Posted: 12/2/2008 11:55:02 PM EDT
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This turned up on the e-mail today. The exchange between the polis mannie and the driver may hit the spot with you boys in blue.......
Ye Ken Yer Scottish if... 1. Ye can properly pronounce McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, Sauchiehall, St Enoch, Auchtermuchty and Aufurfuksake. 2. Ye actually like deep fried battered pizza fae the chippie. 3. Ye get four seasons in wan day. 4. Ye canny pass a chip/kebab shop withoot sleverin when yer blootert. 5. Ye kin fall about pished withoot spilling yer drink. 6. Ye see people wear shell suits with burberry accessories - pure class! 7. Ye measure distance in minutes. 8. Ye kin understaun Rab C Nesbitt and know characters just like him, in yer ain family. 9. Ye go tae Saltcoats cos ye think it is like gaun tae the ocean. 10. Ye kin make hael sentences jist wae sweer wurds. 11. Ye know whit haggis is made ae and stull like eating it. 12. Somedy ye know his used a fitba schedule tae plan thur wedding day date. 13. You've been at a wedding and fitba scores are announced in the Church / Chapel. 14. Ye urny surprised tae find curries, pizzas, kebabs, fish n chips, irn-bru, fags and nappies all in the wan shop. 15. Yer holiday home at the seaside has calor gas under it. 16. A big flash car has a ned at the wheel. 17. Ye know irn-bru is a hangover cure. 18. Ye learnt tae sweer afore ye learnt tae dae sums. 19. Ye actually understand this and yurr gonnae send it tae yer pals 20. Finally, you are 100% Scottish if you have ever said/heard these words... *how's it hingin *boggin *cludgie *pished *wee beasties *amurny *awa' an bile yer heid *peely-wally *humpey backit *Ba'-heid *baw bag *dubble nuggit *Fit lyk ye bam? The Glasgow , or more properly "Glesca", dialect is known to be extremely concise, as so much can be said in so few words. Consider for example, this exchange between a car-driver, and the police officer who pulled him over. Interpretation is provided inside the brackets. Police officer: Yaw rite? (Are you feeling ill?) Driver: 'maw rite. (No. I'm feeling exceptionally well, thank you) Yeshoor? (Are you entirely certain of that fact?) Aye. (Yes) Zisyoors? (Are you the registered owner of this vehicle?) Zwitmine ? (Which vehicle are you referring to?) Ris caur (The automobile in which you are presently seated) Sibrurn laws (Actually, it belongs to my sister's husband) Wers heeren? (Can you tell me where he can be located?) Raboozers. (He is a guest of the local hostelry.) Yebeen garglin'. (Have you partaken of any alcoholic beverages, in the recent past?) Jissa cupple. (I have consumed only one or two small cocktails, prior to dinner.) Yur stoatin'. (It is my considered opinion that you are considerably under the influence of alcohol.) Naw'mno' (I beg to differ.) Ye urstoatin'. (I believe that my initial observation is correct, and that you are being somewhat deceitful.) Umnoe. (I swear that I am being entirely truthful.) Geezyer licence. (Would you be kind enough to allow me to inspect your drivers licence?) ' Vno Goatwan . (I am not in possession of such a document.) Geroot racaur. (Kindly remove yourself from the automobile.) Whiffur? (By what legal right do you make this request?) 'Mapolis. (I am a member of the local constabulary.) Ommigoad. (I call upon the Supreme Being, witness this moment of extreme duress.) Geroot Ren. (Will you now please extricate yourself from your position behind the steering wheel. Awrite, 'mcomin' (I am proceeding to do so with all possible speed.) Blawris up. ( Are you familiar with the breathalyser test?.) ' Mgonny Besik . (I believe that I am about to be violently ill.) 
Noanme Yurno. (Please exercise a great deal of caution as to the direction your involuntary emission takes.) ' Mawrite Noo . (Having ridden my digestive tract of an accumulation of nausea-inducing substances, I now feel better.) Getna Paddywagon. (Please be kind enough to accept a short ride in the humble vehicle provided for my use by the local police.) Wer Wigaun? (May I be so forward as to make an enquiry as to our ultimate destination?) Ra Jile. (To my headquarters, where you will be incarcerated.) Ohmigoad, rawife'll murder me. (Once again I call upon the Supreme Being to witness this unfortunate turn of events. Incidentally, I must inform you that my spouse will take my life, illegally.) Getna Wagon. (May I offer you my assistance in climbing into the back of my vehicle.) Aw, Neveragain. Ratsit furme. (I have now learned a valuable lesson, and I hereby declare total abstinence from all alcoholic |
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RAB
and Dr Who meets Rab C http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=xB-M_tYhLGU |