Posted: 11/16/2005 9:47:15 PM EDT
Firearms Terms
1. BORE- Reading another Weaver vs. Isosceles article
2. BUTT- What gets shot off if you fail to train
3. FRONT SIGHT- Annoying part that obscures your view of the target
4. REAR SIGHT- Part used to remove calluses from hands during malfunction clearance drills
5. MUZZLE- Clamp like device used to prevent utterance of b.s. by Schumer, Kerry, Feinswine, etc.
6. PISTOL- Device often used as a substitute for a real weapon
7. SOCIAL SECURITY- Repeating 12 gauge shotgun
8. BUCKSHOT- Pills used to cure social diseases
9. 1911- a. pivotal date in firearms history b. number of gizmos in range bag c. rounds fired monthly by really good shots
10. COMBAT FLASHLIGHT- Device used to pinpoint your location for the enemy under poor lighting conditions.
11. EXTENDED MAGAZINE RELEASE- Device used to prevent magazines from staying in the weapon.
12. EXTENDED SLIDE RELEASE- Device used to keep the slide from locking open.
13. DROP-IN PARTS- accessories that demand meticulous hand fitting by an experienced gunsmith.
14. LASER- Amusement device for pet cats.
15. SPARE MAGAZINE- weighted device used to counter-balance the pistol on the belt.
16. BUG- Back-Up Gun, carried strictly to keep parts from breaking on the big pistol.
17. BULLET- Remote control drill, used to create apertures into the subcutaneous environment.
Shooting Terms
1. POINT OF IMPACT- a. if it goes right= a jerk b. if it goes left= a push c. if it goes straight= a miracle
2. BEGINNER- Someone working on accumulating bad habits.
3. MASTER- Someone who has finally grasped the basics.
4. GUN SHOP COMMANDO- non-shooter who has firmly held beliefs not supported by training, education, or experience.
5. GUN WRITER- Gun Shop Commando with a word processor.
6. SEAL- extremely common aquatic animal, there are thousands and thousands of them.
7. Ex-SEAL- almost anyone behind a typical gun shop counter.
8. MATCH- a ritual activity used to induce stress, frustration, and anxiety in Beginners and Masters.
9. COURSE OF FIRE- elaborate dance used in these rituals.
10. MATCH DIRECTOR- senior witch doctor who oversees rituals.
11. RANGE OFFICER (competition)- a less senior witch doctor. Due to ingestion of mind altering drugs, his perception of the ritual is nothing like that of the Beginners and Masters.
12. RANGE OFFICER (police)- a person tasked with range maintenance, landscaping, supply, and administration. Only rarely involved in relevant training activity.
13. MARTIAL ARTIST- A shooter who cannot get through his head that a match is not a gunfight.
14. GAMESMAN- A shooter who views his pistol the same as his fly rod, tennis racket, and Nintendo.
15. INSTRUCTOR- Mythical, god-like being who imparts wisdom to Beginners, transforming them into Masters. Also keeps beginners from getting into trouble through the accumulation of excess money.
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