Posted: 7/25/2007 1:46:27 PM EDT
| Hi all never posted in here before but I have a question. My girlfriend is very on the fence about my hobby. She hates when I buy guns, doesn't mind when I go shooting, and admits she feels safe that I carry. But the real problem is that she will leave the room if there is one there and will definetly not touch one. Nothing traumatic related to guns ever happened to her and although she votes democrat and is liberal about somethings she isn't politically anti-gun. Whenever I bring up that I would like to shoot with her we argue because she doesn't really come up with any reason other than that she hates guns. So my question to you is should I give up trying to share my hobbie with the women I am going to be with for the rest of my life or do you know some way I could sway her? Were any of you apprehensive at first? Thanks in advance and sorry for the long post. |
I grew up around it, so I was never apprehensive. I just knew that the guy I married had to be as into guns as I was or it would never work. Thank God for The Mr.  As far as your g/f goes, would she be willing to go to the range with you? You said she goes in the other room when she sees one. Do you do things with her that she likes to do? If so, then try explaining how important it is to you that she at least entertain the thought of accompanying you to the range once. What you're asking isn't unreasonable, and if it's important to you, she should go. Maybe if she went, she'd get a little interested in it, then you could start her out on a .22 to get her comfortable with being around a firearm. Start with her just going with you, and make it a short trip. Let her see that it's not scary or dangerous, and maybe she'll be more open to it. |
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I am the exact opposite of SP1 -- I don't remember ever handling a gun until I married my LEO husband. I did not like them, did not want them in the house, did not want to play with them, ad nauseum. He tried and tried to get me to the range. When I finally relented, it was a lukewarm time to say the least. I would go with him but did not like to shoot and was nervous the whole time we were there. This is what he did. Start watching shooting shows in front of her (especially the ones that show women out shooting). She doesn't have to sit and watch. Just talk about what is on the TV. Let her watch you dry fire, clean your guns, handle them in front of her (always remembering to talk about -- and demonstrate -- safe habits and the safety rules). My guess is her curiosity will get the best of her -- at least that is how it worked for me. The final nail in my coffin was when my husband took me to a local IPSC match. He knew that I am competitive enough that if I ever heard a buzzer go off I would be doomed. He was right. I have been shooting for a little over a year now. I love it! My husband and I shoot at least one competition every weekend (We are really fortunate in Oklahoma. If you don't care about the discipline there is an IDPA, IPSC, ICORE or 3-gun match every weekend.) Most importantly, I NEVER go anywhere without my gun and am confident in my ability to defend myself and my family should, God forbid, I ever need to. Be patient and follow her time table. You will be glad you did! 
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Many women, especially those that haven't been around guns much, feel intimidated because they view shootings as strictly a guy thing. If you are going to be with her for the rest of your life she needs to at least learn enough to not be afraid. She doesn't have to take it up as a hobby but she should at least take a basic pistol class. She might feel more comfortable with a women's only class, or a private class with a female instructor. Something else to consider...Do you have kids? If so, or if you plan to, this is what I tell my anti friends ... Take a class just to learn the basics because one day your kids may be in a situation where a friend picks up and plays with a gun. What will they do? At some point you have to give kids more info than just "don't do it". If she has at least a basic knowledge she may have more credibility with the kids when telling them why they shouldn't play with little Johnny's uncles' gun that they found under the pillow. Then, of course, you get to take them to the range and teach them. In the process, she just might find that shooting IS fun and guns aren't bad. Good luck. -Mrs.Monk |
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Guns have always been part of normal life out here in the sticks where I grew up. The one thing to avoid doing is trying to shove your hobbies down her throat, no matter what those hobbies are, from model trains to shooting or anything else. Let her begin to see guns as a wholesome sport, not bad scary things. +1 on the shooting and sporting shows on television. Emphasise the respect and regard for safety that is being shown. Expose her to target shooting first, not hunting. And liberal women are big on the idea of "female empowerment". Just let her see women handling weapons and how we carry ourselves, and drop the word "empowered" like "See the lady there-- beautiful posture, beautiful stance. She feels calm and secure. Shooting is very 'empowering' to her as a woman. It's a very graceful sport." Always refer to it as a sport or hobby. Good luck. Sounds like there's half a chance for you two. She just needs un-stuck from a life of libtard propaganda. |
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It doesn't sound like the situation is totally hopeless. One of the things I've heard others suggest before is a trade or a bargain...offer that if she goes to the range with you and at least gives shooting an honest try, you'll do an activity of her choice that you might not care to do, like going shoe shopping or seeing a chick flick with her...and you both have to be good sports about participating in the other's activity. This is a good compromise in relationships anyway, whether it involves guns or not. Like SP1, I grew up in a big family of pro-gun, hunting, second amendment supporters so I've never had an anti gun sentiment in my body. I bought my first shotgun when I was 18, WAY long before I ever knew my current SO. It's never been issue one with us. Good luck! |
