Posted: 3/30/2006 5:51:54 PM EDT
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I consider alot of the MO forum/ MODCC crew here to be good friends of mine, so I thought I'd update you guys on some stuff that's happened recently. Alot of my friends and family have been saying for awhile now that I need to take some time off, to take better care of myself. I tried to put a happy face on it as much as I could, but my wife, my business partners, and others who know me well could tell that I've just been completely exhausted, consistently, for a couple of months now. I thought I could hack it, that I just had to keep pushing and I would break through and things would get better, but I was wrong. On Sunday I basically fell asleep at the wheel while in heavy traffic and broad daylight, and found myself and a Ford Escape occupying the same space at the same time. $3,200 worth of damage to my car was a pretty good wakeup call that something has to change. Had a heart to heart with Morgan the same night, and asked her if it was ok for me to quit my day job the next day. Her reply shocked me-- she said if I did NOT quit the job and continued to live like this, our marriage wouldn't last the year. She didn't want to nag me into quitting it and add to my stress, she wanted to see if I would realize the problem myself and make the correct decision on my own. So, um, I guess I had her support when I turned in my 30 days' notice and resignation at MSPD the next day. April 28th will be my last day as a public defender for children in Kansas City. The job has changed me, and maybe not for the better. Did I get experience as a trial lawyer? Yes, in fact I counted up 17 trial settings in the month of March alone. But its sapped my soul in a way I never thought possible. I try to relate stories from work to my friends and family and halfway through a tale I realize that I sound about as racist as a Klan Kleagle, even though I feel like I fight against racism every day. I'm just so desensetized to it that I don't even notice. One of my clients was shot dead the same afternoon that I wrecked my car. The only survivor of the shooting incident was apprehended and charged with felony murder for his death, among other things. I'm not sure if its ironic or fitting, but I was appointed to his case as well. I closed the file on Terrion Carter, age 17 (his death releases me from confidentiality regarding his name), and began working on the defense of the even younger boy charged with his death. Yesterday the survivor told me the story of what really happened-- of course the newspapers have it all wrong. But I'll be quitting the job before he ever reaches trial, and they will probably certify him as an adult anyway, which will take him out of my jurisdiction, so his version of events as told to me will stay a secret, to rattle around in my head periodically throught he years, when I can't put it out of mind for some reason. It just adds one more bad experience to the pile. How much of this can you take before you stop bouncing back with a smile on your face? In my experience, less than two years. Does that make me weak, or make me human? After April 28th I'll be doing something else with my life. I don't know what. I supposedly have a second interview coming up with a prosecutor's office. It would be alot more money, and alot less responsiblity, and I wouldn't be representing rapists either, which would be an improvement. But if I don't land that job, I suppose I'm just going to stay in Holden and "hang out my shingle" again. There are some people who say they can refer legal work to me, and I could put in alot more time at Missouri Custom Armament too. In another month, Duke Nukem's programming will get rebooted. Wolverines forever! |
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mikey, working with the type of population you describe can be very mentally and emotionally exhausting--i burned out of it in about the same time frame--2 years--i had to take 5 years away from it and restart--you have to be able to separate yourself from your clients and their problems and not take their problems as your own--it is difficult to do, but i am much better at it now than i was before take a break and do something easy--enjoy your wife and make some money IM if you want to talk more  |
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Sorry to hear about the accident but I'm glad nobody was hurt. That would have really sucked. Good for you on the job change and putting yourself and Morgan first. Take care of her and she will always be there for you. Things happen for a reason. This is just a wake up call to put you on the right path. Something good is just around the corner. Best of luck with the new job hunt. Call me when you get caught up with everything and recharge the battery. We can go take some frustration out on some targets. 
