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Posted: 3/7/2010 4:14:26 PM EDT
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There are some funny ones around different shops, so I thought I'd share my favorite with the hopes of you posting one too. What do you do with you accidentally drill a hole in the Bridgeport's table? Tap it, plug it, and stamp 'OIL DAILY' on the plug. No one will touch it again.  |
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Quoted: At the old shop guys would always put the Dykem hi spot bluing on the temples of somebodys safety glasses. Lot of guys switched to the clear stem glasses after a couple times. That or put a little dab in the finger tips of their gloves, of course that only works if you're washing parts or something. |
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I knew some guys who ran a top-end machine shop. They liked tool box gags.
As a joke on a buddy, some guys drilled a hole in the back of his tool box, inserted a grease fitting and pumped the locked box full of grease. For a temp guy who was a jerk and thief, they inserted the fitting and pumped in a hot-melt glue. A good one was to open a tool box and put bolts through the bottom and into the concrete floor. The victim would grab the box and almost dislocate his shoulder. Another cute one was to drill a hole in the tool box and insert a long section of drill rod. The victim couldn't figure out what was jamming the drawers shut. When they had to go out to the scrap yard for materials, they wore hard hats. Mustard applied to the hard hat head band worked nicely. The mustard trick was also effective when used inside shop gloves. One of the most innovative was pulled on a new guy. They took a Starret 6" stainless ruler and ran it through a roller mill. The ruler was stretched out slightly. The guy kept measuring a project set-up and couldn't figure out why it was always off. I never trusted them around my shop. |
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Quoted:
One of the most innovative was pulled on a new guy. They took a Starret 6" stainless ruler and ran it through a roller mill. The ruler was stretched out slightly. The guy kept measuring a project set-up and couldn't figure out why it was always off. . Thats freakin evil. |
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On the older welding helmets (Non electronic) apply black electrical tape to either one side or both sides of the #10 filter plate.
If you apply it to just the right or left side the guy could see the arc but would have no depth perception. If you apply it to both the right and left side, he can't see the arc flash and my think the welder is screwed. |
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One of the most innovative was pulled on a new guy. They took a Starret 6" stainless ruler and ran it through a roller mill. The ruler was stretched out slightly. The guy kept measuring a project set-up and couldn't figure out why it was always off. I never trusted them around my shop. That one is going in the memory bank for later. Most of ours were pretty minor. super gluing coins to the floor was a favorite for a while. We also liked to attach bungee cords to the back of drawers so when you opened it then let go to get something it snapped shut, or tie a string to the mouse on the computer so you could pull it just as someone tried to grab it. Of course anti-seize on drawer pulls or any number of other things was an old classic as well. |
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Oh yeah, I have a few......
We had a guy who parked his lunch box on a table just past the time clock so he could grab it after clocking out and hit the door running. Then one day someone bolted it to the table. When he grabbed it, he jerked the handle right off the box. Of course we also sent newbies to the tool crib for hole stretchers, metric Crescent wrenches and the like. Another 'newbie' favorite was to cut the heads off a couple bolts and glue them to the new guy's tool box after spreading around lots of steel chips to make it look like someone drilled through his box and bolted it down. In the summer time, it was hard to find the water filled fire extinguishers because we were using them as giant squirt guns. Re-aiming coolant hoses was popular too. One of my personal bests was when I drilled out the faces of a guy's malleable iron hammer and filled the holes with clay. Hammer looked perfect until he tried to tap in a dowel with it. |
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Quoted: At the old shop guys would always put the Dykem hi spot bluing on the temples of somebodys safety glasses. Lot of guys switched to the clear stem glasses after a couple times. Seen this one done on an inspection loop..  The foreman looked like a racoon for a while |
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Don't forget the left handed calipers.
