AOL.COM: Self Defense Suggestions > Virginia

Posted: 7/8/2008 10:12:55 AM EDT

Linky Linky:

shopping.aol.com/sporting-goods-outdoors

I was checking my email when I stumbled upon this. They're giving advice on what you can use to protect yourself. It seems aol sure know what they're talkin about

1. Pepper Spray
2. Taser
3. Stun Guns
4. Batons
5. SAFETY WHISTLE! (This gave me a bit of a chuckle as AOL describes it: The loud sound alone MAY be enough to scare away any would be ATTACKERS) yes because a group of men ready to rape you MAY surely be scared by the loud sound and will just run away cupping thier ears from the high pitched whistle. You wanna depend your life on something described as MAY, then have at it hoss. When will people learn.

Obviously what didn't make it was handguns/shotguns.

Posted: 7/8/2008 10:19:32 AM EDT

[#1]

AOL should only be studied and followed as a pristine example of how a once dominating business managed to repeatedly shoot itself in the feet by failing to understand the demands of the very market they attempted to serve.

_MaH

ETA: They even downsized the AIM guy

ETA 2: (Cause it just pissed me off that much more)

Quoted:
Linky Linky:

shopping.aol.com/sporting-goods-outdoors

I was checking my email when I stumbled upon this. They're giving advice on what you can use to protect yourself. It seems aol sure know what they're talkin about

1. Pepper Spray - A feral, starving animal isn't going to give a shit about the burning if it has your arm between its teeth. This assumes it even works, because it isn't even 100% effective on 100% of humans

2. Taser - Assuming it's legal to own in your state, you better be a wonder shot or very, very quick at changing the cartridges. Never mind that the current rating is for humans and not animals (like a huge bear?), its maximum effective range is 15 feet (well inside the 7 yard "danger zone" which applies to humans), and you remember to hold it "gangsta style" because most animals are dominantly horizontal to the ground, while the taser is designed for a vertical body type (like a human being?). The Taser option has FAIL written all over it

3. Stun Guns - Where a Taser fails, get up nice and fucking close with your attacking, feral animal! If you're close enough to "stun" it, it's close enough to eat your face

4. Batons - I'm surprised they put this on the list instead of suggesting that you find a large stick or log

Yes, blunt trauma will succeed at distances still close enough for your face to be peeled off at the chin...

5. SAFETY WHISTLE! - An awesome way for people who were FUCKING SMARTER THAN YOU AND BROUGHT FIREARMS to show up in time to see the animal belch from finishing its meal which was one your loud whistlin' ass. Doesn't really matter at this point if they kill the animal or not - you're being digested.

Obviously what didn't make it was handguns/shotguns.

Yeah, these are all winners

Posted: 7/8/2008 11:14:04 AM EDT

[#2]

There's a reason employees and customers both refer to it as A-O-Hell.

Posted: 7/8/2008 3:14:11 PM EDT

[#3]

lol at Hoffman..that's funny but true.

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