bump - lots of good advice.

Fuhgedaboutit.

She's damaged goods and you have a beautiful wife. She's looking for a daddy for her baby.

Quoted: Get over the mixed feeling thing, what you are feeling now is the gut reaction we all get when someone other than our spouses wants us to do them.

Listen to this ^^^ wise man.

I am still waiting on my phone call.

I got one of those phone calls from a crazy college flame a few years back.

We talked for a few minutes and she finally says "I think about you all of the time....do you ever think about me?"

<long pause>


me: sometimes, when I'm jerking off.


CLICK

Haven't heard from her since



(true story)

Quoted: FAWK.  This has train wreck written all over it.

Quoted: Was with a girl for over six years starting back in college. She was 17 I was 19 when we started. We had four to five good years then we just hit some rough times and she eventually dumped me for another guy who had cheated on his wife and left her and their two kids. It hit me hard, took me about a year or two to move on but I did. That was 1991. She married him, had two kids then he cheated on her (big surprise) and then up and left her. She is remarried now and has another baby. 14 years and then out of the blue she calls me at work to say hi and see how I'm doing. I was close in her family while we were together and she said her father died last year and she promised him she wouldn't leave things "unfinished" in her life and would make amends for things and people she feels she needs to. She says she thinks about me and hopes I can forgive her for how we ended. Now I know it was not all her fault, we were both going through changes and rough times and we just couldn't stick it out together, I guess we were just young. She asks me if I ever wonder if we could have worked it out or "what if" kinds of things. 14 years later. It was good to talk with her. We talked for about an hour. I know things won't go anywhere. I'm happily married and have a family now but  it does brings back bittersweet memories of being a couple of young college kids growing up together. But it also gives me pause that she seemed pretty reminiscent of our good times together and the "what ifs". I'm just still so surprised she called. 14 years. And I have mixed feelings.

Just another woman who can't let things go.  Some have a need to keep rehashing old injuries over and over.

Wish your ex-GF well, and it was good while it lasted, and tell her to not to call you again, that then move on with your life WITHOUT her.  14 years is a long-time, and things were not the same as it was back then.

Youw ere at work and talked to some woman who left you for an hour

No wonder the Chinese are beating us...

Quoted: Besides..... do YOU want to raise two other dude's three kids ?

And pay child support for yours...

I hate the what ifs. I wish i could let some of them go.

Quoted: Quoted: Tell her she's forgiven and to never call you again. Best.  Advice.  Ever.   Take Stealth's advice, then go tell your wife you love her, and count your blessings.

Yep.  nothing more needs to be said.

Quoted: But what do my mixed feelings mean?

It means you're human, with a conscience and a soul and a sense of worth.

Good for you.

That said, hang up, and never speak with her again. Run away. VERY fast.

Sounds like she's entered a 12 step program...

Quoted: Quoted: She asks me if I ever wonder if we could have worked it out or "what if" kinds of things. Where is that "Run, Forrest" picture when you need it?

Exactly! She's calling you up, Troll, my man, because she's unhappy in her present arrangement and is sounding you out to get back in. IME, women tend to go back to easy, familiar territory if unhappy in relationships. Avoid her like the plague!

Quoted: Sounds like she's entered a 12 step program...

Yeah- twelve steps on his back, in stiletto heels, if he doesn't watch out.


Run, Forrest- run!!

She seeks closure.  Tell her that you are happily married to the best woman in the world and have some lovely children.  Wish her well with her own children and life and that your life's path is apart from hers.  Hug & kiss your wife in the presence of your children.

Leave the past in the past......it is where it is meant to be.

If you were single with no family, I'd say bring it on for some fantistic sex AFTER she brings a letter from her Doc with her STD test results. Then kick her sorry fucking ass to the cerb.

But you have a family. The fucking bitch is now nothing more but trouble.

"WARNING, WILL ROBINSON, WARNING"!!!!

Be nice to her once. If she continues, tell her you will stop being nice and she is to proceed straight to hell, do not pass go, do not collect $200!

If she wants to continue, tell her you will slap a restraining order on her if she gets psycho.

And last but least, inform her that you will do anything to protest your family from her evil person.

That should work.

End result, to fucking hell with her! She's a POS and needs to dissapear back into the mire of chaios she lives in.

Thin ice.

Related but from the Female Point of View
Femspeak Translations in Red

-----------------------------------------------
from:http://msnbc.msn.com/id/8319788

An old flame is back. But will he commit?
After a divorce, a single mom reconnects with an old boyfriend. But is he still a commitment-phobe? Dr. Gail Saltz offers advice

Q: There is a man from another state I dated off and on between about five and 10 years ago. Our relationship eventually cooled and I then met another man whom I married, in part because of his greater willingness to commit. We have since divorced.

