Posted: 1/27/2006 6:10:28 PM EDT
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An American tourist in London wanders into a local pub, downs several pints, then stumbles out the door. After walking for a while, he finds himself in a posh residential neighborhood with no public restrooms. In pain, he finds a side street and walks up to a wall. Just as he unzips his pants, a British cop grabs his arm and says, "Sir, you can't do that here." "Sorry, officer," replies the American, "but I really have to take a leak and I can't find a restroom anywhere." "Follow me then," says the cop. He leads the American down a back alley and opens a gate. Inside is a lush garden with manicured lawns, topiaries, statues, and fountains. "Whiz anywhere you like," says the cop. The American goes about his business, then returns and says, "I guess this is what you call English hospitality!" "No, sir," replies the cop. "This is what we call the French embassy." |
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Nice one! Here's one I like......... Brian came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell asleep. When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you?" Demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my Bedroom?". The mysterious Man answered "This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter". Brian was stunned "You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to Live for, I haven't said goodbye to my family....you've got to send me back Straight away". St Peter replied "Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch. We can only send you back as a dog or a hen." Brian was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house, he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in feathers and clucking around pecking the ground. "This ain't so bad" he thought until he felt this strange feeling welling up inside him. The farmyard rooster strolled over and said "So you're the new hen, how are you enjoying your first day here?" "It's not so bad" replies Brian, "but I have this strange feeling inside like I'm about to explode". "You're ovulating" explained the rooster, "don't tell me you've never laid an egg before". "Never" replies Brian "Well just relax and let it happen" And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness was overwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as a hen was the best thing that ever happened to him...ever!!! The joy kept coming and as he was just about to lay his third egg he felt an enormous smack on the back of his head and heard his wife shouting... "Brian, wake up you drunken b*stard, you've sh** the bed" |