Sent a new hire looking for cable strechers once, was quite funny till he asked the plant super, as we are diving for cover, we see the super raise his arm and point towards the paint shop and the new hire was off at a run (to the paint shop). ETA : I have a metric cresent wrench, bought it in Canada. (says 300 mm on it) (looks just like a 12" cresent)
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Quoted:
I knew some guys who ran a top-end machine shop. They liked tool box gags. As a joke on a buddy, some guys drilled a hole in the back of his tool box, inserted a grease fitting and pumped the locked box full of grease. For a temp guy who was a jerk and thief, they inserted the fitting and pumped in a hot-melt glue. A good one was to open a tool box and put bolts through the bottom and into the concrete floor. The victim would grab the box and almost dislocate his shoulder. Another cute one was to drill a hole in the tool box and insert a long section of drill rod. The victim couldn't figure out what was jamming the drawers shut. When they had to go out to the scrap yard for materials, they wore hard hats. Mustard applied to the hard hat head band worked nicely. The mustard trick was also effective when used inside shop gloves. One of the most innovative was pulled on a new guy. They took a Starret 6" stainless ruler and ran it through a roller mill. The ruler was stretched out slightly. The guy kept measuring a project set-up and couldn't figure out why it was always off. I never trusted them around my shop. Having met a few people who have invested thousands of dollars in the box alone, not to mention tools, I could see some ass getting kicked. |
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Told a tender that since there are jellyfish in the water, he had to keep a gallon jug full of urine to kill the sting. Mentioned that he wouldn't get to Dive if he didn't cause if he got stung, it had to be his OWN urine. Took him a few days to fill it. Then, when he was complete, we told him the barge captain had a fridge for it up in his room. Had him put his name and last 4 of his social on it, and told him just to crack the door, and slide it in, that the Captain knew what to do with it.
2 hours later the captain came down asking WTF a gallon of urine was doing in his room, and that he wasn't going to hide clean piss for urine tests! Tender turned RED (wich was funny because he ... wasn't white). Different tender we had looking for prop wash. Only problem is some one told him to look on the Tug Boat, since it actually has a prop (dumbass tender!). The Tug captain told him to tie a rope to a 5 gallon bucket, and the other end to his wrist. Only thing that saved that kid from getting his ass yanked over board is there was divers in the water and he couldn't start the tug. He was going to have the kid throw the bucket in the water to catch some "Prop wash"  . (would have sucked him over in a heart beat)
They tried to get me with the metric crescent wrench. I pulled mine out and flipped it over to the metric scale. I ALWAYS get a kick out of telling people the ball in a can of spray paint is the 2 part epoxy. have to rattle it untill the sound goes away so you know it's mixed right. "Why don't they pre-mix it" "Dumbass tender, how are they supposed to know when it's going to get used, start shaking!" |
| I saw a guy sent for the aluminum magnet, asking several employees and always being sent to some one else. My personal favorite was to staple the end of one sleeve of a shop coat shut. You have to watch to make sure you get the second arm that person puts on their coat to make it funny though. |
| if someone leaves their tool bag in a driveway, leave it there but take the tools out and take a nail stud gun, nail it to the ground and then put all the tools back. Then proceed to round up everyone you can and prepare to laugh when he goes to pick up his tools. |
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Quoted: Quoted: I knew some guys who ran a top-end machine shop. They liked tool box gags. As a joke on a buddy, some guys drilled a hole in the back of his tool box, inserted a grease fitting and pumped the locked box full of grease. For a temp guy who was a jerk and thief, they inserted the fitting and pumped in a hot-melt glue. A good one was to open a tool box and put bolts through the bottom and into the concrete floor. The victim would grab the box and almost dislocate his shoulder. Another cute one was to drill a hole in the tool box and insert a long section of drill rod. The victim couldn't figure out what was jamming the drawers shut. When they had to go out to the scrap yard for materials, they wore hard hats. Mustard applied to the hard hat head band worked nicely. The mustard trick was also effective when used inside shop gloves. One of the most innovative was pulled on a new guy. They took a Starret 6" stainless ruler and ran it through a roller mill. The ruler was stretched out slightly. The guy kept measuring a project set-up and couldn't figure out why it was always off. I never trusted them around my shop. Having met a few people who have invested thousands of dollars in the box alone, not to mention tools, I could see some ass getting kicked. Dykem or grease under the handle is funny, definitely don't think I would do anything permanent to a box.. Especially a old Kennedy or a Gerstner |
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from when I worked in a HVAC factory:
"a good pressbrake operator can make great parts from out of spec metal" " yeah man, but this shit got a .040" gap" "just bend it, we arn't building airplanes" "it's a good thing because those fuckers would fall out of the sky" |
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Quoted:
Just remembered another one today, right after I missed my opportunity. Closing the propane valve on the forklift while it's in use. Done that one numerous times Seen the American Graffiti stunt done to a supervisor's three wheel cart., right over the handle bars.
