Posted: 4/17/2009 3:59:41 PM EDT
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History 101
For those that don't know about history ... Here is a condensed version: Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals, and 2. Conservatives. Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed. Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement. Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men. Some noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided. Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass. Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat. Conservatives drink domestic beer, mostly Bud. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, members of the military, airline pilots and generally any one who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living. Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America . They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing. Here ends today's lesson in world history: It should be noted that a Liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it. A Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers and to more liberals just to tick them off. And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self |
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Woof....
I've grown so very weary of this brand of cartoonish, devisive partisan hackery. Liberals vs. Conservatives, I've had enough of that ole boondoggle. It seems like all people have the guts/brains to do these days is mock and berate their ideological foes. Disagree and debate is a good thing Adam5. It's the cornerstone of a free society. Mockery is a vice for boobs too inarticulate to cobble together a substantive argument. If liberals are the bunch of backwards thinking , slack jawed faggots you seem to think they are, it shouldn't be that difficult for you to pick them apart. ( Disclaimer: I'm a right leaning moderate, with plenty of liberal friends who I'm happy to disagree with from time to time) "Liberals" aren't your enemies brother, they're Americans just like the rest of us. Different ideas about what that really means of course, but I don't think it does any good to deride your fellow americans for what they believe , bass ackwards or not. |
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Quoted:
Quoted:
raw fish=walrus', manatees and liberals. meat=real men and conservatives  Anyone who wants in on this had better OC a bigger gun then me next Saturday at Christos (1p.m. be there of STFU) If I wasnt so far and work didnt have me slaving Id go, I like food. And well all my guns are small. |
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Quoted:
Woof.... I've grown so very weary of this brand of cartoonish, devisive partisan hackery. Liberals vs. Conservatives, I've had enough of that ole boondoggle. It seems like all people have the guts/brains to do these days is mock and berate their ideological foes. Disagree and debate is a good thing Adam5. It's the cornerstone of a free society. Mockery is a vice for boobs too inarticulate to cobble together a substantive argument. If liberals are the bunch of backwards thinking , slack jawed faggots you seem to think they are, it shouldn't be that difficult for you to pick them apart. ( Disclaimer: I'm a right leaning moderate, with plenty of liberal friends who I'm happy to disagree with from time to time) "Liberals" aren't your enemies brother, they're Americans just like the rest of us. Different ideas about what that really means of course, but I don't think it does any good to deride your fellow americans for what they believe , bass ackwards or not. few things wrong with your response: 1. most important...IT IS A JOKE! (get your panties out of a wad) OP is a little more deserving for GD, but it is meant in humor. 2. Mockery is a vice for boobs too inarticulate to cobble together a substantive argument."-sort of funny, some of the most articulate men in our history, the founding fathers reverted to political cartoons and mockery of king george III to convey their ideas of freedom to the masses. 3. "If liberals are the bunch of backwards thinking , slack jawed faggots you seem to think they are, it shouldn't be that difficult for you to pick them apart."-its not that difficult, but what fun would it be to completely destroy them logically and not point out the stupidity of their ideas. 4. ""Liberals" aren't your enemies brother, they're Americans just like the rest of us"-BULLSHIT, they stand for every thing that is against what this country was founded upon. its a little sad that people can be brain washed to believe this type of propaganda. 5. "....to deride your fellow americans for what they believe..."-WTF, so we should all hold hands and agree to disagree? this political correctness crap is flawed. if some one tells you something that is detrimentally wrong, it is your duty as an american to let them know they are stupid. feelings be damned, wrong is always wrong. you never know, if they keep telling something as truth for long enough, it will be taught as truth before long. for the record, i will debate any liberal/statist/socialist any time, any where, any issue. i will always win the debate because my arguments will be based on the constitution. the emotions will be left out of the argument, but it is some times fun to toy with the pseudo intellectuals with harassment and name calling. 
damn, just damn 
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