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Mike, I am sorry about the accident, and I am glad you are allright. I hope the STX had nothing to do with your dozing off on the wheel. It was always fun to have you out in the field and we hope to see you again at the next STX. I think your decision to quit your job is a correct one. I personally could not have done what you have accomplished working with those juveniles. Ron and Erik will stop by at my house tomorrow, sorry I could not go. I just found out that I did get some hail damages on the house from the storm 2 weeks ago. So I need to look into that more closely. Oz |
| Glad you are ok there Duke. I hope things work out for you with all the changes you have going on. I've heard its a smart man that can look at himself and/or situation and know when its time to move on to better things. I would say that you are smart enough to make the correct decision. |
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It's a good thing you're still around to make that decision. I'm trying to cut back on my workload and have time for me and my wife. There is no reason you can't charge more for what you are doing at the shop to be able to make a living. Give me a call sometime in the next couple of weeks... Curtis |
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I'm glad your OK. Sorry to hear about the car. It sounds like you made the best decision for you and your wife. Sometimes we just have to do what's best for ourselves. I know your doing the right thing. Call me if you need to talk or just want to BS. DBAR btw I know your already feeling better. I felt better just making a recent decision myself. It feels like a weight has been lifted, doesn't it. |
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Glad to see you are alive and well. Sounds like you are making the right decision. I can't put it into words but I can understand where you are coming from and I am very happy you are getting away from the darkness you are leaving behind. I am sure you and Morgan will be much happier now. Conragtualions on your decision and good luck dealing with those pesky insurance companies. |
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My insurance is treating me well. I've had the same insurance agent for years and he tells his superiors that I'm a crack attorney and not to be messed with. Well, to be honest, the last time I was in a wreck I negotiated for nearly a year and got enough to pay off all my credit cards and buy a new gaming computer. So, maybe I'm not to be messed with after all. But this time it was definitely my fault and I'm on the defense, not the offense. DBAR: Yeah it does feel like a weight has been lifted. My chin points towards the horizon instead of my shoes. The sky is a little more blue. I actually had a good laugh with my wife last night watching some dumb TV show. P.S. Receivers should be coming soon so we can build you a gun. |
| I am glad that you were not hurt. I am a firm believer in signs and that was a sign. I knew from talking with you about work that this is what you needed to do. You have a great wife, good friends, and a great life. Removing the bad from your life is a good. March on to bigger and better things my friend! |
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Duke- Glad to hear that you're O.K. and making a positive move with your life... Still looking forward to having you build me an AK or three...  I'll look you up when I get back and make it up that way to visit my Dad...probably mid-May or so. I'll buy you a cold one or two...  31 days and counting... 
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Time to start doing what makes you feel good!..................glad your ok, your wreck could have been a sign for you to just take it easy for a whisle, however down the road you may find that stressful jobs are what pushes you and drives you even tho they take a huge toll, then again no toll should burden your family!!! good luck what ever you do, im sure you will be sucessfull.
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As a purist misanthrope optimist , I have often wonderd if my art could shape the world in a different way at all. Make some good of the shit that falls around us. Over twenty years I have come to a few conclusions. My soul can light up the lives of those that are close to me. And there are others whose light shines further. But in the abscence of light no one can see. I know those are really abstract, but you know me, up is left, right? My art drives me, empowers me, makes me a better person in every way because it is what I love and what gives me the hope that all is not lost. It also drives me crazy, confuses me, and often times never seems to really do anything other than satisfy itself. Balance is a very clear and present danger to our sanity. If there is ANYTHING like that in your life Mike, embrace it. You have a light we all have seen, and dont let the world extinguish it as it is so apt to do in some people. |
Hey buddy!!! Sorry to hear about your accident bro...hope all is well. Glad to hear things are on the up and up. My newly wed wife works downtown with the scum of the earth (IMO) youth and it's all I can do to put it out of my mind daily. Hell, my best friend found himself in a hand to hand situation with an older scum of the earth individual just last night on a bicycle ride. Anyway, hope things work out better for you man...I'm loving my AR and we'll have to hook up sometime still...just been SUPER busy with all the other shit and now we're looking for a house. I haven't even had time to zero my Troy or EOTech yet. 
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Perhaps now that you are feeling better  You can send me a paid in full receipt for my build and send my dealer a copy of your FFL for his records. Everyone has problems. I have my share. All of us do. Sorry about your's. I have requested several times to have you take care of these simple things. Problems or not, you don't have a legitimat excuse for not getting me a receipt for my paid in full build or sending my dealer a copy of your FFL for his records. Please take care of this. pas59 |
Wow , kick a man while he's down. IMO, now remember this IMO, don't ya think this would of been better handled thru an IM instead of throwing it out in a public forum. opinions are like a$$holes and everyones got one so take it how ya want Duke, glad to hear your surviving and i wish i had the guts to do what your doing with your job, i know how it feels to have a job drag you down. |
