Posted: 12/5/2005 8:59:38 AM EDT
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Okay all... I have a 15 year old brother, he has recently discovered the arts of ditching school. The first time he got caught he had ditched first period for a whole week. And his reason was to do his spanish homework but then later found out it was so he could sleep in. He just got caught again last week. He had ditched a whole day. My Mom is really freaking out now especially since my brother wont talk to her at all. So I got on the phone with him and he said he ditched that day to get his head together. He said he knows he is in a hole and cant seem to figure out how to get himself out. Here is my dilema... My Mom knows that my brother tells me everything and it is driving her crazy that he has told me and not her and wants me to spill the beans to her. Do I A) give in and break my brothers trust B) tell her to get over it, he will talk to her when he wants Has AR become Dear Abby?? 
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I don't like it when people rat me out, I tend to clam up around them after that. Then again, if you care about your brother, tell him that if he doesn't get his shit together, you WILL rat him out. Fair warning has then been given. At the end of the day, it's your brother who has to get his shit together, or end up the loser. Getting out of the hole is simple. Own up. Simple, but not easy. |
Tell him he has x amount of time to stir up some testosterone and tell mom himself. If the allotted time expires without his participation, then you will tell her. Let him know you are doing it in his best interest. Offer to help him come up with an approach he's comfortable with. Then do it. Do it now.
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Tell him in two days you are telling your mom. It had better be old news by then. He took a day off from school to "get his head together"? That's what weekends are for, plus he skipped first period all week. He knows he's in a hole and doesn't know how to get out of it? It's easy, get his ass back in school!  |
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Maybe there's a deeper reason for his behavior, Is he getting into drugs or alcohol use? Depression? Maybe someone at school is making his life hell. Break up with a girlfriend? Sometimes talking to the school counselor to give them a heads up will solve the problem. The counselor could be told to keep it confidentual that anyone had a conversation about him. You might even ask him these questions yourself if you are prepared for the answers. |
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I wouldn't betray the trust you have with your brother but I would try to interject on behalf of your Mother. It might be wise if you can sit down with your brother and say what are we going to do with this and then bring the solution to your mother together and make sure he follows through. Patty |
I can't tell you how many people I have heard that from We had one kid who was doing drugs during the school say and on football road trips. His dad was there and was the only one who didn't see it. When people tried to talk with the dad he would defend his son, he wasn't the type to do drugs either. not saying anything about your brother, but you should keep all explanations open |
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Ask him if he wants to end up like PCR.... I agree with Bunny and Bobbity. Let him know that you care about him and that you care about your mother, however, since your mother is responsible for him you have to side with her. About that time he'll be asking to move to Washington to be with you because you understand him..... |
Sorry, have to disagree with you on that point. I know I am the exception to the rule, but I used to skip school cause it was the only time I got for me. You guys are forgetting the being fifteen now means that you have to have more maturity and more responsibility than was ever expected of children before. Even when children had chores and all that "fun" stuff, they still had time to be kids, and that has been taken away. I was talking with someone the other day about her seven year old daughter who doesn't get recess because they have taken in out of the schools. Whatever the reason is, LM is not the parent and should not be put into that situation. She is the sibling, the confidaunt and besides that a much older sibling which in itself is a completely different catagory. I have a younger brother about the same age and I have never ratted on him, cause if he is going to screw up his life, at this age, he is going to do it. All I can do is hope that when his shit falls apart he sees that he can go to his big sis to smack him up-side the head and help put the pieces back together. |
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(1) Does he have TOO MUCH free time on his hands? (i.e. is he not involved in school athletics, clubs, etc.) (2) What kind of crowd is he running with? (3) How is your Mom "handling" the discipline on this issue? I don't want to make a generalization or make a stereotype answer to the issue, but it always seems like the kids who aren't busy and have too much free time on their hands ditch or get involved with the wrong element. Teenagers need some latitude and independence, but they also need some hard and fast rules that are NON-NEGOTIABLE!!! I don't claim to have all the answers L.M., (or probably ANY answers for that matter) but it sounds like your brother is looking to you for guidance and help that he is either too upset, angry or scared to tell your Mom. Maybe the 3 of you need to figure out TOGETHER in person if you can how your bro can move forward. Its great to see how much you care and that he trusts you to talk to. Thats a rare and special relationship. Don't lose it. Enough of my half assed blabber----Time for me to shut my trap. GOOD LUCK!!! |
| Marge, I'd spill the beans to Mom. She deserves to know what's going on. Also explain to her your feelings on breaking the trust. Then the both of you should kick his ass and get him back into the routine. Hopefully he'll eventually get over it, appreciate the guidance, and not hold it against you. |
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I would tell mom to wait for boy to tell her. I would tell boy that if he doesn't tell mom within x amount of time (make sure it's a reasonable amount of time), you're going to tell her. At this point, if x amount of time goes by and he hasn't told her, tell mom, but tell her that she needs to talk to him about whatever and let him tell mom when mom asks about it, rather than you telling mom directly. Well, either that or: 1) Shoot, Shovel, Shut-up 2) Get both 3) SIIHPAPP 4) Send his picture to TRG |