Posted: 4/5/2006 7:56:04 AM EDT
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I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?" I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....BUT AT LEAST THAT BITCH KNOWS I AM SMARTER THAN HER |
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Top 10 Reasons Why Guns Are Better Than Women.... #10. You can trade an old .44 for a new .22 #9. You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you're on the road #8. If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times #7. Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a back-up #6. Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo #5. A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space #4. Guns function normally every day of the month #3. A gun doesn't ask, "Do these new grips make me look fat?" #2. A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it And the number one reason a gun is favored over a woman.... #1. YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN! 
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