[hijack] Oooh, you're a quilter, too?!  [/hijack]
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| Wow thanks for all the helpfull replies. Sorry I havent check back for awhile but as I said I dont usually post here. I am really going to try the trade thing. Its hard though because as it is we do pretty much everything together. She doesnt have much in the way of hobbies. The only one I can think of is scrap booking and she hasnt done one in awhile. She loves her Work/Major in schol which is Teaching. But I dont know how I could do that with her. |
I'm so glad to hear you say that. Guns can be one of those "single issue" issues Seems to me if you don't agree on some really basic things (like God, politics, abortion, money etc) your life together will be stressful. of course you don't have to do EVERYTHING together. |
You could volunteer. A lot of schools need the extra help and I know that the few times I have done so the teachers were soooo grateful for the extra help in the classroom. ETA: On guns being the "make or break" issue in a relationship. On at least one occasion, guns were the reason I quit seeing a guy in my younger days. I was a single mom and the first time he invited my toddler boys and me over to his home it looked like a damn insurrection was about to take place. He was a nice enough guy, but that sealed the deal for me. My kids' safety always came first and it was apparent to me that he had a rather blase attitude about his hobby. I don't even remember if either of us took the time to talk about what happened because I was so angry I couldn't see straight and I don't talk good when I am mad. With DH, however, guns were an issue that had to be resolved early on in the relationship as he is a LEO. My advice is to talk early and talk a lot. I really think her dislike of guns stems from only knowing how destructive they can be in the wrong hands. Good luck! |
 Oh. Wait. Wrong state, nevermind.  Sounds a LOT like my exGF from a looooong time ago. She majored in Teaching, LOOOOOVED scrapbooking  , and was as INCREDIBLY ANTI-GUN as can be. It took me FOREVER to teach her that GUNS ARE NOT BAD...I had to put things into a perspective that SHE COULD UNDERSTAND. A gun is ONLY A TOOL. Certainly fun to use recreationally, and certainly useful in saving your life if the need ever (let's hope not) arises, but STILL JUST A HARMLESS TOOL. You have to convince her with facts that she can't argue: More people are killed with CARS in America than GUNS. And here's where I finally got my liberal exGF to have a moment of 'epiphany': When I told her, "Blaming GUNS for Gun Violence/Crime is like BLAMING PENCILS for MISSPELLED WORDS. Instantly she said, "Oh. Hmm..." It FINALLY HIT HER that a GUN IS AN INANIMATE OBJECT. It CANNOT pick itself up, load itself, cock itself, click off it's own safety mechanism, point itself at a human being, and pull its own trigger... ALL that has to be done by a human... GUNS ARE NOT DANGEROUS UNLESS USED OR HANDLED IRRESPONSIBLY ---> Just Like CARS. My guns are mostly Expensive Paper Punchers that put holes into targets, make 'clang'ing noises on steel targets, or occasionally help me 'Retire' an old car in style...  When my guns aren't being used in those manners, they're usually on my hip, or locked up at home. You have to keep convincing her of the truth: That GUN OWNERS are typically much more RESPONSIBLE individuals than Criminals. It took nearly 1.5 YEARS to change her views on guns (and putting a little 'common sense' into her regarding politics as well). That said, ONE OF THE BEST THINGS I HAVE EVER DONE WAS TO GET HER OUT OF MY LIFE!!! "A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity" -Sigmund Freud. The man is RIGHT. The woman may have OTHER ISSUES there that may be contributing to her views on guns, and those issues may come back to bite you in the arse one way or another. Things went bad, and I moved on... I found someone who met ALL of the CRITERIA which I sought in 'the Woman of my Dreams.' And when I got to know her better, I realized her personality traits, beliefs, values, and behavioral characteristics told me one thing: She's EVEN BETTER than the woman of my dreams! So I proposed to her...  Now she's an ARFCOMMER (she replied above). All I'm saying is... Life is SHORT. TOO SHORT to 'settle' for and live with a woman who doesn't share your same beliefs, views, and values in life (those are CRITICAL elements in a life-long partnership). And there are PLENTY of women out there... Quite possibly one that is EVEN BETTER for you... It just takes a while to find her (I didn't find MINE until almost 6 years later).  Without sharing the same values (family values, views on how to raise children-spankingVStimeouts, celebrating religious holidays- it never ceases to amaze me how so many agnostic/atheistic women STILL attend CHRISTMAS parties & events with their families , views on life/death...) All I'm saying is when dating a woman who hasn't had the maturity or presence of mind to think out and structure a system of Morals, Integrity, Values, & Beliefs upon which she can rely to make important life decisions -- Just be prepared to deal with a lot of irrationality and hypocrisy. My suggestion: Try to educate her, work on a 'Trade' system, and see how things go... If they don't show ANY signs of improvement in about 6 months...  -inuhbad <hijack>YES HONEY! I know I owe you a few quilt shop visits! </hijack>
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Get her a plane ticket. I'll pick her up at IAD. She will be converted in a weekend. I'll send her back with a new love of guns and several new pairs of shoes. We gotta do girlie things too ya know.  Seriously though... do you have any friends that shoot that also have wimmenz that shoot? Group trip to the range.
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 That's all I've got to say about how stupid that idea is. |
+1 |