My former flame has now re-entered my life. We certainly have clicked over the years, but he always had issues over settling down. How do I gauge if he is serious this time around? I want to make sure we are on the same path — being a single mother now, I do not have the time or energy to get hurt emotionally.

A: Single mother or not, nobody has the time or energy to get hurt emotionally!

Good for you — you are asking the right questions. Now you need to take action. If you want a commitment, you need to find out whether he does, too.

And you shouldn’t necessarily judge him by your past history with him. As you know, timing in relationships is crucial. You can meet the right guy at the wrong time — before he is ready to settle down — and lose him. It sounds as though you met the wrong guy at the right time, and married him.

What you need, of course, is the right guy at the right time. A “wrong” in either half of that equation signals a relationship that won’t go the distance.

(Has Money and is Pussy Whipped )

The only way to find out whether you are in accord about your future is to be clear about your wish for commitment and to listen to both his words and his actions.

(Will you be my slave for life? )

If he says he wants a committed relationship, your next task is to find out whether you are the one he truly wants to commit to.

(Ok...he was Committed..I wonder which Psych Ward he was in... )

And I’m sure you don’t want to waste time. So give yourself a deadline.

Many women say, “I will wait for him,” but are open-ended about how long they will wait. Then they realize they’ve invested 10 years waiting for a man who can’t decide. Plus, the more time they’ve invested, the harder it is to move on.

(Wizard of Oz Song: Someday Over the Rainbow....)(Harder to Move on and find your real Catch)

Set yourself a realistic deadline. It shouldn’t be two weeks (or two months), but it needn’t be two years. Within six months to a year, you will both know whether you want a mutual commitment. If you do and he does not, then it’s time to extricate yourself.

(mutual in Femspeak means Male: meaning: Monogamy is for Men )

You have another issue here — the distance factor. Long-distance relationships are difficult. It’s easy for everyone to be on only their best behavior when they are dating long distance. Everybody has idiosyncrasies, and unless you are together more consistently, you have no opportunity to know whether you can tolerate one another’s.


As I said, you should not delay. Rather, do what’s necessary as soon as possible to see whether you should be together.

(Hook him while you can! Before he wises up! )

If one or both of you absolutely refuses to move, then you should know that now. Otherwise, make plans to spend enough time together to test your relationship realistically. For example, one of you could visit the other’s city for a month or so.

What you don’t want to do is hang on forever. The way to minimize your emotional pain is to cut your losses as soon as you know a man is unwilling or unable to provide what you want.

Dr. Gail’s Bottom Line: If you want a commitment, give a relationship a realistic chance — and then give it a realistic time frame

I had an ex from high school call me about 4 or 5 months after my wife passed away. She found out from my brother. She called and we hooked up. It was amazing!!
This was after 20 yrs of not seeing each other.

Quoted: GOOOOOO For IT!!!!

+1

I can't believe that after 3 pages no one has spoken this. If there ever were a time for it to be posted it is now.

Stick it in her.......yadda yadda yadda

Quoted: would make amends for things and people she feels she needs to.

By chance, is her name Ed?  Or Earl or whatever that show is.

Just watch the TV show instead.

Reminded me of this...


Met my old lover in the grocery store
The snow was falling christmas eve
I stole behind her in the frozen foods
And I touched her on the sleeve

She didn’t recognize the face at first
But then her eyes flew open wide
She went to hug me and she spilled her purse
And we laughed until we cried.

We took her groceries to the checkout stand
The food was totalled up and bagged
We stood there lost in our embarrassment
As the conversation dragged.

We went to have ourselves a drink or two
But couldn’t find an open bar
We bought a six-pack at the liquor store
And we drank it in her car.

We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But neither one knew how.

She said she’d married her an architect
Who kept her warm and safe and dry
She would have liked to say she loved the man
But she didn’t like to lie.

I said the years had been a friend to her
And that her eyes were still as blue
But in those eyes I wasn’t sure if I saw
Doubt or gratitude.

She said she saw me in the record stores
And that I must be doing well
I said the audience was heavenly
But the traveling was hell.

We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to now
And tried to reach beyond the emptiness
But neither one knew how.

We drank a toast to innocence
We drank a toast to time
Reliving in our eloquence
Another ’auld lang syne’...

The beer was empty and our tongues were tired
And running out of things to say
She gave a kiss to me as I got out
And I watched her drive away.

Just for a moment I was back at school
And felt that old familiar pain
And as I turned to make my way back home
The snow turned into rain --

Quoted: Quoted: I'm happily married and have a family now... Tell her she's forgiven and to never call you again.

...the best advice here....

Pee on her!

Quoted: "Dear Penthouse Forum, I never thought it would happen to me but......"

Yep. good one.

Just forgive her and move on.  Enjoy the woman who choose you and spent her life with you.

My .02

Max

Quoted: I'm happily married and have a family now but..........

