new and improved page 2 ownage and tag

I'm not single and kind of old. I can guarentee nobody wants to "see pics".


I was watching some lesbian porn while on vacatioin in the mountains with my "roommate" and there was a sound in the movie like a helicopter or plane. My "roommate" mumbles to herself "terroristic stalking" and I cracked up!!


I might spend to much time on arfcom.

Make sure you OC.  Also be wary of there homo guy friends. Carry lots of hands sanitizer.

No chance to score with the bridesmaids there.  

Q) Why can't a lesbian diet while wearing makeup?






A) She can't eat Jenny Craig with Mary Kay on her face.



Been waiting for the right time to post that. This seemed like it.

Update:

Got back a while ago but just got around to posting. My observations:

-Had to pay six bucks for parking; this wasn't mentioned on invitations or by word of mouth so many guests were pissed about this.

-No open bar. The 'bar' was improvised by the catering company and consisted of three types of wine and a couple cases of Labatt Blue. Bartender expected tips for handing people a beer bottle or pouring wine from a bottle.

-There were no water glasses or drinks served with dinner. I found this very odd. The only non-alcoholic drink available was hawaiian punch.

-The ceremony was more traditional than I expected. Both fathers walked the brides down the aisle, they were both wearing white dresses, there was a bridal party but no groomsmen, they were married by a woman wearing a robe and stole and calling herself an Elder, and there was prayer so it was some type of Christian ceremony, there was an exchange of vows and rings, and then the Elder announced them married and did not announce "you may kiss the bride".

-The food was not bad; stuffed chicken, pork tenderloin, some vegetable stuff, pasta dish. Just wish I had something to drink

-Cake did not have two brides as a topper .

-The "DJ" was an iPod hooked up to someone's surround sound system. There was no dancing or dance floor.

-My girlfriend was fairly pissed because there was no receiving line and the brides and families did not circulate amongst the guests and thank people for coming. She felt like there was little show of appreciation for the people who came out to offer them support.

All in all, it was nice and not as weird as I expected. It just appeared hasty (which supposedly it was not), not well planned out, and not very elegant. I have been to classier weddings and I have been to tackier weddings, but certainly more of the former.

On a side note, this is the first time my new LCP rode in the front pocket of a pair of dress pants to a social function. It performed admirably in a Destantis nemesis holster. It did not shift, bulge, print, or drag at my pants. This gun/holster combo is a winner.

So the brides left " Lickity Split" ?

Quoted: Show up in a "Adam and Eve, Not Adam and Steve" shirt.

Then enjoy the hilarity as you repeatedly explain that you are OK with "Eve and Maeve".

ETA: Damn, the wedding is already concluded. Maybe they'll get a ticket for doing 69 in a construction zone on the honeymoon though.

Good to know the gun/holster combo worked.  Cant say as much for the wedding.

Quoted: Show up wearing a Westboro Baptist Church T-shirt and toting a chainsaw.   CJ

Quoted: To those of you concerned about my "getting dragged along" comment: relationships are a two way street; she comes with me to hang out with my cool friends and do fun things, I go with her to weird lesbian weddings. Give and take, you see? Off I go!

HAHAHAHAA!

You don't REALLY believe that do you?

I guy I know, who I NOW respect (because of this), had his wife explain how two of her male coworkers were geting "married".

Steve replied, if two homo %$%$%ers want to play house, that's fine, but I ain't going and you ain't spending MY money on a gift!. Now get me a BEER!"  

Quoted: I found a pic of the lesbians. i34.tinypic.com/jic011.jpg

Even without the editing I don't think we would know which lumps are the naughty parts.

If you are going to make an attempt at normalcy, then at least make a good attempt and have a fun wedding. Bummer for you that you had to be a part of it. Personally I think gay 'marriage' is a major thumbs down anyway.

Nasty. I wouldn't go.

Quoted: Quoted: I found a pic of the lesbians. i34.tinypic.com/jic011.jpg Even without the editing I don't think we would know which lumps are the naughty parts.

Reminds me of the pictures of people with elephantiasis.

We want to know which one is the wife.  

Tell this joke:

Mellisa Ethridge just drowned.

They found her face down in Rikki Lake

Quoted: Quoted: Feign innocence but gift them a 22" double ended jelly dong. You make the mistake of assuming they don't already have one....carpal tunnel isn't fun for anyone, sometimes people need "tools" to help them out.

Huh... I didn't know that playing with vag could give you carpal tunnel....

Quoted: Tell this joke: Mellisa Ethridge just drowned. They found her face down in Rikki Lake

Melissa Ethridge has more taste than to be with Rikki Lake.

I actually worked with an officer who went to HS with Melissa Ethridge.

And  I think she is hot....

Pictures or a description.