understand that.  Also a woman has to be literally retarded, 70 IQ level, to not understand that a healthy sex life is important to the survival of a marriage.  So while a woman who's hard wired to not initiate isn't going to jump her mans bones if he doesn't come on to her for a few weeks, if she gives a single God Damn about her marriage she's going to check in with him to make sure everything is alright.  

Pulling back and not pursuing is not going to make her horny or get her to offer it up more but it is certainly going to expose if she just doesn't give a shit about him, his needs and the strength of the marriage.

If for whatever reason we go much more than a week without a "session" my wife doesn't go out of her way to initiate anything.  Instead she starts being less "nice" and starts casting sideways looks at me.  At that point I think she's saying "either fuck my brains out or else".  I put it to the test once.  At the two week point I was seriously worried she may physically try to hurt me lol.  I fucked around and found out.

We're in our 60s so it's a project now. When we were younger I mostly initiated it but that's just me. She wasn't shy about it either, I just usually beat her to it.

Very good post sir

She will sometimes just randomly say "I need sex, seems like it's been forever". Of course I always agree.

Dude, help yourself by learning what dirty talk can do for you. You can get pretty…lewd without going over the line. Just learn where that line is by working your way towards it. I think a woman, no matter her outlook, likes to feel/be a little slutty for her man once in a while. I don’t mean that as some derogatory statement about women at all, just that she may need you to man-handle her some, put a tone in your voice. Not talking about dominating her or submissive shit or role playing. Just letting her know you appreciate her body, that she brings something out in you that makes you want her and the things she can do to you/for you and you want to help bring that little something out in her so she enjoys it.

I’m definitely not some big dicked porn star or anything like that but having her ask me “You gonna dick me down?” is, well, pretty nice.

I keep telling you man you gotta blow them up first. They leak and get all floppy if you leave them inflated.

Regular month, no crazy schedule issues or something. Maybe a few days.

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Booyah. He’s bitching about sex while bitching about her bitching about sex.

Eject now OP.   Serious.

My ex? I do NOT understand how we had 5 kids... it blows my mind. We went 21 months, one time. I told her that would NEVER happen again. My new wife of almost 2 years?? At first, it was twice a day. after we got married, it dwindled down.. usually once maybe twice a week. the past 4 months? Shit... who knows.. it's a crapshoot. I deal with mental stuff in the initiation dept. Still have PTSD from all of the bullshit of the first marriage. I have explained all of that to my current wife. She was very good about initiation, at first. Here lately, not so much.

Sounds like there was more than just sexual incompatibility going on, and that she has deep seated emotional connection issues that she refuses to acknowledge.



I think men have a very large part of the blame in perpetuating that idea and stereotype. Slumpbusters, slam pigs, constant pursuit of casual sex and one night stands and FWBs etc. “It’s a physical need, not an emotional one.”When men treat sex as a meaningless, emotionless activity, women can hardly be blamed for taking them at their word. Entirely to blame? No. But they definitely have the lion’s share of the blame for perpetuating that stereotype.

100%

I saw a guy post they fucked two years ago, and the time before that was three years or some such.

When I want some pussy, which is normally twice a day, I'm going to roll your ass over and get it.

Protip- If she cums she will enjoy sex more !!

Hang fire, I can't cum.

Pro tip…

80% are already cheating.
If your woman is not romantically interested in you she is done with you and is or has gone somewhere else.

Those are the same thing.

You win the internet today.



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+1. Pigtails are great to pull while hitting it from the back.

My current dry spell is at least 8 months. She's rejected me so much in the past 10 years that it finally clicked that she doesn't want it, at least doesn't want it with me. That's ok. I'm playing the long game and in 2025 I'm serving her ass papers. Fate has put me making less than her for the past year and I think courts go back a couple years to look at income in determining alimony. She's not getting a fucking nickel from me. Plus I want to be the best version of me when I launch that fucking nuke. She was away for a week just recently and I found that I could be and was comfortable by myself. Even if she offered I'm going to decline. I don't trust that she's been faithful and don't want to risk an std.

Getting laid can wait. First I'm creating an exit plan, going to execute that plan, then I'll put my energy into finding someone who's madly into me.

As John Dutton stated:
"You think you're winnin' this game? You don't even know the goddamned rules. But don't worry, I'm gonna teach 'em to ya."

Launch it right now.  

You’re wasting the best years of your life.

It’s beyond foolish.

No idea.  Maybe a couple weeks or months?  She never ever turns me down when I initiate and thats all that matters to me.

My wife and I haven't had sex since October.

I'm early 50s. Wife is late 40s. She as been mine since she was 18. She has graves, thyroid problems which put her in MP early. My wife likes sex but only about half as much as I do. If it's over a week I'm getting a bj or hj as wifely duty.  I want to do the right thing but I'm not going without.

lol

I'm going to try this.

MGTOW THREAD BOIS