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Had this one done to me as a new hire. Though it wasn't intentional.
We needed a backhoe at the shop for whatever reason so the machinist took me to where he thought the construction outfit was that we were getting the backhoe from. The contractors were gonna be in a meeting or something so they just said its a Case that's pretty beat and the keys will be in it. Just take it. Well I got dropped off and a construction outfit. Out back was a Case backhoe and it was pretty beat up and it had the keys in it. I jumped in, fired it up and took off. About the time I made it out of the yard some guy comes out of the building waving his arms screaming "where the fuck you going with my backhoe?" I had some splaining to do. Figured out that I got dropped off at the wrong place obviously and I was looking for the guys a 1/4 mile down the road. |
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Quoted:
Quoted:
One of the most innovative was pulled on a new guy. They took a Starret 6" stainless ruler and ran it through a roller mill. The ruler was stretched out slightly. The guy kept measuring a project set-up and couldn't figure out why it was always off. . Thats freakin evil. 
"Ol' Bill the machinist , had a chrome-moly penis and he polished it with emery cloth " One day he's a scrubbin his shiny ol' nubbin when all of a sudden , he gets off ! " Bill sprang from his mill , in an orgasmic thrill the look on his face was ecstatic " But as his spoof hit the part , Billy screamed "That was smart ! This stuff works better than Tap Magic " !!! |
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not done by me but to me by my "buddy" the inspector. the sob used double sided tape and stuck a magnet on a complex 304 SS part i had made; then swore i made it out of the wrong material.
Punching a hole in a nc tape box putting in some cotton dyed red and poking your thumb through the hole and running around the shop screaming you cut your thumb off was always good for a laugh. |
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I've heard about feuds and pranks. Some funny, some that will make you cringe.
First shop I worked in, they had a booksmart but otherwise dumb as a rock engineer for a supervisor. One of the guys sent him after a brass magnet. The guy argued with a bunch of vendors on the phone, etc. for about eight hours before figuring it out. Another one was a feud between some coworkers. One guy drilled a hole in the other guy's toolbox and screwed in a grease zert. He then connected it to a pneumatic grease gun and a 55 gal drum of grease. The other guy comes in and finds his toolbox full of grease and knew exactly who did it so....he goes over and gets guy #1's top box and saws it in half with the tools still in it.
One guy I used to work with would tape sardine cans to the bottom of toolboxes. After a couple of days... 
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Quoted:
I've heard about feuds and pranks. Some funny, some that will make you cringe. First shop I worked in, they had a booksmart but otherwise dumb as a rock engineer for a supervisor. One of the guys sent him after a brass magnet. The guy argued with a bunch of vendors on the phone, etc. for about eight hours before figuring it out. Another one was a feud between some coworkers. One guy drilled a hole in the other guy's toolbox and screwed in a grease zert. He then connected it to a pneumatic grease gun and a 55 gal drum of grease. The other guy comes in and finds his toolbox full of grease and knew exactly who did it so....he goes over and gets guy #1's top box and saws it in half with the tools still in it.
One guy I used to work with would tape sardine cans to the bottom of toolboxes. After a couple of days... That is some feud. Just touching another guy's toolbox is enough to get someone fired where I work. I can't imagine shenanigans like that being tolerated anywhere. My ears still hurt from the time I borrowed a cold chisel without authorization 10 years ago. |
| A good one I did to a coworker's set of mitutoyo digimatic calipers: Cut a piece of .015 shim stock and carefully sand/buff it to length so that it fits perfectly on the back side, and is held in place between the sliding jaw and the cover plate at the end. Looks normal at first glance, but the calipers wont open. I set them back on his bench with a tube of loctite sitting on top. |
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We sent a newbie to the tool room to have a lead hammer heat treated. That's about the same as when we had to repair an eternal flame for the mortuary. Essentially a weatherproof propane torch with a diffuser on top to somewhat block the wind and create a more 'lazy' yellow flame than a blue torch. I made an identical diffuser out of lead and installed that one on the torch for my boss to install. About an hour later I get the phone call from him cussing and screaming. I argue with him for a while that his specs said PB for the material. (his initials are P.B.) Anyways I start laughing and tell him the real one is under the passenger seat.