There should be NO 'but' after that first part.

Repeat after me: "I'm happily married and have a family now. PERIOD."

Do it again.

Repeat if necessary.

Quoted: Reminded me of this... ...... Just for a moment I was back at school And felt that old familiar pain And as I turned to make my way back home The snow turned into rain --

ADD:
.....the next day, I saw on the local news...
...that some drunk broad ran into a school bus.

Man, I'm glad now, that "I don't know that person."

Now I walk through the rain, nursing my pain...

...a skippin' to the AA meetin' I go.

It always looks greener on the other side, but it never is.....

Forget it! It's poison! A train wreck!

Not worth throwing your marrage and kids away for!

Had a Dumbass friend that was cheating on his wife. He got busted and his 2 grown kids won't even talk to him.. He's real screwed up over this. It's all his fault! and it was so easily avoided..  If there was a Noble prize for DUMBASS he'd win!!!!

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: I'm happily married and have a family now... Tell her she's forgiven and to never call you again. I know you're right. But what do my mixed feelings mean? They mean you're human. Everyone has a bond to their past, and old emotions come back when people disturb your life with a dose of dead feelings. But, look at the reality - she wasn't a very good person to you, made poor choices, and now wants to reconnect with you. What kind of choice do you think that is? Healthy? Of course not. Let her live with the consequences of making those poor choices, instead of potentially hurting you again. Tell her no hard feelings, and that you're happy now, have a nice life, goodbye.

Good ol' Swingset...Reliable and sensible in his advice.
But never boring!

Draw Down!

She wants to know that you feel the same way she does:  That your life has been fucked up until she cheated on you you two split up.  That you had the best possible gift in the world and let it go [her].

Tell her to fuck off.  People do not change.  She was a shallow whore back then and she is now.  She is looking for someone who will worship her and support her little fucked up kids.  At the very least to bait you and then blackmail you for money so she doesn't tell your wife about your "closure" sex.

Men have closure all the time.  You burn the pictures and go out and fuck a hot chick.  We move on.  You don't need it, and she doesn't deserve it.  If you two had a amicable split it would be a different story.

I have no respect for cheating whores and those that drop one guy and hook up with another a day later, age is no excuse.

TAXI
Harry Chapin

It was raining hard in 'Frisco,
I needed one more fare to make my night.
A lady up ahead waved to flag me down,
She got in at the light.
Oh, where you going to, my lady blue,
It's a shame you ruined your gown in the rain.
She just looked out the window, and said
"Sixteen Parkside Lane".
Something about her was familiar
I could swear I'd seen her face before,
But she said, "I'm sure you're mistaken"
And she didn't say anything more.
It took a while, but she looked in the mirror,
And she glanced at the license for my name.
A smile seemed to come to her slowly,
It was a sad smile, just the same.
And she said, "How are you Harry?"
I said, "How are you Sue?
Through the too many miles
and the too little smiles
I still remember you."
It was somewhere in a fairy tale,
I used to take her home in my car.
We learned about love in the back of the Dodge,
The lesson hadn't gone too far.
You see, she was gonna be an actress,
And I was gonna learn to fly.
She took off to find the footlights,
And I took off to find the sky.
Oh, I've got something inside me,
To drive a princess blind.
There's a wild man, wizard,
He's hiding in me, illuminating my mind.
Oh, I've got something inside me,
Not what my life's about,
Cause I've been letting my outside tide me,
Over 'till my time, runs out.
Baby's so high that she's skying,
Yes she's flying, afraid to fall.
I'll tell you why baby's crying,
Cause she's dying, aren't we all.
There was not much more for us to talk about,
Whatever we had once was gone.
So I turned my cab into the driveway,
Past the gate and the fine trimmed lawns.
And she said we must get together,
But I knew it'd never be arranged.
And she handed me twenty dollars,
For a two fifty fare, she said
"Harry, keep the change."
Well another man might have been angry,
And another man might have been hurt,
But another man never would have let her go...
I stashed the bill in my shirt.
And she walked away in silence,
It's strange, how you never know,
But we'd both gotten what we'd asked for,
Such a long, long time ago.
You see, she was gonna be an actress
And I was gonna learn to fly.
She took off to find the footlights,
And I took off for the sky.
And here, she's acting happy,
Inside her handsome home.
And me, I'm flying in my taxi,
Taking tips, and getting stoned,
I go flying so high, when I'm stoned.

Quoted: Reminded me of this... Met my old lover in the grocery store The snow was falling christmas eve I stole behind her in the frozen foods And I touched her on the sleeve

I guess I should have read the whole thread before I posted!

