Posted: 5/8/2010 1:14:26 PM EDT
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It has today been announced that in light of the 65% turnout at the recent election it would appear that 35% of the voting public couldn't give a toss.........despite the fact that many people not entitled to vote have gone to great efforts to do so, some even more than once. As a result, their votes will stand, due to all the commendable effort they put in.
This is, in part, believed to be due to our complex voting system, which even politicians don't understand or agree on. So that the even more involved Hung Parliament situation does not confuse the issue further, the constitution will be scrapped and a system that the public can relate to will be introduced with immediate effect, as follow; The three main party leaders will be entered as late, surprise guests in the BBC/Andrew Lloyd Webber's TV show, Over The Rainbow, seeking players for the forthcoming West End production. As the role of Dorothy is already catered for, the candidates will audition for the remaining roles. Gordon Brown will audition as the Scarecrow because he needs a brain. David Cameron will audition as the Tin Man because he needs a heart and Nick Clegg will audition as the Cowardly Lion because he needs the nerve. In the spirit of the show, each candidate will sing a solo, reflecting their situations. Gordon will sing, from Les Miserables, his rendition of 'On My Own'. David will sing from My Fair Lady, Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious, and Nick will sing, from A Little Night Music and due to his pending role of 'Kingmaker', his own deeply moving version of 'Send In The Clowns'. As normal practice in the show, viewers can phone in and vote for the candidate of their choice. In the event of a tie, Andrew Lloyd Webber was to have the deciding vote. Unfortunately the polling station will close before that part of the show is reached. As an alternative, a chap in Bangladesh has agreed to send a postal vote despite the fact that he has never set foot in Britain. It was originally planned to be even simpler by just entering the three candidates on 'Britain's Got Talent', but after due consideration the show producers stated that they had to draw the line somewhere............ 
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