Posted: 5/26/2004 2:30:21 PM EDT
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SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and says "Ma'am, could I see your license?" She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you?!" EXPOSURE A blonde is walking down the street with her blouse open and her right breast hanging out. A policeman approaches her and says, Ma'am, are you aware that I could cite you for indecent exposure?" She says, "Why, officer?" "Because your breast is hanging out." He says. She looks down and says, "OH MY GOD, I left the baby on the bus again!" KNITTING A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!" 
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Not a Blonde joke, but funny just the same While she was flying down the road yesterday (20 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" She replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah?," said the cop, "What do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded. The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then I work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide." "And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked, to which she politely replied, "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge........" Traffic ticket: $95.00 Court costs: $45.00 The look on that cop's face: PRICELESS. h |