Quoted: Tell her to fuck off.  People do not change.  She was a shallow whore back then and she is now.  She is looking for someone who will worship her and support her little fucked up kids.  At the very least to bait you and then blackmail you for money so she doesn't tell your wife about your "closure" sex. Men have closure all the time.  You burn the pictures and go out and fuck a hot chick.  We move on.  You don't need it, and she doesn't deserve it.  If you two had a amicable split it would be a different story. I have no respect for cheating whores and those that drop one guy and hook up with another a day later, age is no excuse.

YOU should write a song about that!

Quoted: Quoted: It still freaks me out what kind of hold she had on me and I still do not know why. Was she a hot-blooded Italian who could make your toes curl three times a day?

Seems we all had one of them.
Still getting over her...

I had a similar situation.  Had a long distance relationship that was intense.  We got together about once a month for some incredible weekends.  I was totally in love and lust with this girl.  I was 30, she was 25 and in the middle of a divorce.

Perhaps the physical side of our relationship blinded me to some of the things I should have been picking up on early.  I eventually found out that she was completely self-centered and selfish.  Being a long distance relationship, and her being an attention-whore, it was doomed to failure.  She cheated on me, and that was the end of it.  I was crushed.  Still, she continued to call me, e-mail me, IM me, etc.  Drove me crazy.  Finally, I had to tell her to just stop, because I was trying to get on with my life, and her contact with me was hindering my "recovery".  She slowed down, but still kept in contact with me.

Eventually, I met the woman that would eventually become my wife.  This relationship made me SO GLAD that my previous relationship had died when it did.  At the time, I was considering really changing around my life to be with her (the ex).  What a collosal mistake that would have been.  Thank God she showed her true colors relatively early.  The last time I had contact with this girl, she was IM'ing me, being annoying.  So, I gave her the coup de gras, I e-mailed her a pic of my girlfriend (now wife) in a bikini.  That was the end of that.  She knew she was defeated, and no longer had power over me.

That was 5 and a half years ago.  This past summer, I get a call at work.  You guessed it, the old girlfriend.  She was calling to see how I was doing, etc., etc.  She also wanted to apologize for treating me like shit.  I told her that was nice, but I got over it and learned / grew from the experience.  I also told her I was very happily married.

Sometimes I wonder what the conversation would have been like if I hadn't told her I was married, just to fuck with her.  I wonder if she would have tried to hook up.  She was married and had a kid.  I wouldn't be surprised if she was slipping to her old ways, the ho-bag.

I did tell my wife about the conversation, immediately, by the way.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: It still freaks me out what kind of hold she had on me and I still do not know why. Was she a hot-blooded Italian who could make your toes curl three times a day? Seems we all had one of them.

+1

Been there.
Done that.

Move on.

Quoted: Was with a girl for over six years starting back in college. She was 17 I was 19 when we started. We had four to five good years then we just hit some rough times and she eventually dumped me for another guy who had cheated on his wife and left her and their two kids. It hit me hard, took me about a year or two to move on but I did. That was 1991. She married him, had two kids then he cheated on her (big surprise) and then up and left her. She is remarried now and has another baby. 14 years and then out of the blue she calls me at work to say hi and see how I'm doing. I was close in her family while we were together and she said her father died last year and she promised him she wouldn't leave things "unfinished" in her life and would make amends for things and people she feels she needs to. She says she thinks about me and hopes I can forgive her for how we ended. Now I know it was not all her fault, we were both going through changes and rough times and we just couldn't stick it out together, I guess we were just young. She asks me if I ever wonder if we could have worked it out or "what if" kinds of things. 14 years later. It was good to talk with her. We talked for about an hour. I know things won't go anywhere. I'm happily married and have a family now but  it does brings back bittersweet memories of being a couple of young college kids growing up together. But it also gives me pause that she seemed pretty reminiscent of our good times together and the "what ifs". I'm just still so surprised she called. 14 years. And I have mixed feelings.

Sounds like a Dan Fogelberg song.
Tell her thanks  and best wishes and be extra good to your family.

What's really bad is if  you're married and your wife either answers the phone or checks out the caller ID..."Honey, why was XXXX XXXXXX calling at midnight?" The "old lady with a wrong number" trick doesn't work. The truth is unbelievable, too..The bad part is that I didn't even date the girl, she was too homely and unattractive. I guess she was just checking me out...

A couple years ago, I got a three-year-and-three-month late apology from an ex via e-mail. I didn't even reply. It's not worth it.

Play it as cool as Clint in a spaghetti western. No man need surrender his dignity for one woman.

...but it can't hurt to start carrying an emergency kit with condoms, chocolate syrup, a sleeping bag, baby wipes and $100 cash.  

If mine ever comes back I can tell you that a 20 year marriage and family would go right down the crapper because I know I won't be able to resist what once was. And I'm afraid it'll be worth it.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: I'm happily married and have a family now... Tell her she's forgiven and to never call you again. I know you're right. But what do my mixed feelings mean?

You miss what you had.  Don't confuse that with missing who she is.