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Quoted: That's a good one. That's about the same as when we had to repair an eternal flame for the mortuary. Essentially a weatherproof propane torch with a diffuser on top to somewhat block the wind and create a more 'lazy' yellow flame than a blue torch. I made an identical diffuser out of lead and installed that one on the torch for my boss to install. About an hour later I get the phone call from him cussing and screaming. I argue with him for a while that his specs said PB for the material. (his initials are P.B.) Anyways I start laughing and tell him the real one is under the passenger seat.I really wish I still worked in my old shop.  |
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Quoted:
Quoted:
One of the most innovative was pulled on a new guy. They took a Starret 6" stainless ruler and ran it through a roller mill. The  ruler was stretched out slightly. The guy kept measuring a project set-up and couldn't figure out why it was always off.
. Thats freakin evil. You mother fucker... I had stomach surgery this week and I hurt alot... I can't stop laughing seeing the poor bastard!!! |
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Quoted: if someone did that to my box/tools, their car/ truck would be in pieces in a boxI knew some guys who ran a top-end machine shop. They liked tool box gags. As a joke on a buddy, some guys drilled a hole in the back of his tool box, inserted a grease fitting and pumped the locked box full of grease. For a temp guy who was a jerk and thief, they inserted the fitting and pumped in a hot-melt glue. A good one was to open a tool box and put bolts through the bottom and into the concrete floor. The victim would grab the box and almost dislocate his shoulder. Another cute one was to drill a hole in the tool box and insert a long section of drill rod. The victim couldn't figure out what was jamming the drawers shut. When they had to go out to the scrap yard for materials, they wore hard hats. Mustard applied to the hard hat head band worked nicely. The mustard trick was also effective when used inside shop gloves. One of the most innovative was pulled on a new guy. They took a Starret 6" stainless ruler and ran it through a roller mill. The ruler was stretched out slightly. The guy kept measuring a project set-up and couldn't figure out why it was always off. I never trusted them around my shop.  |
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Quoted: shouldve just welded all the drawers shut and then made him destroy his box to get his shit out. boxes/tools and cars are things a person owns that you DO NOT fuck with.I've heard about feuds and pranks. Some funny, some that will make you cringe. First shop I worked in, they had a booksmart but otherwise dumb as a rock engineer for a supervisor. One of the guys sent him after a brass magnet. The guy argued with a bunch of vendors on the phone, etc. for about eight hours before figuring it out. Another one was a feud between some coworkers. One guy drilled a hole in the other guy's toolbox and screwed in a grease zert. He then connected it to a pneumatic grease gun and a 55 gal drum of grease. The other guy comes in and finds his toolbox full of grease and knew exactly who did it so....he goes over and gets guy #1's top box and saws it in half with the tools still in it. One guy I used to work with would tape sardine cans to the bottom of toolboxes. After a couple of days... |
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Personally observed this one. The shop jerk had his toolbox put up on a overhead beam over the weekend. And WELDED in place. And the keys to the JLG mysteriously disappeared.
There was a gundrill at one place I worked that was set up to drill a hole all the way through a powder metal part. Nylon stops were on the side where the drill would come out to hold in the oil that came through the drills. One enterprising prankster drilled a tiny hole in the stop while the operator was at lunch. Needless to say the guy had to go home to change his clothes after the oil shower! Putting a wood block under the mast of a forklift and tilting the mast just enough to raise the drive wheels off the ground. The guy who did this one almost got fired after the service tech was called at $150 per visit. (Been a while ago) 4 or 5 cigarette loads in the foremans cigar was always good for an interesting evening. Ahh the memories......... |
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Just a few off the top of my head...
At one place I worked they had hand lotion in the tool crib, everyone kept some in their box.. So one night before dinner, I "replaced" my buddies lotion with lithium grease. When he went to wash his hands the water beaded off of them.. Re-aligning the coolant nozzles toward the operator was always quick and easy.. If you epoxy an air-fitting in the cap of a 2-liter bottle, attach it to a line with the valve slightly open, alittle while later it'll sound like a bomb going off. Just hide it behind your friends machine.. Dykem hi-spot works wonders on the controls of a tow motor... or your favorite co-workers car door handles..... Once we had a tooling lathe whose breaker was wired in-line with a switch on the other side of the shop. So every time this one guy walked off, I would throw the switch, cutting the power to the lathe. The guy would fiddle with the lathe, and when his attention was elsewhere, I would cut it back on. Did this 6x or so. After lunch the guy came back to the lathe, only this time he had the company electrician with him....we never did tell him. |
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